The Best Episodes Directed by Gareth Carrivick
#1 - How I Got My Vase
Beautiful People (2008) Season 1 - Episode 1
While at Kylie's, Simon steals one of Reba's dresses and tries it on back at home. Ashlene takes a Polaroid photo of him wearing it and threatens to show it to everyone unless he styles her hair to look like Heather Small's. Debbie finds the dress in the bin, assumes Reba is having an affair with Andy, and fights her in the street. Simon reveals that he took the dress. Debbie tries to quit drinking alcohol but starts again when Andy tells her she is boring when she is sober. Simon sees supposedly-vegan Hayley eating a burger and threatens to tell everyone. To keep him quiet, she gives him £30, which he spends on a vase that he has had his eye on for a long time.
#4 - How I Got My Nose
Beautiful People (2008) Season 1 - Episode 2
Simon Doonan now living in New York, remembers the time auditioning for the school play led to his mother being arrested for assault and the re-enactment of a famous horror film.
#6 - Spring
The Vicar of Dibley Season 3 - Episode 3
It's Spring and it's almost time for Hugo and Alice's baby's Christening. David Horton decides to get a different bishop to do the Christening as Geraldine will be one of the godparents. After a shocking turn of events, he finds himself in love with Geraldine and proposes to her! Will she go through with the wedding or not?
#7 - How I Got My Tongs
Beautiful People (2008) Season 1 - Episode 5
A trip to the hairdresser and a fabulous pair of shimmering golden hair tongs prompts Simon's decision to turn Kylie into Princess Diana.
#8 - Fat
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 5 - Episode 8
Five months after Jonny and Janet got married, Donna and Gaz are still not talking. Donna has moved up in the bucket world, and is on a mission to sell 4,000 buckets in 5 days. While out, she finds out Gaz, who she has not seen for 5 months, has gained weight since they last saw each other. In attempts to get Donna back, Gaz finds an interesting way to loose weight. Meanwhile, Janet fears that her nesting instinct will never kick in, however Louise and a group of ""chavettes"" help her come to her senses...
#9 - How I Got My Globe
Beautiful People (2008) Season 1 - Episode 6
A new teacher arrives at school who really may be one of the Beautiful People. Can this really be true? Simon and Kylie finally try to leave Reading for ultra glamorous London. In New York older Simon gets homesick.
#10 - Crab
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 5 - Episode 7
It's the day of Jonny's and Janet wedding, and they're nowhere to be found! Gaz and Donna rush off looking for them. Gaz thinks he left Jonny tied to a lamp post, but the barmaid took him down. Jonny and Janet are stuck in an Iceland van. They wake up in their wedding outfits, and have no idea why they're there. Meanwhile Gaz and Donna pretend to be Jonny and Janet, so they still can get married. Luckily, the Iceland van ends up at their wedding, and Janet and Jonny finally get married.
#11 - Mo Mo and Pigsy
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 2 - Episode 6
After all the arguments, Donna is living with Jonny, while Janet is living with Gaz, but nobody really knows where anybody is! Donna suggests that Jonny should go to Andy's to ask where Janet is, but as much as he tries to hide it, it's clear he is too scared, but not scared enough to steal an engagement ring off him and offer it to Janet!
#12 - Bone with the Wind
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 1 - Episode 3
Donna moves her toothbrush into Gaz's flat, and he reacts badly, thinking it's the first step to moving in completely. Meanwhile, Flo is encouraging Donna to move out of the family home. Louise is getting chatted up by Kev, who, from her description, the other two are convinced is gay - it turns out they are right, and Louise decides to make the best of things by becoming a â€˜fag hag'. Janet tries various ways to improve her love life with Jonny, but just makes him suspicious, he thinks that she's been sleeping with a bloke named Pedro, who Gaz made up because he was too drunk to think straight.
#13 - Fags, Shags and Kebabs
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 1 - Episode 1
In Runcorn there are two nearby pubs: the Mayhew where friends Janet, Donna, & Louise drink; and the Archer, where friends Jonny & Gaz drink. When Donna mentions to Janet that she's looking for a boyfriend, Janet gets her boyfriend Jonny to persuade Gaz to go on a blind date. Despite the misgivings of Donna and her mother Flo, the date in the Mayhew goes well, even after the attentions of Louise who has got a job there as a barmaid, and Jonny, who tries to put a spoke in the wheel of what he sees as a future of joint couple dates. Donna accompanies Gaz back to his bedsit, but her passion is cooled on discovering what he has stacked in his cupboard.
#14 - Dirty Girls
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 2 - Episode 3
Janet re-discovers a love letter from her gorgeous ex and resorts to deception to prevent Jonny becoming jealous. Flo asks Donna to move out so she can set up a massage parlour in her old room. And, unable to decide how to handle her boyfriend, Louise experiments with gay sex.
#15 - Who's The Daddy?
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 5 - Episode 10
In the last episode Gaz just got ran over by the ambulance which was going to Janets house. While Janet is in labour, she can't find jonny! Jonny then see's Gaz being put in the ambalance, and when Jonny see's Gaz, Gaz tells him to look after the baby as if it was he's! Jonny is stuned to find out that Gaz is the father. Meanwhile Louise has to bring Janet to the hospital and Jonny meets Janet there. First he hated the baby and Janet, but after spending some time with them he changes his mind. And at the end Gaz and Donna finally got back togther.
#16 - Near, Far
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 5 - Episode 14
In the last episode, Jonny was hoping to get the job at the biscuit factory and Gaz and Donna were hoping to get a house in the country side. Meanwhile Janet got offered a job on a cruise ship singing. There are high sprits going on in group as their all starting new lives. Unfortunately Jonny didn't get the job, there were sheep everywhere around Gaz and Donna's new house. And also Janet didn't know wether to take the job or not because she would have to leave the next day.
#17 - Homeless and Horny
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 4 - Episode 7
Gaz has a problem, his penis, or ""Mr Nudge"" as he calls it, isn't working properly, he's tried everything, from fantasies about Fern Britton to wearing a cock ring! Jonny is struggling with single life, he's got no money to buy a pint! Janet wants him to come home, but he can't, he has his pride! Louise gets carried away in her job at the bakery and sacks everyone, but then finds she's been sacked herself! Jonny is still resisting Janet's pleas to make him come home, until he see's what she's wearing...
#18 - Dump
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 3 - Episode 9
Gaz gives Munch lessons in handling women, Jonny shows Donna how to get what she wants for freem while Louise gets an annoying social conscience.
#19 - Angry Wangry
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 1 - Episode 4
Gaz wants to feel more attractive to women, and hones his chat-up techniques, only to be discovered by Donna at a club. Janet accepts an invitation from arty fellow-student Cameron, who doesn't fart, to perform at a student poetry evening, and has to be rescued from her embarrassment by Jonny.
#20 - Crusty Curtains
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 2 - Episode 5
Donna has moved in with Gaz, but it doesn't take long for Donna to walk out on him! Jonny has found out about Janet snogging Andy and he is furious with her. Gaz suggests he should use this situation for his own benefit, so the worse he makes Janet feel, the more she'll do for him, but Jonny's attitude upsets Janet and she walks out, leaving Jonny very hungry!
#21 - Cuggles
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 4 - Episode 4
Jonny and Kate can't get any privacy to have sex, so Gaz lets them use the flat, which is all very well, until Donna gets home! Louise decides she needs to get a job after she graduates, but unfortunately discovers a sociology degree won't get her a much better job than working in Pizza Hut! Gaz is upset that Donna has been neglecting him, but Janet is around to comfort him, but unfortunately things get a little bit out of control...
#22 - Beastiality
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 3 - Episode 4
Louise is furious when she finds out that Donna once slept with David, but Donna's still the one who does the fighting! Janet decides that she and Jonny will have to get married without her parents permission, and Gaz has had enough of Munch!
#23 - Fish
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 3 - Episode 2
Gaz and Donna haven't had sex for a few days, and Donna gets a nasty shock when she comes home and see's what Gaz has done to himself! Jonny wants Janet to quit smoking to save a bit of money for their wedding, but Janet finds it hard. Louise finds she has a secret admirer.
#24 - Hospikal
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 3 - Episode 5
Jonny goes to see Janet's dad to beg for his permission for their wedding, and discovers he has a secret, but its a bit of a different secret to the one he tells Janet! Munch finds Gaz unconscious in the garage, so he calls an ambulance, only to find out that he'd only got drunk, so there's definetly nothing wrong with him! Donna tricks Louise into forgiving her.
#25 - Lard
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 1 - Episode 5
The lads are winding Janet up with the old one about it being impossible for girls to be as funny as boys. Not one to resist a challenge, Janet trawls through her â€˜crack-a-joke' books looking for that killer one-liner Jonny, however doesn't find the fact that he has been fantasizing about Louise quite so funny of course, Gas's advice is to say nothing. Janet is driving everyone mad with her stupid jokes and in a bid to shut her up Gas tells her that Jonny loves Louise. A heartbroken Janet summons a meeting with her friends and lets rip with a torrent of abuse. Unoffended but rather amused by this, the group begin to giggle. Janet is so chuffed at being able to make her friends laugh she forgives them all. Walking home Jonny feebly excuses himself from his Louise fixation by telling Janet that it got her over her joke obsession. Janet gets her revenge by admitting she too has kissed Louise but Jonny takes things that one step too far boasting that he touched Louise's boobs too.
#26 - Spunk
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 1 - Episode 2
Gaz hasn't called Donna in the week since their date, to soften her up for an undemanding relationship. The girls are weighing themselves, and Louise finds she weighs more than she did at 14 for the first time since then, and goes on a diet and exercise regime. Donna gives up waiting for Gaz, and goes round to his pad, where her mother phones to invite him round for a meal and to meet the family, including Donna's very forward sister Katie. On Gaz's advice, Jonny is trying to treat Janet mean, to keep her keen, but then goes missing, so everyone has to drop what they're doing and go searching for him.
#27 - Dead
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 5 - Episode 1
It's the day of the funeral - and our Jonny is there in the wheelchair. He may have survived, but that meant the loss of another character - Donna's mother Flo. Jonny is famous after his shooting, and is determined to milk it for all he can. Meanwhile, Gaz's ""impotence"" problem has returned, if only he could get rid of it the way he did before. Louise spends the night in a cell for messing with Jonny's records.
#28 - Mate Date
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 4 - Episode 6
Janet has a new boss at the bakery, that turns out to be Louise! But she has a rather different way of doing things! Donna wants Gaz to split Jonny and Kate up, but tells him not to sleep with her, but he ignores this, takes her out on a date, but Donna finds out and stops him from sleeping with her! Kate, however, is furious that Gaz tried to come on to her, and tells Jonny to choose between her or his friends, but its an easy choice for Jonny, and he dumps her!
#29 - Fockin Mokky Bokka
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 3 - Episode 7
Jonny gets a job and an offer he can't refuse, Gaz and Donna are kept up all night, and David has tips for Louise on how to cope with growing up.
#30 - Jammy Dodgers
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 3 - Episode 8
Janet tries to get passionate with Jonny, while Gaz wants Donna to go out so he can get passionate with himself.
#31 - Kangaroo
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 3 - Episode 3
After a bit of thought and advice from her mum, and Janet, Donna decides that she should try something new with Gaz, but she doesn't realise he's gonna bring Munch home with him! Jonny realises he'll have to ask Janet's dad's permission to marry Janet, and David and Louise don't get off to a very good start in their relationship.
#32 - Potato People
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 5 - Episode 5
When Jonny gets banned from the local off-licence, he tries to convince Louise to help by buying alcohol for him to sell on to the teenagers.
#33 - Ugly Babies
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 1 - Episode 6
The pitter patter of tiny feet may be just around the corner for Janet and Jonny. Janet turns to Donna and Louise for advice. Louise is her usual tactless self in her reaction, â€˜Excellent, I have a single mum friend to show off to my friends at University' while Donna heads to the chemist to buy Janet a pregnancy test. But Janet can't muster up a sample so Donna turns to Flo for hints on possible pregnancy symptoms which, according to Flo, include hot flushes and a passion for Guinness. Jonny has not taken the news about possible fatherhood too well, but several beers down the pub and a talking-to from Louise later he decides that parenthood is perfect for him. When Janet finally has the results from her pregnancy testâ€”Is she or isn't she? And just why is Donna taking such an interest in the whole matterâ€”is there something she needs to tell Gaz?
#34 - Munch
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 3 - Episode 1
Janet says she won't marry Jonny until he's got a job, so he's goes looking, but nobody will have him! Gaz finds out he has a brother and Louise has lunch with Janet's ex boyfriend Andy, but doesn't realise she will have to pay for it!
#35 - Bungle
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 2 - Episode 2
Jonny wins one thousand pounds on a scratch card and Janet thinks he's gonna buy an engagement ring, but Jonny has other ideas! Gaz & Donna decide to take their relationship a step further by having a conversation, and Louise meets a new boyfriend who is desperate to have sex with her!
#36 - Piggy Goes Oink
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 4 - Episode 2
Janet tells Jonny he has to move out of the house, he now has nowhere to go! Until he meets Kate, the barmaid in the pub, and they get very close! Gaz is still not happy with Donna's plans to become a student, so he challenges David to a drinking contest! But Donna is more interested in Louise's book, which brings the girls to tears! So much so, Janet realises she made a big mistake dumping Jonny, and goes to get him back, only to find him and Kate sharing a kiss!
#37 - Antlers
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 5 - Episode 6
It's Jonny's Stag Night and Gaz's plans for the Night don't quite go to plan. Meanwhile, Louise tryies to make Janet's Hen Party one of the Wildest ever.
#38 - Dresses, Dresses, Dresses
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 3 - Episode 6
The girls go shopping for Janet's wedding dress, and Louise and Donna cause a bit of trouble, especially for Janet! Gaz and Jonny discover a new kind of beer with a bit of a difference!
#39 - On the Blob
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 2 - Episode 1
Donna thinks she's pregnant and Gaz is scared out his wits at the prospect of becoming a father. Meanwhile, Louise is exercising her psychic powers and, following the spirits' career advice, Jonny undertakes a new career involving a black leotardâ€¦
#40 - Purgatory
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 4 - Episode 5
Gaz is feeling guilty about sleeping with Janet, but manages to keep it from Donna and doesn't tell her, although Janet, in a moment of guilt herself, can't help blurting it out to her! The two girls forgive each other, although Donna doesn't quite know the whole story! Louise is graduating so Kate suggests they should have a party at Janet's house, but as Jonny pops round earlier to drop something off, Jonny and Janet realise they still miss each other, and they end up kissing...
#41 - Shrink
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 5 - Episode 3
Louise is threatening to tell Donna and Jonny about when Janet and Gaz...y'know, did it. This come at the worst possible time for Janet as Jonny has just proposed to her again, but nobody bothers to take an interest. Donna's had her Mum's house valued at £99,000 and plans a hiking trip to Ecuador, Wales with Gaz. Janet has news of her own, she's pregnant. Jonny is delighted, but Gaz has just accidentally revealed his secret to Donna...
#42 - Filthy Brunching
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 4 - Episode 8
Janet wants to introduce something a bit more adventurous in to her sex life with Jonny, but Jonny isn't playing along! Gaz is worried what Donna may be getting up too with her tutor, so he storms round to the cafe they're in, and threatens him! He thinks there's a gun in his pocket, turns out, his penis problem has been solved! Louise gets a new job, which puts her in control of Jonny's criminal record, a few alterations are made and the police are after him! They shoot him! Will he live or die? Find out next series!
#43 - Vomit
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 2 - Episode 4
Jonny isn't feeling very well so it's up to Gaz to look after him as Janet has better things to do! Gaz goes to look for Janet and catches her snogging her ex boyfriend! Louise was there, and she saw it all, and, unfortunately for Janet, you can't trust Louise with your secrets!
#44 - Schluballybub
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 3 - Episode 10
Gaz's backside is a cause for concern, while Janet has second thoughts about Jonny.
#45 - Ecuador
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 5 - Episode 4
Furious with Gaz for sleeping with Janet, Donna walks out, she can't bring herself to forgive either of them. Jonny has a present from Gaz, a £100 car, that he names Herbie. Louise has to get Jonny to forgive her for getting him shot to her solicitor, so black mails him, he doesn't go with it so she puts poor Herbie under the crusher! Donna is on her way to Ecuador without Gaz, can Janet stop her?
#46 - Nobbly Bobbly
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 5 - Episode 2
Donna has recieved some exciting news, her Mother left her house in her will. But Gaz isn't best pleased, as he believes Flo still haunts the cupboard under the stairs. Louise goes to see a psychaitrist for messing with Jonny's record, turns out she was trying to save him from finding out Gaz and Janet had slept with each other. But will she tell Jonny? Speaking of which, Jonny has a very important question for Janet...
#47 - How I Got My Posh
Beautiful People (2008) Season 1 - Episode 4
Birthdays have never been easy for Simon, especially when the whole school finds out what he really really wants. Meanwhile Ashlene meets a flasher and Aunty Hayley feels loved and a whole lot more.
#48 - Corinthian Dies
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 4 - Episode 1
Gaz is furious with Donna after he suspects her of cheating on him with David, and even though he forgives her, it makes him none the more happier to discover she wants to go to University with him! Louise tricks David into getting back with her, and then dumps him!! And Jonny finally comes to terms with Janet leaving him!
#49 - Stot Or Pronk
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 5 - Episode 9
Louise persuades Janet to enter the pub quiz to try and improve her mental state. After losing all his extra weight, Gaz is showing off his recently recovered physique to everyone.
#50 - My Delicious Guava
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Season 4 - Episode 3
Janet is still getting over losing Jonny, and Louise wants to move in with her, but a nasty spider gets in the way! Jonny tries to be manly to impress Kate on their first date, but ends up falling off a wall and breaking his foot! Its Gaz's big night, and all his friends have deserted him! Even Donna, who would rather go and watch a play than see him sing! But he has a wild night in The Archer performing Tom Jones songs, but to a very small crowd!
#51 - How I Got My Beads
Beautiful People (2008) Season 1 - Episode 3
Simon remembers his mother's experiments with the occult and his grandmother's return from a mental hospital, which saw her change rather radically from the nicest granny in the world. Featuring conjoined twins and a bingo caller.