The WORST Episodes of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

Every episode ever - ranked by fan votes!

Last Updated: Jul 2, 2019

The sex-fuelled lives of five late-teens/early twenty-somethings in the northern town of Runcorn. Janet is going out with Jonny, his best friend Gaz has started to date Janet's best friend Donna, and student Louise just wants a job to keep her in cigarettes. There's also Donna's sarcastic mother, Flo, constantly nagging her daughter to take up a 'proper' relationship with a worthy young man. Storylines followed the on-again/off-again relationships of the young protagonists who have lots of sex and meet in pubs.

Trial Schmile

#1 - Trial Schmile

Season 9 - Episode 3

Following the fire, Donna and Gaz find themselves being forced to move into Janet's old place. Donna ends up embracing the fact that she is now possession-free while Gaz plans a big night out. Billy makes plans to make sure that his football career gets off the ground. After he ends up going out with Gaz though things go wrong. Cassie attempts to blackmail Tim into getting her a motorbike

star 6.44
16 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: David Cantor, Robin Taylor
God

#2 - God

Season 5 - Episode 12

Due to a rainstorm stopping, Louise begins to think she is God. Meanwhile, Johnny tries to teach corinthian about buiscits and how to be a man, and Janet thinks about a Christening.

star 6.54
24 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: Daniel Peak
The Aftermath - Part One: Waiting For Gaz

#3 - The Aftermath - Part One: Waiting For Gaz

Season 8 - Episode 9

Janet is waiting in the pub for Gaz unaware that he has decide to choose Donna and that he has been involved in an accident. Janet is heartbroken after her dreams are crushed. Wesley and Janet book look to the future on their own.

star 6.64
14 votes
Directors: Geoff Posner
Writers: Susan Nickson
When Janet Killed Jonny

#4 - When Janet Killed Jonny

Season 6 - Episode 10

With the Archer now closed, the gang head off down to break into the now dilapidated pub to see what beer is left over, undeterred by the headlines of 'The Curse of the Archer'. This spoof horror episode sees all kinds of gory goings-on as the gang are trapped in the Archer, unable to escape until sunrise.

star 6.67
24 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: Susan Nickson
Dabdaa!

#5 - Dabdaa!

Season 7 - Episode 2

Janet tries to find a quick way to recover from her grief, following the death of her husband Jonny, so Gaz offers his help.

star 6.73
22 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: Susan Nickson
Croppity Crop

#6 - Croppity Crop

Season 6 - Episode 6

Janet tries to increase security in the house after Gaz tried to take Corinthian meanwhile Jonny gets a job as a farmer.

star 6.83
23 votes
Writers: Daniel Peak
My Delicious Guava

#7 - My Delicious Guava

Season 4 - Episode 3

Janet is still getting over losing Jonny, and Louise wants to move in with her, but a nasty spider gets in the way! Jonny tries to be manly to impress Kate on their first date, but ends up falling off a wall and breaking his foot! Its Gaz's big night, and all his friends have deserted him! Even Donna, who would rather go and watch a play than see him sing! But he has a wild night in The Archer performing Tom Jones songs, but to a very small crowd!

star 6.85
33 votes
Writers: Karen Laws
Stot Or Pronk

#8 - Stot Or Pronk

Season 5 - Episode 9

Louise persuades Janet to enter the pub quiz to try and improve her mental state. After losing all his extra weight, Gaz is showing off his recently recovered physique to everyone.

star 6.88
26 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
Shagger

#9 - Shagger

Season 9 - Episode 5

Billy thinks that his sex life with Cassie is affecting his football skills and he attempts to cool things with her. Cassie is determined not to loose him though. Gaz is determined to walk again and gets Donna, Billy and Tim to help get him up and out of his wheelchair.

star 6.92
13 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: David Cantor, Robin Taylor
African Death Face

#10 - African Death Face

Season 7 - Episode 7

Louise tries to arrange for Donna to be her birthing partner. Gaz and Janet's increasing attraction is disturbed by a sudden announcement from Donna.

star 6.94
18 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: Jon Brown
Cauliflower

#11 - Cauliflower

Season 6 - Episode 4

Much to her annoyance Gaz repeatedly proposes to Donna resulting in a very odd selection of favourite romantic things. Louise meets her scoundrel real father who seems to be much more interested in Jonny than in her. Janet is shocked to discover that she is now a kleptomaniac.

star 6.96
26 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: Daniel Peak
Corinthian Dies

#12 - Corinthian Dies

Season 4 - Episode 1

Gaz is furious with Donna after he suspects her of cheating on him with David, and even though he forgives her, it makes him none the more happier to discover she wants to go to University with him! Louise tricks David into getting back with her, and then dumps him!! And Jonny finally comes to terms with Janet leaving him!

star 7.00
32 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
War, Hurrgh!

#13 - War, Hurrgh!

Season 6 - Episode 8

Janet starts her new job at the Archers and soon thinks of a way to entice more elderly customers into the archers meanwhile Jonny tries to help Gaz become a Dad.

star 7.00
25 votes
Directors: Becky Martin
Writers: Robin Taylor
Nil By Muff

#14 - Nil By Muff

Season 9 - Episode 1

Gaz struggles to adjust to being in a wheelchair after returning home, and is confused by the behaviour of aspiring footballer Billy, who helped to care for him in hospital. Meanwhile, Tim's life is thrown into turmoil when his younger sister Cassie turns up on his doorstep.

star 7.00
17 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: David Cantor, Robin Taylor
Cheese Toastie

#15 - Cheese Toastie

Season 9 - Episode 2

Billy's metrosexual behaviour continues to baffle Gaz, who finally cracks and throws him out. Donna faces up to the responsibility of being a breadwinner and visits the job centre, but seeing her old school rival leaves her feeling inadequate. Meanwhile, Tim tries to give Cassie a makeover.

star 7.00
16 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: David Cantor, Robin Taylor
This is Your Life

#16 - This is Your Life

Season 9 - Episode 6

Gaz celebrates his 30th birthday but his festive mood is short-lived when he reflects on his life and feels melancholy about what little he has to show. Donna ends up facing a crisis of her own after she pays a visit to the doctor's and is left shocked by the news she is given. Tim is surprised when Leonard asks him out on a date.

star 7.00
12 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: David Cantor, Robin Taylor
Borry

#17 - Borry

Season 7 - Episode 8

Gaz is not keen on moving south with Donna, and has fallen in love with Janet; Donna has met a new man called Wesley in London and wants to move on from Gaz. However, Gaz lets slip that he and Janet are in love, and Donna throws beer over them but eventually realises that Janet and Gaz belong together, because they are "scum"- but in a nice way. Meanwhile Louise is about to give birth, aided only by Munch, and produces (in The Archer) a beautiful girl whom she names "Louise Louise Brooks", although she tells Munch the name is "Louise Munch Brooks". Gaz and Donna part on ostensibly good terms, and the episode closes with flashbacks of moments throughout the series, to the background of Avril Lavigne's "When You’re Gone".

star 7.00
15 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: Susan Nickson
Nobbly Bobbly

#18 - Nobbly Bobbly

Season 5 - Episode 2

Donna has recieved some exciting news, her Mother left her house in her will. But Gaz isn't best pleased, as he believes Flo still haunts the cupboard under the stairs. Louise goes to see a psychaitrist for messing with Jonny's record, turns out she was trying to save him from finding out Gaz and Janet had slept with each other. But will she tell Jonny? Speaking of which, Jonny has a very important question for Janet...

star 7.03
30 votes
Writers: Karen Laws
Ecuador

#19 - Ecuador

Season 5 - Episode 4

Furious with Gaz for sleeping with Janet, Donna walks out, she can't bring herself to forgive either of them. Jonny has a present from Gaz, a £100 car, that he names Herbie. Louise has to get Jonny to forgive her for getting him shot to her solicitor, so black mails him, he doesn't go with it so she puts poor Herbie under the crusher! Donna is on her way to Ecuador without Gaz, can Janet stop her?

star 7.04
27 votes
Writers: Daniel Peak
Speedycruise!

#20 - Speedycruise!

Season 6 - Episode 1

Janet has to decide whether to leave her friends and baby for a life of luxury singing on a cruise. Donna becomes rich after the money from her dead mother's house, comes through and then she has a very weird idea for a new business venture. Louise's mother is in hospital and needs a kidney, but Louise discovers that she cannot be a donor after getting some very upsetting news.

star 7.04
27 votes
Directors: Becky Martin
Writers: Susan Nickson
Schluballybub

#21 - Schluballybub

Season 3 - Episode 10

Gaz's backside is a cause for concern, while Janet has second thoughts about Jonny.

star 7.04
26 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
Mummy Cupboard

#22 - Mummy Cupboard

Season 6 - Episode 3

Janet start's working on a phone sex line while Johnny protests about baby changing facilities in the mens room in the pub. Louise finally meets her parents and Donna becomes a Man!

star 7.04
24 votes
Directors: Becky Martin
Writers: Jon Brown
Vomit

#23 - Vomit

Season 2 - Episode 4

Jonny isn't feeling very well so it's up to Gaz to look after him as Janet has better things to do! Gaz goes to look for Janet and catches her snogging her ex boyfriend! Louise was there, and she saw it all, and, unfortunately for Janet, you can't trust Louise with your secrets!

star 7.05
43 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
Filthy Brunching

#24 - Filthy Brunching

Season 4 - Episode 8

Janet wants to introduce something a bit more adventurous in to her sex life with Jonny, but Jonny isn't playing along! Gaz is worried what Donna may be getting up too with her tutor, so he storms round to the cafe they're in, and threatens him! He thinks there's a gun in his pocket, turns out, his penis problem has been solved! Louise gets a new job, which puts her in control of Jonny's criminal record, a few alterations are made and the police are after him! They shoot him! Will he live or die? Find out next series!

star 7.07
27 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
Shrink

#25 - Shrink

Season 5 - Episode 3

Louise is threatening to tell Donna and Jonny about when Janet and Gaz...y'know, did it. This come at the worst possible time for Janet as Jonny has just proposed to her again, but nobody bothers to take an interest. Donna's had her Mum's house valued at £99,000 and plans a hiking trip to Ecuador, Wales with Gaz. Janet has news of her own, she's pregnant. Jonny is delighted, but Gaz has just accidentally revealed his secret to Donna...

star 7.08
26 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson