The BEST episodes of How Do You Want Me?

Every episode of How Do You Want Me? ever, ranked from best to worst by thousands of votes from fans of the show. The best episodes of How Do You Want Me?!

Following their marriage, Ian and Lisa move back to the village where she grew up, a village still dominated by her family. In order to try to fit in, Ian takes a job as the village photographer, a profession for which he is not really cut out.

Last Updated: 11/26/2022Network:BBC Two
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Floppy, But Not Too Floppy
star
9.93
30 votes

#1 - Floppy, But Not Too Floppy

Season 1 - Episode 2 - Aired 3/3/1998

Ian finally receives his first business assignment: taking the primary school annual photograph. However, things don’t go quite to plan as his inexperience shows through and the students and staff are not as co-operative as he had hoped. Lisa’s father is determined to get his son in law to return to London and offers him a substantial sum of money to encourage him to leave. Meanwhile Lisa has problems of her own when it becomes apparent that her ex, Derek, still harbours feelings for her.

Directors: John Henderson
Writer: Simon Nye
Monstrous
star
9.90
29 votes

#2 - Monstrous

Season 1 - Episode 3 - Aired 3/10/1998

Some intimate photographs of Ian and Lisa cause a stir when they are posted around the village. Desperate to ingratiate himself with the villagers, Ian joins the local football team but quickly begins to regret his decision.

Directors: John Henderson
Writer: Simon Nye
The Hidden World of Country Fire Stations
star
9.00
28 votes

#3 - The Hidden World of Country Fire Stations

Season 1 - Episode 5 - Aired 3/24/1998

Ian travels round with the local fire service when he decides to write a book about them however, he uncovers a swindle they don’t want revealed. Lisa has a constant flow of visitors and Ian begins to feel claustrophobic.

Directors: John Henderson
Writer: Simon Nye
Woof!
star
8.93
29 votes

#4 - Woof!

Season 1 - Episode 4 - Aired 3/17/1998

Derek’s continued obsession with Lisa creates friction. To support a village charity gala, Ian invites one of his friends from the London comedy club to perform. However his friend’s style of stand up proves to be a little too much for the audience.

Directors: John Henderson
Writer: Simon Nye
No-one Can Hear You Scream
star
7.94
31 votes

#5 - No-one Can Hear You Scream

Season 1 - Episode 1 - Aired 2/24/1998

Newly-weds Lisa and Ian Lyons move from London to her home village in rural Suffolk. Ian has trouble adapting to country life when he offends his wife’s farming family over dinner. Then he exacerbates the animosity Lisa’s family have for him even further at the grand opening of a new turkey barn. Meanwhile when Ian struggles to find suitable employment, he takes over the local photography business.

Directors: John Henderson
Writer: Simon Nye
Sausage, Balloon, Bum
star
5.00
28 votes

#6 - Sausage, Balloon, Bum

Season 1 - Episode 6 - Aired 3/31/1998

There is a scandal in the village when Ian is accused of hitting a young boy. The Lyons find rural life rather dull and decide to enter the local bridge competition.

Directors: John Henderson
Writer: Simon Nye
White Pubic Hair
star
0.00
0 votes

#7 - White Pubic Hair

Season 2 - Episode 1 - Aired 11/10/1999

When Ian falls through the barn roof, he is convinced that his father-in-law is trying to kill him. Lisa finds directing the school play rather stressful and takes up fishing to relieve tension.

Directors: John Henderson
Writer: Simon Nye
I’m Not an Alcoholic
star
0.00
0 votes

#8 - I’m Not an Alcoholic

Season 2 - Episode 2 - Aired 11/17/1999

Lisa disagrees with the Headmaster about how the students should address the teachers. Ian gives up alcohol and has great difficulty getting hold of a drink when he wants one. Meanwhile, Dean is more than happy to share his mushrooms with Ian.

Directors: John Henderson
Writer: Simon Nye
Nude Modelling Module
star
0.00
0 votes

#9 - Nude Modelling Module

Season 2 - Episode 3 - Aired 11/24/1999

Ian runs a photography course in an effort to improve business. However, he has issues with an unwanted admirer and is unable to find the nude model he promised his students. Meanwhile, Lisa is determined to write a novel but lacks inspiration.

Directors: John Henderson
Writer: Simon Nye
Bad Builders
star
0.00
0 votes

#10 - Bad Builders

Season 2 - Episode 4 - Aired 12/8/1999

Derek has problems when he hires Dean to redesign his kitchen. Meanwhile, Ian agrees to look after Helen’s clothes shop while she is on holiday. All seems to be going well until his role as temporary manager goes to his head.

Directors: John Henderson
Writer: Simon Nye
Ready Steady Kill
star
0.00
0 votes

#11 - Ready Steady Kill

Season 2 - Episode 5 - Aired 12/15/1999

Ian takes up shooting in an effort to bond with his father-in-law. Unfortunately, Ian alienates himself further and ends up shooting someone. Helen thinks she’s unattractive and Lisa organises a photography session for her to help cheer her up.

Directors: John Henderson
Writer: Simon Nye
The Pleasures of Village Life
star
0.00
0 votes

#12 - The Pleasures of Village Life

Season 2 - Episode 6 - Aired 12/22/1999

Ian struggles to find somewhere to live and Dean seems to be the only available option. Helen and Derek get close. Lisa’s father begins to recover and gives Ian an ultimatum: leave the village or be arrested for attempted murder.

Directors: John Henderson
Writer: Simon Nye

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