The BEST episodes of Upright Citizens Brigade season 3

#1 - Thunderball

Season 3 - Episode 10 - Aired 4/3/2000

This is entirely done as a showing of the sport Thunderball, complete with announcers. In Thunderball, players are allowed to use bats as weapons, wild hounds and georgeous honeys roam the field to distract the players, there is a car that can be used to flatten opponents, and a circle inside of which is a fully loaded pistol that the players are forbidden to use. The match headlines two of its greats - Steve Youngblood of the Decatur Fist and Silky Slim of the New Salem Terrorists. Also includes a horseshoe toss which can either give or take existing cancer research money, a coach trying to inspire his team, and a mummy.

#2 - Hospital

Season 3 - Episode 3 - Aired 1/31/2000

A sick husband shares a strange dying wish with his wife. Grim reapers complain about work in the hospital break room and the Head Resident, Big Red Cat, helps patients in the emergency room. A doctor holds a medical seminar to prove that his patient can use "the Force." A patient has trouble getting his diagnosis. A man earns extra money as a subcontractor for the coroner's office by performing autopsies in his apartment. Orange Drink and Toady visit the doctor on account of a stomach ache. People have problems with helper animals. Meanwhile, Orange Drink and Toady mix and drink some medicine and are suddenly able to see grim reapers everywhere, so they try to warn the rest of the hospital of their presence.

#3 - Food

Season 3 - Episode 5 - Aired 2/21/2000

When a man eating Chinese food won't swap him for a plate of salad, Simmons gives up his firstborn son for a single grain of white rice, smothered in a half-dollop of moo-shu sauce. His son grows up to be the Glendale Fitness Authority, in charge of an ""anti-fatties"" organization. During a roundup of fat people, the Fitness Authority's birth parents are lured out with promises of ""free chocolate"" - but Simmons is rescued by the Fat Underground before he can be sent to the work-out camps. When the Fitness Authority learns Simmons is his birth father, he attempts to understand why his father abandoned him by eating a muffin from the Happy Bakery, shaped like a father giving up his baby. Also featured is Moleman's ex-girlfriend, who is heartbroken when Moleman won't come to the surface to meet her parents.

#4 - Technology

Season 3 - Episode 9 - Aired 3/27/2000

A new virtual reality workout, Cyberflex, is used. Astronaut Mike Berchwood appears again on his trip to France where hotel employees are in charge of the water, electricity, and tv channel changing. He is also in the middle of an edible panty experiment by NASA and is working in an office where phone calls begin to come in through the coffee machine and faxes come out of the microwave. Then he's stranded in a snowed-in cabin with 3 coworkers, and to pass the time they play a game in which they all say the worst thing they've done to someone else in the room without their knowing. One of the workers admits to Mike that back in the Saigon Suicide Show episode, he took Mike's body to his basement and hooked his brain into a reality matrix (a la The Matrix) and has been raping him from behind for 10 years and feeding him nothing but edible panties. He is saved when someone's Cyberflex program crosses over into his matrix.

#5 - Costumes

Season 3 - Episode 1 - Aired 1/17/2000

A man attempts to have ""werewolf sex"" with his girlfriend, a woman puts Wolfman Jack novelty bells on everything in the house, a man mistakes his grandson in a skeleton costume for the grim reaper, costumed themepark workers fight when they find out one of their own is not castrated, and a man takes skydiving lessons from an incompetent instructor.

#6 - College

Season 3 - Episode 6 - Aired 2/28/2000

During a physics class, a born-again Christian challenges the professor to explain ""spitty slurpy"" and the moonwalk, but the professor is unable to give a adequate explaination. A frat boy is visited by his ""Fairy Hockeyplayer,"" who forces him to chug beer so that he will brave enough to cheat on his girlfriend. In a liquor store, Santa promotes his new Santa Liquor. When a man refuses a sample, Santa follows him home with a laser pointer. When the Fundamentalists are winning during a Christian basketball match, the Crazy Christians bring out Perdu, possessed by a demon that has ""improved his range and jumping ability."" The frat boy is encouraged by his Fairy Hockeyplayer to hit on Perdu, who calls him a ""two-timer"" and fries him. The born-again Christian tries to confront the demon with the ""glory of God"": - but the demon explains spitty slurpy with simple physics. Santa stops shining the laser pointer in the man's face long enough to make Perdu drink some Santa Liquor, which exorci

#7 - Music

Season 3 - Episode 4 - Aired 2/7/2000

#8 - Sex

Season 3 - Episode 7 - Aired 3/6/2000

Adair dies and possesses a sandwich. He tells the other UCB members of a prophecy that can bring him back to life. Where none are invited but everyone comes Bring she who makes love to many but touches none As man is shaken by his own clothes And another shouts innuendoes Where an old virgin mates with a balloon And well-oiled mountains light the room The UBC brings each element of the prophecy to an out-of-control orgy: a nerdy virgin who compulsively buys new cellphones and pagers, convinced that faulty technology is why no chicks ever call to get laid by him; a ""subliminal"" vibrating boot sold to sex-starved woman to make them attractive to their husbands again; Raspberry, a distracted phone sex operator; and Clair, whose husband thinks she spends too much time taking care of her ""amazing"" breasts. Clair unbuttons her shirt, exposing her ""well-oiled mountains,"" while the virgin straps on the vibrating boot and has sex with a inflatable doll - thus fulfilling the prophesy.

#9 - Mafia

Season 3 - Episode 2 - Aired 1/24/2000

Russell Cannon investigates invisible health hazards in hotel rooms. Mafia boss, Don Garnelli, is given advice from his doctor after a boating accident. Meanwhile, the UCB sheds light on local "hump houses." A couple receives unwanted fertility help from a mobster seeking a chance to make up for past crimes. A scrapbook hobby gets out of hand, leading to a grand jury case where a still injured Don Garnelli's testimony causes chaos.

#10 - Town Hall

Season 3 - Episode 8 - Aired 3/20/2000