The WORST episodes of Family Ties

#1 - Get Me to the Living Room on Time

Season 7 - Episode 11 - Aired 1/29/1989

When Andy befriends two senior citizens, Steven decides to make them the focus of his new documentary. After Andy announces that he's invited a couple of friends over, the Keatons are surprised when two people in their seventies walk in! Andy introduces Joseph Simmons and Eva Martin to the family, explaining that they are from the retirement center which Andy's class visits each week as a school project. As Steven listens to Joseph and Eva talk about their lives and friendship with Andy, he gets an idea. Having been searching for a subject for his new documentary, Steven sees a story about Andy, Joseph and Eva as the perfect solution. A few days later, Steven and his cameraman visit the center and videotape Andy asking Joseph and Eva how they met, at which point Joseph suddenly pops the question to Eva, who agrees to marry him. Problems develop, however, when Joseph's son David strongly objects to the marriage and Steven is asked to try and reason with him. After an emotional scene tha

#2 - Return of the Native

Season 6 - Episode 27 - Aired 3/20/1988

Cousin June returns to the Keaton household for a visit after a three year stay in London. All of the Keatons are eager to hear her tales of England, but they just can't seem to let her get a word in edgewise.

#3 - Battle of the Sexes (1)

Season 5 - Episode 19 - Aired 2/19/1987

When Alex plays "gentleman" to his mother and two sisters and orders for them at a restaurant without even asking them what they want, the battle begins with Elyse, Mallory and Jennifer on one side, and Steven, Alex and Andrew on the other. Using clips from previous shows, each side tries to prove its points on male bonding, female bonding, Nick Moore's special case and Alex's one time support of the Equal Rights Amendment.

#4 - It's My Party (1)

Season 5 - Episode 29 - Aired 8/6/1987

In her quest to become one of the popular kids, Jennifer invites her trendy classmates to her thirteenth birthday party. When they become bored and begin grumbling at her "lame" party (which includes a traditional puppet show by her father), Jennifer takes drastic action. With Mallory's guidance, she becomes a "valley girl", who then deserts her own party. Yet, it's only a matter of time before Jennifer realizes she isn't having any fun and she rebels against her new friends.

#5 - Simon Says

Season 7 - Episode 16 - Aired 3/5/1989

Jennifer is caught in the middle when she begins working with her friend Simon. As Alex recoils at declarations of love from Marla, an 11-year-old newspaper delivery girl who has a huge crush on him, Jennifer announces that she and her schoolmate Simon have landed jobs at a local fast food store. On their first day working together, an infatuated Simon sets out to impress Jennifer but proves totally inept at his new job. Jennifer, however, saves the day and, in recognition of her hard work, the owner promotes her to assistant manager. While Alex stealthily manages to avoid Marla, Jennifer's new position creates problems. She finally warns Simon that he had better concentrate more on his job rather on her. But despite her attempts to cover Simon's mistakes, the owner fires him. Meanwhile, Alex finally manages to convince the lovestruck Marla to abandon her dreams of dating him. Jennifer, too, resolves her situation by telling Simon that even if she agrees with the boss' decision to fire

#6 - The American Family (1)

Season 6 - Episode 14 - Aired 12/13/1987

When Lauren is required to write a paper on the typical American family, she chooses the Keatons. Focusing first on Steven and Elyse, she asks about their history together and the growth of the family, prompting Elyse to reminisce about her pregnancy with Andy. Steven recalls what a thrill Andy's arrival was to everyone, especially Alex, who was delighted to finally have a brother. As the family discusses the ways in which little Andy changed their lives, they recall just how protective and involved Alex became in the upbringing of the baby. While on the subject, Jennifer remembers the time that Steven decided he wasn't spending enough time with her and tried to become her "pal".

#7 - My Buddy

Season 4 - Episode 22 - Aired 3/6/1986

Steven has a very difficult time accepting that his youngest daughter, Jennifer,is growing up and no longer wants to "pal around" with him. As Jennifer grows and finds new interests, Steven feels rejected because she no longer spends time with him. The situation comes to a head when Steven insists on accompanying Jennifer on her girls-club outing, and she is mortified when he is the only male there.

#8 - The American Family (2)

Season 6 - Episode 15 - Aired 12/13/1987

#9 - Father, Can You Spare a Dime?

Season 6 - Episode 28 - Aired 5/1/1988

Nick again demonstrates his flair for teaching art by conducting a class at the "Y" for children, including Andrew. So popular is the class, in fact, that when the "Y" needs the classroom space back for another program, the kids and their enthusiastic parents are very disappointed. Mallory tells the family that Nick would really like to open up his own art school, and Alex escorts Nick to the bank to help him get a loan. When the bank loan doesn't work out, Mallory encourages Nick to ask his father for the money. Nick explains that because his father left home when he was only eleven, their relationship leaves a lot to be desired, and he feels uncomfortable approaching him. But when Mallory finds out that Nick's dad is Joe Moore, the well-known owner of a very successful car dealership in town, she feels sure that Joe will want to reconcile with his son and lend him the money.

#10 - The Boys Next Door

Season 6 - Episode 25 - Aired 3/6/1988

As Elyse prepares for her high school reunion, she is contacted by her old buddy, Roger "Eggy" Erdman, a klutzy class nerd turned millionaire. Never a romantic couple, Elyse and "Eggy" made a bizarre team even as friends, since Elyse was the most popular girl in class. She explains to the family that Roger needed someone to keep the bullies away and to save him from his own clumsiness. Like an older version of Skippy, the ungainly Roger comes over for a visit. While Alex is enamored of "Eggy's" wealth, Roger is still clearly in love with Elyse, who always helped him stand up for himself. Steven, who would do anything to avoid attending Elyse's reunion, urges Roger to take her. Roger wants to resurrect the "Doo-Wop Twins" number they used to do in school, but when Elyse refuses, saying that those days are over, a hurt Roger rushes out.

#11 - Cry Baby

Season 3 - Episode 19 - Aired 2/7/1985

The Keaton family adjusts to life with the new baby but while everyone caters to the new arrival, Jennifer struggles with jealous feelings about not being the baby of the family anymore. When Steven and Elyse realize that Jennifer feels left out, they overcompensate by trying too hard to make her feel loved.

#12 - Be True to Your Preschool

Season 5 - Episode 1 - Aired 9/25/1986

Alex shocks his parents when he visits his 3-year-old brother Andrew's very special preschool class, decides the wrong values are being stressed and withdraws him from the school. Steven and Elyse had pulled strings to get Andrew into the special preschool. They are shocked when Alex announces that the school teaches "anti-competitive" values, and argues that his brother should be taught in a more aggressive manner.

#13 - Rain Forests Keep Falling on My Head

Season 7 - Episode 21 - Aired 4/16/1989

Jennifer becomes obsessed with the environment after she begins studying the earth's ecological evils. As Alex presents Andrew with a pet parakeet, Jennifer arrives home with news that her science class has begun studying global ecology to explore how the earth is endangered by man's interference. Upset that the world is being destroyed for profit, Jennifer begins trying to make the family more ecologically aware as she laments the destruction of rain forests in Brazil and the ozone layer over the South Pole. While Mallory teaches the parakeet anti-Republican phrases, Jennifer becomes more and more obsessed. When she realizes how many toxic chemicals are in the Keaton home alone, she demands that the family throw out a bunch of household products and shop for safe alternatives. Not stopping there, however, she begins dwelling on the enormity of the world's environmental problems and becomes psychologically overwhelmed. Fixating on such evils as acid rain and radon gas, Jennifer sinks i

#14 - Basic Training

Season 7 - Episode 8 - Aired 1/1/1989

Skippy's decision to join the Army soon becomes a losing battle. As the Keaton clan continues to nag Steven about taking it easy in the wake of his heart attack, a very morose Skippy stops by. Depressed by the results of his career aptitude tests, he confides that he's become hopeless about his future job prospects. But while flipping thru brochures he collected during career day at college, Skippy becomes taken with the idea of joining the Army. Excited by the promise of travel, new people and state-of-the-art technical training, Skippy persuades Alex to come with him to the recruiting office. There, he is met by Sergeant Davis, who informs Skippy that he will be his drill sergeant in basic training. Bidding an emotional farewell to his family and friends, Skippy makes a dramatic exit to boot camp. But a week later, Skippy's mom arrives at the Keatons with a tape from Skippy claiming that he is fine and asking his parents not to visit. The truth is, Skippy's military career has prove

#15 - The Wrecker's Ball

Season 7 - Episode 13 - Aired 2/12/1989

When the first building Elyse designed faces the wrecking ball, the entire family rallies behind her attempts to block the demolition. Elyse is heartbroken when she learns that her very first professional design project, the Cavanaugh Building, is about to be torn down to make way for a mini-mall. Disconcerted by the news, Elyse becomes more and more upset as she starts reminiscing about her early career and how much the Cavanaugh Building meant to her. In a strong show of support, Steven rallies the Keaton clan and, together, they resolve to fight the demolition. When they arrive at the building carrying picket signs of protest, Elyse points out an inscription on one of the bricks, her own dedication of the building to her family. The touching moment is interrupted, however, when the head of the demolition crew shows up with the proper permits in hand, and warns the Keatons that they have very little time to act.

#16 - To Snatch a Keith

Season 2 - Episode 10 - Aired 12/21/1983

Steven and Elyse realize how lucky they are when their friends come over for a visit, but are unaware that it will be for the last time. Divorced "Sunday father" Richard Bailey and his son, Keith, come over to the Keaton's before taking off on a secret flight of their own. It seems Keith's mother is moving to California with her new husband and plans on taking her son with them. When a satisfactory visiting arrangement can't be reached, Richard decides it's time to make a move and it's up to Steven to put a stop to their travel plans.

#17 - Band on the Run

Season 5 - Episode 21 - Aired 2/26/1987

As chairman of the entertainment committee for the Leland College 10th reunion, Alex has big plans, which include hiring some great bands to impress attending alumni in the music business. Jennifer finally talks a very skeptical Alex into letting her new all-girl band, The Permanent Waves, audition for the affair. At the audition, Alex is thrilled with the unexciting Polka Boys, but his fellow committee members are left cold until they hear The Permanent Waves. They are so good, in fact, that even Alex is impressed and not only books the group but convinces them to sign with him as manager. Once in charge, Alex decides to completely revamp the look and style of the band. For the reunion performance, he has the girls dress in evening gowns and changes the group's name to The Swinging Corporate Raiders, persuading them to sing such golden oldies as "Mr. Sandman". After being completely ignored, the girls finally break into one of their own tunes and immediately win the crowd over.

#18 - Wrap Around the Clock (1)

Season 7 - Episode 22 - Aired 4/23/1989

When Andy asks the family to contribute to his time capsule, the Keaton clan recalls some of their best-loved stories. As a homework assignment, Andy has been given the task of creating a time capsule which reflects his family's history. For his part, the littlest Keaton has placed his baby boots in the capsule, and asks his parents and siblings to contribute mementos from their past. Soon, the family is looking back and laughing at some of their funniest experiences together, like the time Steven and Elyse went to Woodstock, Alex went to jail with a group of feminists after feigning support for the Equal Rights Amendment and Mallory coached Nick in grammar to pass his high school equivalency exam. They also recall what happened when Mallory began dispensing advice to the lovelorn in her "Dear Mallory" column, Steven made a mess out of wallpapering the kitchen and Elyse became a blackjack fanatic in Atlantic City, where she was supposed to be lecturing at a conference.

#19 - I Gotta Be Ming

Season 1 - Episode 18 - Aired 2/23/1983

As "Big Brother" to a 10-year-old Vietnamese boy, Alex tries to mold Ming into his own image, and he learns an unforgettable lesson when he breaks a promise to the adoring child.

#20 - Quitting Time

Season 6 - Episode 23 - Aired 2/21/1988

While Andy is inspired by his parents' old love letters to try his hand at writing one to a kindergarten sweetheart, Lauren finds herself less and less able to spend time with Alex. She is struggling with her psychology thesis and is becoming increasingly depressed by her lack of significant progress. She confesses to the Keatons that she sometimes has the urge to quit, but Steven and Elyse encourage her to hang in there and keep working on it, much to Alex's chagrin. The day after she has broken yet another date with Alex to work on her thesis, Lauren complains to him that the project which once thrilled her has become incredibly boring. Having received a lukewarm response from her professor on what she has accomplished so far, Lauren finds the temptation to quit and spend more time with Alex too strong to resist. Alex happily assures her that she is making the right decision. At first, Alex revels in being waited on hand and foot by Lauren. But his enthusiasm for her total devotion q

#21 - A Word to the Wise (2)

Season 4 - Episode 19 - Aired 2/13/1986

#22 - This Year's Model

Season 2 - Episode 4 - Aired 10/26/1983

After Mallory secretly submits a picture of Elyse and herself to an ad agency for a mother-daughter modeling contest, she's ecstatic to have won but dismayed and jealous when the reluctant Elyse becomes the star model. Mallory is thrilled at the prospect of entering the glamorous world of modeling, but Elyse must be coaxed into participating. At the photo session, Elyse is showered with attention, while Mallory is shunted to the sidelines. To the chagrin of the teenager, her mother who is becoming seduced by the glamour, is offered a TV commercial for TV dinners to be filmed in the Keaton home. The filming ensues, but Mallory is determined to create a few stumbling blocks.

#23 - Suzanne Takes You Down

Season 1 - Episode 19 - Aired 3/16/1983

Soon after free lance architect Elyse Keaton hires her friend Suzanne Davis to handle clerical chores, she wants to fire the under-qualified, overly aggressive secretary, but Suzanne's marriage breaks up, making the new job her only salvation. After 20 years as a housewife, Suzanne feels she lacks an identity outside the home. Swamped with paperwork, Elyse decides to solve that problem while easing her friend's mid-life crisis. Unfortunately Suzanne's take-charge approach to business throws a wrench into Elyse's client dealings and threatens to ruin the women's friendship. On the brink of firing Suzanne, the frustrated Elyse faces a terrible dilemma when Ron Davis decides he "needs space" and leaves his wife.

#24 - Diary of a Young Girl

Season 2 - Episode 21 - Aired 5/3/1984

In the hospital awaiting a tonsillectomy, Jennifer fears she may never see her family again and, while writing in her diary, she flashes back to regrettable incidents with each family member. Jennifer conjures up memories of the time she deliberately ruined Mallory's date with a boy, and also recalls an incident when her stubborn refusal to rehearse a play with Alex caused him to lose out on the lead.

#25 - The Spirit of Columbus

Season 6 - Episode 19 - Aired 1/17/1988

Alex is more than a little sceptical when Nick enters his sculpture "Spirit of Columbus", priced at $200, in an art show at the mall. but when Nick returns with the money and the news that he had several buyers vying for the piece, Alex decides that Nick is completely unaware of the marketability of his work. Appalled that Nick let potential buyers go away empty-handed, he insists that Nick increase the supply to meet the demand and steps in as Nick's manager for a hefty commission. At first, both Nick and Mallory are opposed to the commercialization of Nick's artistic work, but they become seduced by the idea of building a substantial "nest egg" for their future, and give in to Alex's pressure.