The BEST Episodes of Two and a Half Men

Every episode ever - ranked by fan votes!

Last Updated: Jun 17, 2021

Network: CBS

Charlie is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Jaguar in the front, and an easy way with women. His casual Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his tightly wound brother Alan, who's facing a divorce, and his son Jake, come to live with him. Together, these two and a half men confront the challenges of growing up; finally. Complicating matters are the brothers' self-obsessed, controlling mother, Evelyn, Alan's estranged wife, Judith and Charlie's crazy neighbor Rose, who wants to be a part of his life and is willing to do anything to be around. After the death of his brother, Alan Harper meets and befriends a lonely young man named Walden Schmidt who turns out to be a billionaire. Unable to afford his brother's home, Alan sells Walden the house, and as a way of showing his gratitude, Walden allows Alan and his son Jake to move in with him.

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Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

#1 - Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

Season 2 - Episode 23 - Aired May 16, 2005

Evelyn demands Jake spend a night at her place when she finds out he spent Spring Break with Judith's parents. Neither Alan nor Charlie are keen on the idea, but going to a bar after dropping off Jake quickly erases their concerns.

star 8.04
2,696 votes
Directors: J.D. Lobue
Writers: Don Foster, Susan Beavers
Bazinga! That's from a TV Show

#2 - Bazinga! That's from a TV Show

Season 10 - Episode 20 - Aired Apr 4, 2013

Walden and Alan are caught in the crossfire when Jake cheats on his girlfriend (Jaime Pressly) with her 18-year-old daughter.

star 7.93
2,394 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Don Reo, Matt Ross, Max Searle
Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

#3 - Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

Season 9 - Episode 16 - Aired Feb 13, 2012

When a huge storm keeps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lindsay at home on Valentine's Day, conflict brews and relationships are strained.

star 7.92
2,696 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Don Reo, Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn
Lotta Delis In Little Armenia

#4 - Lotta Delis In Little Armenia

Season 11 - Episode 20 - Aired Apr 24, 2014

Alan finds an opportunity to make money; Walden addresses his co-dependency issues.

star 7.92
1,980 votes
The Mooch at the Boo

#5 - The Mooch at the Boo

Season 6 - Episode 9 - Aired Nov 24, 2008

Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a boon to Alan's love life.

star 7.91
2,722 votes
Directors: Jeff Melman
Writers: Susan Beavers
On Vodka, On Soda, On Blender, On Mixer!

#6 - On Vodka, On Soda, On Blender, On Mixer!

Season 11 - Episode 10 - Aired Dec 12, 2013

Jake sends Alan a Japanese delicacy; the house comes alive with questionable Christmas lyrics.

star 7.89
2,054 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Don Reo, Jeff Lowell, Jim Patterson, Matt Ross, Max Searle, Saladin K. Patterson
Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang

#7 - Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang

Season 11 - Episode 19 - Aired Apr 10, 2014

After reconnecting with Kate, Walden becomes convinced she is the one for him -- until he meets a woman named Vivian (Mila Kunis).

star 7.88
2,047 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers:
One Nut Johnson

#8 - One Nut Johnson

Season 10 - Episode 10 - Aired Dec 6, 2012

Alan helps Walden create a new identity so he can avoid women who are only interested in his money.

star 7.88
2,380 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Don Reo, Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson
Ergo, the Booty Call

#9 - Ergo, the Booty Call

Season 3 - Episode 16 - Aired Mar 6, 2006

Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

star 7.87
2,564 votes
Directors: Gary Halvorson
Writers: Don Foster, Susan Beavers
How to Get Rid of Alan Harper

#10 - How to Get Rid of Alan Harper

Season 11 - Episode 16 - Aired Mar 6, 2014

Walden thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him; Alan starts dating Larry's sister, Gretchen (Kimberly Williams-Paisley).

star 7.87
2,063 votes
Welcome Home, Jake

#11 - Welcome Home, Jake

Season 11 - Episode 17 - Aired Mar 13, 2014

Lyndsey finds out about Alan's relationship with Gretchen; Walden has a difficult time telling Barry to find his own place.

star 7.87
2,054 votes
The Two Finger Rule

#12 - The Two Finger Rule

Season 6 - Episode 19 - Aired Mar 30, 2009

After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.

star 7.86
2,584 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn
Just Like Buffalo

#13 - Just Like Buffalo

Season 1 - Episode 23 - Aired May 17, 2004

Charlie tries to sweet talk Judith's divorcee support-group into letting Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.

star 7.85
2,458 votes
Writers: Don Foster, Lee Aronsohn
Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead

#14 - Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead

Season 11 - Episode 22 - Aired May 8, 2014

Alan must face the consequences after revealing his identity to Larry.

star 7.83
2,002 votes
Camel Filters + Pheromones

#15 - Camel Filters + Pheromones

Season 1 - Episode 12 - Aired Jan 5, 2004

When Berta is forced to bring her granddaughter Prudence to work with her, the boys find themselves a little preoccupied with her.

star 7.82
2,966 votes
Writers: Mark Roberts (X), Susan Beavers
Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

#16 - Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

Season 10 - Episode 15 - Aired Feb 7, 2013

When Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit, Alan is concerned; Walden tries to hide something from Alan.

star 7.82
2,037 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Jim Patterson, Matt Ross, Max Searle
That's Why They Call It Ball Room

#17 - That's Why They Call It Ball Room

Season 7 - Episode 10 - Aired Dec 7, 2009

Charlie discovers that Chelsea has not been completely honest about her finances.

star 7.82
3,259 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Jim Patterson
Damn You, Eggs Benedict

#18 - Damn You, Eggs Benedict

Season 6 - Episode 3 - Aired Oct 6, 2008

Alan, Jake, and Charlie all decide to try new things: Alan is dating more than one woman, Charlie learns to cook, and Jake experiments with beer.

star 7.82
2,872 votes
Directors: Jean Sagal
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Don Foster, Lee Aronsohn, Mark Roberts
Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?

#19 - Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?

Season 2 - Episode 16 - Aired Feb 14, 2005

When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When Alan finds out that he has to go to the I.R.S. because they're auditing him, he forces Charlie to take care of Jake, and Charlie doesn't do any better then Alan.

star 7.81
2,585 votes
Directors: Pamela Fryman
Writers: Don Foster, Susan Beavers
Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank

#20 - Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank

Season 11 - Episode 4 - Aired Oct 17, 2013

Walden parties with Jenny and her attractive friends; Alan's illicit affair with Lyndsey is jeopardized.

star 7.81
2,261 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Don Reo, Jim Patterson, Steve Tompkins, Susan McMartin
Give Santa a Tail-Hole

#21 - Give Santa a Tail-Hole

Season 10 - Episode 11 - Aired Dec 13, 2012

Walden juggles his two identities; Alan ends up alone on Christmas.

star 7.81
2,110 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Mark Seale, Matt Ross
Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon

#22 - Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon

Season 10 - Episode 19 - Aired Mar 14, 2013

Alan and Walden end up partying too hard as they try to cheer up Herb.

star 7.81
2,213 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Susan McMartin
This Is Not Gonna End Well

#23 - This Is Not Gonna End Well

Season 7 - Episode 22 - Aired May 24, 2010

Charlie is miffed over Alan's planned attendance of Chelsea's birthday party and suffers the indignity of having Jake chauffer him around following a license suspension.

star 7.81
3,369 votes
Directors: Lee Aronsohn
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Don Foster, Lee Aronsohn, Mark Roberts
Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau

#24 - Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau

Season 6 - Episode 20 - Aired Apr 13, 2009

Charlie's desperate to make sure Chelsea and Evelyn don't befriend each other following their first meeting.

star 7.81
2,771 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky, Lee Aronsohn, Mark Roberts, Susan Beavers
West Side Story

#25 - West Side Story

Season 11 - Episode 18 - Aired Apr 3, 2014

Walden's ex-girlfriend invites him to her boutique opening; Gretchen hopes to spend more time at Alan's home.

star 7.81
2,088 votes