The BEST episodes written by Tony Webster

Bilko and the Beast
star
8.03
38 votes

#1 - Bilko and the Beast

The Phil Silvers Show - Season 1 - Episode 28

When a new drill sergeant known as "The Beast" takes over at Fort Baxter Bilko and the platoon come up with a scheme to get rid of him

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The Spider Serenade/Next Door Wife/The Harder They Fall
star
8.00
10 votes

#2 - The Spider Serenade/Next Door Wife/The Harder They Fall

The Love Boat - Season 3 - Episode 15

Gopher finds romance with a recently separated passenger--until her estranged husband suddenly shows up and announces his intention of winning her back. A woman tries to pry her soon-to-be-ex-husband away from his girlfriend by coming on the cruise and rooming in the cabin next to theirs. Two distinguished passengers, who squared off in a boxing match decades earlier, renew their rivalry. They schedule a fight on the ship to settle the score once and for all.

Not So Fast, Gopher/Haven't We Met Before?/Seoul Mates
star
8.00
6 votes

#3 - Not So Fast, Gopher/Haven't We Met Before?/Seoul Mates

The Love Boat - Season 3 - Episode 22

Gopher invites his widowed mother onto the ship in the hopes of cheering her up, but is hurt by her seemingly cheerful attitude, which he interprets as an insult to his father. A group of buddies takes a cruise. One of the men meets a woman who is a regular customer at the restaurant where he works. He lies about his identity because he thinks she would be put off by the fact that he is a waiter. A comic's romance with the reporter who is writing a feature about him appears doomed after she takes offense to his act.

Never Say Goodbye/A New Woman/Trial Romance
star
7.87
15 votes

#4 - Never Say Goodbye/A New Woman/Trial Romance

The Love Boat - Season 3 - Episode 9

Capt. Stubing receives a letter from his daughter, Vicki. When he tries to call her, he learns that she has run away from her aunt and uncle's home. She shows up on the ship and reveals that she has read her mother's diary, and now knows that the captain is her father. She wants to stay with him, but he feels that it is best that he return her. Vicki's aunt reveals that she is getting a divorce and wants to send her children away for a while so that they won't be affected by the proceedings. Capt. Stubing and Vicki are thrilled by the chance to live together on the ship. Julie plays matchmaker for two shy, old-fashioned people who are unaccustomed to the workings of modern romance. A man is annoyed by the presence of the woman who deadlocked the jury for the attempted murder trial on which they both served, leading to a mistrial. They constantly argue about the case.

April's Love/Happy Ending/We Three
star
7.75
8 votes

#5 - April's Love/Happy Ending/We Three

The Love Boat - Season 3 - Episode 17

April returns to the ship with her fiancé, a former used car salesman turned manager whom she has known only a few weeks. The crew is certain that the man is scamming her. A couple comes aboard the ship to finish a script before filing for divorce. A man is shocked to run into the daughter he gave up for adoption and her adoptive mother. He agonizes over whether to tell her the truth about her parentage.

Dumb Luck/Tres Amigos/Hey, Jealous Lover
star
7.75
8 votes

#6 - Dumb Luck/Tres Amigos/Hey, Jealous Lover

The Love Boat - Season 3 - Episode 24

Julie worries that her brilliant nuclear physicist friend will never find a man because her intelligence intimidates suitors. She encourages her to act dumb to attract a man's attention. Vicki befriends a wealthy young passenger. While exploring the ship, they discover a stowaway, a young boy who wants to visit his mother in Mexico. A jealous husband terrifies the crew as he constantly threatens the guys, who he suspects are coming on to his wife.

The Big Scandal
star
7.75
11 votes

#7 - The Big Scandal

The Phil Silvers Show - Season 2 - Episode 32

Bilko tries to hypnotize Ritzik, but it's Doberman who falls under the influence and he tells the Colonel's wife that he loves her

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The Family Plan/The Promoter/May the Best Man Win/Forever Engaged/The Judges (1)
star
7.69
13 votes

#8 - The Family Plan/The Promoter/May the Best Man Win/Forever Engaged/The Judges (1)

The Love Boat - Season 4 - Episode 2

The promoter of a marriage cruise is trying to reconcile with his own wife. Doc tricks Gopher into being a contestant judge but then discovers the other two judges are attractive women who vie for Gopher's attention. Another couple has a reputation for being perpetually engaged. Julie's old friend Mark is supposed to be the best man in the mass wedding, but the groom runs off with an ex-girlfriend. A groom's father and bride's mother attempt to talk their children out of marrying, only to fall in love themselves.

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A Man is Not an Ox
star
7.63
8 votes

#9 - A Man is Not an Ox

Car 54, Where Are You? - Season 2 - Episode 3

When Toody and Muldoon become ill at the same time, their doctor becomes intrigued because they have become similar in many respects, much as a pair of oxen after being yoked together over time.

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Doc's Dismissal/The Frugal Pair/The Girl Next Door
star
7.33
3 votes

#10 - Doc's Dismissal/The Frugal Pair/The Girl Next Door

The Love Boat - Season 4 - Episode 12

A woman tries to get her husband's attention by claiming that Doc made a pass at her during an examination. A couple takes a cruise to celebrate their 40th anniversary but considers breaking up after the husband learns that his wife secretly invested money in the stock market for years. A man sneaks on the cruise because he doesn't believe the man traveling with his girlfriend is her brother.

Change Your Partners
star
7.20
15 votes

#11 - Change Your Partners

Car 54, Where Are You? - Season 1 - Episode 4

Since Toody and Muldoon have been successful partners for nine years, the captain is asked to find out how this could possibly be. Both Toody and Muldoon are questioned so much that they begin to wonder themselves and arguing ensues.

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142 Tickets on the Aisle
star
7.20
5 votes

#12 - 142 Tickets on the Aisle

Car 54, Where Are You? - Season 2 - Episode 13

The 53rd precinct decides that the next group activity will be attending a Broadway play, but at the last minute, getting tickets for a popular show is about near impossible. When they find a play that is unpopular enough to accommodate their large group at such short notice, rumors fly that the police are trying to close the play for censorship reasons.

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Second Time Around/The 'Now' Marriage/My Sister, Irene
star
7.09
11 votes

#13 - Second Time Around/The 'Now' Marriage/My Sister, Irene

The Love Boat - Season 2 - Episode 15

Doc's ex-wife hires an actor to play her fiancé; a philandering marriage counselor's wife seeks solace from Capt. Stubing; a woman pretends to be her own sister for a reunion with a former sweetheart.

How High is Up?
star
7.00
6 votes

#14 - How High is Up?

Car 54, Where Are You? - Season 1 - Episode 20

When Muldoon discovers that he's grown an inch, one inch above company rules, he goes into a panic.

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Remember St. Petersburg
star
7.00
5 votes

#15 - Remember St. Petersburg

Car 54, Where Are You? - Season 2 - Episode 7

Under the mistaken impression that Leo is a count from Russia, a group of crooked spiritualist try to manipulate to benefit financially from the situation.

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Gypsy Curse
star
6.90
10 votes

#16 - Gypsy Curse

Car 54, Where Are You? - Season 1 - Episode 9

When Toody goes undercover to expose a thieving gypsy, she puts a curse of hives and martial troubles on him in return. Toody then begins to experience these supposed problems, and eventually he, Lucille, and Muldoon seek to counteract the hex to bring life back to normal for all involved.

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The Sacrifice
star
6.90
10 votes

#17 - The Sacrifice

Car 54, Where Are You? - Season 1 - Episode 16

With Toody's TV out of commission and with the urging of his wife, he reads a book entitled ""The Sacrifice"" which inspires him to encourage Muldoon to better himself. However, this backfires, causing Muldoon to doubt his present job capabilities.

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Hail to the Chief
star
6.78
9 votes

#18 - Hail to the Chief

Car 54, Where Are You? - Season 2 - Episode 1

First episode of the new season. The President is coming to New York to speak at the U.N. and two top-drawer officers are needed to drive him from the airport. The talent hunt produces those two intrepids: Toody and Muldoon.Before Toody and Muldoon are allowed to drive the President, they must be checked out by the Secret Service. The President is Muldoon's hero, so he is extremely nervous about the assignment, but says that he will be all right as long as the President is not mentioned by name. In the car, the Secret Service agent wonders why Muldoon doesn't want to talk about the President; gets suspicious; and with all the talk, Muldoon gets carsick. The agent's superiors don't believe him. Muldoon gets tranquilizers from a doctor but they only cause him to fall asleep at the wheel. Then he gets anti-depressants which cause him to burst out laughing at the wrong times. The program ends with the President seen arriving in New York City (via newsfilm) and with Toody and Muldoon watchi

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The Loves of Sylvia Schnauser
star
6.75
4 votes

#19 - The Loves of Sylvia Schnauser

Car 54, Where Are You? - Season 2 - Episode 28

The precinct uses Sylvia Schnauser as a decoy to rid the town of ""Discovery Publishers"" which is run by a couple of con artists. As part of her cover, Sylvia insinuates that she is writing a book on the secrets of precinct life, and she ends up getting the whole crew in an uproad, afraid of exposure.

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Stop Thief
star
6.50
4 votes

#20 - Stop Thief

Car 54, Where Are You? - Season 2 - Episode 14

After overhearing Capt. Block rehearsing a play, Toody and Muldoon get the mistaken impression that the Captain is a kleptomaniac.

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Help, Murder/Isaac the Groupie/Mr. Popularity
star
6.44
78 votes

#21 - Help, Murder/Isaac the Groupie/Mr. Popularity

The Love Boat - Season 1 - Episode 5

A woman gets the wrong idea from her husband's secretive behavior and fears that he is plotting to murder her. Isaac begins a whirlwind romance with an internationally known singer. A couple suspects that a painfully boring passenger is actually a wanted jewel thief.

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The Baby Alarm/Tell Her She's Great/Matchmaker, Matchmaker Times Two
star
6.22
9 votes

#22 - The Baby Alarm/Tell Her She's Great/Matchmaker, Matchmaker Times Two

The Love Boat - Season 4 - Episode 8

An unwed mother's infant son has an unusual way of showing his disapproval to men who try to romance her. Isaac gets the crew to bolster his stagestruck aunt's ego, which turns her into an outrageous prima donna and upsets his uncle. Two sets of parents go overboard trying to spark a romance between their respective children.

The Family Plan/The Promoter/May the Best Man Win/Forever Engaged/The Judges (2)
star
5.88
8 votes

#23 - The Family Plan/The Promoter/May the Best Man Win/Forever Engaged/The Judges (2)

The Love Boat - Season 4 - Episode 3

Vicki tries to play matchmaker for Capt. Stubing and Emily, whose husband still plans on winning her back. Gopher lands in a Curacao jail after Doc sends him on a wild goose chase so that he can get cozy with the marriage-a-thon judges. Carl and Mary Ann decide that they were wrong to interfere with their kids' wedding plans; Mary considers calling it quits with Tom. Emily accuses Marv of treachery after her fiancé suddenly reappears in Curacao and denies that he planned to leave her.