The WORST episodes of Family Ties

#1 - Alex Doesn't Live Here Anymore (2)

Season 7 - Episode 26 - Aired 5/14/1989

While Alex packs for New York, Elyse struggles to deal with her feelings of loss. After Elyse's blow-up with Alex, Steven is finally able to get her to admit that much of what she's suffering is classic separation anxiety. But she is still unable to put her anger aside, telling Steven that Alex is too self-centered to appreciate all the things they've done for him. That night at Andy's school play, Steven asks Alex to talk with his mother about what she's feeling. Later, when the family decides to go out for ice cream, Elyse excuses herself and goes home alone. Standing in Alex's room, a melancholy Elyse is surprised when her son walks in and apologies for fighting. Elyse confesses that his leaving reminds her that a part of her life is ending, while Alex tells her that bravado aside, he's scared about leaving the security of the family. Their love for each other reaffirmed, Alex and Elyse embrace. Early the next morning, the sleepy family gathers for breakfast before taking Alex to th

#2 - Father, Can You Spare a Dime?

Season 6 - Episode 28 - Aired 5/1/1988

Nick again demonstrates his flair for teaching art by conducting a class at the "Y" for children, including Andrew. So popular is the class, in fact, that when the "Y" needs the classroom space back for another program, the kids and their enthusiastic parents are very disappointed. Mallory tells the family that Nick would really like to open up his own art school, and Alex escorts Nick to the bank to help him get a loan. When the bank loan doesn't work out, Mallory encourages Nick to ask his father for the money. Nick explains that because his father left home when he was only eleven, their relationship leaves a lot to be desired, and he feels uncomfortable approaching him. But when Mallory finds out that Nick's dad is Joe Moore, the well-known owner of a very successful car dealership in town, she feels sure that Joe will want to reconcile with his son and lend him the money.

#3 - Return of the Native

Season 6 - Episode 27 - Aired 3/20/1988

Cousin June returns to the Keaton household for a visit after a three year stay in London. All of the Keatons are eager to hear her tales of England, but they just can't seem to let her get a word in edgewise.

#4 - It's My Party (2)

Season 5 - Episode 30 - Aired 8/13/1987

#5 - It's My Party (1)

Season 5 - Episode 29 - Aired 8/6/1987

In her quest to become one of the popular kids, Jennifer invites her trendy classmates to her thirteenth birthday party. When they become bored and begin grumbling at her "lame" party (which includes a traditional puppet show by her father), Jennifer takes drastic action. With Mallory's guidance, she becomes a "valley girl", who then deserts her own party. Yet, it's only a matter of time before Jennifer realizes she isn't having any fun and she rebels against her new friends.

#6 - Paper Chase (a.k.a.) Mallory's Graduation

Season 4 - Episode 24 - Aired 5/8/1986

Mallory discovers that her high school graduation is in jeopardy unless she can pass a very tough history exam. Never an avid student, Mallory faces the possibility of failing her senior year in high school because of her poor grades. As the school term rapidly draws to a close, her only hope is to score extremely well on a tough final exam.

#7 - Remembrances of Things Past (2)

Season 3 - Episode 24 - Aired 3/28/1985

#8 - Get Me to the Living Room on Time

Season 7 - Episode 11 - Aired 1/29/1989

When Andy befriends two senior citizens, Steven decides to make them the focus of his new documentary. After Andy announces that he's invited a couple of friends over, the Keatons are surprised when two people in their seventies walk in! Andy introduces Joseph Simmons and Eva Martin to the family, explaining that they are from the retirement center which Andy's class visits each week as a school project. As Steven listens to Joseph and Eva talk about their lives and friendship with Andy, he gets an idea. Having been searching for a subject for his new documentary, Steven sees a story about Andy, Joseph and Eva as the perfect solution. A few days later, Steven and his cameraman visit the center and videotape Andy asking Joseph and Eva how they met, at which point Joseph suddenly pops the question to Eva, who agrees to marry him. Problems develop, however, when Joseph's son David strongly objects to the marriage and Steven is asked to try and reason with him. After an emotional scene tha

#9 - The Boys Next Door

Season 6 - Episode 25 - Aired 3/6/1988

As Elyse prepares for her high school reunion, she is contacted by her old buddy, Roger "Eggy" Erdman, a klutzy class nerd turned millionaire. Never a romantic couple, Elyse and "Eggy" made a bizarre team even as friends, since Elyse was the most popular girl in class. She explains to the family that Roger needed someone to keep the bullies away and to save him from his own clumsiness. Like an older version of Skippy, the ungainly Roger comes over for a visit. While Alex is enamored of "Eggy's" wealth, Roger is still clearly in love with Elyse, who always helped him stand up for himself. Steven, who would do anything to avoid attending Elyse's reunion, urges Roger to take her. Roger wants to resurrect the "Doo-Wop Twins" number they used to do in school, but when Elyse refuses, saying that those days are over, a hurt Roger rushes out.

#10 - The Visit

Season 5 - Episode 27 - Aired 5/7/1987

When Elyse's sister Michele and her family arrives for their annual visit, Elyse is overjoyed, while the rest of the Keaton clan brace themselves for a long hard week of togetherness. With the exception of Elyse, who loves spending time with her sister, each of the Keatons is hard pressed to be gracious about the situation. Steven is constantly being needled by Michele's husband Marv; Michele's daughter Monica becomes the resident prophet of doom and gloom; and Monica's brother Marv Jr. begins appropriating Alex's clothes. Oblivious to the Keatons' hospitality, insomniac Marv serenades the household with bagpipe tunes late at night, accepts collect calls from his business associates on the Keatons' phone, and generally drives everyone crazy. It is only after he demolishes the back end of the Keatons' car, however, that the usually tolerant Steven jumps up to defend hearth and home.

#11 - Simon Says

Season 7 - Episode 16 - Aired 3/5/1989

Jennifer is caught in the middle when she begins working with her friend Simon. As Alex recoils at declarations of love from Marla, an 11-year-old newspaper delivery girl who has a huge crush on him, Jennifer announces that she and her schoolmate Simon have landed jobs at a local fast food store. On their first day working together, an infatuated Simon sets out to impress Jennifer but proves totally inept at his new job. Jennifer, however, saves the day and, in recognition of her hard work, the owner promotes her to assistant manager. While Alex stealthily manages to avoid Marla, Jennifer's new position creates problems. She finally warns Simon that he had better concentrate more on his job rather on her. But despite her attempts to cover Simon's mistakes, the owner fires him. Meanwhile, Alex finally manages to convince the lovestruck Marla to abandon her dreams of dating him. Jennifer, too, resolves her situation by telling Simon that even if she agrees with the boss' decision to fire

#12 - Father Time (1)

Season 6 - Episode 12 - Aired 11/29/1987

When Steven's recently divorced brother Rob arrives with his son and daughter for a visit, the Keaton's become a sounding board for their relatives' family problems. In the wake of his divorce, Uncle Rob has given up his job as a CPA and is enjoying "working in the great outdoors" as a telephone repairman, a considerably less lucrative career which his teenage daughter Marilyn feels is a great hardship on the family, and particularly on her. It is immediately apparent that Marilyn deeply resents her father and believes that Mallory is the only person she can confide in, leaving everyone else feeling left out and curious about their conversations. The other Keaton kids are fascinated by the picture that her film buff brother Jonathan paints of "life after divorce."

#13 - Teacher's Pet

Season 4 - Episode 21 - Aired 3/2/1986

Alex lands a teaching-assistant position and runs into big trouble when he has to grade a student who also happens to be his girlfriend, Ellen. When Ellen is assigned to Alex's economics class, he has trouble treating her as just another student, and ends up causing a strain on their relationship.

#14 - Father Time (2)

Season 6 - Episode 13 - Aired 12/6/1987

When Uncle Rob's daughter Marilyn stays out all nite with a Marine she meets while visiting the Keaton's, the family becomes painfully aware of her deep-seated anger with her father over her parents' divorce. Rob is left feeling stunned and hurt, as the Keatons begin to realize that communications between their beloved relatives have completely broken down. The following morning, when Marilyn comes home and flatly refuses to talk to her father, the Keatons jump in to try and help. While Elyse shepherds everyone out for "a walk", Steven stays behind with Rob to discuss Rob's feelings about his guilt over the divorce and his fears about confronting his daughter. Things don't improve when Marilyn tries to leave a day early for her mother's house and ends up in a screaming match with her father. Deeply troubled, Rob finally forces himself to corner Marilyn and press for an honest talk. And as he opens his heart to her, she finds herself unable to resist the power of his love.

#15 - A Sign of the Times

Season 6 - Episode 26 - Aired 3/13/1988

While Alex prepares little Andrew's resume for future kindergarten elections, Elyse proudly tells the family that Andy has been chosen as "Buddy for the Day" at school, which means he will be responsible for showing a new classmate around. The new student, Josh Richards, turns out to be deaf. Accompanied by his mother, Josh is introduced to Andy by Andy's teacher, who explains that although Josh can't hear, he can speak by signing with his hands. Tentative at first, Andy leads Josh off to "show him the ropes", telling his curious classmates about Josh's deafness and his ability to sign. When several of Josh's schoolmates begin to tease him, Andy becomes very upset and rushes to defend him. He becomes even more disturbed at the end of the day when Josh confesses that the other children's cruelty does indeed hurt him. Experiencing the beginnings of a solid friendship, Andy begins to brood about Josh's handicap and stops talking altogether in sympathy for his friend.

#16 - Quitting Time

Season 6 - Episode 23 - Aired 2/21/1988

While Andy is inspired by his parents' old love letters to try his hand at writing one to a kindergarten sweetheart, Lauren finds herself less and less able to spend time with Alex. She is struggling with her psychology thesis and is becoming increasingly depressed by her lack of significant progress. She confesses to the Keatons that she sometimes has the urge to quit, but Steven and Elyse encourage her to hang in there and keep working on it, much to Alex's chagrin. The day after she has broken yet another date with Alex to work on her thesis, Lauren complains to him that the project which once thrilled her has become incredibly boring. Having received a lukewarm response from her professor on what she has accomplished so far, Lauren finds the temptation to quit and spend more time with Alex too strong to resist. Alex happily assures her that she is making the right decision. At first, Alex revels in being waited on hand and foot by Lauren. But his enthusiasm for her total devotion q

#17 - Cry Baby

Season 3 - Episode 19 - Aired 2/7/1985

The Keaton family adjusts to life with the new baby but while everyone caters to the new arrival, Jennifer struggles with jealous feelings about not being the baby of the family anymore. When Steven and Elyse realize that Jennifer feels left out, they overcompensate by trying too hard to make her feel loved.

#18 - Rain Forests Keep Falling on My Head

Season 7 - Episode 21 - Aired 4/16/1989

Jennifer becomes obsessed with the environment after she begins studying the earth's ecological evils. As Alex presents Andrew with a pet parakeet, Jennifer arrives home with news that her science class has begun studying global ecology to explore how the earth is endangered by man's interference. Upset that the world is being destroyed for profit, Jennifer begins trying to make the family more ecologically aware as she laments the destruction of rain forests in Brazil and the ozone layer over the South Pole. While Mallory teaches the parakeet anti-Republican phrases, Jennifer becomes more and more obsessed. When she realizes how many toxic chemicals are in the Keaton home alone, she demands that the family throw out a bunch of household products and shop for safe alternatives. Not stopping there, however, she begins dwelling on the enormity of the world's environmental problems and becomes psychologically overwhelmed. Fixating on such evils as acid rain and radon gas, Jennifer sinks i

#19 - Be True to Your Preschool

Season 5 - Episode 1 - Aired 9/25/1986

Alex shocks his parents when he visits his 3-year-old brother Andrew's very special preschool class, decides the wrong values are being stressed and withdraws him from the school. Steven and Elyse had pulled strings to get Andrew into the special preschool. They are shocked when Alex announces that the school teaches "anti-competitive" values, and argues that his brother should be taught in a more aggressive manner.

#20 - Basic Training

Season 7 - Episode 8 - Aired 1/1/1989

Skippy's decision to join the Army soon becomes a losing battle. As the Keaton clan continues to nag Steven about taking it easy in the wake of his heart attack, a very morose Skippy stops by. Depressed by the results of his career aptitude tests, he confides that he's become hopeless about his future job prospects. But while flipping thru brochures he collected during career day at college, Skippy becomes taken with the idea of joining the Army. Excited by the promise of travel, new people and state-of-the-art technical training, Skippy persuades Alex to come with him to the recruiting office. There, he is met by Sergeant Davis, who informs Skippy that he will be his drill sergeant in basic training. Bidding an emotional farewell to his family and friends, Skippy makes a dramatic exit to boot camp. But a week later, Skippy's mom arrives at the Keatons with a tape from Skippy claiming that he is fine and asking his parents not to visit. The truth is, Skippy's military career has prove

#21 - Battle of the Sexes (1)

Season 5 - Episode 19 - Aired 2/19/1987

When Alex plays "gentleman" to his mother and two sisters and orders for them at a restaurant without even asking them what they want, the battle begins with Elyse, Mallory and Jennifer on one side, and Steven, Alex and Andrew on the other. Using clips from previous shows, each side tries to prove its points on male bonding, female bonding, Nick Moore's special case and Alex's one time support of the Equal Rights Amendment.

#22 - The Wrecker's Ball

Season 7 - Episode 13 - Aired 2/12/1989

When the first building Elyse designed faces the wrecking ball, the entire family rallies behind her attempts to block the demolition. Elyse is heartbroken when she learns that her very first professional design project, the Cavanaugh Building, is about to be torn down to make way for a mini-mall. Disconcerted by the news, Elyse becomes more and more upset as she starts reminiscing about her early career and how much the Cavanaugh Building meant to her. In a strong show of support, Steven rallies the Keaton clan and, together, they resolve to fight the demolition. When they arrive at the building carrying picket signs of protest, Elyse points out an inscription on one of the bricks, her own dedication of the building to her family. The touching moment is interrupted, however, when the head of the demolition crew shows up with the proper permits in hand, and warns the Keatons that they have very little time to act.

#23 - This Year's Model

Season 2 - Episode 4 - Aired 10/26/1983

After Mallory secretly submits a picture of Elyse and herself to an ad agency for a mother-daughter modeling contest, she's ecstatic to have won but dismayed and jealous when the reluctant Elyse becomes the star model. Mallory is thrilled at the prospect of entering the glamorous world of modeling, but Elyse must be coaxed into participating. At the photo session, Elyse is showered with attention, while Mallory is shunted to the sidelines. To the chagrin of the teenager, her mother who is becoming seduced by the glamour, is offered a TV commercial for TV dinners to be filmed in the Keaton home. The filming ensues, but Mallory is determined to create a few stumbling blocks.

#24 - To Snatch a Keith

Season 2 - Episode 10 - Aired 12/21/1983

Steven and Elyse realize how lucky they are when their friends come over for a visit, but are unaware that it will be for the last time. Divorced "Sunday father" Richard Bailey and his son, Keith, come over to the Keaton's before taking off on a secret flight of their own. It seems Keith's mother is moving to California with her new husband and plans on taking her son with them. When a satisfactory visiting arrangement can't be reached, Richard decides it's time to make a move and it's up to Steven to put a stop to their travel plans.

#25 - Wrap Around the Clock (1)

Season 7 - Episode 22 - Aired 4/23/1989

When Andy asks the family to contribute to his time capsule, the Keaton clan recalls some of their best-loved stories. As a homework assignment, Andy has been given the task of creating a time capsule which reflects his family's history. For his part, the littlest Keaton has placed his baby boots in the capsule, and asks his parents and siblings to contribute mementos from their past. Soon, the family is looking back and laughing at some of their funniest experiences together, like the time Steven and Elyse went to Woodstock, Alex went to jail with a group of feminists after feigning support for the Equal Rights Amendment and Mallory coached Nick in grammar to pass his high school equivalency exam. They also recall what happened when Mallory began dispensing advice to the lovelorn in her "Dear Mallory" column, Steven made a mess out of wallpapering the kitchen and Elyse became a blackjack fanatic in Atlantic City, where she was supposed to be lecturing at a conference.