The WORST episodes of L.A. Law
Every episode of L.A. Law ever, ranked from worst to best by thousands of votes from fans of the show. The worst episodes of L.A. Law!
On this critically acclaimed drama about a top Los Angeles law firm, some of the best battles take place outside of the courtroom. In the bedroom, in the courtroom, or at McKenzie, Brackman, Chaney & Kuzak's staff meetings, the firm's ambitious, competitive attorneys confront conflict between their own desires, their obligations as attorneys, and their principles as human beings.
#1 - Romancing the Drone
Season 3 - Episode 3 - Aired 11/17/1988
Markowitz gets discouraging news when he visits a fertility specialist; Melman has difficulty adapting to married life and her husband's demands on her attention until she gets some wise advice from Becker; Kuzak takes a pro-bono case from the overloaded public defenders office and ends up defending an accused rapist with a prior rape conviction and a propensity for violence; Becker is frustrated and angry when his client withdraws her complaint and thwarts his hopes of making case law, and Ryan fails to give him the comfort and support he's seeking; Perkins leaves the firm to become a solo practitioner.
#2 - When Irish Eyes Are Smiling
Season 4 - Episode 3 - Aired 11/16/1989
Kuzak weighs the testimony of sympathetic witnesses to clear his client; Becker tries to clear the air with an unhappy divorce client; a sympathetic Rollins takes the case of an elderly woman being steamrolled by an insurance company.
#3 - Consumed Innocent
Season 3 - Episode 19 - Aired 5/18/1989
A cocky talk show host who's sure he won't be convicted and is eager to use the publicity surrounding a trial to boost his ratings refuses Van Owen's plea offer of one year's probation for soliciting his audience members to commit an assault on a guest that proved fatal, and is stunned when he is found guilty and realizes that Van Owen's recommendation will send him to prison; Melman flirts with the idea of retirement after she receives her divorce settlement and Markowitz creates her financial plan; Gottlieb begs the assistance of a flu-stricken Sifuentes in containing the threats of multiple lawsuits after a pot-belled pig is eaten by a snake on the set of the already over-budget rock video she's shooting, and the snake also dies after one of her crew members tries to save the pig; worried that the relationship that's developing between Stulwicz and his daughter is moving too fast, Hackett unsuccessfully attempts to end it; Kelsey finds out that she's pregnant.
#4 - Urine Trouble Now
Season 3 - Episode 18 - Aired 5/11/1989
Sifuentes represents a brewery owner who's being forced out of business by vicious rumors spread by a racist competitor; hip hop meets doo wop when singing groups battle it out in court over trade name and performing rights; after duking it out in heated depositions, Becker and Ganz work out a settlement in Meyer vs. Melman; Moses puts the brakes on Rollins, both professionally and personally; Perkins skillfully renegotiates her return to the firm; a heartbroken Meyer finally accepts that his marriage is over.
#5 - America the Beautiful
Season 3 - Episode 17 - Aired 5/4/1989
Van Owen prosecutes a homeowner who killed a homeless man going through his garbage; against Kuzak's advice, Perkins decides to testify before the grand jury, where she hands Flaherty yet another stunning defeat; Meyer hires a high powered attorney who successfully argues a motion that prevents Becker from representing Melman if the divorce goes to trial; Stulwicz plays a pivotal role in winning new business for the firm and gains a new friend in the process; McKenzie asks Perkins to return to the firm.
#6 - His Suit Is Hirsute
Season 3 - Episode 16 - Aired 4/27/1989
Although Sifuentes wages a valiant battle in court on their behalf, Kelsey and Markowitz are ordered to return their daughter to Harris; when the federal prosecutor can't beat Perkins in court over in the Weiland case, he retaliates by having her arrested on bogus charges; Kuzak is forced to put on the gorilla suit again to win a case in civil court against an opponent whose trial strategy is to sing and dance his way to a lighter judgment against his client; Rollins offers his legal expertise when Moses files for divorce; Van Owen decides to take a break from her relationship with Kuzak.
#7 - The Unbearable Lightness of Boring
Season 3 - Episode 15 - Aired 4/6/1989
Kelsey and Markowitz are devastated when Harris changes her mind about the adoption; Melman decides to file for divorce; Rollins hires an attractive new summer intern; the lure of a potential high six figure income leads Perkins move the focus of her practice to representing drug dealers; Kuzak and Van Owen argue about their relationship; the partners quickly regret it when their criticism of Brackman's managerial style prompts him to resign as managing partner, and are greatly relieved when he agrees to their entreaties to return to the job.
#8 - To Live and Diet in L.A.
Season 3 - Episode 7 - Aired 1/5/1989
A death sentence in the Torrey case adds to Van Owen's mounting guilt and propels her to craft a deal which gets Torrey off death row and everyone else off the hook, but the desire of some police officers to avenge one of their own leads to Torrey's murder soon after his release; Kelsey and Markowitz have their hopes raised and then dashed by an expectant mother; Meyer's pitch of an eight figure income entices Becker to partner up with him on a video marketing Becker's marital law expertise; Perkins and Ringstrom give in to their mutual attraction.
#9 - Dummy Dearest
Season 3 - Episode 6 - Aired 12/15/1988
Rollins represents a man who, after a devastating childhood trauma, can only talk through a caustic dummy, and is charged with assaulting the police officer who confiscated the dummy after being subjected to a storm of verbal abuse; Becker sets up Kelsey and Markowitz with a baby broker; Kuzak is subpoenaed to testify in the Mathers fraud case; Kelsey represents an actress suing a tabloid for printing lies which caused irreparable damage to her reputation and career; the firm loses a major client after the disciplinary board of the state bar slaps Kuzak with a public censure and a one month suspension.
#10 - Princess and the Pee
Season 3 - Episode 5 - Aired 12/8/1988
Kuzak faces disciplinary action for not revealing that his opponent in a negligence trial is not a member of the bar; Brackman hires a new associate; still overwhelmed by Holland's death, Perkins reaches out to Van Owen and Ringstrom for help; the Brackmans grieve the end of their marriage as they agree to a financial settlement and prepare to file final divorce papers; Kelsey and Markowicz agree to consider adoption after desperate measures to conceive lead to an embarrassing encounter with an amused Rollins and Sifuentes.
#11 - Sperminator
Season 3 - Episode 4 - Aired 12/1/1988
Brackman sends Perkins a referral who turns out to be dishonest, desperate, and violent; Rollins is initially outraged when McKenzie assigns Sifuentes to second chair on a wrongful death suit, but becomes grateful for the help after he alienates the jury and Sifuentes saves the day, and the case; to help Perkins drum up some business, Becker gives her the gift of a consultation with his publicist; Markowitz is despondent about his chances of fatherhood when an adverse reaction to the fertility drugs forces him to stop taking the medication; Van Owen confesses her struggles over the illegal confession in the Torrey case to Kuzak; Kelsey is angered when Markowitz discusses adoption with Becker without her knowledge.
#12 - Whistle Stop
Season 8 - Episode 21 - Aired 5/12/1994
Becker blames Belinda's personal malice for his becoming a murder suspect; Mullaney anticipates trouble with a judge who used to date Carolyn; and McKenzie gets troubling news.
#13 - The Son Also Rises
Season 3 - Episode 2 - Aired 11/10/1988
Perkins decides to strike out on her own as a solo practitioner; Becker loses a car but gains a new friend when he agrees to represent Meyer's sister in her divorce action; McKenzie decides to go for broke with Kepler; Markowitz provides the right words to settle a dispute between a father and the son who's suing him for abuse; in the midst of prosecuting a career criminal accused of the murder of two police officers, Van Owen faces a dilemma when she discovers that the testimony of her key witness was obtained illegally.
#14 - Hey, Lick Me Over
Season 3 - Episode 1 - Aired 11/3/1988
Sifuentes represents a couple suing their security company for neglecting to take action when they were assaulted during a home invasion robbery; Van Owen prosecutes a man for unlawful touching when he won't restrain his tongue to his own mouth; Perkins is upset when her annual review paints a dim picture of her future with the firm; Becker is concerned when Melman settles for financial security over love and marries Meyer; after Stulwicz is denied the right to register to vote, Kuzak takes up his case; Kelsey and Markowicz have a discussion about becoming parents.
#15 - Beauty and Obese
Season 2 - Episode 13 - Aired 2/11/1988
Kuzak represents an attorney suing the law firm that fired her for being overweight; Markowitz gets caught up in the middle of greedy heirs, their attorneys, Kelsey, and Brackman when his client unexpectedly leaves him her multi-million dollar estate hours before her death; Van Owen is outraged and horrified when she learns that her new law firm is owned by a mobster, and is further traumatized when the man is gunned down in a mob hit as he sits across from her in a restaurant; when Rollins's new-found celebrity in the local media as a young hot-shot attorney goes to his head, the irritated partners devise a practical joke to knock him down a few pegs, and Rollins returns the favor.
#16 - Hand Roll Express
Season 2 - Episode 12 - Aired 1/21/1988
McKenzie gets Brackman's arrest for solicitation vacated when he's able to prove that his colleague really was ordering off the menu at a sushi bar, and not negotiating a tryst with an attractive but inexperienced undercover police officer; Melman's loyalty to Markham lands her behind bars for refusing to testify against him until a jail house visitor wises her up by breaking her heart; Van Owen accepts the offer of a lucrative partnership in an old friend's law firm; Sifuentes's bad luck streak with the women in his life extends into the courtroom when his client dooms his dreams of winning a landmark First Amendment case; Markowitz's mixed feelings about his new watch are resolved by a mugger who relieves Markowitz of his ill-gotten gain, and Kelsey of her engagement ring.
#17 - Gorilla My Dreams
Season 2 - Episode 11 - Aired 1/14/1988
Sifuentes's plan to use the zoo as a teaching tool for giving Stulwicz some sex education has unexpected benefits for two of its residents; Melman's new boyfriend gets arrested for insider trading, placing her, Kelsey and Perkins in jeopardy for acting on his tips; Becker's scorched earth policy on divorce settlements leads to near tragedy for a client's family, which prompts him to reassess his strategy for handling Brackman's divorce.
#18 - Divorce with Extreme Prejudice
Season 2 - Episode 9 - Aired 12/17/1987
Van Owen has mixed emotions about successfully prosecuting a teenager who murdered his abusive father; seeking to get out from under his brother's blackmail, Brackman confesses his infidelity to his wife, who exacts a stiff penalty for the crime which leaves her husband breathless; Becker enlists Melman's support in making the holidays in Palm Springs bearable; when Sevilla is arrested for the murder of her husband, Sifuentes gets the case dismissed, but his inability to believe her version of the events surrounding the fatality permanently dooms their relationship.
#19 - Auld L'Anxiety
Season 2 - Episode 6 - Aired 11/19/1987
McKenzie overcomes his fear of aging, as well as a little vanity, in successfully representing a client in an age discrimination case; Van Owen is devastated when a witness she has forced to testify against a gang banger is slain, and the woman's young son murders the gang member who ordered his mother's execution; Rollins defies the direct orders of McKenzie and Brackman not to prolong a property settlement conference in a divorce case, but Becker is elated when Rollins's tactics yield a lucrative settlement for their client; Kelsey politely rebuffs Markowitz as he bears gifts and apologies about the prenup, until he finally wears her down and gets her to admit that controlling and manipulative behavior is another thing they have in common; Brackman's sanctimonious pontificating about the sanctity of marriage to litigants in the court room doesn't carry into his own behavior in his chambers with Vasek.
#20 - The Brothers Grimm
Season 2 - Episode 5 - Aired 11/12/1987
Sifuentes represents a traumatized woman suing a cop for not intervening as he witnessed her rape, and her boyfriend's murder, during an armed robbery in a bar; Markowitz's request for a prenup backfires on him badly; when an old case resurfaces, Brackman discovers his father's secret life, complete with a mistress and another son; members of the firm support Stulwicz when his mother dies; over Kuzak's strong objections, Van Owen meets with Palmer and then decides to move back to her house; Perkins and Kelsey patch up their differences.
#21 - Brackman Vasektimized
Season 2 - Episode 4 - Aired 11/5/1987
Kelsey forces a client to clean up his act after she discovers that his company is knowingly dumping carcinogens into a local water supply; the jealousy bug takes a big bite out of Van Owen when Kuzak's ex-wife comes back into his life; Kleinberg's disgust over her obnoxious and ungrateful client doesn't keep her from winning the case, but is enough to make her quit; Brackman falls for the charms of his seductive bailiff; after getting Kleinberg to edit out some things in her novel that hit a little too close to home, Becker brokers a publishing deal for her in exchange for a percentage, and a few extras; Perkins finds out how much money Rollins is making and tells Sifuentes, who manages to negotiate a raise, while Perkins is left out in the cold and wondering if her job is in jeopardy.
#22 - The Good Human Bar
Season 4 - Episode 8 - Aired 1/4/1990
Rollins's friend asks for his help in petitioning the court to allow her to end her life and be cryogenically preserved until a cure for her incurable brain tumor is found; Kuzak meets an attractive dancer; Becker decides to leave the firm and form a partnership with Ganz; Allison is sexually assaulted by a member of her film crew; Roxanne gets a little help from her friends when she experiences a little stage fright during her singing lesson recital.
#23 - Tunnel of Love
Season 8 - Episode 19 - Aired 4/28/1994
Patrick pulls another fast one; a rumor about Belinda troubles Becker; the owner of a show dog with a litter of mongrels sues her neighbor
#24 - Silence is Golden
Season 8 - Episode 17 - Aired 4/14/1994
Becker and Mullaney suspect, but cannot prove, that Flannigan committed a felony in settling a civil damages suit in a child molestation case; Rollins successfully pleads with an over-controlling father to drop a law suit against his fashion model daughter; Flannigan wins the undying gratitude of the Brackmans when he uses his influence to get their son accepted into a prestigious prep school.
#25 - God is My Co-Counsel
Season 8 - Episode 14 - Aired 3/10/1994
A few days before his wedding, Stulwicz is shocked to discover that his bride-to-be is already married, and enlists Becker's help in getting annulment papers signed by her reluctant husband; when Halliday's father arrives for a visit, Becker wastes no time trying to win him over, but father and daughter clash over his interference in her representation of a biology teacher fired for teaching creationism; at the Hendrickson-Stulwicz nuptials, a little romance is in the air for Kelsey and Markowitz, Ianello and Levinson, and Halliday and Becker, despite their truly terrifying bridesmaid outfits.