The Osbournes

The BEST episodes of The Osbournes

Every episode ever - ranked by fan votes!

The Cleavers, the Bradys, the Huxtables...and now the Osbournes. It's the next generation of family-oriented sitcom, a reality-based comedy that follows the lives of Ozzy Osbourne and his family. There's no script, the situations are real, the family is normal...well, sort of. Theme song: Crazy, but hey that's how it goes. Millions of people living as foes--maybe it's not too late...to learn how to love, and forget how to hate!

Last Updated: 5/6/2022Network: MTV
Share:
It's a Hard Knock Life
star
9.49
35 votes

#1 - It's a Hard Knock Life

Season 2 - Episode 7 - Aired 1/21/2003

Kelly grows frustrated with all of the appearances she must make as a recording artist. She yells and screams at everyone. Sharon sympathizes with her, noting that she just wants to be a teenager and is having a hard time handling all of the demands being placed on her. She asks Ozzy to go talk to Kelly and reassure her. Kelly quickly sends him scampering away as she throws a screaming fit. Kelly flies to New York to work on her album. She does a photo shoot for Vanity Fair, and ends up storming off and having another tantrum. She later meets P.Diddy at a party. He asks her to be his guest and gives her an expensive watch as an apology after one of his security guards knocks her down. Sharon becomes fascinated with the idea of becoming P.Diddy's mother-in-law, and embarrasses Kelly by refusing to stop talking about it. Ozzy and Kelly listen to some of her songs together. He tells her that she has done well and expresses his pride. Meanwhile, Jack has problems with a band th

It's a Hard Knock Life
star
9.49
35 votes

#2 - It's a Hard Knock Life

Season 2 - Episode 7 - Aired 1/21/2003

Kelly grows frustrated with all of the appearances she must make as a recording artist. She yells and screams at everyone. Sharon sympathizes with her, noting that she just wants to be a teenager and is having a hard time handling all of the demands being placed on her. She asks Ozzy to go talk to Kelly and reassure her. Kelly quickly sends him scampering away as she throws a screaming fit. Kelly flies to New York to work on her album. She does a photo shoot for Vanity Fair, and ends up storming off and having another tantrum. She later meets P.Diddy at a party. He asks her to be his guest and gives her an expensive watch as an apology after one of his security guards knocks her down. Sharon becomes fascinated with the idea of becoming P.Diddy's mother-in-law, and embarrasses Kelly by refusing to stop talking about it. Ozzy and Kelly listen to some of her songs together. He tells her that she has done well and expresses his pride. Meanwhile, Jack has problems with a band th

It's a Hard Knock Life
star
9.49
35 votes

#3 - It's a Hard Knock Life

Season 2 - Episode 7 - Aired 1/21/2003

Kelly grows frustrated with all of the appearances she must make as a recording artist. She yells and screams at everyone. Sharon sympathizes with her, noting that she just wants to be a teenager and is having a hard time handling all of the demands being placed on her. She asks Ozzy to go talk to Kelly and reassure her. Kelly quickly sends him scampering away as she throws a screaming fit. Kelly flies to New York to work on her album. She does a photo shoot for Vanity Fair, and ends up storming off and having another tantrum. She later meets P.Diddy at a party. He asks her to be his guest and gives her an expensive watch as an apology after one of his security guards knocks her down. Sharon becomes fascinated with the idea of becoming P.Diddy's mother-in-law, and embarrasses Kelly by refusing to stop talking about it. Ozzy and Kelly listen to some of her songs together. He tells her that she has done well and expresses his pride. Meanwhile, Jack has problems with a band th

Meow Means No!
star
8.61
38 votes

#4 - Meow Means No!

Season 2 - Episode 6 - Aired 1/14/2003

Kelly recruits her friend Sarah to play the drums in her band. However, Sarah has never had any formal lessons, and can't seem to keep up with the others during rehearsals. Everyone becomes very frustrated, and reaches the conclusion that Sarah must be replaced by someone with more experience. Kelly can't bring herself to fire her friend, so Sharon volunteers to handle it. Sarah gets $10,000 for her services, and a job handling the slate during the filming of Kelly's video for "Shut Up." Dill returns to town, and Jack invites him to stay at the house. Ozzy is not thrilled about this, but doesn't stand in his way. Dill and Jack engage in a political debate that seems to bore the rest of their friends. They later engage in a bizarre wrestling match in the driveway that finds them stripping half-naked. One of the dogs, Arthur, becomes too frisky as he deals with leftover "feelings" after being fixed. The family believes that Arthur has raped Gus the cat, although a veterinarian

Meow Means No!
star
8.61
38 votes

#5 - Meow Means No!

Season 2 - Episode 6 - Aired 1/14/2003

Kelly recruits her friend Sarah to play the drums in her band. However, Sarah has never had any formal lessons, and can't seem to keep up with the others during rehearsals. Everyone becomes very frustrated, and reaches the conclusion that Sarah must be replaced by someone with more experience. Kelly can't bring herself to fire her friend, so Sharon volunteers to handle it. Sarah gets $10,000 for her services, and a job handling the slate during the filming of Kelly's video for "Shut Up." Dill returns to town, and Jack invites him to stay at the house. Ozzy is not thrilled about this, but doesn't stand in his way. Dill and Jack engage in a political debate that seems to bore the rest of their friends. They later engage in a bizarre wrestling match in the driveway that finds them stripping half-naked. One of the dogs, Arthur, becomes too frisky as he deals with leftover "feelings" after being fixed. The family believes that Arthur has raped Gus the cat, although a veterinarian

Meow Means No!
star
8.61
38 votes

#6 - Meow Means No!

Season 2 - Episode 6 - Aired 1/14/2003

Kelly recruits her friend Sarah to play the drums in her band. However, Sarah has never had any formal lessons, and can't seem to keep up with the others during rehearsals. Everyone becomes very frustrated, and reaches the conclusion that Sarah must be replaced by someone with more experience. Kelly can't bring herself to fire her friend, so Sharon volunteers to handle it. Sarah gets $10,000 for her services, and a job handling the slate during the filming of Kelly's video for "Shut Up." Dill returns to town, and Jack invites him to stay at the house. Ozzy is not thrilled about this, but doesn't stand in his way. Dill and Jack engage in a political debate that seems to bore the rest of their friends. They later engage in a bizarre wrestling match in the driveway that finds them stripping half-naked. One of the dogs, Arthur, becomes too frisky as he deals with leftover "feelings" after being fixed. The family believes that Arthur has raped Gus the cat, although a veterinarian

No Vagrancy
star
8.58
79 votes

#7 - No Vagrancy

Season 1 - Episode 8 - Aired 4/23/2002

Jack invites his friend Jason Dill, a professional skateboarder, to stay at the house after he is kicked out of the home of yet another of his friends. Ozzy and Sharon are more than a little put off by the fact that Jack just lets Dill come over without telling them, let alone asking for permission. Dill is obnoxious and slovenly, and creeps out Ozzy and others with his habit of always scratching his head. Dill also smokes and drinks a lot, and Sharon is annoyed to find a bottle of Jack Daniels with his belongings. She decides that she is going to go to the bathroom in the bottle, but Kelly pleads with her not to do this. Dill accidentally starts a fire in the kitchen, doing damage to a pan and the stovetop. Jack is irritated by the fact that Dill is the only one who doesn't seem to be helping clean up the mess, although Dill points out that he would only make things worse. Ozzy and Sharon finally persuade Jack to ask Dill to leave the house.

No Vagrancy
star
8.58
79 votes

#8 - No Vagrancy

Season 1 - Episode 8 - Aired 4/23/2002

Jack invites his friend Jason Dill, a professional skateboarder, to stay at the house after he is kicked out of the home of yet another of his friends. Ozzy and Sharon are more than a little put off by the fact that Jack just lets Dill come over without telling them, let alone asking for permission. Dill is obnoxious and slovenly, and creeps out Ozzy and others with his habit of always scratching his head. Dill also smokes and drinks a lot, and Sharon is annoyed to find a bottle of Jack Daniels with his belongings. She decides that she is going to go to the bathroom in the bottle, but Kelly pleads with her not to do this. Dill accidentally starts a fire in the kitchen, doing damage to a pan and the stovetop. Jack is irritated by the fact that Dill is the only one who doesn't seem to be helping clean up the mess, although Dill points out that he would only make things worse. Ozzy and Sharon finally persuade Jack to ask Dill to leave the house.

No Vagrancy
star
8.58
79 votes

#9 - No Vagrancy

Season 1 - Episode 8 - Aired 4/23/2002

Jack invites his friend Jason Dill, a professional skateboarder, to stay at the house after he is kicked out of the home of yet another of his friends. Ozzy and Sharon are more than a little put off by the fact that Jack just lets Dill come over without telling them, let alone asking for permission. Dill is obnoxious and slovenly, and creeps out Ozzy and others with his habit of always scratching his head. Dill also smokes and drinks a lot, and Sharon is annoyed to find a bottle of Jack Daniels with his belongings. She decides that she is going to go to the bathroom in the bottle, but Kelly pleads with her not to do this. Dill accidentally starts a fire in the kitchen, doing damage to a pan and the stovetop. Jack is irritated by the fact that Dill is the only one who doesn't seem to be helping clean up the mess, although Dill points out that he would only make things worse. Ozzy and Sharon finally persuade Jack to ask Dill to leave the house.

Viva Ozz Vegas
star
8.53
38 votes

#10 - Viva Ozz Vegas

Season 2 - Episode 9 - Aired 2/4/2003

The family jets to Las Vegas, where Ozzy performs a concert and Kelly celebrates her 18th birthday; too young to drink or gamble, Jack is stuck watching TV in a hotel room with his buddies.

Viva Ozz Vegas
star
8.53
38 votes

#11 - Viva Ozz Vegas

Season 2 - Episode 9 - Aired 2/4/2003

The family jets to Las Vegas, where Ozzy performs a concert and Kelly celebrates her 18th birthday; too young to drink or gamble, Jack is stuck watching TV in a hotel room with his buddies.

Viva Ozz Vegas
star
8.53
38 votes

#12 - Viva Ozz Vegas

Season 2 - Episode 9 - Aired 2/4/2003

The family jets to Las Vegas, where Ozzy performs a concert and Kelly celebrates her 18th birthday; too young to drink or gamble, Jack is stuck watching TV in a hotel room with his buddies.

Beauty and the Bert
star
8.51
41 votes

#13 - Beauty and the Bert

Season 2 - Episode 4 - Aired 12/17/2002

Kelly begins dating Bert McCracken, lead singer of the band The Used. Sharon worries after hearing some stories about Bert (particularly the vulgar nickname he has within his band), while Jack thinks that Bert is weird because he professed his love to Kelly after only a few weeks of dating. Kelly warns that she will run off to Vegas and marry before the end of the year. Sharon actually encourages this, saying that she needs some excitement. Sharon worries about the situation, but Ozzy encourages her to relax and just focus on living one day at a time. Sharon wants Bert to stay at the house (and sleep in Jack's room) when his band comes to town. Kelly refuses to bring him over to meet the family because she fears they will threaten or embarrass him. She finally tries to sneak him into the house, but Sharon catches them. She asks Bert about his nickname, leaving Kelly mortified. Meanwhile, Ozzy has more problems with the television set, which winds up stuck on a cooking channel

Watch Now:iTunes
Beauty and the Bert
star
8.51
41 votes

#14 - Beauty and the Bert

Season 2 - Episode 4 - Aired 12/17/2002

Kelly begins dating Bert McCracken, lead singer of the band The Used. Sharon worries after hearing some stories about Bert (particularly the vulgar nickname he has within his band), while Jack thinks that Bert is weird because he professed his love to Kelly after only a few weeks of dating. Kelly warns that she will run off to Vegas and marry before the end of the year. Sharon actually encourages this, saying that she needs some excitement. Sharon worries about the situation, but Ozzy encourages her to relax and just focus on living one day at a time. Sharon wants Bert to stay at the house (and sleep in Jack's room) when his band comes to town. Kelly refuses to bring him over to meet the family because she fears they will threaten or embarrass him. She finally tries to sneak him into the house, but Sharon catches them. She asks Bert about his nickname, leaving Kelly mortified. Meanwhile, Ozzy has more problems with the television set, which winds up stuck on a cooking channel

Watch Now:iTunes
Beauty and the Bert
star
8.51
41 votes

#15 - Beauty and the Bert

Season 2 - Episode 4 - Aired 12/17/2002

Kelly begins dating Bert McCracken, lead singer of the band The Used. Sharon worries after hearing some stories about Bert (particularly the vulgar nickname he has within his band), while Jack thinks that Bert is weird because he professed his love to Kelly after only a few weeks of dating. Kelly warns that she will run off to Vegas and marry before the end of the year. Sharon actually encourages this, saying that she needs some excitement. Sharon worries about the situation, but Ozzy encourages her to relax and just focus on living one day at a time. Sharon wants Bert to stay at the house (and sleep in Jack's room) when his band comes to town. Kelly refuses to bring him over to meet the family because she fears they will threaten or embarrass him. She finally tries to sneak him into the house, but Sharon catches them. She asks Bert about his nickname, leaving Kelly mortified. Meanwhile, Ozzy has more problems with the television set, which winds up stuck on a cooking channel

Watch Now:iTunes
Ozzy Knows Best
star
8.50
4 votes

#16 - Ozzy Knows Best

Season 3 - Episode 9 - Aired 4/27/2004

Ozzy is upset by Kelly's tendency to wear revealing outfits when she goes out to clubs and parties. She feels that he is being overprotective. Ozzy worries about the behavior of one of the bulldogs, Colin, as he is attacking the other dogs (especially Lola). He tries to give him away to an employee, but Jack strongly objects. Ozzy grows frustrated, as he feels that no one pays attention to anything he says. He and Jack eventually patch things up, and Sharon tries to get through to Kelly.

Watch Now:Amazon
Ozzy Knows Best
star
8.50
4 votes

#17 - Ozzy Knows Best

Season 3 - Episode 9 - Aired 4/27/2004

Ozzy is upset by Kelly's tendency to wear revealing outfits when she goes out to clubs and parties. She feels that he is being overprotective. Ozzy worries about the behavior of one of the bulldogs, Colin, as he is attacking the other dogs (especially Lola). He tries to give him away to an employee, but Jack strongly objects. Ozzy grows frustrated, as he feels that no one pays attention to anything he says. He and Jack eventually patch things up, and Sharon tries to get through to Kelly.

Watch Now:Amazon
Ozzy Knows Best
star
8.50
4 votes

#18 - Ozzy Knows Best

Season 3 - Episode 9 - Aired 4/27/2004

Ozzy is upset by Kelly's tendency to wear revealing outfits when she goes out to clubs and parties. She feels that he is being overprotective. Ozzy worries about the behavior of one of the bulldogs, Colin, as he is attacking the other dogs (especially Lola). He tries to give him away to an employee, but Jack strongly objects. Ozzy grows frustrated, as he feels that no one pays attention to anything he says. He and Jack eventually patch things up, and Sharon tries to get through to Kelly.

Watch Now:Amazon
Cleanliness Is Next to Ozzyness
star
8.45
40 votes

#19 - Cleanliness Is Next to Ozzyness

Season 2 - Episode 8 - Aired 1/28/2003

Ozzy grows increasingly tired of the dogs and their tendency to go to the bathroom everywhere. Because Sharon's immune system is very weak due to the chemo, he fears that all of the germs will cause her to develop an infection. He constantly cleans everything and tries to get everyone to wear gloves around Sharon. He also urges Sharon not to let the dogs on the bed, but she ignores him. Ozzy meets with a contractor about plans to build an outdoor kennel for all of the dogs, but Sharon quickly kills this idea. Jack and Sharon argue when she insists on going out to dinner. He believes she should rest, but she is feeling well and can't stand to be cooped up in the house. Sharon takes Robert shopping for furniture for his new room. She explains that Robert was a good friend to Aimee and Kelly after the Osbournes moved from England, so they have taken him in after his mother's death (from colon cancer). Jack bonds with Robert and shows him how to make one of his favorite treats, be

Cleanliness Is Next to Ozzyness
star
8.45
40 votes

#20 - Cleanliness Is Next to Ozzyness

Season 2 - Episode 8 - Aired 1/28/2003

Ozzy grows increasingly tired of the dogs and their tendency to go to the bathroom everywhere. Because Sharon's immune system is very weak due to the chemo, he fears that all of the germs will cause her to develop an infection. He constantly cleans everything and tries to get everyone to wear gloves around Sharon. He also urges Sharon not to let the dogs on the bed, but she ignores him. Ozzy meets with a contractor about plans to build an outdoor kennel for all of the dogs, but Sharon quickly kills this idea. Jack and Sharon argue when she insists on going out to dinner. He believes she should rest, but she is feeling well and can't stand to be cooped up in the house. Sharon takes Robert shopping for furniture for his new room. She explains that Robert was a good friend to Aimee and Kelly after the Osbournes moved from England, so they have taken him in after his mother's death (from colon cancer). Jack bonds with Robert and shows him how to make one of his favorite treats, be

Cleanliness Is Next to Ozzyness
star
8.45
40 votes

#21 - Cleanliness Is Next to Ozzyness

Season 2 - Episode 8 - Aired 1/28/2003

Ozzy grows increasingly tired of the dogs and their tendency to go to the bathroom everywhere. Because Sharon's immune system is very weak due to the chemo, he fears that all of the germs will cause her to develop an infection. He constantly cleans everything and tries to get everyone to wear gloves around Sharon. He also urges Sharon not to let the dogs on the bed, but she ignores him. Ozzy meets with a contractor about plans to build an outdoor kennel for all of the dogs, but Sharon quickly kills this idea. Jack and Sharon argue when she insists on going out to dinner. He believes she should rest, but she is feeling well and can't stand to be cooped up in the house. Sharon takes Robert shopping for furniture for his new room. She explains that Robert was a good friend to Aimee and Kelly after the Osbournes moved from England, so they have taken him in after his mother's death (from colon cancer). Jack bonds with Robert and shows him how to make one of his favorite treats, be

Must Come Down
star
8.45
47 votes

#22 - Must Come Down

Season 2 - Episode 2 - Aired 12/3/2002

Sharon recuperates at the family's Malibu beach house while undergoing treatment for colon cancer. She vows to beat the disease, and tries to maintain as normal a life as possible. Everyone talks about their reactions to the news of her diagnosis. Ozzy struggles to remain sober while on tour with Ozzfest. He had already been going through detox, and the news of Sharon's illness has made a difficult situation much worse. A family friend/employee tries to help Ozzy by helping him get into yoga and reading him poetry, but Ozzy is decidedly less than impressed. Some people try to talk to him about how religion helped them overcome their addictions, but he does not want any part of it. He is terrified by the prospect of losing Sharon, and doesn't want to be away from her. However, he elects to tough it out and stay on tour because he doesn't want to cause Sharon any further stress. Ozzy comes home for a few days during a break in the tour. Sharon tries to have a fire going in the

Must Come Down
star
8.45
47 votes

#23 - Must Come Down

Season 2 - Episode 2 - Aired 12/3/2002

Sharon recuperates at the family's Malibu beach house while undergoing treatment for colon cancer. She vows to beat the disease, and tries to maintain as normal a life as possible. Everyone talks about their reactions to the news of her diagnosis. Ozzy struggles to remain sober while on tour with Ozzfest. He had already been going through detox, and the news of Sharon's illness has made a difficult situation much worse. A family friend/employee tries to help Ozzy by helping him get into yoga and reading him poetry, but Ozzy is decidedly less than impressed. Some people try to talk to him about how religion helped them overcome their addictions, but he does not want any part of it. He is terrified by the prospect of losing Sharon, and doesn't want to be away from her. However, he elects to tough it out and stay on tour because he doesn't want to cause Sharon any further stress. Ozzy comes home for a few days during a break in the tour. Sharon tries to have a fire going in the

Must Come Down
star
8.45
47 votes

#24 - Must Come Down

Season 2 - Episode 2 - Aired 12/3/2002

Sharon recuperates at the family's Malibu beach house while undergoing treatment for colon cancer. She vows to beat the disease, and tries to maintain as normal a life as possible. Everyone talks about their reactions to the news of her diagnosis. Ozzy struggles to remain sober while on tour with Ozzfest. He had already been going through detox, and the news of Sharon's illness has made a difficult situation much worse. A family friend/employee tries to help Ozzy by helping him get into yoga and reading him poetry, but Ozzy is decidedly less than impressed. Some people try to talk to him about how religion helped them overcome their addictions, but he does not want any part of it. He is terrified by the prospect of losing Sharon, and doesn't want to be away from her. However, he elects to tough it out and stay on tour because he doesn't want to cause Sharon any further stress. Ozzy comes home for a few days during a break in the tour. Sharon tries to have a fire going in the

The Ozz Man and the Sea
star
8.42
43 votes

#25 - The Ozz Man and the Sea

Season 2 - Episode 3 - Aired 12/10/2002

Kelly travels to Europe for a series of interviews and appearances. She is upset when her bag is lost (apparently seized by security because of concerns over her gun-shaped pin), leaving her without any extra underwear. She first visits Germany, where she deals with several adoring fans and tries to fake her way through a radio interview conducted in German. Kelly then goes to England to perform "Papa Don't Preach" on Top of the Pops. Jack heads to North Carolina to film a guest spot for Dawson's Creek. Sharon is depressed about the fact that everyone is away at the same time. Ozzy tries to cheer her up by building a fire outside the beach house so that she can spend some time outside. The fire department gives him some advice on building a pit for the fire, but the ocean is not very cooperative. When the fire finally gets going, Ozzy gives Sharon a good laugh when he tries to catch a fish in the ocean--and ends up falling on his butt.