The WORST episodes of Barney Miller

Every episode of Barney Miller ever, ranked from worst to best by thousands of votes from fans of the show. The worst episodes of Barney Miller!

Hal Linden stars in the title role as a NYPD captain in charge of a squad of oddball detectives and even stranger criminals.

Last Updated: 3/8/2024Network: ABC (US)Status: Ended
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Evacuation
star
6.72
58 votes

#1 - Evacuation

Season 3 - Episode 1 - Aired 9/23/1976

Wojo is dismayed to discover that the city doesn't have up-to-date evacuation procedures in the event of an emergency; Fish meets Jilly Pappalardo, a young thief who he will eventually care for in the "Barney" spin-off "Fish."

Writer: Danny Arnold
Fish
star
7.13
83 votes

#2 - Fish

Season 2 - Episode 12 - Aired 12/4/1975

A glimpse at Detective Fish's home life ensues when the detective decides to go on restricted duty. Steve Landesberg bows as Arthur Dietrich; Doris Belack fills in for Florence Stanley as Bernice Fish.

Directors: Noam Pitlik
Watch Now:Apple TV
The Dentist
star
7.23
48 votes

#3 - The Dentist

Season 6 - Episode 11 - Aired 12/27/1979

One man's hands are a musical instrument to himself and a nuisance to others; a detective goes undercover to trap a dentist with wandering instruments.

Directors: Noam Pitlik
Bones
star
7.23
39 votes

#4 - Bones

Season 8 - Episode 19 - Aired 4/29/1982

A museum presses charges when an Indian retrieves his tribe's ancestral bones from an exhibit; a scoutmaster catches a mugger.

Contempt (2)
star
7.24
46 votes

#5 - Contempt (2)

Season 7 - Episode 16 - Aired 3/19/1981

When Barney spends the night in jail, the squad room is left in the natty hands of Sergeant Harris.

Directors: Noam Pitlik
Hair
star
7.25
61 votes

#6 - Hair

Season 1 - Episode 12 - Aired 4/17/1975

A scruffy "Serpico"-type cop has good reason to hide behind unruly hair; Bernice discovers that Fish spent the afternoon in a massage parlor.

Directors: Allen Baron
Watch Now:Apple TV
Bus Stop
star
7.25
56 votes

#7 - Bus Stop

Season 3 - Episode 4 - Aired 10/14/1976

Quarters are tight at the 12th when a holdup man is confined with his busload of victims.

Wojo's Girl (2)
star
7.26
42 votes

#8 - Wojo's Girl (2)

Season 5 - Episode 17 - Aired 1/25/1979

Wojo struggles to co-habitate with his ex-prostitute girlfriend.

Possession
star
7.27
48 votes

#9 - Possession

Season 8 - Episode 4 - Aired 11/19/1981

A husband is assaulted for forcing his wife into designer jeans; a disorderly conduct report leads to a man who swears he's possessed by an evil spirit.

Directors: Bruce Bilson
Accusation
star
7.27
59 votes

#10 - Accusation

Season 5 - Episode 6 - Aired 10/12/1978

An accusation of an indiscretion on the part of Dietrich leads to a visit from the gleeful Lieutenant Scanlon of Internal Affairs; Yemana books a rabbi who is running a gambling casino in his synagogue.

Directors: Max Gail
Contempt (1)
star
7.28
47 votes

#11 - Contempt (1)

Season 7 - Episode 15 - Aired 3/12/1981

A restaurant may have refused a man service because of his appearance; Barney won't name an informant so he's charged with contempt of court.

Directors: Noam Pitlik
The Librarian
star
7.28
47 votes

#12 - The Librarian

Season 7 - Episode 13 - Aired 2/19/1981

A serious tone pervades this episode about a gypsy and his harassment of the owner of a novelty store; on the lighter side, a librarian takes extreme measures to ensure quiet amongst the stacks.

Directors: Noam Pitlik
Quarantine (2)
star
7.29
59 votes

#13 - Quarantine (2)

Season 3 - Episode 3 - Aired 10/7/1976

The quarantined 12th Precinct tries to make it through the night: Lugar has a 'talk' with Marty and Daryl Driscoll; and Harris has a loud rant in his sleep.

Directors: Noam Pitlik
Games
star
7.30
50 votes

#14 - Games

Season 8 - Episode 6 - Aired 12/10/1981

A manufacturer of computer game processors is accused of espionage; a WAC supplements her income on the street.

Call Girl
star
7.30
50 votes

#15 - Call Girl

Season 7 - Episode 6 - Aired 12/18/1980

Dorsey takes a protective stance to a young prostitute; Harris is getting stock tips from another one; and Dietrich is tempted by all of them as he experiments with celibacy.

Directors: Noam Pitlik
Rain
star
7.31
86 votes

#16 - Rain

Season 2 - Episode 11 - Aired 11/27/1975

During a very rainy day, the squad must endure both the precinct roof threatening to collapse, and VERY bad Bicentennial jokes from a nightclub comedian-the stationhouse roof literally groaning in response!!

Writer: Tony Sheehan
Watch Now:Apple TV
Arsonist
star
7.32
92 votes

#17 - Arsonist

Season 2 - Episode 6 - Aired 10/16/1975

The precinct is on the lookout for an arsonist; Chano brings in a man who used a deadly weapon on a vending machine.

Directors: Noam Pitlik
Writer: Tony Sheehan
Watch Now:Apple TV
Quarantine (1)
star
7.32
57 votes

#18 - Quarantine (1)

Season 3 - Episode 2 - Aired 9/30/1976

Wojo brings in a sick perp who collapses on the floor...resulting in the 12th being put under quarantine,with the following personnel present:A lady of the evening [who gets friendly with Fish!], Marty and Mr Driscoll, and of course, Inspector Lugar....

Directors: Lee Bernhardi
Writer: Tony Sheehan
The Rainmaker
star
7.32
41 votes

#19 - The Rainmaker

Season 7 - Episode 21 - Aired 5/14/1981

The officers arrest a rainmaker, only discover that he was hired by the drought-ridden city; Wojo, Harris and Dietrich each consider a job opening in vice.

Directors: Noam Pitlik
The Vests
star
7.32
44 votes

#20 - The Vests

Season 7 - Episode 20 - Aired 5/7/1981

The detectives are reluctant to wear their new bulletproof vests; Luger interviews them in case of the need for a quick obituary.

Directors: Noam Pitlik
Writer: Nat Mauldin
The Tunnel
star
7.32
56 votes

#21 - The Tunnel

Season 4 - Episode 10 - Aired 12/1/1977

Wojo is buried alive after a tunnel collapses on a burglar burrowing towards the diamond exchange; a homeless Harris is combing Manhattan for a new apartment.

Directors: David Swift
Hot Dogs
star
7.32
56 votes

#22 - Hot Dogs

Season 2 - Episode 13 - Aired 12/11/1975

A man is convinced that a photo of Jean Harlow is his missing wife; a pair of lady cops makes an overzealous drug bust.

Writer: Tony Sheehan
Watch Now:Apple TV
Resignation
star
7.33
46 votes

#23 - Resignation

Season 7 - Episode 7 - Aired 1/8/1981

Dietrich, stricken with guilt when he shoots a felon, tenders his resignation; a playwright assaults an incompetent actor.

Directors: Noam Pitlik
The Photographer
star
7.33
55 votes

#24 - The Photographer

Season 6 - Episode 2 - Aired 9/20/1979

A tranquil prisoner claims to be Jesus Christ, which is timely for the drug dealer caught with an impressive stash; an elderly mugger poses as a photographer to ensnare lonely women.

Directors: Noam Pitlik
Writer: Bob Colleary
The Horse Thief
star
7.33
55 votes

#25 - The Horse Thief

Season 2 - Episode 10 - Aired 11/20/1975

A hansom cab owner reports his horse missing. A man assaulted in his hotel room insists he was alone.

Directors: Noam Pitlik
Writer: Tony Sheehan
Watch Now:Apple TV