The BEST episodes of Horrible Histories (2009)
Every episode of Horrible Histories (2009) ever, ranked from best to worst by thousands of votes from fans of the show. The best episodes of Horrible Histories (2009)!
Sketches, cartoons and quizzes liberally splattered with blood and gore, based on the books published by Scholastic.
#1 - Episode 2
Season 3 - Episode 2 - Aired 5/31/2011
Some medieval knights discover the most disgusting way to attack a castle, the Saxons demonstrate the stupidest way to lose a battle, a Georgian goes shopping in a modern pet shop, and the kings and queens of England demonstrate how to remember them all, through the power of song.
#2 - Episode 1
Season 4 - Episode 1 - Aired 4/9/2012
Dick Whittington pitches a movie about his life, Stone Age technology geeks queue for hours at the unveiling of the Bronze Age, and some German bomber pilots find an unfortunate use for a tourist guidebook to Britain.
#3 - Episode 2
Season 4 - Episode 2 - Aired 4/10/2012
Henry VIII appears on a TV show hoping to raise money from his antique abbeys. Also, Charles Darwin sings about his theory of Natural Selection, and a pirate captain aims to be Lord Sugar's next Historical Apprentice.
#4 - Aztec Home Cooking and Victorian Manners
Season 3 - Episode 1 - Aired 5/30/2011
Meet an annoying French prankster from the Middle Ages, witness bizarre Aztec food on Historical Masterchef, see what happens when Queen Elizabeth I needs the toilet, and learn how not to impress a woman in Victorian times -a painful lesson in manners. The truth about Dick Turpin in song; certainly no New Romantic.
#5 - Episode 1
Season 1 - Episode 1 - Aired 4/16/2009
A pirate captain worries about an early bedtime, a soldier from World War I struggles to cook with fake food and the four King Georges form a boy band.
#6 - Episode 3
Season 3 - Episode 3 - Aired 6/1/2011
A confused World War I soldier spends his first day in the trenches, William Wallace launches his music career as a rock rebel, Lady Jane Grey wins a frankly terrible competition, and the Welsh women of Fishguard defeat a French invasion without even trying.
#7 - Episode 9
Season 5 - Episode 9 - Aired 6/25/2013
There is public confusion when King Charles II bans coffee shops, a seasick chicken ruins a Roman sea battle, mighty Egyptian Pharaoh, Ramesses II, meets some smelly peasants on Historical Wife Swap, and a cave-dwelling Stone Age couple try to buy their first house.
#8 - Episode 5
Season 4 - Episode 5 - Aired 4/13/2012
Some Bronze Agers argue about building the world's first city, Bob Hale explains the entire history of the Renaissance, Mary Seacole sings about her Crimean hotel, and William Shakespeare gets into a rap battle.
#9 - Episode 8
Season 5 - Episode 8 - Aired 6/18/2013
The surprising identity of Britain's top-scoring footballer is revealed, things get ridiculous on Germany's version of Historical Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, a Celtic farmer isn't terribly keen on plans for Hadrian's Wall, and the brainy pioneers of transportation sing about their inventions.
#10 - Episode 7
Season 5 - Episode 7 - Aired 6/11/2013
Roman emperor Caesar Augustus reveals the lazy secret of his success, TV's most excitable reporter, Bob Hale, explains the very, very complex history of WW2, we meet Georgian England's most forgetful vicar, and Welsh hero Owain Glyndwr takes on the English in battle.
#11 - Episode 6
Season 5 - Episode 6 - Aired 6/4/2013
Queen Victoria's coronation doesn't go quite as planned, George IV pulls out all the stops to impress his guests on Historical Come Dine With Me, ancient Greek bighead Alexander the Great refuses to stop conquering things, and the HH Sport team report live from the horrible pirate races.
#12 - Episode 5
Season 5 - Episode 5 - Aired 5/31/2013
Famous monk St Augustine struggles to introduce Christianity to Saxon England; Stuart diarist Samuel Pepys annoys the smartest men in Britain; we witness a daring escape from the Tower of London; and Joan of Arc's story is quite an unusual one for a teenage girl.
#13 - Episode 4
Season 5 - Episode 4 - Aired 5/30/2013
Featuring the rather eccentric Georgian philosopher Jeremy Bentham; super-rich Roman politician Crassus raps about his blinging lifestyle; some unusual soldiers are recruited into WW2; and Johannes Gutenberg goes head-to-head with some monks on The Historical Apprentice.
#14 - Episode 3
Season 5 - Episode 3 - Aired 5/29/2013
The boys test their horsepower to the max on Stone Age Top Gear; Charles Dickens sings about his life and books; the Greek philosophers host weird dinner parties on Historical Come Dine With Me; and Vlad the Impaler reveals his horrible new plan for keeping out the neighbours.
#15 - Episode 2
Season 5 - Episode 2 - Aired 5/28/2013
Featuring a surprisingly charming Stuart highwayman; the Captain of the Titanic holds the world's worst safety briefing; famous writer Mary Shelley pitches the movie of her life; and those violent Vikings show their softer side in a song.
#16 - Episode 1
Season 5 - Episode 1 - Aired 5/27/2013
The Saxon gods form an unlikely team of superheroes; famous astronaut Neil Armstrong reveals his new weight loss programme; we meet Georgian London's crime-fighting genius, and Rosa Parks sings about her struggle for equality.
#17 - Episode 12
Season 4 - Episode 12 - Aired 6/1/2012
A Victorian woman books a ticket on a very odd railway, a modern patient is (mis)treated by a Roman dentist, Alfred the Great pitches a movie about his life, and a Greek geek competes on Historical Mastermind.
#18 - Episode 11
Season 4 - Episode 11 - Aired 5/25/2012
Dr Culpeper invites us all to his highly unhealthy health spa, a Crusader knight competes on Historical Masterchef, King John worries about all the internet haters and crooner William Shakespeare serenades us with his big band.
#19 - Episode 10
Season 4 - Episode 10 - Aired 5/18/2012
William the Conqueror has some trouble conquering the town of Ely, Greek philosopher Diogenes reveals his disgusting tactic for getting rid of people he doesn't like, a Saxon joins a modern dating agency and there is a surprise in store for the people on Victorian Wife Swap.
#20 - Episode 9
Season 4 - Episode 9 - Aired 5/11/2012
King Edward III gets married in a building site, Julius Caesar reveals his secret tips on hiding baldness, we learn the tricks of the criminal trade on the Real Victorian Hustle and we meet Renaissance Italy's most corrupt family: the Borgias.
#21 - Episode 8
Season 4 - Episode 8 - Aired 5/4/2012
Emperor Nero visits the victims of the Great Fire of Rome, some Crusaders attend a training course on how to fight weird monsters, and we meet the man with the best (and worst) job in Tudor England.
#22 - Episode 7
Season 4 - Episode 7 - Aired 4/27/2012
Emperor Napoleon plays in a very unusual chess match, a Victorian inventor builds an anti-seasickness ship with one small design flaw, a snowball fight breaks out at a public execution and the British army hires a dead tramp to defeat the Germans in World War II.
#23 - Episode 6
Season 4 - Episode 6 - Aired 4/20/2012
A confused Christopher Columbus declares he has found India and a Georgian woman reveals her very Stupid Death. Also, Victoria and Albert attend the Great Exhibition and Tsar Peter III brings a very weird case to the Court of Historical Law.
#24 - Episode 3
Season 4 - Episode 3 - Aired 4/11/2012
Queen Elizabeth I goes online dating, Greek philosopher Socrates foils his own rescue from prison, and Emicho of the Rhineland goes crusading with some very unusual Sat Navs to lead the way.
#25 - Crafty Cleopatra Special
Season 6 - Episode 7 - Aired 6/29/2015
A special episode of the historical sketch show about the great Egyptian queen Cleopatra, starring Kathryn Drysdale. We meet Cleo as she clashes with her brother, seizes power and hooks up with great Roman leaders Julius Caesar and Mark Antony. Meanwhile, across the world, we catch up with the thoughts of famous Chinese philosopher Confucius and encounter the less glamorous side of life in Rome. With, of course, our host Rattus to guide the way!