The BEST Episodes of Two and a Half Men

Every episode ever - ranked by fan votes!

Last Updated: Dec 1, 2019

Network: CBS

Charlie is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Jaguar in the front, and an easy way with women. His casual Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his tightly wound brother Alan, who's facing a divorce, and his son Jake, come to live with him. Together, these two and a half men confront the challenges of growing up; finally. Complicating matters are the brothers' self-obsessed, controlling mother, Evelyn, Alan's estranged wife, Judith and Charlie's crazy neighbor Rose, who wants to be a part of his life and is willing to do anything to be around. After the death of his brother, Alan Harper meets and befriends a lonely young man named Walden Schmidt who turns out to be a billionaire. Unable to afford his brother's home, Alan sells Walden the house, and as a way of showing his gratitude, Walden allows Alan and his son Jake to move in with him.

Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

#1 - Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

Season 2 - Episode 23

Evelyn demands Jake spend a night at her place when she finds out he spent Spring Break with Judith's parents. Neither Alan nor Charlie are keen on the idea, but going to a bar after dropping off Jake quickly erases their concerns.

star 8.22
513 votes
Directors: J.D. Lobue
Writers: Don Foster, Susan Beavers
Camel Filters + Pheromones

#2 - Camel Filters + Pheromones

Season 1 - Episode 12

When Berta is forced to bring her granddaughter Prudence to work with her, the boys find themselves a little preoccupied with her.

star 8.20
661 votes
Writers: Mark Roberts (X), Susan Beavers
Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?

#3 - Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?

Season 2 - Episode 16

When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When Alan finds out that he has to go to the I.R.S. because they're auditing him, he forces Charlie to take care of Jake, and Charlie doesn't do any better then Alan.

star 8.20
518 votes
Directors: Pamela Fryman
Writers: Don Foster, Susan Beavers
Ergo, the Booty Call

#4 - Ergo, the Booty Call

Season 3 - Episode 16

Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

star 8.13
546 votes
Directors: Gary Halvorson
Writers: Don Foster, Susan Beavers
An Old Flame With a New Wick

#5 - An Old Flame With a New Wick

Season 1 - Episode 18

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).

star 8.11
544 votes
Writers: Lee Aronsohn, Mark Roberts (X)
The Two Finger Rule

#6 - The Two Finger Rule

Season 6 - Episode 19

After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.

star 8.10
472 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn
Smooth as a Ken Doll

#7 - Smooth as a Ken Doll

Season 4 - Episode 19

Charlie takes a liking to Myra, the witty sister of Judith's fiancé, Herb.

star 8.07
473 votes
Directors: Gary Halvorson
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky, Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers
Santa's Village of the Damned

#8 - Santa's Village of the Damned

Season 3 - Episode 11

Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

star 8.06
533 votes
Directors: Rob Schiller
Writers: Don Foster, Susan Beavers
Lotta Delis In Little Armenia

#9 - Lotta Delis In Little Armenia

Season 11 - Episode 20

Alan finds an opportunity to make money; Walden addresses his co-dependency issues.

star 8.06
924 votes
That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

#10 - That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

Season 3 - Episode 24

Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.

star 8.05
424 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Don Foster, Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers
Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

#11 - Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

Season 9 - Episode 16

When a huge storm keeps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lindsay at home on Valentine's Day, conflict brews and relationships are strained.

star 8.04
492 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Don Reo, Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn
Bazinga! That's from a TV Show

#12 - Bazinga! That's from a TV Show

Season 10 - Episode 20

Walden and Alan are caught in the crossfire when Jake cheats on his girlfriend (Jaime Pressly) with her 18-year-old daughter.

star 8.04
749 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Don Reo, Matt Ross, Max Searle
A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise

#13 - A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise

Season 2 - Episode 19

After Charlie takes Alan to an eye doctor, they end up at cafe where they bump into Charlie's ex-girlfriend, Sherri. While there Alan shows an interest in Sherri, and decides to ask her out. The problem is that Alan can't get over Sherri's relationship with Charlie.

star 8.04
484 votes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn
Baseball Was Better With Steroids

#14 - Baseball Was Better With Steroids

Season 6 - Episode 24

Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital, on the sixth season finale.

star 8.04
439 votes
Directors: Lee Aronsohn
Writers: Mark Roberts, Susan Beavers
Does This Smell Funny to You?

#15 - Does This Smell Funny to You?

Season 2 - Episode 24

Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an older man's trophy wife while Jake has to read a paper to his class.

star 8.04
478 votes
Directors: Pamela Fryman
Writers: Jeff Abugov, Susan Beavers
Just Like Buffalo

#16 - Just Like Buffalo

Season 1 - Episode 23

Charlie tries to sweet talk Judith's divorcee support-group into letting Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.

star 8.03
549 votes
Writers: Don Foster, Lee Aronsohn
Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

#17 - Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

Season 3 - Episode 20

Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

star 8.03
500 votes
Directors: Gary Halvorson
Writers: Don Foster, Susan Beavers
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos

#18 - Last Chance to See Those Tattoos

Season 2 - Episode 11

After getting unusually turned down at a bar, Charlie learns that a website has been made dedicated to exposing his lifestyle. Charlie sets out to find who created the site, making amends to all those he stood up, but it's harder than it looks when all the women take the apology better than expected.

star 8.03
547 votes
Directors: Pamela Fryman
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn
Arguments for the Quickie

#19 - Arguments for the Quickie

Season 3 - Episode 23

Mia comes back to town with her dance troupe and invites Charlie to her performance. At first, he decides not to go and tries to convince Alan that he no longer has feelings for her. He goes to the see the performance and Mia explains that she wants some of Charlie’s sperm. Charlie responds by asking Mia for something.

star 8.02
448 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn
Frodo's Headshots

#20 - Frodo's Headshots

Season 9 - Episode 9

Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope.

star 8.02
511 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, David Richardson, Don Reo, Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

#21 - My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

Season 1 - Episode 22

Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking; Jake sees his therapist.

star 8.01
512 votes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky
Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

#22 - Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

Season 8 - Episode 15

While Charlie and Rose carry on their "affair," Alan's chiropractic business turns into a Ponzi scheme.

star 8.01
503 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson
Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang

#23 - Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang

Season 11 - Episode 19

After reconnecting with Kate, Walden becomes convinced she is the one for him -- until he meets a woman named Vivian (Mila Kunis).

star 8.00
938 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers:
Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

#24 - Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

Season 5 - Episode 8

Charlie writes a children’s song and finds success as Charlie Waffles. The children love him and the mothers seem to as well. Charlie's new found fame irritates Alan.

star 8.00
484 votes
Directors: Ted Wass
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers
Golly Moses, She's a Muffin

#25 - Golly Moses, She's a Muffin

Season 3 - Episode 19

Charlie is surprised to find out that Kandi has been living with them for the last three weeks. Alan is having a tough time helping Kandi earn a living. Charlie has lost his sense because of the dry-spell he is going through.

star 8.00
521 votes
Directors: Gary Halvorson
Writers: Eddie Gorodetsky, Mark Roberts (X)