RiffTrax

The WORST episodes of RiffTrax

Every episode ever - ranked by fan votes!

RiffTrax is comedy narration to your favorite movies & TV shows, plus some wonderfully terrible films. Written and performed by the stars of the award-winning TV series Mystery Science Theater 3000, RiffTrax brings the unique humor of "Satellite of Love" MST3K partners Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett to Hollywood's hit movies. Season 1: Official RiffTrax Season 2: RiffTrax Presents Season 3: Shorts Season 4: iRiffs Season 5: Total Riff Off Season 6: RiffTrax Live!

Last Updated: 6/5/2022Network: - None
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Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey
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#1 - Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey

Season 1 - Episode 19 - Aired 12/19/2006

You know Dasher, of course. And Dancer, no need to refresh your memory there. Prancer, you go way back. Vixen is as familiar to you as Comet, not to mention dear old Cupid. Donner and Blitzen, why you had them over to your house for chili just the other night. But do you recall the most famous donkey of all? Neither do I. That's why Nestor the Long Eared Christmas Donkey performs such a great service. It offers THE authoritative biography of this under-appreciated representative of the species Equus asinus. And it makes a great RiffTrax! Note: Though this RiffTrax could probably technically pass with a "G" rating, it is not recommended for very young children. We suggest screening it first if you are unsure.

Lost: Pilot (1)
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#2 - Lost: Pilot (1)

Season 1 - Episode 29 - Aired 3/30/2007

The television phenomenon of our time (no, not “According to Jim”) is now the RiffTrax phenomenon of this week! Yes, “Lost”, the thrilling saga of a group of castaways – of varying degrees of hotness – and their struggle to survive without having to resort to wholesale drinking of their own urine. “Lost” conveys the wit, intrigue and fierce intelligence of “Gilligan’s Island” in a modern setting – and without the mind-shattering annoyance of Bob Denver! If you like your “Lost” with a little something on the side, you’ll love Kevin and Mike’s take on the pilot episode.

Lost: Pilot (2)
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#3 - Lost: Pilot (2)

Season 1 - Episode 29 - Aired 3/30/2007

This is the second part of the "Lost Season One Pilot" episode and should not be numbered separately from the first part.

Glitter
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#4 - Glitter

Season 1 - Episode 34 - Aired 5/21/2007

If you're a fan of movies that feature screaming, megalomaniacal divas and their relationships to shirtless guys, you have so far been limited to Barbra Steisand's "A Star is Born". But now, like a nut-covered cheese log from heaven comes Mariah Carey's "Glitter" - the film that, more than even her decade long string of unlistenable pop songs, landed her in the loony bin where she spent several months writing lyrics on the padded walls of her recovery room using a thick crayon held between her toes. A film that, without the barest hint of shame or irony, features as a centerpiece the Robert Palmer song, "I Didn't Mean to Turn You On." A film that, against all laws of logic and common sense, gives a prominent role to the former Mr. Halle Berry (a.k.a, Eric Benet.) No one, not even Mike, is dumb enough to take this one without some serious help. And serious help he got in the person of former MST3K cast member Mary Jo Pehl. A true RiffTrax event!

Grey's Anatomy: Pilot (1)
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#5 - Grey's Anatomy: Pilot (1)

Season 1 - Episode 36 - Aired 6/11/2007

This is the hugely successful, boldly innovative show that dares to tell its story in the unlikeliest setting imaginable – a hospital! But where Grey's Anatomy really ploughs new ground is in its use of attractive young lead actors, and the moody, radio friendly hits of some of today's top artists! And unlike St. Elsewhere, Chicago Hope, ER, The Doctors, Dr. Kildare, General Hospital, Ben Casey, Scrubs, Marcus Welby, MD, Doogie Howser, MD, M*A*S*H, House, LA Doctors, Nip/Tuck, Trapper John, MD, Quincy, M.E., Strong Medicine, After MASH and Doc, this one is on Thursdays at 9:00PM on ABC. Navigating the complex emotional core of Grey's Anatomy would be impossible without the help of Bridget Nelson, a writer, performer and MST3K alum, who joins Mike for back to back episodes. Dr.'s orders – take two shows for maximum results!* *RiffTrax assumes no responsibility for pain and emotional distress caused by that last line.

Heroes: Pilot (1)
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#6 - Heroes: Pilot (1)

Season 1 - Episode 42 - Aired 9/4/2007

Imagine, just imagine, if ordinary citizens suddenly began to discover that they have acquired extraordinary powers. Why, you would have X-Men. But imagine if instead of acquiring X-Men-like powers of healing, time travel, mind control and the ability to fly these people instead had those powers but weren't X-Men! Why, then you'd have the very un-X-Men-like Heroes! Follow the exploits of Claire, Hiro, Peter, Logan, Scott Summers, and Jean Grey as they struggle to come to grips with powers that are so obviously not modeled after X-Men. Join Mike as he discovers his extraordinary power to riff on Heroes.

Heroes: Pilot (2)
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#7 - Heroes: Pilot (2)

Season 1 - Episode 42 - Aired 9/4/2007

This is the second part of the "Heroes Season One Pilot" episode and should not be numbered separately from the first part.

Spider-Man
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#8 - Spider-Man

Season 1 - Episode 45 - Aired 10/9/2007

When Peter Parker is bitten by one of Columbia University's many genetically engineered "super spiders" (now we know what they do with their 6 billion dollar endowment) instead of doing the sensible thing and dying, he transmogrifies into an arachnid, extruding fluids from his spinnerets, leaping about, swinging and twirling just like a spider. But being a spider naturally puts him on the bad side of Norman Osborn, the charismatic head of OsCorp Industries who manages to find enough time in his day to moonlight as an evil goblin (played by real life evil goblin Willem Dafoe.) He also finds it difficult to manage his relationship with the beautiful Mary Jane, because, well, he's a freakish wer-spider. His exoskeleton alone makes it literally impossible for him to come out of his shell until it's time to molt – and at that point he's too vulnerable for a relationship. It all makes for the most thrilling arthropod-on-human love and adventure tale ever told in the year 2002! Joining Mike are Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett and several harvestmen that live in the corners of the studio. (Yes, we know that harvestmen are not spiders. And, no, theirs is not the most poisonous venom in the world – that's just a myth.)

Next
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#9 - Next

Season 1 - Episode 46 - Aired 10/16/2007

Next, the thrilling story of a down-on-his luck magician (Nicholas Cage) who hitches a ride to Flagstaff! Not only that, he walks down into the Grand Canyon and shows a kid a rock! And can your heart stand the excitement when he gives a car to Peter Falk!? The fact that he can see two minutes into the future is just frosting on the ride-hitching, rock-showing, car-giving cake of non-stop thrills! Jessica Biel co-stars as a woman who spends one day with Nicholas Cage and rather than doing the sensible thing and running away, moving without leaving a forwarding address, and getting an unlisted phone number, actually falls in love with him! (Note: she also appears onscreen wearing no pants. This is in no way meant to encourage you to buy the RiffTrax by appealing to your prurient interests, we merely wish for our customers to make fully informed decisions where JESSICA BIEL WEARING PANTIES AND A SKIMPY SHIRT is concerned!) Joining Mike is Bridget Nelson, a Mystery Science Theater 3000 alumni (and Mikes' wife!) That's NEXT!

Spider-Man 3
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#10 - Spider-Man 3

Season 1 - Episode 57 - Aired 4/8/2008

The biggest Spiderman movie of 2007 is now the biggest Spiderman-based Rifftrax of 2008*! All your favorite characters return (Hoffman, Mr. Ditkovich, Ursula) and new favorites join in the fun (Crane Operator, Emergency Room Doctor, Kid in Central Park)! And joining Mike is writer/newspaperman/radio guy/blogger extraordinaire/podcaster/best-selling author and uber-fan of the Spiderman series James Lileks! Just what will his reaction be when he sees what they've done to his beautiful series? Will he freak out and begin hitting Mike with a folding chair? Yes, he did, but we edited that out of this ArachnaRiffic Rifftrax and left only the funny! *Unless we do Spiderman 2.

The Sixth Sense
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#11 - The Sixth Sense

Season 1 - Episode 61 - Aired 6/25/2008

M. Night Shalalalalalalalalalala-tee-da burst onto the scene with the biggest suspense thriller of 1999 (well, right behind a relatively short list of films that includes Analyze This, Wild Wild West and Varsity Blues.) Haley Joel Osment delivers the most miraculous performance ever given by a toddler (he was just 18 months old when he was nominated for the Oscar!) and Bruce "The Return of Bruno" Willis turns in yet another trademark performance as a guy who seems sort of tired and annoyed. When a guy in his underpants shoots a child psychiatrist (who, to be clear, was also wearing underpants, he just happened to have pants on over them) his life is turned upside down (the guy wearing pants over his underpants, that is, not the guy only wearing underpants.) Why does his wife seem withdrawn and narcoleptic? Why do the local children taunt him and call him "Casper"? Why does he seem tired, run down, just sort of dead? Watch along with Mike, Kevin and Bill as they unlock the most unlockablest secrets of "The Sixth Sense".* *This is the 1999 film, not the 1972 TV show starring Gary Collins. Gary Collins apologizes for the confusion.

Dark Water
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#12 - Dark Water

Season 2 - Episode 1 - Aired 5/8/2008

Water... the most dangerous of the elements. Except for fire. Or earth, if you happen to get caught in a landslide. Then, there's air, too. Remember that Gary Larson cartoon where some poor bastard is skydiving, pulls the ripcord and a grand piano comes out instead of a parachute? And let's not forget lightning. Actually, lightning might not be one of the elements. Let me check on Wikipedia and get back to you on that. Sorry, drifted a little there. Where were we? Oh, yeah – water. Deadlier by far than your regular water, it seems, is Dark Water. It can make people act in strange ways, such as encouraging Hollywood executives to greenlight far too many remakes of superior Japanese horror movies. Just as well, then, that this version of Dark Water is packed to the seams with today's top acting talent. Talent such as... that chick who won the Oscar for that movie... that guy who looks like he was grown from one of Ned Beatty's scabs... that English guy who always plays Americans... and that other English guy who always plays Americans. Anyway, it's a quality product, and you're guaranteed to walk out of the movie theatre humming.* RiffTrax is proud to present Matthew Elliott riffing on Jennifer Connelly’s wettest and darkest opus. *Provided you took your iPod with you.

Star Trek New Voyages: To Serve All My Days
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#13 - Star Trek New Voyages: To Serve All My Days

Season 2 - Episode 2 - Aired 5/28/2008

Continuing in the fine tradition of aftermarket sci-fi Series accessories, Rifftrax Presents is proud once again to jump into the fan-licious world of Star Trek Phase II – or Star Trek New Voyages, which appears to be the series’ maiden name. It’s the amazing all-volunteer fan-created continuation of Star Trek, the Original Series but has better sound, cornier corn, pointier Vulcans, paunchier paunches, Scottier Scotties, and it riffs like a dream. This time around, Riffers Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy pitch their pith at the episode To Serve All My Days, the story of a waitress in love with – no wait, that’s Waitress. This one features the character Pavel Chekov, who after a freak accident becomes the actor Walter Koenig, an affliction for which there is no cure. You get dueling Chekovs, pre-head-bulge Klingons, and a surprise ending that’ll have you standing up and shouting, “Well-it-they-what-the-hunh?” What are you waiting for? Beam it down, Snotty! Riff long and prosper!

The X-Files: Fight the Future
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#14 - The X-Files: Fight the Future

Season 2 - Episode 3 - Aired 6/3/2008

Ladies and gentlemen, the Future has been pushing us all around long enough. We here at RiffTrax think it's high time we fight it! And who better to join our battle against That Which Is To Come than two maladjusted, mumbling FBI agents from a cancelled TV show? Yes, in anticipation of this summer's decade-later sequel, RiffTrax Presents takes on this first X-Files movie... which evidently had little success in fighting the future, since, you know, we're IN that future. And this future still contains Hot Pockets. (...Yeah, real ace work, future-fighting 1998 people!) Bill Corbett (a.k.a. Burrito Eating Man) is joined by former MST3K colleague and current Cinematic Titanic diva Mary Jo Pehl (a.k.a. Nap Taking Woman) in their attempt to decipher just what the hell Duchovny is saying. Does this man's contract stipulate that he be allowed a mouthful of porridge on set, at all times? Join us and find out!

House of Wax
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#15 - House of Wax

Season 2 - Episode 4 - Aired 5/28/2008

Stop anybody on the street and ask them what their favourite Paris Hilton movie is, and chances are they'll say: “Is this a real survey? Why don't you have a pen or a clipboard? Oh my God, are you mugging me? Please, take everything, just don't hurt me!” Or they might, just might reply: “House of Wax”. I'm pretty certain Vincent Price is dead, so I can say with tolerable confidence that this remake of his 1953 classic would cause him to turn over in his grave. I'm not sure why, it's just something the dead are supposed to do when they're ticked off – when Bill O'Reilly finally throws a seven, he'll most likely come close to perpetual motion. But the sight of the insufferable, uber-spoilt heiress being stalked by a raving psycho intent on ramming a metal pole through her skull isn't the only reason for watching this movie. OK, it is the only reason, but damned if it ain't a good one. If they could've found a way to work it into Norbit, I would've watched that, too. In fact, it'd make the basis of a terrific reality series. Excuse me, I have to put in a call to Fox...

Star Trek New Voyages: World Enough and Time
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#16 - Star Trek New Voyages: World Enough and Time

Season 2 - Episode 5 - Aired 5/8/2008

Rifftrax is boldly going where no Rifftrax has gone before, and it’s not just a hokey cliché, we really mean it! Rifftrax Presents veteran riffers Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy, beaning on (or is it “beaming?” I can never remember) the most ambitious exercise in fan fiction since that really good Civil War reenactment! These are sumptuously produced “new episodes” of the original Star Trek series, authentically detailed and produced by Trek fans, yet with the beefy swagger of a roomful of Shatners. Rifftrax Presents: Star Trek: Phase II: World Enough and Time! A title that has more colons than a gastroenterologist’s waiting room, and also contains more delicious hamming than Smithfield, Virginia at Easter. Original Series veteran George Takei reprises his role as Sulu, but as an older Sulu, due to a spontaneous fluctuation in the space-time…Okay, it doesn’t really matter, does it? It has Sulu, pretty women, pretty men, time-warping, and enough wigs to fill Phyllis Diller’s closet.

Saw
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#17 - Saw

Season 2 - Episode 6 - Aired 5/13/2008

Not since Beckett’s immortal Waiting for Godot has the drama of two men locked in a filthy bathroom and brutalized by a crude ventriloquist dummy on television captured the hearts of audiences everywhere. RiffTrax Presents Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett riffing on the original, jaw-splitting, skull-drilling, Danny Glover-ing, fat naked dead man-showing movie that started it all, if by “all” you mean a five-movie franchise that’s now as tired as Bruce Willis at the end of 16 Blocks. PARENTAL ADVISORY!!!: The Movie Saw is rated R for its extremely graphic and grisly violence and excessively foul language. This RiffTrax is intended for Mature Audiences only. Parental discretion not only is strongly advised, it just makes plain good common sense.

Spider-Man 2
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#18 - Spider-Man 2

Season 2 - Episode 8 - Aired 9/5/2008

Of all the movies made in the last eleven years, only one could bravely fill the gap between Spider-Man and Spider-Man 3. That film, of course, is The Man Who Loved Cat Dancing. However, in order to satisfy the purists in the audience, Rifftrax Presents presents our very special riff on Spider-Man 2. This time, young Peter Parker must choose between the brave yet thankless life of a shadowy crime-fighter in a groin-crushing leotard, or the life of a relentless, uncle-killing failure who makes Jonah Hill look like Stone Cold Steve Austin. Alfred Molina co-stars as Doctor Octavius, AKA Doc Ock, AKA a man who ought never ever be seen with his shirt off. Kirsten Dunst returns as the pale ginger werewolf MJ, and Rosemary Harris sizzles as the sassy, sexy Aunt May. Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy welcome special guest-riffer Josh Fruhlinger, the legendary Comics Curmudgeon, author of one of the web’s most irreverent and popular blogs (check him out at http://joshreads.com). Josh has made it his life's mission to survey, and hurl invective at the daily comic strip page, and he knows more about Mary Worth than any living soul, a thought which ought to send chills down your spine. Join us as Josh brings his rapier wit and encyclopedic comic strip knowledge to this favorite of the Spider-Man series, and we promise you'll never have more fun watching a man jump around in tight clothes.

The Day After Tomorrow
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#19 - The Day After Tomorrow

Season 2 - Episode 9 - Aired 9/16/2008

Leave your Prius in the garage and cash out your carbon debts! It's time to watch the end of the world, which is our fault of course, as RiffTrax Presents Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy's razor-sharp political analysis of The Day After Tomorrow - which, by my reckoning, at least for today, may also be called Friday (day of the week may vary in your area; check your local calendar). Director Roland Emmerich lends his usual subtle style to this story of a world in which we should constantly feel guilty for driving to get the pizza instead of walking. Dennis Quaid stars as hard-driven scientist Harrison Ford, who discovers that a humble meteorologist, given enough power, can kill us all. Jake Gyllenhaaaal sizzles as the guy they get when Toby Maguire is busy, and his congenital smirk lights up the screen. Ian Holm adds the weensy bit of English charm that makes the other performances go down like overdone rump roast. An ethnically balanced mob of nobodies rounds out the cast, but a special mention is merited for Kenneth Welsh, who plays a Cheney-esque Vice President so bilious, so bitter and acrid, that his performance actually eats a hole in the floor.

Dirty Dancing
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#20 - Dirty Dancing

Season 2 - Episode 10 - Aired 9/23/2008

Ah, the summer of 1963—and what better place to spend it than with your family in the Catskills, dancing with the guy from Road House to pop songs from the 80’s! An oily Patrick Swayze, naïve Jennifer Grey and Jennifer Grey’s old nose star in this beloved(?) musical dramedy choreographed by Kenny “High School Musical” Ortega. Also starring Law & Order’s Jerry Orbach (who’s around so much dance murder he should be on the case) and a pre-Seinfeld Wayne Knight, this is the film that will make you think twice about putting your baby in ANY corner. You’ll have the time of your life (or at least be glad you have one) watching this 80’s classic that holds up about as well as a paper mache bridge with Kirstie Alley crossing it. Join Cole Stratton (Who?) and Janet Varney (Wha?) as they try to look on the bright side* and deconstruct this celebration of dance and watermelon-carrying. *film could have been Mannequin or Freejack.

Die Hard
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#21 - Die Hard

Season 2 - Episode 11 - Aired 4/10/2009

Only one film dared to confront the twin menaces facing America during the 1980s—terrorism and aggressive male-pattern baldness—and that film is Die Hard. So it's fortunate that I'm writing about that particular movie, or something would seem to have gone terribly, terribly wrong—like an emu wearing a Stetson, or anything involving Tom Green. This fearless fly-on-the-wall documentary charts the everyday struggles of vest-wearing cop John McClane, a man who swears like a longshoreman with tourettes and who, we imagine, has real problems getting insurance coverage for any aspect of his life, since he can't seem to walk across the street to use the automatic teller without becoming involved in some sort of automatic weapon-related unpleasantness. When Alan Rickman takes John's annoying big-haired wife hostage, only one response is appropriate. But instead of sitting on the couch in his underwear, scratching himself and watching Phil Donahue, McClane improbably decides to rescue her. And the surprises don't end there! Unless you've seen any action movie made since Die Hard, in which case, they pretty much do.

Tron
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#22 - Tron

Season 2 - Episode 12 - Aired 5/26/2009

Have you ever wondered what the inside of a computer looks like? So did Disney, and it’s pretty clear they didn’t do any research when they made Tron. RiffTrax invites you to join internet superstar Jonathan Coulton and less-famous-but-still-kind-of-funny comedy/music duo Paul and Storm on their adventure through a luminous blue world of phallic helmets, light-up Frisbees and tight white unitards. A pre-Dude Jeff Bridges stars as a hotshot video game programmer who gets laser beamed into the world’s dullest rave by David Warner’s evil supercomputer. Cindy Morgan, fresh from the Denise Richards school of unlikely scientists, maybe has a thing for Bruce Boxleitner, who I think is really good at playing this one motorcycle game or something? We can’t say for sure, there were a lot of flashing lights and Casio synth music and we kind of fell asleep for a little while. One thing is certain: beneath the silly costumes and bad CGI there’s a powerful message about humanity, communication and freedom, not to mention a studio executive whose creative judgment was impaired by a bad case of Pac-Man fever. Insert coin to continue.

The Running Man
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#23 - The Running Man

Season 2 - Episode 14 - Aired 7/9/2009

Are you ready for running? LOTS of running? Running done by…a man? Then you’re ready for The Running Man, the 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle, a movie so powerful that it launched the political careers of two of its stars! Yes, I’m talking about Yaphet Kotto and Professor Toru Tanaka. Didn’t know they were governors, did you? Welcome to the many surprises that The Running Man has in store for you. It’s 2018 and helicopter pilot and ESL language coach Ben Richards has just been framed for a crime he refused to commit. He escapes from prison, gets captured again and is forced to participate in a sadistic game show where he must fight for his very life! It’s pretty dystopian. Thrill! – as Arnold outwits and overpowers various cartoon-like stalkers with names like “Dynamo” and “Buzzsaw”. Squint! – as you try to understand the barely-comprehensible gibberish that spews out of Maria Conchita Alonzo’s mouth. Laugh! – as Jesse Ventura minces around in what is surely the gayest role of his career. The Running Man has something for everyone. Plus it has Richard Dawson playing the villain, a performance that can only be described as “Regis-esque”. Come join us as Matt, Aaron and special guest Chad Vader riff on this 80s sci-fi classic. Why is Chad Vader riffing a non-star-wars movie, you ask? Well, he’s got a lot of free time.

The Terrible Truth
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#24 - The Terrible Truth

Season 3 - Episode 4 - Aired 2/28/2008

(1951) Heroin, it turns out, is bad. The Terrible Truth lays waste to the all-too-common myth that regular heroin use is a healthy part of a balanced diet. Professional scowler Judge William B. McKesson guides us through a case study of Phyllis Howard (no relation to Curly) who tries marijuana and quickly begins vacuuming up Charlie Parker-levels of Mexican black tar heroin. Kevin, Mike and Bill ride this pony for all it's worth

Hor-RIFF-ic: Friday the 13th
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#25 - Hor-RIFF-ic: Friday the 13th

Season 4 - Episode 1 - Aired 11/6/2008

Down to Earth maniac, Gary Slasher, and his delightfully dead wife, Erin, are set to tackle one of the most important horror movies ever -- 1980’s Friday the 13th. Sean Cunningham’s classic is dissected by the sharp tongues of this deadly duo whose bitterness over not having made it big in the horror industry has driven them mad. In order to avoid any potential accidental injury while viewing, please review the following: * No skinny dipping in lakes, fornicating in woods, or “getting busy” in general. * Please keep keen eyes on any children swimming whose safety you are in charge of. * Clothing is not legal tender in Monopoly. * Having alternate lighting is a bonus, however if none is available shouting “Hello” into the darkness almost guarantees your immanent death. * There’s always time to stop for a nice cup of Joe. * No doob, puff, crank, duff, spaz, or goof balls. Be among the first to experience the horror and hilarity of this premier track from Hor-RIFF-ic Productions, the bloodiest crew in the biz! Update: There are now tracks available for both the Theatrical version and the recently released Uncut version of the film.