The BEST episodes written by Bill Corbett
#1 - Samson vs. the Vampire Women
Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Season 6 - Episode 24
Movie Plot: A wrestler is hired to save a young woman from a group of vampires. On the SOL: the Crew does a tribute to the 3 Stooges / Crow receives a bizarre message / the 'bots read tribute letters to the departed Frank. In Deep 13: The Mads get a strange message in a fortune cookie / the angel Torgo the White comes to take Frank to "Second Banana Heaven" / Dr. Forrester, upset by Frank's departure, sings a tribute / the ghost of Frank visits Dr. Forrester and pushes the button for the last time. Original film made in 1962.
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#2 - Angels' Revenge
Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Season 6 - Episode 22
Movie Plot: Six secret agent women bust a drug ring. A blatant "Charlie's Angels" rip-off. On the SOL: The Mads turn the SOL crew into the cast of Renegade, so they can get higher ratings / The 'bots are very to-the-point on their opinion of Mike's Fonz impression / the bots test the shame-meter, which is broken by the Mads' level of shame. In Deep 13: The mads dress up as mediocre 1970s baseball pitchers / the Mads dress as Bobby Riggs and Billie Jean King. Original film made in 1979.
#3 - The Amazing Transparent Man
Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Season 6 - Episode 23
Movie Plot: A fugitive makes a crooked deal with a scientist to become invisible. Also riffed was the short "The Days of Our Years." On the SOL: Servo uses Crow as a science project / Crow and Servo are hurt in a welding accident. In Deep 13: The Mads have opened a bed and breakfast, and force the SOL crew into being the "local color" / Dr. Forrester won't let Frank have a day off / the Mads have some Apple Dowdy. Original film made in 1960.
#4 - Omega Cop
RiffTrax - Season 1 - Episode 274
The surest way to tell you’re in for a really crappy movie, (other than “Written and directed by James Nguyen”) is the word Cop appearing in the movie title. We’ve covered Samurai Cops and Cyborg Cops and now we turn our attention toward whatever the hell an Omega Cop is. Seriously, we’ve watched this movie a bunch and are still not sure. We have learned that Omega Cops A) Take orders from Adam West B) Have to avoid solar flares that turn you into black-faced zombies and C) Are surprisingly reliant on crotch kicks as a way of dispatching enemies. Spanning exotic, post-apocalyptic locations such as The City Dump and The Bleachers at the Local High School After Field Hockey Practice Lets Out, Omega Cop is truly a feast for the senses, in the same way that an invasive pest who burrows into your nasal cavity will proceed to feast on your senses.
#5 - Trucker's Woman
RiffTrax - Season 1 - Episode 281
If the old dusty carousel of audio cassettes at a truck stop could be distilled into a movie, this would be that movie. From the title to the fashion to the hair to the faces, one of the most 70s things you will ever experience is Trucker’s Woman! It’s a classic tale: a middle-aged man drops out of college when his trucker father is murdered by trucking mobsters, then immediately becomes a trucker himself so he can get to the bottom of things. Because there’s obviously no other way! Along the path to vengeance, the titular Trucker makes time to make time with various truck stop ladies at various truck stops and other trucking-based locations. Which one of these women is the Trucker’s Woman from the title? Not clear! All that, plus a nice role for Doodles Weaver! Don’t know who Doodles Weaver is? You will after this. He’s easily one of the top five most famous people with the name “Doodles,” after all. This movie is so 70s that it’s basically the Guy From Harlem of trucking movies, and that’s high praise indeed. Hop in the cab with Mike, Kevin, and Bill, and tune the CB radio to Trucker’s Woman!
#6 - The Shoemaker and the Elves
RiffTrax - Season 3 - Episode 316
The Shoemaker and the Elves, a cute little fairy tale about the rewards of doing a good deed, delighted small children for generations - then Coronet got their hands on it. Now, see it as it’s meant to be seen, in full demented puppet form! The elderly shoemaker and his wife are puppets in a little puppet village, where everything looks like it was made of damp papier-mâché that was already used for something else. They’re barely scraping by, and can’t keep up with their business, because honestly they’re pretty lazy. Fortunately, some sort of fairy king senses their plight and dispatches some little weirdos to break into their hovel and pitch in. Because that’s how morality works, kids! No further questions! Leave out some leather strips and tools and maybe Mike, Kevin and Bill will riff The Shoemaker and the Elves for you overnight. But they probably won’t, so you should get it right here!
#7 - Santa's Summer House
RiffTrax - Season 1 - Episode 283
When a mysterious fog (fog FX not depicted) reroutes their resort shuttle, a group of tourists find themselves stranded at an elderly couple’s house. They don’t realize that it’s actually Santa’s Summer House, perhaps because the old man looks nothing like Santa and doesn’t even have a beard, and the home decor remains unchanged from A Talking Cat!?! (We assume that the house still smells like waffles.) Voluntarily returning to the mansion where A Talking Cat!?! was filmed may seem as reckless and irresponsible as Wendy Torrance returning to the Overlook Hotel. And while there are no axe-wielding maniacs, there is a trademark DeCoteau catering subplot! Speaking of eating, you probably shouldn’t eat anything that fell on the floor of this house, you don’t know what kinds of movies they’re shooting here after hours... Santa is played by Hollywood legend Robert Mitchum’s son Chris, who may just be the biggest paternal disappointment since Oedipus. Santa attempts to fix his guests' relationship problems; for some reason, this plan involves the longest croquet match in cinema history. To be honest, they might have been better off stranded in The Overlook with no TV and no beer. Mike, Kevin, and Bill may have been better off at Pirate’s World, but they invite you to join them for Santa’s Summer House!
#8 - The Girl from Rio
RiffTrax - Season 1 - Episode 289
The Girl From Rio, as you might guess, is about the island nation of Femina, which is inhabited by scantily clad superwomen intent on conquering the world. At some point, one of them goes undercover as a nail salon worker in Rio. In retrospect, the marketing department realized that they should have put more emphasis on the machine gun toting babes and less on the manicures. Also deserving less emphasis? The movie’s leading man, Jeff, a spy who on a scale of Jason Bourne to James Bond rates somewhere around the level of bathtub mildew. He’s come to Rio to kick ass and wear size fifteen sport shirts and fortunately the hotel is well stocked with size fifteen sport shirts. It must be a Rio thing. It’s Carnival time, so grab your beads and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill before the Girl From Rio pulls a Guy From Harlem and moves to Miami.
#9 - RiffTrax Live: The Giant Spider Invasion
RiffTrax - Season 6 - Episode 30
The Giant Spider Invasion, one of the most popular MST3K movies ever, is coming to a Theater near you along with the mighty men of RiffTrax! There’s a monster in Wisconsin, and it’s going to slowly, VERY slowly, strike TERROR INTO YOUR HEART! Sure, your grandma could outrun it, but TERROR is more fun! When a fiery meteor lands in the woods, strange things begin to happen in this small Wisconsin town — even weirder than usual, and that’s a pretty high bar! While the townspeople are picked off by spiders of varying sizes, two esteemed scientists ramble around the countryside in a late model sedan, where they find friendship, romance and a big mechanical spider built on a Volkswagen Beetle chassis! Starring Alan Hale Jr, the (Skipper from Gilligan’s Island), Barbara Hale (Perry Mason, and no relation to the Skipper) and Robert Easton, who’s been in more movies than a No Smoking disclaimer, Bill Rebane’s The Giant Spider Invasion explodes across the screen in a pristine new digital transfer. Join Bill, Mike and Kevin as they serve up the cheesiest cheese America’s Dairyland has to offer, LIVE in movie theaters nationwide.
#10 - 1990: Bronx Warriors
RiffTrax - Season 1 - Episode 296
The year was 1990. Milli Vanilli began their unstoppable march up the pop charts. The Church Lady was the favored impression of dorky dads everywhere. And evidently The Bronx was a wasteland overrun by gangs with really lame themes. There’s a tapdancing gang! A rollerskating gang! Presumably there’s a gang who only wears Zubaz pants (it being 1990). MST3K fans may recognize the sweet, lovable hero Trash from the Season 7 offering Escape 2000, the kind-of sequel to this film. Trash just wants to get to the other side of the Bronx. We think his goal is to evade The Warriors' copyright attorneys. If you’ve read this far, you’ve probably already guessed that former NFL star-turned-B-movie-king Fred Williamson is in this movie, and you would be correct. Also mentally cashing a paycheck throughout the production is Vic Morrow, who plays the era-appropriate Hammer. All things told, you could do worse for entertainment in 1990. Exhibit A: "Shiny Happy People." Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the only movie more 90s than Cool As Ice, 1990: Bronx Warriors!
#11 - Karate Cop
RiffTrax - Season 1 - Episode 301
John Travis (Ron Marchini) is back! Who? You know, the guy from Omega Cop? Played a cop, possibly the Omega Cop? Well he’s back! Of course, he probably never left the studio lot. He didn’t seem to have a lot going on. Always changed the subject when we asked about his wife, borrowed money but wouldn’t say what he needed it for. You could hear him crying in the bathroom in between takes. But hey, now he knows karate! And it’s possible that he plays the Karate Cop! Omega Cop had Adam West and it’s hard to fill his shoes. So the producers didn’t even try and instead just nudged David Carradine awake. (He had passed out on top of a pile of rags that they were going to try to assemble into a passable Adam West dummy, but once he was awake he seemed sober enough and they figured they’d just cast him in the movie instead.) There’s also teleportation, jackyrabbit stew, a prominent spiral staircase, and a guy who paints his face like a cat who is named, you guessed it: Snake. You might notice we have not mentioned Karate. There is not too much of it. Considering the talent they were working with, that’s probably a good thing. Please join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Karate Cop.
#12 - The Visitor
RiffTrax - Season 1 - Episode 303
Fried chicken is delicious. So is butterscotch pudding. Ditto a tall, frosty IPA. A dozen freshly shucked oysters, yes please. Veal picatta? Mmmmm! Now, put all them all in a blender and hit puree. That’s the equivalent of The Visitor. Here’s a straw! The Visitor’s got ambitious cinematography, big name actors, and a score that makes The Goblin sound like they barfed on their Casio. But when you add them all together, the result is a baffling mess, as incoherent as it is unintentionally funny. When a young girl begins to manifest her latent psychic abilities, viewers will undoubtedly be reminded of dozens of movies with similar plots. But The Visitor introduces a twist that RiffTrax fans will never see coming: poorly rendered killer birds attacking! Why it’s all John Huston can do to not fall asleep in terror mid-scene. Join Mike, Kevin, Bill, several bald children, a basketball team who can only score by dunking, an evil cabal of satanist businessmen, and the most unfortunate movie mom since Bambi for The Visitor!
#13 - Rifftrax Live: The Return of Swamp Thing
RiffTrax - Season 6 - Episode 33
He’s back! You probably didn’t know that he was gone, but he was and now he’s back! Swamp Thing, AKA Swampington Montgomery Thing, returns to thwart the sinister plans of the evil Doctor Arcane, who apparently is also back. But! Here for the first time is Heather Locklear, the young woman who is drawn to the mysterious charms of Mr. Thing and desires a love that is both human and plant-based. A sequel to the Wes Craven cult classic, The Return of Swamp Thing is decidedly NOT Directed by Wes Craven, but that’s fine, because it means this one is bigger, more fun, and way more riffable. Plus, to kick things off, a puppet goes to the dentist in Danny's Dental Date, a short that's way scarier than anything you'd find in Dr. Arcane's lab. Join Kevin, Bill, and Mike as they chase down a hoodoo in front of a live audience at the Belcourt Theatre in Nashville for RiffTrax Live: The Return of Swamp Thing!
#14 - Adventures of Captain Marvel: The Guillotine (Chapter 2)
RiffTrax - Season 3 - Episode 421
Things got off to a Shazammy start with Chapter 1, the one where Captain Marvel uses his new superpowers to… shoot a bunch of guys in the back with a machine gun. Look, it was the '40s, they were still figuring out the whole superhero thing. Now, with Adventures of Captain Marvel: The Guillotine, the second installment of this classic serial, things really start heating up. One of the powerful lenses raided from an ancient tomb in Chapter 1 has been subsequently raided again by one of the guys who raided it. But which guy? He, the masked supervillain, naturally works with a bunch of old-timey gangsters to get the rest of the lenses. And for some reason, they’ve constructed an electric “guillotine” contraption so overly complicated even Rube Goldberg would blush. But the most shocking reveal of all? Squeaky-voiced Billy Batson has a radio show!