The BEST episodes written by Dick Clement

Who Won the War Anyway?
star
8.85
72 votes

#1 - Who Won the War Anyway?

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 1 - Episode 2

Neville is suspended from work when his boss finds out that he's a bricklayer rather than a carpenter. Watching a group of men playing football, Neville spots an unexploded bomb which has been unearthed by a mechanical digger. He raises the alarm and is hailed as a hero. The boss finds a bricklaying job for him. There's a sudden vacancy because Oz has been in a fight with a group of Germans and has been sacked. The German workers go on strike until Oz is reinstated.

Suspicion
star
8.63
68 votes

#2 - Suspicion

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 1 - Episode 4

Something very expensive goes missing from the hut and they all begin to suspect each other. So in a bid to catch out the culprit various plans are hatched but as usual all of them end in failure. But in the end it turns out that the thief isn't one of them at all but someone from outside the hut.

If I Were a Carpenter
star
8.61
78 votes

#3 - If I Were a Carpenter

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 1 - Episode 1

Dennis, Neville and Oz head for Germany, looking for work as bricklayers. They get work in Dusseldorf, but only two bricklayers are needed. Dennis makes out that Neville is a carpenter so that the trio can stay together. Neville isn't too happy with his work, since his carpentry skills are very limited. He decides to call it a day and head back home. That night, he goes out on the town and has too much to drink. He wakes up next morning with a tattoo on his arm, dedicated to someone named Lotte. He decides that he'll have to stay in Dusseldorf for the time being.

The End of the Affair
star
8.27
33 votes

#4 - The End of the Affair

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 4 - Episode 6

Pru comes to the aid of Neville after he is kidnapped. Pru explains to Neville that Tarquin has not been entirely honest with him. Oz visits Barry in jail and finds that he's suffering badly. Oz makes a decision that will help Barry, but will damage his relationship with Ofelia.

Part 2
star
8.26
87 votes

#5 - Part 2

Archangel - Season 1 - Episode 2

Kelso is led unwittingly through murder and intrigue towards his own personal "Holy Grail" - Joseph Stalin's secret legacy - a legacy that could change the face of Russian history forever.

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Episode 2
star
8.25
175 votes

#6 - Episode 2

Spies of Warsaw - Season 1 - Episode 2

Warsaw 1938. French military attache Colonel Jean-Francois Mercier is also a spy on a mission, one which takes him undercover to Czechoslovakia on the trail of the elusive Chaika, a man who can lead him into the heart of the Nazi war machine. Back in Warsaw, his erstwhile mistress Anna Skarbek is devastated by news of her ex-lover and political refugee and journalist Max Mostov. Heartbroken, she flees to Spain on a League of Nations mission of mercy. As the Nazi storm clouds gather over Europe, dashing Polish Colonel Anton Pakulski undertakes his own mission, a mission that goes to the heart of protecting the very future of Poland itself.

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Episode 1
star
8.19
217 votes

#7 - Episode 1

Spies of Warsaw - Season 1 - Episode 1

A German engineer arrives in Warsaw. Tonight he will be with his Polish mistress, tomorrow at a workers bar in the city's factory district to meet with Colonel Mercier in a backstreet cafe. Information is exchanged for money. Mercier loathes the niceties of ambassadorial lunches, cocktail parties and banquets of a world not yet at war, but one in which the drums of war can be heard ever more insistently in the background. However, they take on an altogether more interesting dimension when he meets the enigmatic and beautiful Anna Skarbek. While secretly observing panzer exercises in the Black Forest, Mercier sees a simple trick performed with a length of pipe strapped across a car and draws his own conclusions about exactly what it is the Germans are planning. When the Nazis find out what he's been doing, his own life becomes their target.

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Last Tango in Lavenham
star
8.11
70 votes

#8 - Last Tango in Lavenham

Lovejoy - Season 6 - Episode 10

In the last episode of Lovejoy, our hero gears himself up to marry Charlotte, and his old life begins to splinter. Jane Felsham returns with a splash, and without Alexander in tow - will Lovejoy have to choose between her and Charlotte?

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Bridge over Troubled Water
star
8.09
33 votes

#9 - Bridge over Troubled Water

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 3 - Episode 3

There is trouble all round and the deal to sell the bridge falls through but help arrives in the most unusual form, a native American! Oz finds out his son is a 'pillow biter' (gay) and has to deal with it in his own way. And a hit man is sent looking for Moxey.

Cowboys
star
8.07
46 votes

#10 - Cowboys

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 2 - Episode 6

A plumber named Harry Blackburn, who's mad about Country and Western music, joins the gang temporarily. He talks the gang into going for a night out at a Country and Western pub, where "Big Willie Osborne" does a turn. The lads go on strike in protest against Ally Fraser's treatment of Dennis. Fraser sends a gang of 'heavies' around to teach the strikers a lesson. The lads give them a "good kicking".

Quo Vadis, Pet
star
8.06
34 votes

#11 - Quo Vadis, Pet

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 2 - Episode 13

Dennis manages to get the upper hand, forcing Ally Fraser to "wipe the slate clean". Oz has a fling with Ally's girlfriend, Vicki. He also wins the Spanish lottery. The day of the wedding arrives and Barry and Hazel are married at sea. Ally Fraser turns up in another boat, closely followed by a Customs boat. The series ends with Kenny Ames' yacht heading for Tangiers, with the Customs in hot pursuit.

Part 1
star
8.01
97 votes

#12 - Part 1

Archangel - Season 1 - Episode 1

A historian doing research in Moscow discovers a potential secret about Stalin which leads him into danger as there are those who do not want the secret revealed.

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A Test of Character
star
8.00
28 votes

#13 - A Test of Character

Porridge - Season 3 - Episode 5

Godber is working hard for an extra O-level. Fletcher tries to persuade him that cheating would be a good way of ensuring success in the examination. Godber isn't convinced.

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Pardon Me
star
8.00
28 votes

#14 - Pardon Me

Porridge - Season 3 - Episode 4

Old Blanco is doing time for the murder of his wife. He still swears he wasn't guilty. Now he's up before the Parole Board and it looks as if he's sure to be released. Blanco surprises everyone by turning down parole when it's offered to him. He explains that, if he accepts parole, he'll also be admitting that he was guilty of a crime for which he was wrongly convicted. He insists that he'll only leave prison if he's offered a full pardon. Fletcher comes up with a plan to help him.

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Law and Disorder
star
8.00
34 votes

#15 - Law and Disorder

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 2 - Episode 11

The lads have a few days off work. Ally tells them to make a real effort to persuade everyone that they're tourist rather than illegal workers.

Our Boys in Havana
star
7.97
40 votes

#16 - Our Boys in Havana

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 4 - Episode 2

Perhaps it's the heat, or the Cuban rum, or maybe it's just creeping middle-age but strange things are happening to TV's best-known gang of Geordie brickies. Neville, for instance, has turned into Newcastle's version of ""Our Man in Havana"", furtively sneaking around the place muttering the name of Heather to everyone in the hope of finding his ""contact"" in the British Embassy. Meanwhile Oz is giving flowers to a beautiful Cuban prima ballerina, and dear Barry is still having therapy by mobile phone.

Bridging the Gap
star
7.97
38 votes

#17 - Bridging the Gap

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 3 - Episode 1

The lads reunite in Middlesbrough for Oz's funeral, only to be approached by the man himself and he has an 'Irresistible offer' of work at home and abroad. They of course still have their problems and most with their lack of money. With Barry its problems with his marriage to beautiful wife Tatiana, and for Moxey, getting himself on the hit list of a Liverpool gangster called Mickey Startup hasnt really made his day, but things don't get much better.

Moonlighting
star
7.94
35 votes

#18 - Moonlighting

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 4 - Episode 4

Neville's first mission is to get to know Michael who works for a pharmaceutical company. As if being suspected of spying isn't bad enough, Michael is also a Manchester United fan. Neville is given a Man U shirt in order to pass himself off as a fan to get close to Michael. The things some people will do for their country.

For Better or Worse
star
7.89
38 votes

#19 - For Better or Worse

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 2 - Episode 12

Hazel arrives in Spain and Barry tries to get wedding plans sorted out. Ally Fraser suggests that the happy couple should get married on Kenny Ames' yacht. Unbeknown to the lads, Fraser plans to use the wedding as a cover for smuggling his money into Spain.

Marjorie Doesn't Live Here Anymore
star
7.88
42 votes

#20 - Marjorie Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 2 - Episode 8

Oz goes back to Newcastle and finds that his wife Marjorie has moved away and someone else is living in his flat. He goes to his son Rod's school and waits for the lad to come out. He learns that Marjorie is now living with an Italian named Sandro. She plans to move to Italy with him, taking Rod with her.

Britannia Waives the Rules
star
7.83
36 votes

#21 - Britannia Waives the Rules

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 4 - Episode 1

Russia. A marble staircase. Oz descends in his dirty, worn white underpants to join the others over a morning cuppa. The house is magnificent - another job well done. It is payday, and after a celebratory vodka, the boys head outside for a final photo, where the house explodes behind them, leaving them penniless and with no way home. The lads head to the British Embassy, where Oz knows an old Geordie contact who tells the team about the existence of the Overseas Estates Development department which arranges for British workmen to travel round the world fixing up British Government property. The gang plan their letter of application on the way home: ""We are independent building contractors with a vast amount of experience. We recently reassembled the Middlesbrough Transporter Bridge in Arizona, which must count as one of the most famous erections in recent years."" Neville turns down the opportunity this time, but he is approached by a member of MI6, and is asked to work undercover.

Another Country
star
7.82
45 votes

#22 - Another Country

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 2 - Episode 4

It's discovered that Thornley Manor is a listed building, so the lads are forced to stop work. Arthur Pringle throws everyone out of the pub after he catches Wayne in bed with his daughter.

A Storm in a Teacup
star
7.80
112 votes

#23 - A Storm in a Teacup

Porridge - Season 3 - Episode 1

When a bottle of pills goes missing from the Doctor's surgery, Harry Grout is worried that investigation of the theft by the prison authorities will jeopardise some of his activities. Grout insists that Fletcher must find the pills and return them before the warders can take action.

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No Sex Please, We're Brickies
star
7.80
44 votes

#24 - No Sex Please, We're Brickies

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 2 - Episode 7

Ally Fraser wants the conversion work at Thornley Manor to be finished quickly. He offers the lads some more work renovating his villa in Spain. Arthur Pringle discovers that Wayne didn't bother to get an import license for his German car. He tells the Customs & Excise and they impound Wayne's car. The lads help to get the car back and manage to finish the work at the manor. Before leaving, they brick up Arthur's front door.

The Girls They Left Behind
star
7.77
43 votes

#25 - The Girls They Left Behind

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 1 - Episode 3

Oz's wife, Marjorie, hasn't heard from him for quite a while and she's getting desperate for money. She goes to see Dennis' wife, Vera, and asks her where the lads are in Germany. Oz gets a letter from Marjorie, but marks it 'not known at this address' and sends it back. He takes a trip to watch a football match, gets drunk and wakes up on a plane bound for Newcastle. He makes his way home and gives Marjorie a sob story about not having any money. When Oz is still missing after several days, the lads back in Dusseldorf auction off his belongings and send the proceeds to his Newcatle address. He reappears to find that Marjorie has, apparetly, got the money she wanted from him after all.

Dangerous Liaisons
star
7.72
32 votes

#26 - Dangerous Liaisons

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 4 - Episode 5

The Cuban's are convinced Barry is a spy after discovering his Russian connections. Oz faces a major blow in his relationship with Ofelia after word comes from the British Embassy that they want his relationship with Ofelia to end.

The Hustler
star
7.70
84 votes

#27 - The Hustler

Porridge - Season 1 - Episode 2

Ives is such a loser that if Elizabeth Taylor had triplets, he'd have been the one in the middle. But there's no way he's going to be left out of Fletch's gambling enterprise.

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Men Without Women
star
7.70
84 votes

#28 - Men Without Women

Porridge - Season 1 - Episode 6

Fletch fancies himself as a bit of an agony aunt and is called upon by his fellow inmates to help out with affairs of the heart.

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Heavy Metal
star
7.70
33 votes

#29 - Heavy Metal

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 3 - Episode 2

The foreign workforce arive and immediatley there are problems as half are Serbs and half are from Kosavo, who have been at war for years! The boys start their roles as gaffers and the bridge begins to come down!

Scoop
star
7.68
38 votes

#30 - Scoop

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 2 - Episode 10

Spain turns out to be a bit of a let-down, with a distinct lack of the 'action' some of the lads were looking forward to. The gang have problems with the local police after they go swimming in someone's pool, thinking it belongs to Ally Fraser. A British journalist thinks the lads are a gang of bank robbers on the run. They end up being featured in all of the British tabloid newspapers.

A Home from Home
star
7.67
39 votes

#31 - A Home from Home

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 2 - Episode 5

The lads can't find accommodation because Arthur Pringle has 'put the word out' about them. They have to 'rough it' in Thornley Manor. Then they find an amateur video showing sexy goings on at the Manor - with Arthur Pringle as one of the stars.

A Law for the Rich
star
7.66
44 votes

#32 - A Law for the Rich

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 2 - Episode 3

The gang, minus Barry, arrive at Thornley Manor to start the renovation work. One of the locals reports them to the police, thinking they're housebreakers. They're staying at a local pub, where landlord Arthur Pringle takes an instant dislike to them.

The Return of the Seven (1)
star
7.64
45 votes

#33 - The Return of the Seven (1)

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 2 - Episode 1

Barry needs some help to finish renovating his house in Wolverhampton before he marries his girlfriend, Hazel. He sends out an SOS to his old pals from Dusseldorf. Dennis, Neville, Wayne and Bomber turn up to help out. They all go off for a drink and come back to find an intruder in Barry's house. It's Moxey - unknown to the others, he's escaped from prison.

A Gift from Fidel
star
7.64
36 votes

#34 - A Gift from Fidel

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 4 - Episode 3

The lads are sent out into the Cuban countryside to collect an antique bath, a present from Castro to the British Ambassador. Sounds like an easy job, until Barry goes missing…

Hasta la Vista
star
7.58
33 votes

#35 - Hasta la Vista

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 2 - Episode 9

After some delays, the lads finally set out for Spain, Dennis gets a phone call from Ally in the departure lounge saying they are not going yet due to complications. These are all sorted out, and they fly out that weekend, pretending to be tourists and sharing a plane with the Spennymoor and district senior citizens society.

Another Country
star
7.51
35 votes

#36 - Another Country

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 3 - Episode 5

The lads find themselves united once more as workers, with a grim little hut for their new home. Barry begins to go off the rails whilst awaiting trial on drugs charges, Neville falls in love with a prostitute on the road to Las Vegas, and Oz is forced to make a heroic act of bravery to rescue the bridge project from ruin. Granger finds out about the bridge project and threatens revenge. Wyman goes missing after Oz almost comes to blows with some guys in a local pub.

The Harder They Fall
star
7.50
56 votes

#37 - The Harder They Fall

Porridge - Season 2 - Episode 6

Godber takes up boxing and wins a place in the prison championship, so Fletcher sees a chance for a bit of a flutter. Then Harry Grout takes an interest and insists that the fight is 'fixed'. When one of Grout's rivals takes a similar interest in Godber's opponent, it looks as if nobody can win. Fletcher, however, has other ideas.

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No Peace for the Wicked
star
7.50
56 votes

#38 - No Peace for the Wicked

Porridge - Season 2 - Episode 4

It's Saturday afternoon and Fletcher looks forward to a quiet read. Everyone else seems to have other ideas about how Fletcher should be spending his time.

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Just Desserts
star
7.50
144 votes

#39 - Just Desserts

Lovejoy - Season 2 - Episode 1

At the beginning of series 2, Lovejoy has just come out of prison after serving a sentence for theft. He believes he was set up and returns to Suffolk hoping to find the villain and get even.

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Disturbing the Peace
star
7.50
56 votes

#40 - Disturbing the Peace

Porridge - Season 2 - Episode 3

When Mr Mackay leaves Slade Prison, Fletcher thinks that "happy days are here again". Until, that is, he meets Mr Mackay's replacement.

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Happy Release
star
7.50
56 votes

#41 - Happy Release

Porridge - Season 2 - Episode 5

Fletcher is having a spell in the prison hospital with a broken ankle. He's sharing a ward with old Blanco, who tells him that another inmate has swindled him out of his belongings in a crooked card game. Fletcher hatches a plan to recover Blanco's belongings and to take revenge on the culprit.

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The Return of the Seven (2)
star
7.31
49 votes

#42 - The Return of the Seven (2)

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet - Season 2 - Episode 2

Dennis has to go back to Newcastle to see his boss, Ally Fraser. While he's there, he meets up with Oz and brings him back to Wolverhampton. Ally Fraser asks him to put together a work gang to renovate an old manor house in Derbyshire.

New Faces, Old Hands
star
7.30
84 votes

#43 - New Faces, Old Hands

Porridge - Season 1 - Episode 1

“Twenty-three and you want to go straight? What kind of talk is that? You've got your whole life in front of you!” It's Godber's first time in prison, and Fletch is going to teach him the ways.

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Ways and Means
star
7.30
84 votes

#44 - Ways and Means

Porridge - Season 1 - Episode 5

Who would want to spend eight hours a day sewing fishing nets? Not Fletch, who is hell-bent on a cushy job in the library.

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Rough Justice
star
7.30
84 votes

#45 - Rough Justice

Porridge - Season 3 - Episode 3

Fletcher is worried that Judge Rawley might rob him of his main source of income - writing letters for illiterate inmates.

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Highland Fling (2)
star
7.27
75 votes

#46 - Highland Fling (2)

Lovejoy - Season 3 - Episode 13

Some old sketches put Lovejoy and Jane on a trail which takes them up to Scotland, where they uncover a plot by another antiques dealer to con one of Jane's friends. At home, Eric is involved with a young woman with some unsavory relations, but she also has an antique mirror to sell. Lovejoy and Jane are moving closer to romance... but who is the girl Lovejoy keeps seeing in the woods?

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Heartbreak Hotel
star
7.00
56 votes

#47 - Heartbreak Hotel

Porridge - Season 2 - Episode 2

Godber gets bad news from his girlfriend. Fletcher tries to provide help and advice, but perhaps daughter Ingrid might provide a more suitable solution to Godber's problems

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Final Stretch
star
7.00
56 votes

#48 - Final Stretch

Porridge - Season 3 - Episode 6

Godber is due to appear before the parole board, but a fight with another inmate puts his parole in jeopardy. It's up to Fletcher to save the day.

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A Night In
star
7.00
84 votes

#49 - A Night In

Porridge - Season 1 - Episode 3

Fletch explains to Godber that the best way to cope with his first night in prison, is to see it as just a "quiet night in". Trouble is, Godber's got another 698 to go.

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A Day Out
star
7.00
84 votes

#50 - A Day Out

Porridge - Season 1 - Episode 4

The rest of the working party are thrilled to have a day out, but Fletch is masking indifference - what's so exciting about digging a ditch anyway?

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