The BEST Episodes of Two and a Half Men

Every episode ever - ranked by fan votes!

Last Updated: Sep 22, 2019

Network: CBS

Charlie is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Jaguar in the front, and an easy way with women. His casual Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his tightly wound brother Alan, who's facing a divorce, and his son Jake, come to live with him. Together, these two and a half men confront the challenges of growing up; finally. Complicating matters are the brothers' self-obsessed, controlling mother, Evelyn, Alan's estranged wife, Judith and Charlie's crazy neighbor Rose, who wants to be a part of his life and is willing to do anything to be around. After the death of his brother, Alan Harper meets and befriends a lonely young man named Walden Schmidt who turns out to be a billionaire. Unable to afford his brother's home, Alan sells Walden the house, and as a way of showing his gratitude, Walden allows Alan and his son Jake to move in with him.

Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

#1 - Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

Season 2 - Episode 23

Evelyn demands Jake spend a night at her place when she finds out he spent Spring Break with Judith's parents. Neither Alan nor Charlie are keen on the idea, but going to a bar after dropping off Jake quickly erases their concerns.

star 8.19
582 votes
Directors: J.D. Lobue
Writers: Susan Beavers, Don Foster
Camel Filters + Pheromones

#2 - Camel Filters + Pheromones

Season 1 - Episode 12

When Berta is forced to bring her granddaughter Prudence to work with her, the boys find themselves a little preoccupied with her.

star 8.14
728 votes
Writers: Susan Beavers, Mark Roberts (X)
Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?

#3 - Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?

Season 2 - Episode 16

When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When Alan finds out that he has to go to the I.R.S. because they're auditing him, he forces Charlie to take care of Jake, and Charlie doesn't do any better then Alan.

star 8.13
581 votes
Directors: Pamela Fryman
Writers: Susan Beavers, Don Foster
Ergo, the Booty Call

#4 - Ergo, the Booty Call

Season 3 - Episode 16

Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

star 8.10
608 votes
Directors: Gary Halvorson
Writers: Susan Beavers, Don Foster
Lotta Delis In Little Armenia

#5 - Lotta Delis In Little Armenia

Season 11 - Episode 20

Alan finds an opportunity to make money; Walden addresses his co-dependency issues.

star 8.05
957 votes
The Two Finger Rule

#6 - The Two Finger Rule

Season 6 - Episode 19

After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.

star 8.05
538 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
An Old Flame With a New Wick

#7 - An Old Flame With a New Wick

Season 1 - Episode 18

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).

star 8.05
610 votes
Writers: Lee Aronsohn, Mark Roberts (X)
Bazinga! That's from a TV Show

#8 - Bazinga! That's from a TV Show

Season 10 - Episode 20

Walden and Alan are caught in the crossfire when Jake cheats on his girlfriend (Jaime Pressly) with her 18-year-old daughter.

star 8.03
800 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Don Reo, Matt Ross, Max Searle
Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

#9 - Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

Season 9 - Episode 16

When a huge storm keeps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lindsay at home on Valentine's Day, conflict brews and relationships are strained.

star 8.02
563 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Don Reo
Just Like Buffalo

#10 - Just Like Buffalo

Season 1 - Episode 23

Charlie tries to sweet talk Judith's divorcee support-group into letting Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.

star 8.01
607 votes
Writers: Lee Aronsohn, Don Foster
Santa's Village of the Damned

#11 - Santa's Village of the Damned

Season 3 - Episode 11

Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

star 8.01
591 votes
Directors: Rob Schiller
Writers: Don Foster, Susan Beavers
Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang

#12 - Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang

Season 11 - Episode 19

After reconnecting with Kate, Walden becomes convinced she is the one for him -- until he meets a woman named Vivian (Mila Kunis).

star 8.00
969 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers:
Baseball Was Better With Steroids

#13 - Baseball Was Better With Steroids

Season 6 - Episode 24

Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital, on the sixth season finale.

star 8.00
511 votes
Directors: Lee Aronsohn
Writers: Susan Beavers, Mark Roberts
Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

#14 - Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

Season 3 - Episode 20

Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

star 7.99
561 votes
Directors: Gary Halvorson
Writers: Susan Beavers, Don Foster
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

#15 - My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

Season 1 - Episode 22

Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking; Jake sees his therapist.

star 7.98
560 votes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky
Smooth as a Ken Doll

#16 - Smooth as a Ken Doll

Season 4 - Episode 19

Charlie takes a liking to Myra, the witty sister of Judith's fiancé, Herb.

star 7.98
539 votes
Directors: Gary Halvorson
Writers: Eddie Gorodetsky, Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Don Foster, Susan Beavers
Does This Smell Funny to You?

#17 - Does This Smell Funny to You?

Season 2 - Episode 24

Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an older man's trophy wife while Jake has to read a paper to his class.

star 7.98
537 votes
Directors: Pamela Fryman
Writers: Susan Beavers, Jeff Abugov
That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

#18 - That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

Season 3 - Episode 24

Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.

star 7.98
479 votes
Directors: James Widdoes
Writers: Don Foster, Susan Beavers, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise

#19 - A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise

Season 2 - Episode 19

After Charlie takes Alan to an eye doctor, they end up at cafe where they bump into Charlie's ex-girlfriend, Sherri. While there Alan shows an interest in Sherri, and decides to ask her out. The problem is that Alan can't get over Sherri's relationship with Charlie.

star 7.98
542 votes
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos

#20 - Last Chance to See Those Tattoos

Season 2 - Episode 11

After getting unusually turned down at a bar, Charlie learns that a website has been made dedicated to exposing his lifestyle. Charlie sets out to find who created the site, making amends to all those he stood up, but it's harder than it looks when all the women take the apology better than expected.

star 7.97
601 votes
Directors: Pamela Fryman
Writers: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn
The Mooch at the Boo

#21 - The Mooch at the Boo

Season 6 - Episode 9

Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a boon to Alan's love life.

star 7.96
535 votes
Directors: Jeff Melman
Writers: Susan Beavers
Fish in a Drawer

#22 - Fish in a Drawer

Season 5 - Episode 17

CSI's investigate a death at Charlie's house.

star 7.95
528 votes
Directors: Jeff Melman
Writers: Carol Mendelsohn, Naren Shankar, Sarah Goldfinger, Evan Dunsky
Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

#23 - Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

Season 4 - Episode 20

Alan looks forward to Judith's wedding, while Charlie and Myra continue their romance.

star 7.95
537 votes
Directors: Jerry Zaks
Writers: Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky
It Was 'Mame', Mom

#24 - It Was 'Mame', Mom

Season 2 - Episode 18

Charlie is invited to a party hosted by a gay ad-executive named Eric, so Charlie asks Alan to pretend that he's his life partner. While at the party, Charlie meets Eric's ex-wife Pamela, and tries to sleep with her without Eric finding out.

star 7.94
541 votes
Writers: Mark Roberts (X), Eddie Gorodetsky
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

#25 - If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

Season 1 - Episode 7

Judith gets worried when, for a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of a female surfer friend of Charlie's who is in the habit of walking around his place half naked. Then Alan gets worried about Judith after she becomes friends with the surfer girl.

star 7.93
832 votes
Writers: Lee Aronsohn, Mark Roberts (X)