The BEST episodes of Two and a Half Men season 1

Every episode of Two and a Half Men season 1, ranked from best to worst by thousands of votes from fans of the show. The best episodes of Two and a Half Men season 1!

Charlie is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Jaguar in the front, and an easy way with women. His casual Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his tightly wound brother Alan, who's facing a divorce, and his son Jake, come to live with him. Together, these two and a half men confront the challenges of growing up; finally. Complicating matters are the brothers' self-obsessed, controlling mother, Evelyn, Alan's estranged wife, Judith and Charlie's crazy neighbor Rose, who wants to be a part of his life and is willing to do anything to be around. After the death of his brother, Alan Harper meets and befriends a lonely young man named Walden Schmidt who turns out to be a billionaire. Unable to afford his brother's home, Alan sells Walden the house, and as a way of showing his gratitude, Walden allows Alan and his son Jake to move in with him.

Last Updated: 11/7/2024Network: CBSStatus: Ended
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Just Like Buffalo
star
7.84
2525 votes

#1 - Just Like Buffalo

Season 1 - Episode 23 - Aired 5/17/2004

Charlie tries to sweet talk Judith's divorcee support-group into letting Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.

Watch Now:AmazonApple TV
Camel Filters + Pheromones
star
7.81
3010 votes

#2 - Camel Filters + Pheromones

Season 1 - Episode 12 - Aired 1/5/2004

When Berta is forced to bring her granddaughter Prudence to work with her, the boys find themselves a little preoccupied with her.

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If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
star
7.76
3109 votes

#3 - If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

Season 1 - Episode 7 - Aired 11/3/2003

Judith gets worried when, for a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of a female surfer friend of Charlie's who is in the habit of walking around his place half naked. Then Alan gets worried about Judith after she becomes friends with the surfer girl.

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My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
star
7.75
2208 votes

#4 - My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

Season 1 - Episode 22 - Aired 5/10/2004

Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking; Jake sees his therapist.

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An Old Flame With a New Wick
star
7.71
2699 votes

#5 - An Old Flame With a New Wick

Season 1 - Episode 18 - Aired 3/1/2004

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).

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I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
star
7.68
2605 votes

#6 - I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

Season 1 - Episode 19 - Aired 3/22/2004

Judith's sister, Liz (guest star Teri Hatcher), hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party; Evelyn prefers alcohol to cake.

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Can You Feel My Finger?
star
7.66
2399 votes

#7 - Can You Feel My Finger?

Season 1 - Episode 24 - Aired 5/24/2004

A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.

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Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snootful
star
7.66
2928 votes

#8 - Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snootful

Season 1 - Episode 8 - Aired 11/10/2003

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

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Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
star
7.65
2497 votes

#9 - Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

Season 1 - Episode 15 - Aired 2/9/2004

Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie.

Directors: Andrew D. Weyman
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Pilot (Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal)
star
7.61
4983 votes

#10 - Pilot (Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal)

Season 1 - Episode 1 - Aired 9/22/2003

Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.

Directors: James Burrows
Watch Now:Apple TV
No Sniffing, No Wowing
star
7.58
2464 votes

#11 - No Sniffing, No Wowing

Season 1 - Episode 21 - Aired 5/3/2004

Charlie jeopardizes Alan's divorce settlement by sleeping with his attorney, Laura.

Watch Now:Apple TV
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
star
7.57
2523 votes

#12 - Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

Season 1 - Episode 20 - Aired 4/19/2004

Judith believes that Jake is having a hard time dealing with his parent's divorce, after he starts annoying everyone with his non-stop guitar playing. So she suggests that they send Jake to a therapist. Alan doesn't agree at first, but after thinking about it, he believes it might not be such a bad idea.

Watch Now:Apple TV
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
star
7.56
3802 votes

#13 - Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

Season 1 - Episode 3 - Aired 10/6/2003

After spending a day at Disneyland, Jake gets sick and wants to go to his mothers' house, to have her take care of him. This sends Alan into a state of misery, as he realizes he's losing his wife, and son. Charlie suggests that they go drinking, and Alan agrees. After drinking the boys take a cab home, but at one point they end up at their mothers, where they try to tell her what they think of her, but fail in getting the point across.

Watch Now:Apple TV
That Was Saliva, Alan
star
7.51
2782 votes

#14 - That Was Saliva, Alan

Season 1 - Episode 16 - Aired 2/16/2004

Frankie tells Charlie and Alan why she and her daughter are on the run; Frankie's daughter has a crush on Jake.

Directors: Andrew D. Weyman
Watch Now:Apple TV
Phase One, Complete
star
7.49
2974 votes

#15 - Phase One, Complete

Season 1 - Episode 9 - Aired 11/17/2003

After meeting Wendy, a one-night stand of Charlies, Jake befriends her. Charlie doesn't like this situation, as he believes Wendy is using Jake to further their relationship, and he has no intention to keep it going. It gets to the point were Wendy even starts spending time with Evelyn, and Charlie becomes desperate to get rid of Wendy. After Charlie breaks it off Jake becomes very unhappy with him, because he won't be able to see Wendy anymore. This forces Charlie to confront Jake and explain the situation as best as he can. Rose sees that Alan knows how to play scrabble, and asks him to teach her to play, he agrees. During the scrabble games the two bond, and Charlie suspects that she is using Alan to get closer to him, but doesn't pursue the issue.

Directors: Andy Ackerman
Watch Now:Apple TV
I Can't Afford Hyenas
star
7.49
2843 votes

#16 - I Can't Afford Hyenas

Season 1 - Episode 14 - Aired 2/2/2004

Stan, Charlie's accountant, tries to explain Charlie's financial woes to him.

Watch Now:Apple TV
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
star
7.43
3627 votes

#17 - If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

Season 1 - Episode 4 - Aired 10/13/2003

Charlie is very unhappy with his housekeepers' decision to quit, after she experiences Alan's demanding ways. Alan then offers to take on the role of housekeeper, but this situation doesn't work at all. So Alan decides to get the housekeeper to come back. Before Alan leaves, he puts Charlie in charge of getting Jake ready for a dinner with his mother and grandparents. Charlie also tries to get Rose to move on, and date other men. He finds both situations to be bigger challenges then he first thought.

Directors: Andy Ackerman
Watch Now:Apple TV
The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump
star
7.42
3448 votes

#18 - The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump

Season 1 - Episode 5 - Aired 10/20/2003

After spending a night in Las Vegas, Charlie decides to live up to his promise that he made to Jake about attending his soccer game. During the game, Charlie sets up a play-date with an unattached mother named Kate, and they hit it off. During one of their dates, Charlie seems like he's ready for a serious relation. Alan sets up a meeting with Gloria (one of the soccer moms) to write a soccer newsletter, but Gloria has other intentions for the evening, and he has no idea. During the evening another soccer mom, Brooke, tries to move in on Gloria's plans.

Watch Now:Apple TV
Merry Thanksgiving
star
7.42
2913 votes

#19 - Merry Thanksgiving

Season 1 - Episode 10 - Aired 11/24/2003

In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner

Directors: Jay Sandrich
Watch Now:Apple TV
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
star
7.40
2964 votes

#20 - Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

Season 1 - Episode 11 - Aired 12/15/2003

While at the movies, the brothers bump into Judith and her new boyfriend. Seeing that Judith has changed her look, and the fact that Jake doesn't think Alan is as cool as Judith; prompts Alan to realize that if he wants to get back into the dating scene, he's going to have to change his look as well.

Watch Now:Apple TV
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
star
7.36
2760 votes

#21 - Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

Season 1 - Episode 17 - Aired 2/23/2004

Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.

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Big Flappy Bastards
star
7.35
4151 votes

#22 - Big Flappy Bastards

Season 1 - Episode 2 - Aired 9/29/2003

While spending time with Jake, Charlie finds it hard to enforce rules that Alan has set out for him. It gets to the point were Jake lures a flock of sea gulls into his room, and Charlie gets very upset. This prompts Jake to try and get Charlie to forgive him. Alan starts doing chores for Judith, in the hopes of them getting back together. During one of the tasks, Judith kisses Alan, leading him to believe that things will get back to the way they once were.

Directors: Andy Ackerman
Watch Now:Apple TV
Sarah Like Puny Alan
star
7.32
2916 votes

#23 - Sarah Like Puny Alan

Season 1 - Episode 13 - Aired 1/13/2004

Charlie finally gets a chance for a double date with a hot neighbor, who is out for revenge on her cheating husband, and her sister who's a hot soap opera actress, and needs Alan to come along. The problem is that Alan gets sick from Jake, so Charlie takes them to a steam room to help Alan get rid of his flu symptoms. This backfires, as Charlie also gets sick, but he has no intentions of canceling the date.

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Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
star
7.25
3285 votes

#24 - Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

Season 1 - Episode 6 - Aired 10/27/2003

Charlie tries to teach Jake to avoid certain calls that Charlie doesn't want to deal with, like his mother (Evelyn) for one. Evelyn gets so frustrated with not being able to talk to Charlie, that she decides to drop in while in the neighborhood. She invites them to dinner, to meet her new boyfriend (Tommy). When the brothers get over to their mothers house, Charlie is shocked to realize that Tommy's daughter is Olivia, one of the people he has been avoiding. Olivia tries to confront Charlie about their situation, but doesn't get the answer she wants, and throws a drink in his face, then storms off. After a week of not being able to contact their mother, Alan gets worried about her. So the brothers decide to go to her house and see if she's okay. They find her sitting in the dark and drinking, and she informs them that Tommy dumped her for a younger women. Later the brothers get Jake to try and cheer her up.

Watch Now:Apple TV