The BEST episodes of RiffTrax season 3
Every episode of RiffTrax season 3, ranked from best to worst by thousands of votes from fans of the show. The best episodes of RiffTrax season 3!
RiffTrax is comedy narration to your favorite movies & TV shows, plus some wonderfully terrible films. Written and performed by the stars of the award-winning TV series Mystery Science Theater 3000, RiffTrax brings the unique humor of "Satellite of Love" MST3K partners Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett to Hollywood's hit movies. Season 1: Official RiffTrax Season 2: RiffTrax Presents Season 3: Shorts Season 4: iRiffs Season 5: Total Riff Off Season 6: RiffTrax Live!
#1 - Farm Family in Summer
Season 3 - Episode 287 - Aired 8/30/2017
Everybody in the station wagon, we’re headed to rural Wisconsin to learn about life on a farm! Ever considered the goings-on of a Farm Family? Well now consider FURTHER the same family in the summer! Sure, it's less about everyday farming activities and more about scoring some funnel cakes, but it's really the journey — not the destination (especially if the destination involves funnel cakes). Join Bridget and Mary Jo as they hang out with a Farm Family in Summer - doing everything from milking cows to wearing colorful shirts at the county fair!
Watch Now:Amazon#2 - Soapy the Germ Fighter
Season 3 - Episode 286 - Aired 7/26/2017
Live show riff available for the first time! We riffed this sparkling sudsy gem of a short LIVE in Nashville before our Mothra show in 2016, and now you can soap it up at home! Uh, sorry, that sounded kinda weird. But then, so is Soapy the Germ Fighter. Over the years we’ve faced down a host of shorts featuring anthropomorphic objects coming alive to haunt children in their rooms, from Coily to Mr. Paperbag to A Talking Car to Norman (okay, Norman never actually did that, but you know he WOULD if he could). Somehow, Soapy the Germ Fighter manages to be the least inspired AND oddest monster of the bunch. Least inspired because he’s just a giant bar of soap named Soapy. Oddest because he has arms and legs and dresses in Renaissance garb for no apparent reason. You’ll find him in the tub, waiting, watching, judging, and tuning his lute. Uh, again, sorry, that sounded kinda weird. But then... well, you know. You’re not clean, and Soapy knows it. Soapy knows everything. Get yourself sorted out and scrub the fear away with Soapy the Germ Fighter, riffed live by Mike, Kevin and Bill!
Watch Now:Amazon#3 - Phoebe
Season 3 - Episode 264 - Aired 3/15/2016
Sex! intrigue! Canada! Hungarian political refugees living in Canada directing films about young Canadian woman who find themselves pregnant in the summer of 1964! This must-see short has it all! Directed by George Kaczender (a Hungarian political refugee living in Canada) Phoebe is the story of Phoebe, a beautiful young Canadian woman who finds herself pregnant in the summer of 1964. Filmed in glorious black and white against a backdrop of exotic greater Toronto beaches and traffic-free roadways, Kaczender (a Hungarian political refugee living in Canada) takes us inside the mind of Phoebe as she comes to grips with the reality of her situation. This is the strangest, wackiest, coolest, sweetest, What the heck is going on-iest After School Special you have ever seen! Let the capable riffing of Bridget and Mary Jo lovingly guide you through all 28 minutes of this teen pregnancy hormone fueled event. They will help you figure out where exactly in relation to the beach is the abandoned house? How do Phoebe's while slacks stay so clean? Who are the strange top hatted dancers on the beach? And what’s the deal with Paul? * Extra credit essay question: Discuss the cultural impact Hungarian Political refugee filmmakers living in Canada have had on feminism in the Northwest Territories.
Watch Now:Amazon#4 - Are You Popular
Season 3 - Episode 8 - Aired 4/8/2008
(1947) It's time to face the question head on, to stop pretending that the crowds of people following you, jeering, throwing rocks and half-eaten burritos are there because of your charm and animal charisma. You've suspected it for some time, from the moment you were rejected by CompuServe because you just weren't cool enough. The short Are You Popular? will help you solve the question once and finally: the question, "Are you popular?" There are no easy answers, friends (that is, the answer is "no", of course, which is not always easy to hear) but Mike, Kevin and Bill are more than happy to be your guides.
Watch Now:Amazon#5 - Shapes We Live With
Season 3 - Episode 261 - Aired 1/15/2016
Spheres, cylinders, pyramids, the whole shape-y gang is here, reunited at last. Ready for their close-ups, repeated close-ups, over and over, so many close-ups of shapes you’ll be begging the narrator for something, ANYTHING that isn’t a shape as you descend fully into conical madness.
Watch Now:Amazon#6 - At Your Fingertips: Play Clay
Season 3 - Episode 234 - Aired 11/21/2014
Mike, Kevin, and Bill comment on yet another ACI Films educational short. This 1970 film showed how to combine flour, salt and water to make dough which can be used like modelling clay. What more could we want? More exciting action packed crafting based on household items from the folks who brought us the rest of the At Your Fingertips series: Boxes, Cylinders, and the greatest short of all Grasses!
Watch Now:Amazon#7 - A Case of Spring Fever
Season 3 - Episode 232 - Aired 10/24/2014
What would it be like if all the springs suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth? One might think that the only change might be the relief of children who no longer had to pretend to enjoy a Slinky for the approximately 3.8 seconds it takes for one to become tangled garbage. But no! The world would become a spring-less hellscape, where planes plummet from the sky, car brakes fail, and middle aged schlubs find ways to enbaggify their hideous wardrobes even more! One of these baggy clothes wearing schlubs is at the center of our tale. In a lapse of judgment, he wishes to never see another spring again, which a spring sprite named Coily is happy to instantly oblige. Coily evidently didn’t have much else going on. Schlub-o (our hero’s legal full name) then takes a harrowing, George Bailey-esque journey into an alternate reality, only instead of “Making Violent Love” to Donna Reed, he can’t get his glove compartment to stay closed. Needless to say, he cracks under the madness of this terrifying new world almost immediately and spends the rest of the short evangelizing springs, for fear that Coily will punch him in the face like Mr. Welch did to George after he told off his wife. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill in wondering why there are no Google image search results for “Coily tattoo” riffing A Case of Spring Fever! No springs!
Watch Now:Amazon#8 - At Your Fingertips: Cylinders
Season 3 - Episode 218 - Aired 5/19/2014
The cavalcade of madness that is the At Your Fingertips series marches on. In this installment: Cylinders! Turns out the tubes on the inside of paper towels and TP that you throw into the garbage without a second thought can be used to make art! Well, not so much art as stuff. OK, it’s crap. But boy is it crazy crap! You’ll learn how to make the world’s worst planetarium. Yes, even worse than that one where the laser show is set to Dogs Barking Jingle Bells instead of Pink Floyd. Also: cardboard tube zebras! Because who hasn’t looked around their home and thought “It doesn’t look like a lunatic decorated. I should change that.” And last but certainly not least, a robot kite that violates all three of Asimov’s laws, plus several more you didn’t even know existed! Originally debuted live at our "Manos" The Hands of Fate show, this studio recording of Cylinders is the perfect piece to complement the boxes and grasses in your life. Get yours today!
Watch Now:Amazon#9 - Writing Better Social Letters
Season 3 - Episode 217 - Aired 5/9/2014
Writing Better Social Letters! The much lighter follow-up to Coronet’s disastrous Writing Better SOCIALIST Letters, which led to half the company being blacklisted and drummed out of the film business in the 1950s. It’s about a young man with a real passion for politeness and social decorum - y’know, classic middle school boy stuff - teaching his younger sister how to write a nice thank you note. How did people convey subtle social cues and pleasantries in an age without emojis or Facebook “likes”? When the mere act of preparing, composing, and mailing a thank you letter took more time than the actual event the letter was thanking someone for? These kids will show you how. Soon you’ll be the thanky-est person on your block, and everyone who gets your letters will say “wow, SOMEONE’S got a lot of time on their hands.” So save the date, RSVP, and just generally waste as much paper and postage as possible with Mike, Bill, and Kevin for Writing Better Social Letters!
Watch Now:Amazon#10 - Norman Krasner
Season 3 - Episode 202 - Aired 11/6/2013
A new short featuring the hapless NORMAN, as seen in our MANOS and BIRDEMIC live shows
Watch Now:Amazon#11 - Welcome Back, Norman
Season 3 - Episode 204 - Aired 11/6/2013
Hey, did you hear the news? Norman’s coming back! Yeah, I know! Good ol’ Norman. He’s been away for - gosh, how long now? You’re not sure either? Well, we’ve sure missed him around here. The Norm-dawg, heh heh, yep, just, always, y’know...Normin’ things up, the way he does... (Psst, who the hell is Norman? You don’t know either?? Does anyone? Well what do we...shh shh cool it, here he comes, here he comes, don’t make this awkward.) NORMAN OLD PAL, how ya been?? (Okay let’s just change the locks, then get out of here and never come back.) Welcome Back, Norman welcomes back Norman, a business traveler you might regret welcoming into anything once you witness how merely exiting an airport rental car lot is, for him, an insurmountable task. If this short ever had a mission statement, which it most assuredly did not, it would have boiled down to “teach people that annoying imbeciles have a hard time doing things.” Mike, Kevin and Bill served with Kotter, they knew Kotter, Kotter was a friend of theirs. Norman, you are no Kotter. Don’t miss Welcome Back, Norman, because when Norman suffers, the world gains!
Watch Now:Amazon#12 - David and Hazel: A Story in Communication
Season 3 - Episode 167 - Aired 2/16/2012
Sometimes, we find something special. Something so strange, so distinct, and so wonderfully sad that by the time it ends we’re curled on the floor, guts cramped from laughing, clutching clumps of our own freshly-pulled hair as the keepers come to usher us back into our comfortable pens. David and Hazel: A Story in Communication is just such a thing. What the now-classic Setting Up A Room did for, well, setting up a room, David and Hazel does for the gradual, quiet collapse of a 1960s American marriage. That may not sound particularly hilarious to you, in fact quite frankly it probably shouldn’t, but trust us, it’s a journey you’ll be glad you took. Nearly 30 minutes long, packed with tension and vintage office scenes - if the popular AMC show were called Sad Men instead, this would be that show. Instead of Don Draper we have David: not quite as sexy, perhaps, but just as distant and seemingly confused by the presence of a wife and children in his home. When there’s trouble at work and his devoted, quivering Hazel decides to ask about it, the action* really heats up (*infinite icy silence). All that, plus a freakish son who’s at least 75% alien and a roast beef dinner scene that stands as a master class in Dysfunctional Family Planning. Let Mike, Kevin and Bill bring David and Hazel into your home, but don’t you dare ask how or why it was made because that’s simply not your concern, dear.
Watch Now:Amazon#13 - Down and Out
Season 3 - Episode 12 - Aired 7/1/2008
If you like your safety shorts served with a heavy dose of groovy, then this is for you! Down and Out lays out a litany of dangers inherent in your every move from one location to the other, no matter how small. Bone-shattering death awaits around every corner. Every surface, every object, every molecule conspires with all others on earth to kill you dead! See your own tragic fate played out again and again, all backed up by a smooth drum-based soundtrack. You WILL die in an accident, but Down and Out will make the few moments until you do all the more pleasant. Mike, Kevin and Bill share the pain.
Watch Now:Amazon#14 - Patriotism
Season 3 - Episode 13 - Aired 7/3/2008
When you hear the word "patriotism" what's the first name that pops into your head? Wrong! The answer is Bob Crane. And not "Hogan's Heroes" Bob Crane, but rather creepy, post-"Hogan's Heroes" Bob Crane, home video, um, "pioneer". There is no one - NO ONE - better equipped to imbue America's youth with a sense of pride in their magnificent country - you know, once you get past the overwhelming, suffocating creepiness. Fear not, feelings of discomfort soon turn to laughter thanks to true patriots Mike, Kevin and Bill.
Watch Now:Amazon#15 - Buying Food
Season 3 - Episode 15 - Aired 7/11/2008
Buying food - how hard can it be? You go to a store pick out a few items, and start mashing them into the side of your head, right? WRONG! That's a common misconception, but as Buying Food clearly demonstrates, buying food is a very, very dangerous and complicated affair, fraught with hazard, the path to success Byzantine and arduous. To even attempt it without instruction is to court heartbreak and, most likely, violent death. Lucky for all of us there is Buying Food. Kevin, Mike, and Bill take it very seriously.
Watch Now:Amazon#16 - Good Eating Habits
Season 3 - Episode 24 - Aired 10/31/2008
For many of us, Good Eating Habits boil down to a simple rule: avoid any food whose name ends in "-ator" or "-o-rama". But fifty years ago, in an era food historians refer to as "Pre GoGurt", what constituted a Good Eating Habit wasn't as widely known. Was cleaning your plate always necessary? When was the proper time for snacks? And did Johnny Miller really see the lunch lady’s glass eye fall into the casserole when he went to the bathroom during Social Studies? These questions and more are answered in classic "Do the Opposite of This Guy" mode by Bill, a young child whose eating habits were the inspiration for the Tasmanian Devil cartoon character. Mike, Kevin and Bill are on-hand to riff the appetizing, food-like loaf of a short that is Good Eating Habits!
Watch Now:Amazon#17 - Kangaroos
Season 3 - Episode 129 - Aired 4/26/2011
Kangaroos - considered by many to be one of the top five marsupials in the world for drunken Irishmen to box, these creatures remain elusive and mysterious to most of us. (Exception: local kangaroo hoarder Crazy Dennis.) The creatively titled short film Kangaroos should put an end to all your questions, especially if your question is “Are there no kangaroos in America because many years ago they were all eaten by Wild Lions” which the short would have you believe is answered "Yes." Another question that will be answered affirmatively by this short? "Are kangaroos horrible, terrifying creatures that we would all be better off without?" Mike, Kevin and Bill, despite their best preparations, still had the validity of their knives questioned during the recording of this short.
Watch Now:Amazon#18 - Norman Checks In
Season 3 - Episode 203 - Aired 11/6/2013
As if to prove that Dunston wasn’t the only unpleasant, pest-ridden ape who knew how to Check In, here comes our old pal Norman! You’ll be pleased to know that Norman has finally cleaned up his act and gotten his life together: staying at a five star resort where everyone calls him sir, commanding respect with ease, women wanting him, men wanting to BE him...ahhh, we’re kidding of course. This installment finds Norman losing battles to a taxidermy convention, the magic fingers on a pre Civil War mattress, a television, and even exposing himself to a helpless maid. To reiterate: this short finds Norman in the bathroom once again, except this time, he is NUDE. So kick off your shoes, put your feet up on a motel comforter that’s never been washed, and check in with America’s least favorite guy, Norman!
Watch Now:Amazon#19 - Shake Hands with Danger
Season 3 - Episode 48 - Aired 7/23/2009
The world of Safety Instructional Films breaks down into two distinct categories: Shake Hands with Danger, and everything else. If you like your hair feathered, your glasses huge and your moustaches grown at an eighth grade level, this is the short for you. Narrated by a guy who was rejected from the Dukes of Hazard narrator job for sounding too much like a cotton-pickin' bumpkin, Shake Hands with Danger explores the terrifying world of construction work. Sponsored by the Caterpillar heavy machinery company, it chronicles the myriad of ways you can hurt, dismember, maim or kill yourself using Caterpillar brand heavy machinery. No action is free from potentially life-ending consequences! Even if you stay home and lock yourself indoors, the bulldozer will just barrel your house over before seeking out the rest of your family!! Nobody is safe!!! Nobody!!!! Yes, riff fans of all ages will enjoy this lighthearted timecapsule of the 1970s, set to one of the catchiest Industrial Safety-based jingles we've ever heard. Mike, Kevin and Bill have never shaken hands with Danger, but they did give Danger that "fist bump then explosion" thing, and then Danger called them all "Bro-seph."
Watch Now:Amazon#20 - At Your Fingertips: Grasses
Season 3 - Episode 143 - Aired 7/23/2011
Ever since this short debuted at RiffTrax Live, we’ve heard one question more than any other: “Why are you standing so close to me?” But a VERY CLOSE second to that is, “When are you guys gonna release that insane Grasses short??” Friends, you need ask no longer! Unless you were one of the people asking the first question, in which case the answer is “It’s a free country, I’ll stand where I want. Hey, you gonna finish that Hostess fruit pie?” Here, in a new studio version, is At Your Fingertips: Grasses. It’s got everything! Arts & crafts so awful they would even disappoint Depression-era children, fancy headdresses galore, and child worship of a terrifying clay-faced god! Not to mention a certain inquiry about corn that ranks up there with “Who is Keyser Soze?” as one of cinema’s great questions. While recording At Your Fingertips: Grasses, Mike, Kevin, and Bill kept something else at their fingertips: lots and lots of bourbon.
Watch Now:Amazon#21 - Live and Learn
Season 3 - Episode 186 - Aired 2/5/2013
Live and Learn has an important safety message for kids, namely “Hey kids, here’s a bunch of ideas for cool stuff that would be super fun to do! Now don’t do any of the stuff, and how dare you even think about it, and certainly don’t consider litigation against the film that gave you those ideas!” It’s the 1950s educational film equivalent of Keith Richards talking about his crazy fun life doing drugs, partying, and getting rich, then telling you to Just Say No. Push your friend out of a boat! Start a fire in the yard with gasoline! Check out what’s happening at the bottom of a neat ravine! The only consequence is repeated trips to the hospital where you’ll get wrapped in bandages like a scary mummy by a friendly nurse, so you simply cannot lose!* Live and Learn! Or don’t and die, either way it makes for a very funny short. *Certainly don’t consider litigation against the ironic comedy website that gave you those ideas. Also we cannot guarantee your particular nurse will be friendly. -picture was already there
Watch Now:Amazon#22 - Study Skills: Verbal Communication Made Easy
Season 3 - Episode 241 - Aired 3/11/2015
Whether you’re delivering a speech to the UN general council or giving a toast at your cousin’s wedding, there’s one thing for certain: you’re probably boring the hell out of everyone. Also, you’re using verbal communication. In fact, verbal communication has made the AARP’s “Top Ten preferred methods of communication” list for nearly twenty years running. Last year it beat out grunting, crotch grabbing, going “EEEEEEEEEE” in a really high pitched tone, tilting your head back and to one side to indicate to the person sitting across the table from you to check out the person behind you, and semaphore. But do any of us really know how to communicate verbally? Wait, we do? All of us? One of the first social skills we learn, usually by the age of 18 months? Well then why did Alfred Higgins make this short? Your guess is as good as ours! It’s a crazy, mixed-up educational gumbo that includes ten year old Siskel & Ebert impersonators, rip offs of those silhouettes from The Electric Company, and children who have been given access to a functioning television production studio for some reason. Wait, maybe that last one does actually explain it...
Watch Now:Amazon#23 - Getting Angry
Season 3 - Episode 240 - Aired 1/27/2015
Like it or not, every one of us gets angry. Maybe someone cuts you off in traffic, and you make an obscene gesture. Maybe someone doesn't clean up after their dog and you get a little steamed. Maybe the guy who calls in to the sports talk radio show right before has the nerve, the utter nerve to suggest that Tim Raines does not belong in the baseball hall of fame and you’re forced to spew bile-filled invective about him and maybe suggest that he in fact should be legally prohibited from reproducing and you find yourself driving over to his house clutching a lit molotov cocktail because Tim Raines’ lifetime on base stats are pretty much identical to Tony Gwynn’s except for oh, the nearly five hundred more stolen bases and three world series rings so I’ll see you in hell Joe from Queens A-HAHAHAHAH— Sorry, got a little carried away there. The point is, we all get angry. The kid in this short certainly does, and with just cause! You see, he brought a toy space capsule to school for show and tell, and some other careless kids knocked it over. What transpires would make Kurosawa proud as the retelling of events includes multiple viewpoints, with unreliable narrators, conflicting accounts, and a break for snack time.
Watch Now:Amazon#24 - Duck and Cover
Season 3 - Episode 238 - Aired 1/3/2015
At last, the classic nuclear safety short that put the “fun” in “fundamentally unhelpful advice in the case of a nuclear attack” is available as a riff! Nothing says “atomic death is nigh” like a cartoon turtle named Bert singing a playful song. Did the fallout transform a human man into a musical reptile? If that’s how it works, that’s not so bad, maybe we should embrace the bomb and enjoy our new lives as carefree animated turtles? Alas, these questions go unanswered as the film moves on to focus on real human children and real human adults in real human situations. There’s nothing funny about protecting yourself from a city-incinerating blast with… a folded newspaper on your head. Yeah. That’s pretty much it. That’s the best they could come up with. Good luck, kids! It’s time to crawl under your desk with Mike, Kevin, and Bill, then stick your head between your legs and kiss your Duck and Cover goodbye!
Watch Now:Amazon#25 - Health: Your Posture
Season 3 - Episode 216 - Aired 4/29/2014
Health: Your Posture tells the tale of Adrilene, a young girl with a serious problem: her parents named her Adrilene. Tragically, her nightmare doesn’t end there, she also has to deal with a condescending educational short telling her she doesn’t stand right. Then, even her reflection in the mirror turns on her, scolding and nagging poor Adrilene into submission. Basically, her life is like being permanently stuck in a room with the “how can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat” guy from Pink Floyd’s The Wall. Granted, her name is Adrilene, so maybe she deserves it. Join Mike, Kevin, Bill, and your pals at the Centron Film Corporation in letting Adrilene know everything that’s wrong with her in Health: Your Posture!
Watch Now:Amazon