The BEST episodes of Not the Nine O'Clock News
Every episode of Not the Nine O'Clock News ever, ranked from best to worst by thousands of votes from fans of the show. The best episodes of Not the Nine O'Clock News!
Not The Nine O'Clock News was a satirical show broadcast on BBC2 (UK) from 1979 to 1982. Noted for its topical sketches and skits, it made stars of Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Griff Rhys-Jones and Pamela Stephenson. The show required a large number of writers, and to this end operated an "open door" policy, accepting sketch ideas from anybody who wanted to contribute. With a large number of contributing writers, there was plenty of material to go round, and only the best ideas made it to the screen; thus the series was able to maintain a remarkably high quality of material across four series. The series ended in 1982, partly due to the various cast members wanting to pursue their own projects instead.
#1 - Not the Nine O'Clock in the Morning News
Season 3 - Episode 1 - Aired 10/27/1980
Sketches: The Shining 2 / Cockerel / Punk at a urinal / That's Lies / Made In Britain / Bank pens / Sir Robert Mark / Dick Head / TV Licence Advert / Bank signs / Unemployment / Bhuddist Driving School / Loud man in sex shop / Ansaphone confessional / Vandalised Phone Kiosks / UFO Story / Workaholics / I Like Trucking / National Theatre
#2 - Shame
Season 4 - Episode 6 - Aired 3/8/1982
Sketches: Punk road painter / Two Ninnies/Two Ninnies Song / Marc Almond / Jogger trying to cross the road / Pub Grub / Arab identifying his wife's body / Parkinson meets Ian Botham / Zak the Alien / Pork Scratchings / Budget / Barefoot thug / Time, Gentlemen, Please / Hey Wow / Pizza Moment / The Memory Kinda Lingers
#3 - Made in Wales
Season 4 - Episode 5 - Aired 3/1/1982
Sketches: Lawyers / Thugs on bus / Riot Police / Songs Of Praise / Failed In Wales / Choking on pills / Green man / Car crusher / Brain Death / Nurse trapped inside a patient / Riots / Rumbley's Pies / Made From Whales / What A Lot Of Willies! / Blind man crossing the road / Medical students who aren't / Ah, Come In Rawlinson! / Laid In Wales / Typical Bloody Typical
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#4 - Show Twenty Five
Season 4 - Episode 4 - Aired 2/22/1982
Sketches: Embarrassed woman / Question Time / Headbangers / Peep-hole / Hey Bob! / Shoplifters / Restaurant / Porn Photographer / Sommelier / One For The Birds / Roughage K / Snooker / Tomorrow's World - Microchip / Hit and run incident / Strange ID parade / Comedy Chestnuts / Shop Stewards / Jackanory
#5 - Hi Se Seo An Naught Ag A Naoi Chlog
Season 4 - Episode 3 - Aired 2/15/1982
Sketches: Bankrupt / Ask The Family / What's The Time Mr Wolf? / Rubik Cube / Valentine / Advert for the SDP / No dogs, smoking, bikes / Stunt cops and robbers / Bank / The Price Of Petrol / Kangaroo Meat Advert / Wildebeest / Mad Colonel / Umbrellas / Financial Times / Post Office / Roland Davies / Contac 2000
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#6 - Show Twenty Three
Season 4 - Episode 2 - Aired 2/8/1982
Sketches: Ivan The Awful / Game For A Laugh / Public Toilet / Wine Tasting / Home Wine Kit / Aussie Pilot / Does God Exist? / Re-Altered Images / Cricket Commetary / Snooker commentary / Home Organ / Man outside phone box / Tomorrow's World / New Glee / Holiday Habits / Commission for Racial Equality / The Not Team At Home With Their Son / Grow Up You Bastards / Hamlet Advert Skit / Ploughman's Lunch / Mannequins / Pushing a car / Suicide
#7 - Show Twenty Two
Season 4 - Episode 1 - Aired 2/1/1982
Sketches: Taxi in restaurant / Breathalyser / Train Driver / Job Creation Scheme / Punk badge / Air dryers / Hospital signs / Mr Bazouki / Aleebee / Cappuccino / National Bank Of Poland / Criminal driver / Nun stunt display / Polish Show / Nice Video Shame About The Song / Caber tosser
#8 - Show Twenty One
Season 3 - Episode 8 - Aired 12/15/1980
Sketches: Announcer / Musical aeroplane / Polish cartoon / Radio controlled ospreys / University Challenge / C'est la Vie (Abba skit) / Age Of Consent / Carol Singers / Christmas Blackmail / Multiplex / Thatchula / Shirley Williams / Coffee Commerical / Sexist Cameraman / Sexism Discussion / Door sketch / SPG Man / Swag Card / Now Dry Your Hands / Ayatollah auction
#9 - Show Twenty
Season 3 - Episode 7 - Aired 12/8/1980
Sketches: Baronet Oswold Ernold Mosley / Punk aerosol / Queen's Visit / Loyal Apology / Iran & Iraq / Barry Manilow / Cargo Cult / Pneumatic Drills / Kidney Donor / Wimpy worker / Party Political Broadcast / Sperm Donor / Acupuncture / Not The Parrot Sketch / Karate For The Deaf / Divorce Ceremony / Nine To Five / Rolf Harris
#10 - Show Nineteen
Season 3 - Episode 6 - Aired 12/1/1980
Sketches: Apology to the Feemasons / Panda Crossing / Brewed By Robots / Pope's Hat / Ticket Collector / Piano / Chilean Milk Marketing Board / Gang Of Three / Windsors Greatest Hits / Crowd control / Gift Shop / Giscard / Michelangelo's David / Photo Booth / Thatcher Leaving / Headmaster and pupil / Silent Movie / Weather Forecast / Euthanasia Society
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#11 - Show Eighteen
Season 3 - Episode 5 - Aired 11/24/1980
Sketches: Ready Brek / Daily Star / Elephant Man / Thieves without stockings to put on their heads but with a pair of tights / Battered Baby / Harty Skit / Sunbed / The Obit / This Is Your Life / Tax Evaders / American Express (Masons) / Open Marriage / Schmidt Old Slag / Cocktail party / Burglar / Cold students / The New Creed / Vicar Breakdown / Lager / All-purpose Advert / Henry Cooper / Chess / Man Alive Skit / Disco which isn't really / Aural sex
#12 - Nationwide
Season 3 - Episode 4 - Aired 11/17/1980
Sketches: I'm on fire / Nationwide twins / Swedish film centre / ouglas Adams / London tourist board / Sleepy Firemen / Space Salvationists / Girls' Football / Roger Cook / Sir Keith Joseph / Counting Sheep / One Man And His Lion / Return Of Rowan's Rant / Soup and Cocoa / Auld Lang Syne / Controlling TV shows / Big Jobs / Last Of The Mohicans
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#13 - Miss World 1980
Season 3 - Episode 3 - Aired 11/10/1980
Sketches: Thatcher out/Thatcher in / Pyjama case / Presidential Aide / Baboons / Walking Into A Tree / TUC Tea Break / Pop Group / Reg Varney / Sooty Surgeon / Soccer Violence / Join The Royal Family / Gay Flasher / Kendal Mint Cake / I Believe / BBC2 Closedown
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#14 - Election Special
Season 3 - Episode 2 - Aired 11/3/1980
Sketches: Hedgehog apology / Athletics from Birmingham / Bad Language / Buffet car / Cinema Usher / Shoe Shop Theft / Constable Savage / Fly The Flag / Bath Salts / Laxatives Tested / Burns Unit / Granny's Mini Metro / Explicit Bag / Quick Service Queue / Barbarian Lager / Welsh Choir / England My Leotard / Ice cream van
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#15 - Show One
Season 1 - Episode 1 - Aired 10/16/1979
Sketches: Clapperboard / Tinker, Tailor / Kenny Everett Sketch / Britt Ekland's car / National Wealth Beds / Wilson's Memoirs / Inflatables / Aliens / Vivisection Sketch / On The Moov / Spinning Head / Man With Ten Legs / Tory Conference / Maori Sketch
#16 - Death Lasers of Kazaan
Season 2 - Episode 7 - Aired 5/12/1980
Sketches: Confrontation Song / Points Of View / Cannabis / Guinness / Defence Minister / Police station phone call / Metal detector / Restaurant revolutions / Transplant Olympics / Freddie Cosgray / Is smoking safer than crossing the road? / Ayatollah Song / Exam Guide / Police Yob
#17 - Show Twelve
Season 2 - Episode 6 - Aired 5/5/1980
Sketches: Guardsmen / Blood bank sign / Morgue / Parkinson with Billy Connolly / Pottery presenter / Hi-Fi Shop / Campari and Soda / Passport Photos / News For The Deaf / Mugging / The Devil: Is He All Bad? / Contagious spots / Origami / Hitchcock Directs The News / Hidden Switch / Janet Street Porter interviews Billy Connolly
#18 - Show Eleven
Season 2 - Episode 5 - Aired 4/28/1980
Sketches: MGM Skit / Death Of A Princess (Apology To The Saudis) / Prostitute / Thatcher actor / Kosher Chewing Gum / Stamp auction / Train carriage cleaners / Multi-ligual Hotel Sign / News vendors / Remote Control / Gerald The Gorilla / Man In Post Office / Kidnapping / Tarts / Princess Anne And Mark Philips / Domino Theory / Neanderthal man / Instant Pot Meals / Bob Wellings / King Of Rock n Roll / Banging On The Ceiling / Train Drums
#19 - International Darts
Season 2 - Episode 4 - Aired 4/21/1980
Sketches: International Darts / Milkman's Note / Beat The Cliché / One-man bus / Gone With The Wind / Superman / Cinema Age Restrictions / Tramp / Time Out Lonely Hearts / Late Abortion / Jean Paul Satre / Shop Assistants / Euthanasia / Thoucht For The Day / Confessional / Gob Of The Month / And all because the lady loves...
#20 - Don't Get Your Vicars in a Twist!
Season 2 - Episode 3 - Aired 4/14/1980
Sketches: Russian Army / FIAT Advert / Postman / Railway Announcement / Stout Life / Talking to daffodils / Crime Figures / Out-of-touch Judge / Train cancellation/Announcer breaks down / Glue Sniffing / Suicide / Loud Reporter / James Burke / American Express / President Tito / I Like Bouncing / Abu Ben Adhem
#21 - Show Eight
Season 2 - Episode 2 - Aired 4/7/1980
Sketches: Airline Terrorists / Film Certification / Space Invaders / Dinner Party / Awards Ceremony (Sofas) / Alabammy Bound / Prestel / Kleptomania / Vegtarian Hunting Season / Stereoids / Rowan Rants On / Milkman / Ford Cortina / Lead Poisoning / Kiss of life / Government Training Film / Hairdressers / School of archaeology / Aeroplane toilet / Arianna Advert / Boxing in Johannesburg / Rowan Apologises / Clint Eastwood / Debating Point
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#22 - The Outrageously Expensive Not the Nine O'Clock News Show
Season 2 - Episode 1 - Aired 3/31/1980
Sketches: Grand National Skit / Pinball / Helicopter / Alidair Milne / Wimpy Burgers / Non-Diet Pepsi / Car Vandals / The Cost Of A sketch / Dolphin for President / The lesson I learned from Chappaquiddick / Parkinson Meets Parkinson / Maternity Ward / Perfect evening / Lifeboats / The Nancy Boys / Cottage In Wales
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#23 - Show Six
Season 1 - Episode 6 - Aired 11/20/1979
Sketches: Royal car visor / Whale delivery / Aliens / John Cleese / General Synod's Life Of Python / Disco For Dentists / Licence fee / Milk float visors / Simultaneous Translation / Donald Sinden / Self-defence / Spies / Sex Shop / Poped / Careers Teacher / Oh! Bosanquet
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#24 - Show Five
Season 1 - Episode 5 - Aired 11/13/1979
Sketches: Baby on the bus / Nativity Sketch / New Jeans / Religious fanatic / Nativity II / Hot Gossip / Church Advertising / Medieval Christmas / Ranting Frenchman / Miss World / Amputation / Trial By Egg / ""Probe"" / Bingo / Rowan Rants Again / Nanny Service / Christmas Carol
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#25 - Show Four
Season 1 - Episode 4 - Aired 11/6/1979
Sketches: Plane Crash / Mission Ineffable / Scunthorpe strangler / Football Replay / Final Demands / Lifeboatmen / Craftsman's Kitchen / I can't feel my legs / Neurotica / Song: Gob On You