The WORST episodes of RiffTrax

#1 - Toast and Rice: The Vampire Bat

Season 4 - Episode 828 - Aired 3/26/2015

A series of unexplained murders has a small German village gripped in terror. Two wounds on the victims' necks! The bodies drained of blood! A mysterious figure seen lurking on the rooftops at night! Yes, the once-peaceful hamlet has found itself the victim of the dreaded, horrifying… Dracula ripoff! Or is it? Yes, thanks to the tireless efforts of a detective determined to get the truth even if he has to...well, whine a lot about not believing in vampires, it soon becomes clear that in fact the townsfolk are actually the victims of... A Frankenstein ripoff! How's that for a twist? Try pulling that one off, Shyamalan! No, kidding. Please, don't try pulling that one off.

#2 - Consuming Women

Season 3 - Episode 249 - Aired 7/23/2015

Today’s Woman. She buys stuff. She buys stuff in a groovy way. If more merchants knew this simple fact then they would understand that they should sell things to woman. This short film teaches them that YES, women are in fact consumers and can, by law, be sold things they want to buy.

#3 - The Relaxed Wife

Season 3 - Episode 248 - Aired 7/23/2015

Bridget and Mary Jo do their very best to go limp all over by flip flopping their hands and drinking coffee. Sit back and relax as they Riff this important message from the fine folks at Pfizer’s.

#4 - Stone Cold

Season 1 - Episode 204 - Aired 7/9/2015

Stone Cold tells the story of John Cold, a renegade cop played by failed NFL player Brian Bosworth, whose most notable football accomplishment was having a bad haircut. We’re just kidding of course. The character’s name is John Stone. Otherwise that first sentence would be ridiculous. When the FBI wants to bust a notorious biker gang by sending in an undercover agent, there’s only one choice: John Stone, who is sure to blend in since he walks around with what looks to be a piece of roadkill that got run over by a bleach truck glued to his head. Inside the gang he meets bikers with names like Ice, Gut, Chains, AWOL, Beetle, Sarge, General Halftrack, and Miss Buxley. At first everything is going great, but then it turns out that the murderous, drug-dealing nazis are actually kind of a bunch of dicks. So Stone is forced to take them out the only way he knows out: by maximizing civilian casualties and property damage. Despite Boz not being an actor, or even able to tackle Bo Jackson, Stone Cold turned out spectacular. Like, “launching an unmanned motorcycle into a helicopter to bring it down on the courthouse steps” spectacular. Stone Cold is like if you wadded up all the Fast & Furious movies into one gelatinous ball, replaced all the crap about "family" with maniacs who shoot beer cans off each others heads with machine guns, and then fired it out of a shark you’d somehow transformed into a bazooka. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for a RiffTrax that’s so 80s, they legally couldn’t put it out until the 90s!

#5 - RiffTrax Live: Sharknado 2: The Second One

Season 6 - Episode 16 - Aired 7/9/2015

Following the success of RiffTrax Live: Sharknado in 2014, the internal shark chainsawer Ian Ziering is back! This time the titular weather event hits the city of New York, right as all the gruff and busy inhabitants are trying to walk, over here! And no famous landmark is safe from their wrath, including perennially grumpy New Yorker Judd Hirsch.

#6 - RiffTrax Live: The Room

Season 6 - Episode 15 - Aired 5/6/2015

In 2015 we kicked off The Crappening by riffing The Room live! Due to a certain litigious cast member who will remain nameless (OK, it’s the guy who says “Lisa looks hot tonight” during Johnny’s birthday party) we’re unable to release that live show on our site. But this studio MP3 of the live show is the next best thing! Consider it a “Special Edition” MP3. Tons of all new jokes, fully riffed sex scenes, and Denny even shoots first! Just borrow a laugh track from Fuller House and you’ll feel like you’re watching it live! Alley football, underwears, breast cancer, doggy, barbecue chicken rice, framed spoons: The Room has contributed so much to our culture, way more than suckers like Van Gogh or Thomas Pynchon. It is one of our all time favorite bad movies and this MP3 version is the definitive riffing! Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill-R for this studio MP3 of our The Room live show! Do it quickly, before Mark moves to a bigger place - word on the street is he’s making some pretty good money these days. A broadcast of the never-before-seen riffing on the hilarious “classic” The Room, from Nashville, TN.

#7 - A Word to the Wives

Season 3 - Episode 246 - Aired 6/30/2015

Riffing together again for the first second time in world history! Bridget Nelson and Mary Jo Pehl bring you... A WORD TO THE WIVES Bridget and Mary Jo get a few pointers in this “how to” film from the 50s about getting a new kitchen. Jane and her new dark-haired schemer neighbor without a name come up with a plan to trick Jane’s husband into a brand-new kitchen, complete with new appliances so they can have more time to go shopping. In their panting greed for a new refrigerator that makes ice circles (we don’t know what those are either) and with poor hapless Jane as a pawn in her neighbor’s sinister plan, poor Husband George never knew what hit him. In a bloody, horrifying twist of events they get their new kitchen - and a little more than they bargained for. Tune in and see the new kitchen for yourself - if you dare!

#8 - Fever Lake

Season 1 - Episode 203 - Aired 6/27/2015

Well, Save my Bell and Lost my Boys, it’s Mario Lopez and Corey Haim! In Fever Lake, A.C. Slater and The Other Corey™ are college kids, or possibly high school students, depending on what part of the film you’re watching. They, a sex-crazed buddy, and some female teen-adults leave whatever kind of school it might be for a trip out to a cabin in an equally vague rural location, Fever Lake! Might it be the kind of cabin with a dark past that “nobody goes up to anymore”? Starring those Tiger Beat heartthrobs and Bo Hopkins as a grizzled cop, Fever Lake is a good clean old-fashioned horror movie the whole family can enjoy.

#9 - Dreamscape

Season 2 - Episode 31 - Aired 6/19/2015

If you die in your dreams, do you die in real life? That's, like, the conceit of this Sci-Fi classic(?) from 1984 in which a young psychic played by Dennis Quaid (who really shoulda seen his brother Randy's weird behavior on the horizon) works with a sorta-understandable scientist Swede Max Von Sydow to go inside people's dreams. See Kate Capshaw's mega-80s hair! Listen to a barely-awake Christopher Plummer as a steely government agent! Watch David Patrick Kelly creepily eat a sandwich! And throw in George "Norm!" Wendt in a bar no less! Oh, and did we mention claymation special effects?

#10 - Warning from Space

Season 2 - Episode 30 - Aired 5/15/2015

You’re a citizen of the world, right? You know about Japanese cinema. You remember Ringu - that horror film you accidentally rented because you thought it was a kids' show about a penguin. You enjoy the majestic historical spectacles of Akira Kurosawa, even though he clearly ripped all his best bits off westerns. You’ve devoured the melancholy, dream-like animations of Studio Ghibli, waiting for a rude bit with tentacles. You’ve watched all the Godzillas - even the good one and Samuel Beckett’s disappointing Waiting for Godzilla. So why haven’t you seen Warning From Space? Eh? Hmm? What‘s not to love in a film bringing together a group of giant one-eyed alien starfish, the nail-biting drama of scientific research1, a rogue planet set on a collision course with our Earth, a lavish song and dance number, and a game of tennis with an alien duplicate? It’s dubbed into English. You won’t need to read or anything. If that wasn’t enough, you can now experience the movie with the added benefit of two Brits talking in the gaps between the weirdly dubbed Japanese people. Amazingly, many of their bits make more sense than the actual story2, and occasionally manage to be funnier than the alien starfish costumes3. 1 There is less drama in scientific research than you may have been led to believe. 2 Not a huge claim. 3 Massive claim. Your money back if you’re prepared to take us to court in an attempt to dispute it and manage to convince the jury.

#11 - To Catch a Yeti

Season 1 - Episode 201 - Aired 5/1/2015

To Catch a Yeti. To live a dream. To Meat a Loaf. Some things just seem too good to be true. Meat Loaf, in a movie about a bigfoot? But Meat Loaf isn’t playing the bigfoot? Might seem disappointing, until you find out Meat is instead playing the world’s greatest hunter, Big Jake Grizzly, and his prey is a yeti that’s 2 feet tall and makes the puppetry in Mac & Me look like high art. Even calling the yeti a puppet is really an exaggeration, since basically all it can do is sit still and whimper and blink. But that doesn’t stop it from doing some rad skateboard moves1, because hey, it’s the 90s!!! (1radical skateboard moves = someone dropped this stuffed animal disaster on a board and kicked it down a hill) Against all notions of reason and good taste, a little girl is charmed by the creature and makes him her friend. But there’s also an evil little rich boy (who somehow manages to be even more detestable than the yeti and ‘Loaf COMBINED) who wants the hideous goggle-eyed creature for himself. It all leads to a thrilling hijinks-filled showdown in New York City...or at least, the best fake approximation of New York City to be found in a production so Canadian your screen will ooze maple syrup. Maple syrup, Meat Loaf, a horrific puppet, and more things you’ll never want to eat again after To Catch a Yeti!

#12 - Radical Jack

Season 1 - Episode 200 - Aired 4/24/2015

“We should rip off Road House and Billy Ray Cyrus should play Dalton!” There are two types of people in this world: those who read the above sentence and immediately lapsed into fits of hysterical, table-pounding, pants-wetting laughter. And then the other .00001% of people, who thought “Sounds good to me! Is Michelle Pfeiffer’s sister available to play the love interest?” We have that .00001% to thank for Radical Jack. Eight long years after "Achy Breaky Heart" came out, and approximately 7 years, 364 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes and 34 seconds after the first jukebox playing "Achy Breaky Heart" was smashed with a pool cue, American cinemas got the movie they needed. Except, minor detail, it was actually released direct to video in Russia. Which makes a lot of sense once you see Radical Jack. Fans of Road House will recognize the key points: a loner with a mysterious past comes to town and finds employment at a local dive bar. A local arms dealer has grown rich running the town, despite the fact that its population appears to hover around 35 people. Occasionally Billy Ray takes breaks from doing construction to pour water all over himself in slow motion while seductive music plays1. The only thing missing is the Monster Truck. Once you see the budget on this thing, you’ll understand why they had to leave it out. And Radical Jack doesn’t just rip off one of our all time favorite RiffTrax titles! Shot in Rutland, VT, it features the very time machine from Time Chasers itself!! (AKA, a crappy, weathered small airplane.) Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Radical Jack. Just don’t tell their lips, their fingertips, or various other body parts. 1 This never actually happened in the version of Road House that was shown in theaters, but it does in the one that airs on a loop in our hearts.

#13 - The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant

Season 1 - Episode 199 - Aired 4/10/2015

Bruce Dern has it all: A beautiful wife. An expensive house with a pool. A two headed monkey. Casey Kasem for a neighbor. And yet, he’s feeling unfulfilled, perhaps because— What’s that? Oh, you’re right, we did kind of just gloss right over the unusual part of that sentence. Yes, Top 40 DJ Casey Kasem is Bruce’s neighbor. He’s always stopping by to deliver a long distance dedication or prattle on about some dead dog while Bruce is trying to do important stuff, like attach heads to a monkey or an idiot manchild. For you see, Bruce’s entirely normal pastime is figuring out how graft additional heads onto things. Why? Why did Michelangelo paint? Why did Mozart compose? Man is compelled to create, and sometimes what he creates is as stupid as a serial killer’s head sewn onto a local hillbilly’s shoulder. Needless to say, this does not go well. (Both being neighbors with Casey Kasem and the whole 'manufacturing godless abominations in the guest room you converted into a lab' thing.) Come for the mutant in overalls, stay for the wife in a cage, it’s all here in The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant!

#14 - That's Cool, That's Trash: Curse of the Swamp Creature

Season 4 - Episode 830 - Aired 3/26/2015

Matt, Joe, & Kyle are pitted against schlockmeister Larry Buchanan (Attack of the the Eye Creatures) and his made-for-TV Curse of the Swamp Creature! Deep in the swamps of...Texas?...a mad scientific genius attempts to devolve man back to his primitive fish form through gill transplants and dry ice. The local voodoo natives have been the Doc's test subjects, but everything comes to an explosive confrontation when outsiders on a geological oil expedition cross the doctor's path. Stock footage, a maddeningly repetitive score, and a boozed-up John Agar who seems confused as to what he's doing in the film are but a few highlights of this turkey. The boys keep a stiff upper lip and riff, wisecrack, and skewer the movie and...maybe...learn a little something about themselves on the way.

#15 - Rabbit Ears Short #5: Peg Leg Pedro

Season 4 - Episode 829 - Aired 3/26/2015

The gang decide to indulge in Saturday morning cartoons, but aren't prepared for Channel 62's version of the time honored tradition. Peg Leg Pedro is an evil pirate who cares about nothing but treasure, dressing in drag, and abusing his pets.

#16 - Toast and Rice: Silent Night, Bloody Night

Season 4 - Episode 831 - Aired 7/25/2015

John Caradine and refuges from Andy Warhol's factor put out a horror movie that's about as scary as the first four hours of "Sleep."

#17 - MMIP Riffs: Amityville 2: The Possession

Season 4 - Episode 827 - Aired 3/26/2015

Ostensibly a prequel to the inexplicable 1979 hit The Amityville Horror, A2 tells the story of the Montelli family, who move into the infamous house of evil. The movie wants us to believe that Ultimate Evil took a fine, upstanding middle class family and turned them into dysfunctional, sexually abusive assholes, but the Montellis seem to have at least brought the abusive asshole part in with them. After engaging in a few petty poltergeistesque shenanigans, Ultimate Evil decides to take possession of the mind and body of the eldest Montelli son, Sonny. (It wasn’t hard. Both his mind and body were unclaimed at the time.) Soon after, Sonny’s sexually abusing his teenaged sister and acting slightly creepier en route to murdering his entire family. After the murders, a priest swings into the plot to try to perform an exorcism, which, for reasons known only to the screenwriters, has to be performed at the famous Amityville house. A few scenes of exorcism-fu later, Sonny’s dispossessed (though facing five consecutive life terms for his murders), and the priest now houses the soul of Ultimate Evil, though in the plus column that makes him the owner of a lovely three-story Dutch Colonial with a boathouse.

#18 - Netriffs by Sid and Shadow: Atlantis The Lost Empire

Season 4 - Episode 826 - Aired 3/26/2015

Disney's Atlantis The Lost Empire. A little movie that began the death of Disney's Traditional Animated arm. Join us for an "exciting" movie with a submarine that almost has as much screen time as Darth Vader in Episode III. Marvel at a Civiliation that speaks their own language, yet can't read it.

#19 - RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus

Season 6 - Episode 14 - Aired 12/4/2014

Get your magic eye ready as Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett (also known as the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000) present a jolly ol’ riff that will keep you laughing all holiday season long!

#20 - RiffTrax Live: Anaconda

Season 6 - Episode 13 - Aired 10/30/2014

There’s riffs out there this big?? One of our favorites, the movie that’s been called “Probably one of the top four films in the Anaconda series,” Anaconda! Anaconda stars a pre-fame Jennifer Lopez, a post-fame Eric Stoltz, and an Owen Wilson who even then was somehow ashamed of his role in The Internship despite it not happening for another sixteen years. With the help of Ice Cube (Straight Outta Compton, F@%& Da Police, Are We Done Yet?) they set off into the Amazon in search of those drones they claimed were going to revolutionize package delivery.

#21 - RiffTrax Live: Godzilla

Season 6 - Episode 12 - Aired 8/14/2014

#22 - RiffTrax Live: Sharknado

Season 6 - Episode 11 - Aired 7/10/2014

Finally, the acclaimed smash hit RiffTrax Live event of 2014 is now available to own! Considered by many critics to be one of the greatest movies ever made in the “Tornado full of sharks” genre, Sharknado debuted in 2013 to unprecedented buzz. Not since Snakes On A Plane had the internet been so excited about a movie, and not since the late 90s had anyone been so excited about anything starring Tara Reid. From the moment it debuted, Sharknado was one of the most requested titles in RiffTrax history. It makes Jaws IV look like Jaws III, and Jaws III look like Jaws. Riffed LIVE from the State Theater in Minneapolis and broadcast to over 700 theaters across North America, this hilarious live event also features an all-new take on the Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan-favorite short A Case of Spring Fever starring Coily the Spring Sprite! Look, why are you still reading this? It has chainsaws, helicopters dropping bombs, and the aforementioned TORNADO FULL OF SHARKS! Make this new classic a part of your RiffTrax Library today!

#23 - RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Season 6 - Episode 10 - Aired 12/5/2013

Many have forgotten (or choose to forget) the Santa/Martian wars of 1964: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians bravely attempts to set the record straight. Martian parents Kimar and Momar become concerned that their children Bomar and Girmar (are you picking up the “mar” theme? BECAUSE IT’S VERY SUBTLE!) have become too attached to television programs from earth. Their solution is brilliant, if a bit of a non sequitur -- they launch a plan to kidnap Santa Claus! The nasty Martian villain Voldar (his face is coated in green oil and he has a huge mustache, therefore he’s evil) captures two earth children, Billy and Betty, who don’t hold out for even a minute but rat out our fattest, jolliest elf without a struggle. Voldar takes Santa and the children prisoner and heads off for Mars. Only the bravery of Billy and Betty and the bumbling of a stowaway and “the laziest man on Mars”, Droppo, can foil Voldar’s evil plans! Throw into the mix an insane short featuring a pixie named Snoopy, a horrific life size Jack in the Box, and a lion who is oh so proud of his candy eating ability, and you’ve got one of our funniest live shows to date. Please join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!

#24 - RiffTrax Live: Night of the Living Dead

Season 6 - Episode 9 - Aired 10/24/2013

A true cult classic -- and one of the scariest movies of all time. The dead are walking, and they hunger for human flesh. A group of panicked survivors are barricaded in a deserted farmhouse while the army of flesh-eating zombies hovers outside their door. Now experience the bone-chilling terror in color for the first time on DVD! With a 5.1 surround sound remix, and a hilarious commentary track by Michael J. Nelson, this is the most fun you'll ever have with the living dead!

#25 - RiffTrax Live: Starship Troopers

Season 6 - Episode 8 - Aired 8/15/2013