The BEST Episodes of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

Every episode ever - ranked by fan votes!

Last Updated: Jun 2, 2020

Network: BBC Three

The sex-fuelled lives of five late-teens/early twenty-somethings in the northern town of Runcorn. Janet is going out with Jonny, his best friend Gaz has started to date Janet's best friend Donna, and student Louise just wants a job to keep her in cigarettes. There's also Donna's sarcastic mother, Flo, constantly nagging her daughter to take up a 'proper' relationship with a worthy young man. Storylines followed the on-again/off-again relationships of the young protagonists who have lots of sex and meet in pubs.

The Aftermath - Part Two: Sliding Gaz

#1 - The Aftermath - Part Two: Sliding Gaz

Season 8 - Episode 10 - Aired Dec 22, 2009

After telling Donna that it is her that he wants to be with, Gaz has sliped into a coma. After praying to God, begging him to let Gaz recover, Donna imagines two parallel lives with Gaz, one where he makes a full recovery and another where he is paralyzed.

star 8.33
42 votes
Directors: Geoff Posner
Writers: Susan Nickson
Fat

#2 - Fat

Season 5 - Episode 8 - Aired Feb 20, 2005

Five months after Jonny and Janet got married, Donna and Gaz are still not talking. Donna has moved up in the bucket world, and is on a mission to sell 4,000 buckets in 5 days. While out, she finds out Gaz, who she has not seen for 5 months, has gained weight since they last saw each other. In attempts to get Donna back, Gaz finds an interesting way to loose weight. Meanwhile, Janet fears that her nesting instinct will never kick in, however Louise and a group of ""chavettes"" help her come to her senses...

star 8.33
52 votes
Writers: Ariane Sherine
Gazman

#3 - Gazman

Season 8 - Episode 2 - Aired Mar 22, 2009

Donna returns to Runcorn to visit everyone as she has been missing them. Janet thinks that Donna might be lying about her wonderful new boyfriend called Wesley in London. Louise finds life as a mother tough. Donna asks her boyfriend to come to Runcorn to meet everyone.

star 7.90
42 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: Kate Wincup
Candle

#4 - Candle

Season 8 - Episode 1 - Aired Mar 15, 2009

Janet isn't happy when Gaz arranges a babysitter to look after Corinthian so that they can go out when she turns out to be his ex girlfriend. Janet decides they should stay in for a romantic evening together instead.

star 7.89
95 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: Susan Nickson
Lard

#5 - Lard

Season 1 - Episode 5 - Aired Mar 26, 2001

The lads are winding Janet up with the old one about it being impossible for girls to be as funny as boys. Not one to resist a challenge, Janet trawls through her ‘crack-a-joke' books looking for that killer one-liner Jonny, however doesn't find the fact that he has been fantasizing about Louise quite so funny of course, Gas's advice is to say nothing. Janet is driving everyone mad with her stupid jokes and in a bid to shut her up Gas tells her that Jonny loves Louise. A heartbroken Janet summons a meeting with her friends and lets rip with a torrent of abuse. Unoffended but rather amused by this, the group begin to giggle. Janet is so chuffed at being able to make her friends laugh she forgives them all. Walking home Jonny feebly excuses himself from his Louise fixation by telling Janet that it got her over her joke obsession. Janet gets her revenge by admitting she too has kissed Louise but Jonny takes things that one step too far boasting that he touched Louise's boobs too.

star 7.88
129 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

#6 - D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

Season 8 - Episode 5 - Aired Apr 19, 2009

Donna and Gaz remember the past that they have shared after agreeing to get a divorce. At the end of the day they wonder if the have made the right decision.

star 7.86
43 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: Susan Nickson
Keep on Running

#7 - Keep on Running

Season 8 - Episode 8 - Aired May 10, 2009

Donna and Janet try to get Gaz to make a decision about who he wants to be with and he ends up deciding to audition both of them. When Gaz finally decides who he wants he heads off to get his girl.

star 7.63
46 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: Susan Nickson
Piggy Goes Oink

#8 - Piggy Goes Oink

Season 4 - Episode 2 - Aired Feb 22, 2004

Janet tells Jonny he has to move out of the house, he now has nowhere to go! Until he meets Kate, the barmaid in the pub, and they get very close! Gaz is still not happy with Donna's plans to become a student, so he challenges David to a drinking contest! But Donna is more interested in Louise's book, which brings the girls to tears! So much so, Janet realises she made a big mistake dumping Jonny, and goes to get him back, only to find him and Kate sharing a kiss!

star 7.50
56 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
Dirty Girls

#9 - Dirty Girls

Season 2 - Episode 3 - Aired Apr 29, 2002

Janet re-discovers a love letter from her gorgeous ex and resorts to deception to prevent Jonny becoming jealous. Flo asks Donna to move out so she can set up a massage parlour in her old room. And, unable to decide how to handle her boyfriend, Louise experiments with gay sex.

star 7.49
92 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
You Decide

#10 - You Decide

Season 8 - Episode 7 - Aired May 3, 2009

Gaz is torn between the two girls and although he decides to stay with Janet for the sake of Corinthian, when he goes to tell Donna he realises he loves her, too, and can't be without her.

star 7.49
68 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: Kate Wincup
Cauliflower

#11 - Cauliflower

Season 6 - Episode 4 - Aired Mar 19, 2006

Much to her annoyance Gaz repeatedly proposes to Donna resulting in a very odd selection of favourite romantic things. Louise meets her scoundrel real father who seems to be much more interested in Jonny than in her. Janet is shocked to discover that she is now a kleptomaniac.

star 7.44
52 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: Daniel Peak
Love 83199

#12 - Love 83199

Season 5 - Episode 13 - Aired Mar 29, 2005

Gaz and Donna decide to go looking for their dream house in the country. Louise uses a mobile phone to find a new boyfriend. Jonny applies for his ideal job, working in a biscuit factory.

star 7.43
21 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: Susan Nickson
Cuggles

#13 - Cuggles

Season 4 - Episode 4 - Aired Mar 7, 2004

Jonny and Kate can't get any privacy to have sex, so Gaz lets them use the flat, which is all very well, until Donna gets home! Louise decides she needs to get a job after she graduates, but unfortunately discovers a sociology degree won't get her a much better job than working in Pizza Hut! Gaz is upset that Donna has been neglecting him, but Janet is around to comfort him, but unfortunately things get a little bit out of control...

star 7.42
81 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
Trial Schmile

#14 - Trial Schmile

Season 9 - Episode 3 - Aired May 3, 2011

Following the fire, Donna and Gaz find themselves being forced to move into Janet's old place. Donna ends up embracing the fact that she is now possession-free while Gaz plans a big night out. Billy makes plans to make sure that his football career gets off the ground. After he ends up going out with Gaz though things go wrong. Cassie attempts to blackmail Tim into getting her a motorbike

star 7.42
43 votes
Directors: Nick Wood
Writers: David Cantor, Robin Taylor
Spunk

#15 - Spunk

Season 1 - Episode 2 - Aired Mar 5, 2001

Gaz hasn't called Donna in the week since their date, to soften her up for an undemanding relationship. The girls are weighing themselves, and Louise finds she weighs more than she did at 14 for the first time since then, and goes on a diet and exercise regime. Donna gives up waiting for Gaz, and goes round to his pad, where her mother phones to invite him round for a meal and to meet the family, including Donna's very forward sister Katie. On Gaz's advice, Jonny is trying to treat Janet mean, to keep her keen, but then goes missing, so everyone has to drop what they're doing and go searching for him.

star 7.42
182 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
Jammy Dodgers

#16 - Jammy Dodgers

Season 3 - Episode 8 - Aired Apr 13, 2003

Janet tries to get passionate with Jonny, while Gaz wants Donna to go out so he can get passionate with himself.

star 7.41
138 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
Homeless and Horny

#17 - Homeless and Horny

Season 4 - Episode 7 - Aired Mar 28, 2004

Gaz has a problem, his penis, or ""Mr Nudge"" as he calls it, isn't working properly, he's tried everything, from fantasies about Fern Britton to wearing a cock ring! Jonny is struggling with single life, he's got no money to buy a pint! Janet wants him to come home, but he can't, he has his pride! Louise gets carried away in her job at the bakery and sacks everyone, but then finds she's been sacked herself! Jonny is still resisting Janet's pleas to make him come home, until he see's what she's wearing...

star 7.41
83 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
Mate Date

#18 - Mate Date

Season 4 - Episode 6 - Aired Mar 21, 2004

Janet has a new boss at the bakery, that turns out to be Louise! But she has a rather different way of doing things! Donna wants Gaz to split Jonny and Kate up, but tells him not to sleep with her, but he ignores this, takes her out on a date, but Donna finds out and stops him from sleeping with her! Kate, however, is furious that Gaz tried to come on to her, and tells Jonny to choose between her or his friends, but its an easy choice for Jonny, and he dumps her!

star 7.39
83 votes
Writers: Daniel Peak
Mo Mo and Pigsy

#19 - Mo Mo and Pigsy

Season 2 - Episode 6 - Aired May 20, 2002

After all the arguments, Donna is living with Jonny, while Janet is living with Gaz, but nobody really knows where anybody is! Donna suggests that Jonny should go to Andy's to ask where Janet is, but as much as he tries to hide it, it's clear he is too scared, but not scared enough to steal an engagement ring off him and offer it to Janet!

star 7.38
65 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
On the Blob

#20 - On the Blob

Season 2 - Episode 1 - Aired Apr 15, 2002

Donna thinks she's pregnant and Gaz is scared out his wits at the prospect of becoming a father. Meanwhile, Louise is exercising her psychic powers and, following the spirits' career advice, Jonny undertakes a new career involving a black leotard…

star 7.38
150 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
Ugly Babies

#21 - Ugly Babies

Season 1 - Episode 6 - Aired Apr 2, 2001

The pitter patter of tiny feet may be just around the corner for Janet and Jonny. Janet turns to Donna and Louise for advice. Louise is her usual tactless self in her reaction, ‘Excellent, I have a single mum friend to show off to my friends at University' while Donna heads to the chemist to buy Janet a pregnancy test. But Janet can't muster up a sample so Donna turns to Flo for hints on possible pregnancy symptoms which, according to Flo, include hot flushes and a passion for Guinness. Jonny has not taken the news about possible fatherhood too well, but several beers down the pub and a talking-to from Louise later he decides that parenthood is perfect for him. When Janet finally has the results from her pregnancy test—Is she or isn't she? And just why is Donna taking such an interest in the whole matter—is there something she needs to tell Gaz?

star 7.36
107 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
Purgatory

#22 - Purgatory

Season 4 - Episode 5 - Aired Mar 14, 2004

Gaz is feeling guilty about sleeping with Janet, but manages to keep it from Donna and doesn't tell her, although Janet, in a moment of guilt herself, can't help blurting it out to her! The two girls forgive each other, although Donna doesn't quite know the whole story! Louise is graduating so Kate suggests they should have a party at Janet's house, but as Jonny pops round earlier to drop something off, Jonny and Janet realise they still miss each other, and they end up kissing...

star 7.33
83 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
Speedycruise!

#23 - Speedycruise!

Season 6 - Episode 1 - Aired Feb 26, 2006

Janet has to decide whether to leave her friends and baby for a life of luxury singing on a cruise. Donna becomes rich after the money from her dead mother's house, comes through and then she has a very weird idea for a new business venture. Louise's mother is in hospital and needs a kidney, but Louise discovers that she cannot be a donor after getting some very upsetting news.

star 7.32
78 votes
Directors: Becky Martin
Writers: Susan Nickson
Bone with the Wind

#24 - Bone with the Wind

Season 1 - Episode 3 - Aired Mar 12, 2001

Donna moves her toothbrush into Gaz's flat, and he reacts badly, thinking it's the first step to moving in completely. Meanwhile, Flo is encouraging Donna to move out of the family home. Louise is getting chatted up by Kev, who, from her description, the other two are convinced is gay - it turns out they are right, and Louise decides to make the best of things by becoming a ‘fag hag'. Janet tries various ways to improve her love life with Jonny, but just makes him suspicious, he thinks that she's been sleeping with a bloke named Pedro, who Gaz made up because he was too drunk to think straight.

star 7.31
194 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson
Crab

#25 - Crab

Season 5 - Episode 7 - Aired Feb 13, 2005

It's the day of Jonny's and Janet wedding, and they're nowhere to be found! Gaz and Donna rush off looking for them. Gaz thinks he left Jonny tied to a lamp post, but the barmaid took him down. Jonny and Janet are stuck in an Iceland van. They wake up in their wedding outfits, and have no idea why they're there. Meanwhile Gaz and Donna pretend to be Jonny and Janet, so they still can get married. Luckily, the Iceland van ends up at their wedding, and Janet and Jonny finally get married.

star 7.31
52 votes
Writers: Susan Nickson