The BEST episodes written by Austin Kalish

8.67

3 votes

#1 - Family Plan

Family Affair - Season 3 - Episode 13

Bill is laid up with a broken leg from a ski accident. The kids and his girlfriend both give him some horrendous care.

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8.50

2 votes

#2 - First Love

Family Affair - Season 2 - Episode 2

Bill and Buffy both fall in love with people they cannot have.

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8.50

2 votes

#3 - The Girl Graduate

Family Affair - Season 4 - Episode 14

Graduate Cissy plans to stay out all night.

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8.50

2 votes

#4 - It Can't Be Five Years?

Family Affair - Season 5 - Episode 6

The kids celebrate five years of living in the Davis apartment bu throwing a surprise party for Bill, who doesn't make it because of a trip to Washington D.C. Emily then reminds him of the day and he goes to the party after all.

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8.50

2 votes

#5 - And Baby Makes Eight

Family Affair - Season 5 - Episode 9

Cissy takes care of her pregnant friend while her soldier husband is out on a job.

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8.50

2 votes

#6 - Reconversion of Sister Shapiro

The Flying Nun - Season 1 - Episode 25

A lonesome Jewish girl comes to stay at Convent San Tanco and decides to become a nun just like Sister Bertrille.

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8.50

2 votes

#7 - The Unsinkable Mr. French

Family Affair - Season 5 - Episode 12

Events conspire to make French lose his cool.

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8.33

3 votes

#8 - Once in Love with Buffy

Family Affair - Season 1 - Episode 21

Aunt Fran's back and she wants the kids to come back with her. She believes that Bill will not be a suitable person for the kids. Of course, Fran thinks that this fact is confirmed when Buffy thinks that Bill doesn't want them there. When teh family gets ready to leave, Buffy sees the light and changes her mind.

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8.33

3 votes

#9 - Angel in the Family

Family Affair - Season 4 - Episode 24

Mr. French tries to help out a friend by letting his daughter see that her decision to be an actress is a big mistake, but the plan fails when Bill gets her a speaking part on Broadway and goes out with her. His friend then comes to twon and tells French that he was wrong about his daughter's acting career the whole time.

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8.27

11 votes

#10 - Going, Going, Gone

My Favorite Martian - Season 1 - Episode 17

Something is causing Martin's metabolism to go haywire. In succession, he loses control of his levitation finger, he magnetizes his clothing, he levitates, he becomes electrically charged, he shrinks and then he disappears. He finds out the cause is an increased activity of sunspots, and on Earth there is no way to control their effects on Martians. After five days, the sunspots are still occurring and Martin is still invisible. The authorities, based on a recent insurance policy Mrs. Brown sold Martin with Tim as beneficiary, suspect that Martin's "disappearance" is due to Tim killing him for the insurance money. Circumstantial evidence points in that direction. Martin can't let Tim go to jail for this, and Martin decides to tell the authorities the truth about his Martian identity. Just then, the sunspots cease and Martin reappears, just in time to save Tim and protect his own identity.

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8.18

17 votes

#11 - Raffles No. 2

My Favorite Martian - Season 1 - Episode 10

When Martin almost gets a parking ticket, Tim thinks it might be a good idea if Martin legitimizes his Earthly driving by getting a driver's license. Down at the Department of Motor Vehicles, finger-printless Martin has to do some fancy work when he is about to be finger printed. He steals the prints of another man at the DMV. Unfortunately for Martin, that print matches the only unidentified print at a major jewel robbery the previous year. In a routine cross check, the police find the print in Martin's file. And Tim covered the jewel robbery for the paper, something the police find probably more than just a coincidence. Martin and Tim find out that the police are watching them and the reason, and so Martin thinks it a good idea to flush out the jewel thief: he reads that there is a party where Mrs. Summer Winthrop will be displaying the galaxy diamond necklace around her neck, a lure too irresistible for the thief. At the party, the guests are populated predominantly by police - both in uniform and under cover - and the thief, Brian Henley, and his female accomplice, who Martin recognizes from the DMV office. Henley manages to slip the necklace off Mrs. Winthrop, slip it to his accomplice, who in turn slips it into the crown of the cap of Captain Farrow, the lead police investigator. Henley plans to steal the necklace back after the place has been unsecured, and he is no longer a suspect (he was the only person close the Mrs. Winthrop when the necklace went missing). Martin, seeing where the necklace was stashed, plans to plant it back on Henley. No matter what Henley does to get rid of the necklace Martin plants in his pocket, he is no match for Martin's levitation finger. Henley is quickly apprehended, and Martin and Tim cleared.

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8.04

24 votes

#12 - The Evans Get Involved (1)

Good Times - Season 5 - Episode 1

When young Penny Gordon follows J.J. home, she tells the Evanses tall tales about her life without mentioning her abusive mother (Chip Fields). But when Penny changes into a dress, a stunned Willona and Thelma discover the girl's badly bruised back.

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8.00

2 votes

#13 - Family in Paradise (2)

Family Affair - Season 4 - Episode 26

Bill makes the decision to stay in Tahiti because the kids are happy with their new lives. Cissy is happy with her new boyfriend, but she is hurt when she finds out that he is married! Cissy wants to go back home, and Bill decides that this is the best decision.

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8.00

2 votes

#14 - A Family Group

Family Affair - Season 3 - Episode 15

Cissy brings home a friend named Dana who brags to everyone that her family life is absolutely fabulous, until Bill finds out that her parents are divorced and are looking for her.

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8.00

2 votes

#15 - No Uncle is an Island

Family Affair - Season 4 - Episode 1

After Bill returns from a vacation, the kids decide to let him just kick back and relax, but constant interruptions make that totally impossible.

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8.00

2 votes

#16 - Ciao, Uncle Bill

Family Affair - Season 3 - Episode 11

Uncle Bill might have found the right woman to marry in Rome, but calls it off when she doesn't like children

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8.00

2 votes

#17 - Meet Emily

Family Affair - Season 5 - Episode 4

When Mr. French gets too strict with the kids, Bill decides that he needs to loosen up. Bill hires Emily Turner to help Mr. French out, and she is won over by the kids because of her openness and free will. Mr. French hates Emily because of her attitude and decides that the apartment isn't big enough for two domestics. Mr. French then realizes that Emily is a great asset and they decide to work together.

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8.00

3 votes

#18 - What's Funny About a Broken Leg

Family Affair - Season 4 - Episode 7

Buffy gets a broken leg and the family tries to cheer her up, but to no avail.

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8.00

2 votes

#19 - The Young Man from Bolivia

Family Affair - Season 3 - Episode 23

Jody is jealous of attention paid to his Bolivian pen pal.

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8.00

2 votes

#20 - My Man, the Star

Family Affair - Season 3 - Episode 28

Mr. French gets a role as King Henry VIII in a film production, only to have him look really stupid.

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7.84

32 votes

#21 - The Big Move (1)

Good Times - Season 4 - Episode 1

While celebrating a move to Mississippi and out of the ghetto, the family receives the shocking news that James has been killed in a car accident.

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7.84

19 votes

#22 - Rocket to Mars

My Favorite Martian - Season 1 - Episode 9

When the junk men come by, they mistakenly empty Martin and Tim's garage instead of Mrs. Brown's, and in doing so take Martin's space ship. Mrs. Brown has no idea the name of the junk yard, but there was a witness to the incident: Booboo, a neighborhood dog. Booboo, with the help of his dog friends and acquaintances, helps Martin track down the junk yard. When Martin and Tim get to the junk yard, they find out that the ship has already been sold to a Mr. Carter, who is using it as a "rocket" carousel at a children's amusement park. Mr. Carter refuses to sell it back to Martin. So Martin decides to disappear and fly the spaceship away, although he does slip Carter the money for the ship anonymously. Martin has one other debt to pay: a steak dinner for Booboo and all his friends for all their help.

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7.76

342 votes

#23 - Voodoo Something to Me

Gilligan's Island - Season 1 - Episode 3

The Skipper fears that the island is full of 'voodoo' when he thinks that Gilligan has been turned into a monkey.

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7.71

14 votes

#24 - Willona's Surprise

Good Times - Season 4 - Episode 17

Willona's womanizing ex-husband appears and tries to convince her that he has changed his ways.

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7.60

86 votes

#25 - Archie Goes Too Far

All in the Family - Season 3 - Episode 17

Edith and Gloria end the latest family brawl when they storm out of the house to spend the night on their own.

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7.57

42 votes

#26 - Bye, Bye, Balloon

F Troop - Season 2 - Episode 3

A Prussian balloonist comes to the Fort to inspect prospective personnel.

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7.56

86 votes

#27 - The Blockbuster

All in the Family - Season 2 - Episode 8

An unscrupulous real-estate salesman tempts Archie to sell his house to a black family at an inflated price.

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7.55

78 votes

#28 - Bum Voyage

The Bob Newhart Show - Season 1 - Episode 23

Afraid that his practice, as well as his patients, will fall apart if he leaves, Bob keeps resisting Emily's plans for a two-month European cruise.

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7.50

210 votes

#29 - Birds Gotta Fly, Fish Gotta Talk

Gilligan's Island - Season 1 - Episode 12

During Christmas, the Castaways get homesick and remember the first day they were shipwrecked. When Santa Claus ""appears"" on the island, many suspect he is the Skipper in costume. However, just as Santa departs while wishing the Castaways a Merry Christmas, the Skipper appears from the other direction.

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7.50

6 votes

#30 - Room with a Viewpoint

Family Affair - Season 1 - Episode 6

Buffy doesn't like the new changes in her and Cissy's bedroom and refuses to ever step foot in it.

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7.50

4 votes

#31 - One for the Little Boy

Family Affair - Season 1 - Episode 18

Bill plans to do some serious bonding with Jody by taking him on a business trip, but Murphy's Law plagues the trip. But Jody states that just being with Bill is exciting enough.

7.50

6 votes

#32 - Boy About the House

The Facts of Life - Season 8 - Episode 19

Beverly is sick of seeing Andy shuttled from one foster home to another, so she offers to adopt him.

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7.40

5 votes

#33 - Fish Gotta Swim, Birds Gotta Fly

My Three Sons - Season 4 - Episode 25

Mike feels that Sally should learn how to fish, since she's joining a family of avid fishermen - Except that Sally really hates the pastime. How coincidental then that Mike hates bird watching as well.

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7.35

17 votes

#34 - The Evans Get Involved (4)

Good Times - Season 5 - Episode 4

While Willona worries about the adoption, Bookman tries to help by telling the social worker that he is Willona's husband.

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7.35

147 votes

#35 - Whatever Became of Baby Custer?

I Dream of Jeannie - Season 1 - Episode 11

An 8-year-old boy, Custer, idolizes Tony. One day when making an unannounced visit, Custer sees Jeannie's magic at work. The little boy blabs almost immediately. Dr. Bellows learns about this and decides to use him to prove that the recent wierd goings-on with Tony have some explanation. Of course, Jeannie uses her magic to cause even more trouble.

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7.33

3 votes

#36 - The Stowaway

Family Affair - Season 4 - Episode 9

Buffy and Jody discover a runaway orphan and decides to keep him without Mr. French knowing about it.

7.33

3 votes

#37 - Stop the Presses, I Want to Get Off

My Favorite Martian - Season 3 - Episode 30

A beam from Martin's regenerator gives Mrs. Brown power to foresee the future.

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7.33

3 votes

#38 - Too Late, Too Soon

Family Affair - Season 5 - Episode 17

Emily playes matchmaker to Mr. French and Miss Faversham, and a matchbreaker to her son Jim and Cissy. Bill thinks that Emily believes that Jim is not good enough for Cissy.