The WORST episodes of RiffTrax
Every episode of RiffTrax ever, ranked from worst to best by thousands of votes from fans of the show. The worst episodes of RiffTrax!
RiffTrax is comedy narration to your favorite movies & TV shows, plus some wonderfully terrible films. Written and performed by the stars of the award-winning TV series Mystery Science Theater 3000, RiffTrax brings the unique humor of "Satellite of Love" MST3K partners Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett to Hollywood's hit movies. Season 1: Official RiffTrax Season 2: RiffTrax Presents Season 3: Shorts Season 4: iRiffs Season 5: Total Riff Off Season 6: RiffTrax Live!
#1 - Have a Mary Jo Christmas and a Bridget New Year
Season 3 - Episode 259 - Aired 12/11/2015
It’s very special RiffTrax special, featuring yourses trulies (Mary Jo and Bridget), and some very special guest stars! So gather ‘round your technology device, pour yourself a hot toddy, gather the kiddos and granddad and Nana too, and make this special a special part of your happy holidays.
#2 - Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens
Season 1 - Episode 221 - Aired 4/29/2016
Many Hollywood insiders were baffled when Star Wars, a mildly popular franchise that has never rendered multiple generations of otherwise right-thinking people incapable of critical thought, announced a seventh movie. Over the past two decades, very little had been written on the internet about Star Wars, and almost nobody had expressed their enthusiasm about excruciatingly minor details of the franchise, so it seemed risky to make a brand new movie. There was a strong chance it might be a massive failure and only make something like six billion dollars on its opening weekend. Any naysayers were of course proven wrong, likely buried beneath a pile of t-shirts which, get this: mashed up aspects of Star Wars and other pop culture franchises. (They thought of everything folks!) The Force Awakens was a massive hit. Experts estimate that the value of BB-8 merchandise thrown away thus far is more than the Fantastic Four movie made last summer. Those same experts went on to point out that maybe we shouldn’t be buying so much Star Wars crap when the average household income worldwide is well under ten thousand dollars, but we inserted our earplugs that look like Lor San Tekka so they couldn’t harsh our buzz. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the movie event to end all movie events: grainy home video footage of Bib Fortuna’s retirement party. Er, I mean, Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Additional contributors: Conor Lastowka - Senior Writer Sean Thomason - Senior Writer Contributing Writers: Molly Hodgdon, Jason Miller, Mike Schuster, and Joseph Scrimshaw
#3 - On Guard - Bunco!
Season 3 - Episode 268 - Aired 6/7/2016
On Guard - Bunco! provides a hard-hitting and, if you take good notes, potentially lucrative look into the world of con-men! Scams covered include “The Encyclopedia Flim Flamica“ “The Widow’s Bankroll Do-see-do” and the always crowd-pleasing “Paint a Guy’s Roof then Threaten to Beat Him Up.” For good measure there’s a grand finale involving needless racism! If you’re anything like us, you’ll find it impossible to watch the whole thing and not go out and pull a few buncos of your own! In fact, here, have Kevin’s bank account number just to get you started!
#4 - Cat-Women of the Moon
Season 2 - Episode 33 - Aired 4/15/2016
It’s Bridget and Mary Jo’s first feature film! Riffing-wise, that is. A routine trip to the moon runs amok when the astronauts encounter a race of women with feline tendencies, such as teleportation and wearing leotards. They are the last survivors of an ancient civilization, and they only have a couple of boxes of breathable air left. Desperate to migrate to Earth, the Cat-Women have been telepathically controlling Helen, the ship’s navigator (and girl) to aid them. Then the crew -- ooops - sorry, no spoilers! Starring Marie “The Queen of the Bs” Windsor, and urban legend subject and Laugh-In guest Sonny Tufts, Variety magazine wrote about the film, “...the cast ably portray their respective roles." So take THAT!
#5 - The Value of Teamwork
Season 3 - Episode 267 - Aired 4/22/2016
The Value of Teamwork! No, it’s not the fourth Powerpoint slide in a seminar your HR manager required you to attend after your meltdown in the conference room last week, it’s our latest short! And it’s a sweet classic tale, all about a boy and his dog. Except the boy is an irritable loner who doesn’t play well with others, and the dog talks to him and tells him what to do. Nothing ominous or terrifying about that, right? Fortunately this particular dog is less into commanding murders and more into team-building exercises, being a nice kid, that kind of stuff. A weirdly sullen boy and his cute and powerful dog, teaming up team-style! Join the team-iest team of all, Mike, Bill, and Kevin for the The Value of Teamwork! Teams!!!
#6 - Quiptracks: Ghost Rider
Season 4 - Episode 836 - Aired 6/2/2012
We've all heard Satan's pitch at least once in our lives. The offer's always a little different, but the price (you would find if you didn't slam the door in his face) is always the same: your soul. Sometimes it's a dependable new set of encyclopedias. Sometimes it's a "free" gift card. "Would you like to supersize your order for just a soul more?" According to a recent survey of 20,000 residents of Hell, these deals have accounted for less than .2 percent of Hell's incoming tenants. You might actually want to consider taking the deal, however, when you hear about a common side effect: Becoming a badass flaming skeleton with the power to kill demons effortlessly. Johnny Blaze discovers this 20-some years after wasting his deal trying to save his klutzy father from cancer—who immediately kills himself in a freak, 'Leap of Death' accident. Unfortunately, Johnny's super cool affliction manifests itself after he becomes Nicholas Cage, so instead of becoming the chick-magnet you would expect, he's stuck pining after his old flame, Roxie (played by porn actress Eva Mendez...wait, what? She's not in porn? She's been in other, real, shown-in-theaters movies? That can't be right...) Anyway. The devil overreacts when his son, Blackheart, comes out of the closet, and Mephisopheles hires Johnny to kick his candy ass. This is not something I'd normally condone reveling in, but Blackheart is also pure evil and trying to destroy the world or something, so it's okay to enjoy seeing his powdered face get punched from here to drama club. Features: Tristan, Tracy, and Cody
#7 - Social Acceptability
Season 3 - Episode 266 - Aired 4/12/2016
What’s your Social Acceptability Type? Take the quiz! Circle the letter that best describes you. A. Happy following your own pursuits? B. Lower class, but good with people? C. Popular but lack a sense of security? D. Seem to ”fit in” but somehow don’t? E. Unusually popular, intelligent, a three letter athlete, come from a family with good income and high social prestige? Look below to find out your Social Acceptability. A. Voluntary Isolate (you’ve got this!) B. Climber (way to go!) C. Middle Case (uh oh!) D. Fringe (you’ll show them!) E. Handsome Leader!! (awesome!) Now watch the short film and match your type with the correlating character! Jot down helpful tips and get ready for fun and loads of encouragement!
#8 - Quiptracks: The Covenant
Season 4 - Episode 835 - Aired 10/30/2013
Forget everything you know about witches! If you thought they were all old, hook-nosed, wart-covered hags, then boy are you gonna come out looking dumb after The Covenant blows the lid off witchcraft! First off, all witches are dudes—white, douchey, juvenile guys with six-pack abs. Pointy hats are definitely out, and cauldrons? Really? Did you really bring up cauldrons in a serious conversation about witches? Oh kay. You reeeally need to watch this movie to try and sweep the cobwebs of ignorance out of your bigot skull. ...What? Did you just ask me if they were too busy flying around on their brooms to do much sweeping? Oh. MY god. Witches fly huge SUVs and drive BMWs. Duh. Okay, they DO have spells, but it’s not sissy “magic,” it’s The Power. Witches are basically the most powerful dudes you could meet because they’ll just look at you, and the next thing you know, you’re hurling chunks on your best friend. Or you’ve got a spider in your ear. Or they’ll just throw a bubble at you. I’m not explaining it right, but it’s super bad ass. What? “What HAPPENS in the movie?” Oh. Uh… Well they’re basically just hanging out, being cool and sexy; getting into scraps and…swimming freestyle… There’s a dance number… Um… Features Tristan, Tracy, and Tegan
#9 - Samurai Cop
Season 1 - Episode 219 - Aired 3/25/2016
The Samurai Cop is here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and he’s already infringed on enough movies and cliches so he’s just going to stop with that introduction right there. Yes, the cop they call Samurai has travelled to Los Angeles from a faraway land they call San Diego. Because it would just make no sense to have the movie take place in San Diego, or to have the cop be from LA to start with. Or, y’know, Japan. Why do they need the Samurai Cop in town? Because frankly, the chief was telling everybody how absurd his haircut was, and nobody would believe him, so he said “Look, I’ll have him come to town and you can see this damn thing for yourselves.” It is a work of art. If it seems like there’s a serious threat at any point in time, it’s going to leap off his head and start kicking ass on its own. Samurai Cop is assigned a partner, whose main job appears to be mugging to the camera as the Samurai Cop punches people. Together, they’ve got to bust a gang whose stated goal is putting someone’s head on their piano. These villains are lead by Robert Z’dar, who will hopefully reinforce any piano he plans to put his own prodigious cranium on top of. Decapitations, explosions, poorly subbed in stunt doubles, mangled dialogue, prominent lion heads, and unfortunate banana hammocks abound in this extremely eighties-y nineties movie. Join Mike, Kevin, Bill, and Alfonso Rafael Federico Sebastian for Samurai Cop!
#10 - Flight to Mars
Season 2 - Episode 32 - Aired 3/18/2016
September 29, 2015 – NASA scientists announce the discovery of water on Mars, entirely failing to acknowledge the far more significant discoveries made by a team of dedicated scientists (and Cameron Mitchell) made on their flight there in 1951. Water? Check. Grapes on walls? Check. No pants for ladies? Oh, hell yeah. David Bowie's query has finally been answered – there is life on Mars! OK, technically his query was answered decades before he recorded that song, but life on Mars there is, be-robed, pants-less life, and it's the job of these intrepid travelers to explain “What is kiss, Earthman?” Flight to Mars represents everything you could possibly want in a sci-fi movie, provided you don't ask for eye-popping CGI effects you'll remember in your dreams, or anything not featuring the guy from Supersonic Man.
#11 - Wizards of the Lost Kingdom
Season 1 - Episode 218 - Aired 3/11/2016
From the deepest, darkest, most sorcerously stained corner of the video store, in the “mid-80s fantasy movies trying to trick you into thinking they were kind of like Star Wars” section, it’s Wizards of the Lost Kingdom! Yes, it’s hard to believe now, but in the 80s people were still pretty obsessed with Star Wars. Oh, how the world has changed since then! And Wizards of the Lost Kingdom brings the knock-off heat. A roguish but charming scoundrel who can’t help but do the right thing: Check! A giant hairy monster mess of a best friend who makes digestive sounds to communicate: Check! A whiny unlikable kid prodigy who’s the son of a more famous magic type: Check, with extra unlikeability! A thrilling plot full of amazing special effects and edge-of-your-seat action: uh… did we mention the furry digestive sounds guy? Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is like 6 different movies in one, in the sense that it was seemingly cobbled together from at least 6 different movies into one not-at-all cohesive whole! And it stars Bo Svenson, who you may recognize from small parts in some Tarantino movies, the kind of small parts in Tarantino movies actors get because they were once in obscure movies like Wizards of the Lost Kingdom. The film business is confusing! Finders keepers losers weepers, sorry Wizards but it’s our Kingdom now! Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the tour of an ancient Spencer’s Gifts store that is Wizards of the Lost Kingdom!
#12 - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Season 1 - Episode 216 - Aired 3/8/2016
At long last, the conclusion to the endless, seriously endless, so-unbelievably-endless-they-took-two-whole-movies-to-end-it endless Harry Potter saga is here, fully riffed and available in delicious RiffTrax flavored jellybean form! Until this movie came out, a lot of people thought Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 was the end of the series, the “Part 1” thing being a cute ironic affectation like Leonard Part 6 or when you call a fat guy “Tiny.” But no, Harry Potter is back, and it’s time to watch his whimsical friends who we’ve goofed along with for seven full movies drop dead rapid-fire like background players in a Vietnam movie. Part 1 was all about finding and destroying horcruxes, but Part 2 really ramps it up, following the kids as they… continue finding and destroying horcruxes. Like the film version of your nephew forcing you to watch him rack up Xbox achievements and trophies, but with more crying! We couldn’t be prouder or happier to bring the saga to its conclusion. Much like Dobby the House Elf, we is free! And also like Dobby, we is dead. Very, very dead. Join Mike, Kevin and Bill for one last hilarious broomstick ride into the ultimate Quidditch bloodbath, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2!
#13 - The Litter Monster
Season 3 - Episode 263 - Aired 1/29/2016
One of the best things about litter used to be its versatility. You could just throw it anywhere! Plus, it encouraged improvisation: If you put your mind to it, anything could be litter! Food scraps, old batteries, syringes, grandpa. Just toss it at the feet of an emotional roadside Indian and be on your way! But then the hippies had to come along, and everyone got all “groovy” this and “let’s not let the rest of the country end up like New Jersey” that. They started by indoctrinating our children with shorts like The Litter Monster, and the next thing we know our children are spouting propaganda like “Let’s paint garbage cans and put them in the park!” and “Dad, can you help us remove the rusty car parts someone dumped on the baseball diamond?” and “What happened to all those rusty car parts you had in the garage that mom’s been hassling you about getting rid of?” The short culminates with the construction of the titular Litter Monster, a hulking abomination that begs passersby to shove their litter into its gaping mouth. It’s like a robotic homeless Cookie Monster with severely lowered dietary standards, and to be honest, we really wish there was one on every street corner in our home town. Join Mike, Kevin, Bill, and thousands of pounds of delicious litter for The Litter Monster!
#14 - Icebreaker
Season 1 - Episode 215 - Aired 1/22/2016
It’s obvious what the makers of Icebreaker were going for: Die Hard on Skis. Unfortunately, they weren’t even able to make A Good Day to Die Hard* on Skis. We think they should have gone with making Speed 2: Cruise Control, aka Die Hard on a Boat on Skis. We heard the boat was available. Terrorists have taken over a Vermont ski slope! Why? Who knows! Their motives are extremely unclear. Perhaps they were frustrated by the state’s lack of east to west interstates. Or maybe they were angered by Vermonters' inexplicable preference of Heady Topper over the superior Focal Banger.*** The point is, Sean Astin is the only man who can stop them. Why? We actually know the answer to this one: because that’s how the Die Hard on a ____ format works, dammit! Standing in Sean’s way is B-movie god Bruce Campbell, who evidently really wanted an all expenses paid ski vacation. And when we say “Standing in Sean’s way” we mean it quite figuratively. We are not entirely convinced these two ever actually were on set at the same time. The two trade quips at a bunny slope level that culminates in the most thrilling series of snowboard stunts we’ve seen ever since we tried to play a downloaded ROM of 1080 on a stuttery N64 emulator. Written and directed by David Giancola (Time Chasers) and featuring a memorable performance by Asahi T-shirt Guy from Radical Jack, Icebreaker is one film that will make you say Yippee Ki Yay, Mr. Gamgee!**** *It’s technically the fifth** Die Hard movie. **We know, we prefer to pretend it doesn’t exist either. Besides, how can there be a fifth Die Hard movie when we’re also pretending the fourth one doesn’t exist?) ***Please forgive us, one of our writers moved to Vermont four months ago and these are the only two facts about his new home he has learned in that time. ****I refuse to apologize. What are you going to do, come find me?? I’m in Vermont!!
#15 - Marriage is a Partnership
Season 3 - Episode 260 - Aired 1/8/2016
(1951) Bridget and Mary Jo learn a thing or two about marriage in this short’s frank depiction of bridge games and frosting cakes.
#16 - I Believe in Santa Claus
Season 1 - Episode 214 - Aired 12/22/2015
Ah, Christmas. The stockings are hung. The fire is roaring. Mom and dad have been abducted by an African warlord and their son forces a friend to board a plane to Finland to find them only to be kidnapped by an ogre who forces them into slavery. Chestnuts roasting. You know how it goes! I Believe in Santa Claus starts with our hero, Simon, being locked in a closet by a cruel janitor. Perhaps he was trying to eat pudding without eating his meat, we’re not sure. Anyways, Simon is a bit of a whiner these days because both his parents have been kidnapped while on an aid mission to Africa. Where in Africa you might ask? “Just Africa!” the movie says, and yes, it’s going to be that kind of film. Anyway, you’re probably way ahead of us, but yes, Santa Claus goes on a covert mission to rescue the hostages with the aid of a fairy princess and a couple of automatic weapon toting child soldiers. Kris Kringle nearly gets devoured by an alligator, Simon nearly gets devoured by the ogre, and there’s probably a scene on the cutting room floor where Blitzen nearly gets devoured by Comet and Cupid. Because yet again, it’s that kind of film. Add in some of the most maddening Christmas earworms this side of “Dogs Barking Jingle Bells”, and you’ve got yourself a brand new RiffTrax Christmas classic that’s destined to join the ranks of Stinky the Skunk, Droppo, Accordion Wolf, The Small Tree of No Account, Lupita, the husky kid from Magic Christmas Tree, Rudolph’s foxy mama, Norman Spear Jr, and the Ice Cream Bunny himself. Stop all your crying business and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the madness that is I Believe in Santa Claus.
#17 - RiffTrax Live: Time Chasers
Season 6 - Episode 19 - Aired 5/5/2016
Time Chasers, the story of a man named Nick who turns his airplane into a time machine with the aid of his beloved Commodore 64. With it he woos the woman of his dreams, despite the fact that he doesn’t own a car and his wardrobe consists only of a pair of jeans and a threadbare t-shirt from Castleton State College. The two run afoul of GenCorp, an evil mega-corporation run out of the mezzanine lobby of a small local library in Rutland, Vermont. Its ruthless CEO, J.K. (you can tell he’s evil because his hair is gelled back) will stop at nothing to steal Nick’s priceless secret.
#18 - A Day of Thanksgiving
Season 3 - Episode 258 - Aired 11/25/2015
(1951) When an Hour of Thanksgiving is not enough, but a Week of Thanksgiving is simply too much, may we suggest A Day of Thanksgiving? Gather ‘round the Thanksgiving table for a 1950s feast from Young America Films. Fans of Young America Films know that, despite being heavily anti-Commie, they somehow feel like the grayest, bleakest Soviet shorts ever made. So, perfect for the holidays! Wash down that weird cranberry salad nobody actually likes with a tall glass of fear, shame, and forced conformity! The short focuses on a family that, despite living in a large, well-furnished house, cannot afford a turkey for Thanksgiving. Did turkeys cost more than houses in the 50s? The only reasonable conclusion is: yes. The family patriarch makes everyone list all the things they’re thankful for, to take their minds off his failure as a provider. And it’s a sweet list: family, shelter, security… and freedom from shadowy “political gangsters dragging people off to jail.” That’s right, political gangsters. Man, if I had a dime for every Thanksgiving that got ruined by some of those political gangsters showing up and making a muck of things. They don’t even bring wine!
#19 - Dining Together
Season 3 - Episode 257 - Aired 11/25/2015
It’s being called “Literally the most anticipated sequel that is coming out in the last two months of 2015.” Fans have bought their tickets months in advance, recreated the trailers in Lego, and scanned the original material for clues about what the plot to this one might contain. We of course refer to Dining Together, sequel to the somewhat obscure 2009 RiffTrax short Playing Together. What did you think we were talking about? All your favorite characters are back: Duncan, Stickman*, and soul-crushing 50s greyness and blandness. It’s Thanksgiving day, and guests that make Peppermint Patty look generous and gracious are starting to arrive. Fortunately, there’s still time for the kids to learn valuable lessons about politeness such as “Keep the profanity to a minimum when Tony Romo ruins your three team tease in the first game of the day” and “Don’t comment that it looks like a badger could carve the turkey better than father.”
#20 - Drawback Productions: Meltdown
Season 4 - Episode 834 - Aired 11/25/2015
Dru and Megan provide commentary to this beyond so-bad-it’s-good, well into the so-bad-it’s-life-altering range masterpiece from 2012. Chris Martin (not the one from Coldplay) stars as federal agent John Thomas who goes undercover in the suburban mafia only to blow his cover immediately. For the rest of the movie, he just runs around shooting people. Robert Z’dar and Joe Estevez co-star.
#21 - The Wizard
Season 1 - Episode 213 - Aired 11/20/2015
“I love the Power Glove… it’s so bad.” This iconic movie quote is often misattributed to Lawrence of Arabia, but in fact it’s from our newest VOD, The Wizard! Before there was a terrible movie about the Super Mario Bros., there was a terrible movie about PLAYING Super Mario Bros. Fred Savage’s little brother is a savant video game player, and the two of them run off to California so he can compete in Video Armageddon, that big famous video game contest like they had in the 80s, remember those? Sure, we all remember those, and they definitely happened all the time. They’re joined by a plucky little girl who’s just putting up with all this until she can grow up to sing in the indie rock band Rilo Kiley (no, really!). The kids are pursued by a child bounty hunter, again, something that might sound fake but is definitely just as real as Video Armageddon. To add to the playful Nintendo fun, the child bounty hunter looks like, well, a sexual predator. And at one point he is even accused of inappropriate touching. No, really! All this happens in The Wizard! The little kid Nintendo movie! And we haven’t even scraped the surface of the unnecessarily complex and bleak family drama at the center of this movie that is, primarily, a commercial for Nintendo and Nintendo-based products. There’s almost too much to love here. Dust off your NES Advantage, blow in the cartridge even though we all know that doesn’t do anything, and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for a walk down “not how you remember it from childhood” memory lane with The Wizard!
#22 - Total Riff Off: Brazilian Bigfoot
Season 5 - Episode 6 - Aired 11/13/2015
Richard Terry is back, and the soup is thicker and browner than ever! Shrugging off the embarrassments of the Demon Bat turning out to be a Regular Bat and the fearsome Naga river monster turning out to be just some ripples on the water caused by his cameraman taking a leak, Richard unbuttons half his shirt buttons, flips his camera to night vision mode, and heads to Brazil! This time he’s in search of the Mapinguari, aka the Brazilian Bigfoot, aka, Probably A Slightly Larger Than Average Coyote or Something. It’s been terrorizing villagers. They will not leave their huts for fear it might thrust a camera in their face and demand they sign a release form—Oh wait, that’s just Richard. The Mapinguari on the other hand is constantly pretending he’s in danger and making perfectly normal situations seem fraught with peril—Sorry, sorry, that’s Richard again too. Along the road to eventual disappointment and inevitable humiliation, Richard will scoot along a log, drug an anteater, and get drenched by a waterfall. It may be his most successful monster hunt yet. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for another baffling snipe hunt with our favorite intrepid explorer in Total Riff Off Episode 6: Brazilian Bigfoot!
#23 - The Night Dracula Saved the World
Season 1 - Episode 212 - Aired 10/29/2015
When you review the list of reasons that the Star Wars Holiday Special was such a colossal failure, very rarely does “Not enough Judd Hirsch” come up. “Contains no Judd Hirsch” was actually one of the few things critics cited as a positive for the SWHS. In fact, rumor has it that George Lucas got the entire special green-lit solely by pitching an hour of television that Judd Hirsch would not appear in. So while The Night that Dracula Saved the World does not have Harvey Korman, or crappy animation, or an elderly wookie pleasuring itself, it does have Judd Hirsch. Please do not go into this special expecting not to see Judd Hirsch. You have been given fair warning. Judd Hirsch plays Dracula, who is facing a major dilemma: he’s played by Judd Hirsch. Also, The Witch is refusing to fly over the moon, something that is totally a thing that everyone associates with Halloween. If she doesn’t fly over the moon, Halloween will be cancelled (it was already on thin ice after a Halloween special starring Judd Hirsch aired.) Fortunately for Dracula, he’s got a lineup of monsters to help him, none of whom are played by Judd Hirsch. If you’re on a box of seasonally available General Mills marshmallow cereal, you’re in this special: Frankenstein's monster, The Wolfman, The Mummy, even MST3K's own Brain Guy makes an inexplicable appearance. Together they must stop The Witch from doing the unthinkable and ruining Halloween, (though everyone probably would have blamed it on Judd Hirsch anyway.) Thrill and chill at how low the standards were for winning an Emmy in the 70s! (Seriously. It won one.) The Night that Dracula Saved the World is probably the second worst holiday special of all time, but then again, see it and decide for yourself. At least the Star Wars Holiday Special had those funny old commercials. Happy Halloween!
#24 - The Snob
Season 3 - Episode 254 - Aired 10/20/2015
The Snob is a horror/science fiction film about an alien amoeba that emerges from a meteorite which has crashed from outer space in the small town of Downington, Pennsylvania. The amorphous globule consumes the locals, growing ever larger. Nope, hang on, I'm thinking of the The Blob. In The Snob, Sarah is a high school student who wreaks horror and despair in her small town by studying too much. She is regarded as high-falutin' and snooty because she reads. Worry not - all Sarah needs to reign in the depravity is friends!
#25 - No Retreat, No Surrender
Season 1 - Episode 211 - Aired 10/16/2015
An organized crime syndicate is attempting to muscle out all the karate dojos in the country with the aid of deadly Russian black belt, and it’s up to the new kid in town and his breakdancing sidekick to defeat them, if the local bully doesn’t stop him first! Here is a test: at which point in the above sentence did you realize the film was a product of the 80s? A. After “Karate Dojos” B. After “Deadly Russian” C. After “Breakdancing sidekick” D. I actually thought it was a Sofia Coppola film from the late 2000s If you answered A, B, or C, then congratulations! Your senses have been honed to detect the fine subtleties of 80s cheese and you are going to enjoy the hell out of No Retreat, No Surrender. “Borrowing” the jingoism of Rocky IV and pretty much everything else from The Karate Kid, it adds the baffling twist of having our hero learn karate from the ghost of Bruce Lee. It is the second most unrealistic thing in the movie after having Jean Claude Van Damme portray a Russian. Co-starring other 80s staples such as the fat guy who is always eating (otherwise viewers might not have noticed that he is fat) and training montages that out-parody every training montage parody you’ve ever seen, No Retreat, No Surrenderwill get you so pumped up you’ll be tempted to forgive Van Damme for Street Fighter. All that’s missing is a ponytailed, toxic waste dumping millionaire to deem it: “Perfect…”