The BEST episodes written by Susan Nickson
#1 - Candle
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 8 - Episode 1
Janet isn't happy when Gaz arranges a babysitter to look after Corinthian so that they can go out when she turns out to be his ex girlfriend. Janet decides they should stay in for a romantic evening together instead.
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#2 - Lard
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 1 - Episode 5
The lads are winding Janet up with the old one about it being impossible for girls to be as funny as boys. Not one to resist a challenge, Janet trawls through her ‘crack-a-joke' books looking for that killer one-liner Jonny, however doesn't find the fact that he has been fantasizing about Louise quite so funny of course, Gas's advice is to say nothing. Janet is driving everyone mad with her stupid jokes and in a bid to shut her up Gas tells her that Jonny loves Louise. A heartbroken Janet summons a meeting with her friends and lets rip with a torrent of abuse. Unoffended but rather amused by this, the group begin to giggle. Janet is so chuffed at being able to make her friends laugh she forgives them all. Walking home Jonny feebly excuses himself from his Louise fixation by telling Janet that it got her over her joke obsession. Janet gets her revenge by admitting she too has kissed Louise but Jonny takes things that one step too far boasting that he touched Louise's boobs too.
#3 - D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 8 - Episode 5
Donna and Gaz remember the past that they have shared after agreeing to get a divorce. At the end of the day they wonder if the have made the right decision.
#4 - Keep on Running
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 8 - Episode 8
Donna and Janet try to get Gaz to make a decision about who he wants to be with and he ends up deciding to audition both of them. When Gaz finally decides who he wants he heads off to get his girl.
#5 - Jammy Dodgers
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 3 - Episode 8
Janet tries to get passionate with Jonny, while Gaz wants Donna to go out so he can get passionate with himself.
#6 - Ugly Babies
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 1 - Episode 6
The pitter patter of tiny feet may be just around the corner for Janet and Jonny. Janet turns to Donna and Louise for advice. Louise is her usual tactless self in her reaction, ‘Excellent, I have a single mum friend to show off to my friends at University' while Donna heads to the chemist to buy Janet a pregnancy test. But Janet can't muster up a sample so Donna turns to Flo for hints on possible pregnancy symptoms which, according to Flo, include hot flushes and a passion for Guinness. Jonny has not taken the news about possible fatherhood too well, but several beers down the pub and a talking-to from Louise later he decides that parenthood is perfect for him. When Janet finally has the results from her pregnancy test—Is she or isn't she? And just why is Donna taking such an interest in the whole matter—is there something she needs to tell Gaz?
#7 - Homeless and Horny
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 4 - Episode 7
Gaz has a problem, his penis, or ""Mr Nudge"" as he calls it, isn't working properly, he's tried everything, from fantasies about Fern Britton to wearing a cock ring! Jonny is struggling with single life, he's got no money to buy a pint! Janet wants him to come home, but he can't, he has his pride! Louise gets carried away in her job at the bakery and sacks everyone, but then finds she's been sacked herself! Jonny is still resisting Janet's pleas to make him come home, until he see's what she's wearing...
#8 - Dirty Girls
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 2 - Episode 3
Janet re-discovers a love letter from her gorgeous ex and resorts to deception to prevent Jonny becoming jealous. Flo asks Donna to move out so she can set up a massage parlour in her old room. And, unable to decide how to handle her boyfriend, Louise experiments with gay sex.
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#9 - Piggy Goes Oink
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 4 - Episode 2
Janet tells Jonny he has to move out of the house, he now has nowhere to go! Until he meets Kate, the barmaid in the pub, and they get very close! Gaz is still not happy with Donna's plans to become a student, so he challenges David to a drinking contest! But Donna is more interested in Louise's book, which brings the girls to tears! So much so, Janet realises she made a big mistake dumping Jonny, and goes to get him back, only to find him and Kate sharing a kiss!
#10 - Cuggles
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 4 - Episode 4
Jonny and Kate can't get any privacy to have sex, so Gaz lets them use the flat, which is all very well, until Donna gets home! Louise decides she needs to get a job after she graduates, but unfortunately discovers a sociology degree won't get her a much better job than working in Pizza Hut! Gaz is upset that Donna has been neglecting him, but Janet is around to comfort him, but unfortunately things get a little bit out of control...
#11 - Mo Mo and Pigsy
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 2 - Episode 6
After all the arguments, Donna is living with Jonny, while Janet is living with Gaz, but nobody really knows where anybody is! Donna suggests that Jonny should go to Andy's to ask where Janet is, but as much as he tries to hide it, it's clear he is too scared, but not scared enough to steal an engagement ring off him and offer it to Janet!
#12 - Crab
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 5 - Episode 7
It's the day of Jonny's and Janet wedding, and they're nowhere to be found! Gaz and Donna rush off looking for them. Gaz thinks he left Jonny tied to a lamp post, but the barmaid took him down. Jonny and Janet are stuck in an Iceland van. They wake up in their wedding outfits, and have no idea why they're there. Meanwhile Gaz and Donna pretend to be Jonny and Janet, so they still can get married. Luckily, the Iceland van ends up at their wedding, and Janet and Jonny finally get married.
#13 - On the Blob
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 2 - Episode 1
Donna thinks she's pregnant and Gaz is scared out his wits at the prospect of becoming a father. Meanwhile, Louise is exercising her psychic powers and, following the spirits' career advice, Jonny undertakes a new career involving a black leotard…
#14 - Spunk
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 1 - Episode 2
Gaz hasn't called Donna in the week since their date, to soften her up for an undemanding relationship. The girls are weighing themselves, and Louise finds she weighs more than she did at 14 for the first time since then, and goes on a diet and exercise regime. Donna gives up waiting for Gaz, and goes round to his pad, where her mother phones to invite him round for a meal and to meet the family, including Donna's very forward sister Katie. On Gaz's advice, Jonny is trying to treat Janet mean, to keep her keen, but then goes missing, so everyone has to drop what they're doing and go searching for him.
#15 - Love 83199
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 5 - Episode 13
Gaz and Donna decide to go looking for their dream house in the country. Louise uses a mobile phone to find a new boyfriend. Jonny applies for his ideal job, working in a biscuit factory.
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#16 - Purgatory
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 4 - Episode 5
Gaz is feeling guilty about sleeping with Janet, but manages to keep it from Donna and doesn't tell her, although Janet, in a moment of guilt herself, can't help blurting it out to her! The two girls forgive each other, although Donna doesn't quite know the whole story! Louise is graduating so Kate suggests they should have a party at Janet's house, but as Jonny pops round earlier to drop something off, Jonny and Janet realise they still miss each other, and they end up kissing...
#17 - Bone with the Wind
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 1 - Episode 3
Donna moves her toothbrush into Gaz's flat, and he reacts badly, thinking it's the first step to moving in completely. Meanwhile, Flo is encouraging Donna to move out of the family home. Louise is getting chatted up by Kev, who, from her description, the other two are convinced is gay - it turns out they are right, and Louise decides to make the best of things by becoming a '˜fag hag'. Janet tries various ways to improve her love life with Jonny, but just makes him suspicious, he thinks that she's been sleeping with a bloke named Pedro, who Gaz made up because he was too drunk to think straight.
#18 - Bungle
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 2 - Episode 2
Jonny wins one thousand pounds on a scratch card and Janet thinks he's gonna buy an engagement ring, but Jonny has other ideas! Gaz & Donna decide to take their relationship a step further by having a conversation, and Louise meets a new boyfriend who is desperate to have sex with her!
#19 - Filthy Brunching
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 4 - Episode 8
Janet wants to introduce something a bit more adventurous in to her sex life with Jonny, but Jonny isn't playing along! Gaz is worried what Donna may be getting up too with her tutor, so he storms round to the cafe they're in, and threatens him! He thinks there's a gun in his pocket, turns out, his penis problem has been solved! Louise gets a new job, which puts her in control of Jonny's criminal record, a few alterations are made and the police are after him! They shoot him! Will he live or die? Find out next series!
#20 - Corinthian Dies
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 4 - Episode 1
Gaz is furious with Donna after he suspects her of cheating on him with David, and even though he forgives her, it makes him none the more happier to discover she wants to go to University with him! Louise tricks David into getting back with her, and then dumps him!! And Jonny finally comes to terms with Janet leaving him!
#21 - Speedycruise!
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 6 - Episode 1
Janet has to decide whether to leave her friends and baby for a life of luxury singing on a cruise. Donna becomes rich after the money from her dead mother's house, comes through and then she has a very weird idea for a new business venture. Louise's mother is in hospital and needs a kidney, but Louise discovers that she cannot be a donor after getting some very upsetting news.
#22 - Who's The Daddy?
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 5 - Episode 10
In the last episode Gaz just got ran over by the ambulance which was going to Janets house. While Janet is in labour, she can't find jonny! Jonny then see's Gaz being put in the ambalance, and when Jonny see's Gaz, Gaz tells him to look after the baby as if it was he's! Jonny is stuned to find out that Gaz is the father. Meanwhile Louise has to bring Janet to the hospital and Jonny meets Janet there. First he hated the baby and Janet, but after spending some time with them he changes his mind. And at the end Gaz and Donna finally got back togther.
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#23 - Angry Wangry
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 1 - Episode 4
Gaz wants to feel more attractive to women, and hones his chat-up techniques, only to be discovered by Donna at a club. Janet accepts an invitation from arty fellow-student Cameron, who doesn't fart, to perform at a student poetry evening, and has to be rescued from her embarrassment by Jonny.
#24 - Near, Far
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 5 - Episode 14
In the last episode, Jonny was hoping to get the job at the biscuit factory and Gaz and Donna were hoping to get a house in the country side. Meanwhile Janet got offered a job on a cruise ship singing. There are high sprits going on in group as their all starting new lives. Unfortunately Jonny didn't get the job, there were sheep everywhere around Gaz and Donna's new house. And also Janet didn't know wether to take the job or not because she would have to leave the next day.
#25 - Kangaroo
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 3 - Episode 3
After a bit of thought and advice from her mum, and Janet, Donna decides that she should try something new with Gaz, but she doesn't realise he's gonna bring Munch home with him! Jonny realises he'll have to ask Janet's dad's permission to marry Janet, and David and Louise don't get off to a very good start in their relationship.
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#26 - Crusty Curtains
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 2 - Episode 5
Donna has moved in with Gaz, but it doesn't take long for Donna to walk out on him! Jonny has found out about Janet snogging Andy and he is furious with her. Gaz suggests he should use this situation for his own benefit, so the worse he makes Janet feel, the more she'll do for him, but Jonny's attitude upsets Janet and she walks out, leaving Jonny very hungry!
#27 - Hospikal
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 3 - Episode 5
Jonny goes to see Janet's dad to beg for his permission for their wedding, and discovers he has a secret, but its a bit of a different secret to the one he tells Janet! Munch finds Gaz unconscious in the garage, so he calls an ambulance, only to find out that he'd only got drunk, so there's definetly nothing wrong with him! Donna tricks Louise into forgiving her.
#28 - Beastiality
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 3 - Episode 4
Louise is furious when she finds out that Donna once slept with David, but Donna's still the one who does the fighting! Janet decides that she and Jonny will have to get married without her parents permission, and Gaz has had enough of Munch!
#29 - Dump
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 3 - Episode 9
Gaz gives Munch lessons in handling women, Jonny shows Donna how to get what she wants for freem while Louise gets an annoying social conscience.
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#30 - Munch
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 3 - Episode 1
Janet says she won't marry Jonny until he's got a job, so he's goes looking, but nobody will have him! Gaz finds out he has a brother and Louise has lunch with Janet's ex boyfriend Andy, but doesn't realise she will have to pay for it!
#31 - Fish
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 3 - Episode 2
Gaz and Donna haven't had sex for a few days, and Donna gets a nasty shock when she comes home and see's what Gaz has done to himself! Jonny wants Janet to quit smoking to save a bit of money for their wedding, but Janet finds it hard. Louise finds she has a secret admirer.
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#32 - Fags, Shags and Kebabs
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 1 - Episode 1
In Runcorn there are two nearby pubs: the Mayhew where friends Janet, Donna, & Louise drink; and the Archer, where friends Jonny & Gaz drink. When Donna mentions to Janet that she's looking for a boyfriend, Janet gets her boyfriend Jonny to persuade Gaz to go on a blind date. Despite the misgivings of Donna and her mother Flo, the date in the Mayhew goes well, even after the attentions of Louise who has got a job there as a barmaid, and Jonny, who tries to put a spoke in the wheel of what he sees as a future of joint couple dates. Donna accompanies Gaz back to his bedsit, but her passion is cooled on discovering what he has stacked in his cupboard.
#33 - Fockin Mokky Bokka
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 3 - Episode 7
Jonny gets a job and an offer he can't refuse, Gaz and Donna are kept up all night, and David has tips for Louise on how to cope with growing up.
#34 - Dresses, Dresses, Dresses
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 3 - Episode 6
The girls go shopping for Janet's wedding dress, and Louise and Donna cause a bit of trouble, especially for Janet! Gaz and Jonny discover a new kind of beer with a bit of a difference!
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#35 - When Jonny Met Sharky
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 7 - Episode 1
After the Archer reopens following a refurbishment, all the girls decide to apply for the new barmaid's job. Jonny leaves for Hawaii to go shark-jumping, after winning a competition, leaving Gaz to try and find something more exciting to do.
#36 - Finger Sniffing
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 6 - Episode 7
Things get personal between Janet and Donna when they both apply for the managers job at the archers.Jonny gives Gaz Corinthian after coming to the conclusion that the baby is his.
#37 - Schluballybub
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 3 - Episode 10
Gaz's backside is a cause for concern, while Janet has second thoughts about Jonny.
#38 - Shrink
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 5 - Episode 3
Louise is threatening to tell Donna and Jonny about when Janet and Gaz...y'know, did it. This come at the worst possible time for Janet as Jonny has just proposed to her again, but nobody bothers to take an interest. Donna's had her Mum's house valued at £99,000 and plans a hiking trip to Ecuador, Wales with Gaz. Janet has news of her own, she's pregnant. Jonny is delighted, but Gaz has just accidentally revealed his secret to Donna...
#39 - When Janet Killed Jonny
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 6 - Episode 10
With the Archer now closed, the gang head off down to break into the now dilapidated pub to see what beer is left over, undeterred by the headlines of 'The Curse of the Archer'. This spoof horror episode sees all kinds of gory goings-on as the gang are trapped in the Archer, unable to escape until sunrise.
#40 - Stot Or Pronk
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 5 - Episode 9
Louise persuades Janet to enter the pub quiz to try and improve her mental state. After losing all his extra weight, Gaz is showing off his recently recovered physique to everyone.
#41 - Vomit
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 2 - Episode 4
Jonny isn't feeling very well so it's up to Gaz to look after him as Janet has better things to do! Gaz goes to look for Janet and catches her snogging her ex boyfriend! Louise was there, and she saw it all, and, unfortunately for Janet, you can't trust Louise with your secrets!
#42 - Dabdaa!
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 7 - Episode 2
Janet tries to find a quick way to recover from her grief, following the death of her husband Jonny, so Gaz offers his help.
#43 - Drunk
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 6 - Episode 5
After being disappointed by her real father, Louise becomes an alcoholic. Gaz asks Donna to have his baby but she refuses.
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#44 - Dead
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 5 - Episode 1
It's the day of the funeral - and our Jonny is there in the wheelchair. He may have survived, but that meant the loss of another character - Donna's mother Flo. Jonny is famous after his shooting, and is determined to milk it for all he can. Meanwhile, Gaz's ""impotence"" problem has returned, if only he could get rid of it the way he did before. Louise spends the night in a cell for messing with Jonny's records.
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#45 - Borry
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 7 - Episode 8
Gaz is not keen on moving south with Donna, and has fallen in love with Janet; Donna has met a new man called Wesley in London and wants to move on from Gaz. However, Gaz lets slip that he and Janet are in love, and Donna throws beer over them but eventually realises that Janet and Gaz belong together, because they are "scum"- but in a nice way. Meanwhile Louise is about to give birth, aided only by Munch, and produces (in The Archer) a beautiful girl whom she names "Louise Louise Brooks", although she tells Munch the name is "Louise Munch Brooks". Gaz and Donna part on ostensibly good terms, and the episode closes with flashbacks of moments throughout the series, to the background of Avril Lavigne's "When You’re Gone".
#46 - Closing Time
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 6 - Episode 9
Janet is on the point of losing her job as bar manager of the Archer and Jonny is accused of having homosexual-tendencies. Donna's dad is on the phone and Gaz invites Donna's 16 year old brother over to stay (not a good idea).
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#47 - Dead Jonny Walking
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Season 7 - Episode 4
Gaz tries to change the born-again Christian Munch, back to his old self, by tempting him with alcohol. Meanwhile, Louise is disappointed to learn she's having a girl while Janet picks 'dead Jonny' as a theme for Donna and Gaz's wedding.
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