The BEST episodes written by Robert Florence
#1 - Episode 6
Burnistoun - Season 2 - Episode 6
A problem arises for the fictional town's housing association when a resident complains about a strange presence in his house, a gullible customer at a car-boot sale pays too much for a denim jacket, and a couple who met on a TV dating show seem unable to forget the experience. Meanwhile, two old women's argument over bingo numbers becomes violent, and ice-cream sellers Paul and Walter's efforts to sell their product on the beach in winter ends in tragedy.
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#2 - Episode 4
Burnistoun - Season 2 - Episode 4
The fictional Scottish town's toy manufacturer tries to fathom why its latest idea has failed to sell, and the crime-fighting Doberman Man tracks down a boy who teased him at school. Meanwhile, paranoia sweeps the local pub and pole dancing club, and an overpriced pizza causes two friends to have a breakdown.
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#3 - Episode 5
Burnistoun - Season 2 - Episode 5
Doberman Man comes face-to-face with his arch-enemy, Peter and Scott try to avoid seeing the faces of rival fans celebrating at a televised football match, and James Bond meets a female contact in the fictional town. Meanwhile, a vending machine fights back after being kicked, and Carlos Zumba explains why his dance is so popular with women.
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#4 - Episode 1
Burnistoun - Season 1 - Episode 1
Episode one includes an impassioned battle with a voice-activated lift, the amazing career trajectory of a single-issue MP and an incredible chain of events set in motion by the tossing of a two-litre bottle of ginger. Elsewhere, all is not what it seems on the streets of Burnistoun. Is that noise really caused by divine intervention? Ronnie Stokes tries on the wrong pair of shoes and ends up in hospital. And can psychic Sammy Strange successfully predict everything that will happen during an interview on Radio Burnistoun?
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#5 - Blow Below the Belt
Chewin' the Fat - Season 1 - Episode 6
Blow Below the Belt - F & G On the Couch - Ronald Villiers - 2.99 at Bennies - Reet Son - Rednecks - Bish 'n' Bosh - Leprechauns - Surgeons - Jack and Victor - Arguing Threesome - Lonely Shopkeeper - At NASA
#6 - Jack and Vic do Changing Rooms
Chewin' the Fat - Season 1 - Episode 3
Jack and Victor Do Changing Rooms - Ronald Villiers - The Arguing Threesome - Tartan Briefs - Old Betty - The Neds - Sherrif Court - The Neds - Ma Maw's in the Dustbin - Banter Boys - Tea-Lady Takes over - F & G On the Couch - The Devil Gets a Hunger On Him for Toaty Scones - Bish 'n' Bosh
#7 - Jack and Vic do Cybersex
Chewin' the Fat - Season 1 - Episode 2
F & G On the Couch - Quiz Show - Community Art - Ronald Villiers, The Banter Boys, Jack and Victor - Old Betty, Soldiers - Tartan Briefs - QSC
#8 - James Bond Parody
Chewin' the Fat - Season 1 - Episode 4
James Bond - Lonely Shopkeeper - F & G on the couch - Chat 'n' Chug - The Cracker - The Neds - Bish 'n' Bosh - Banter Boys - Ronald Villiers - Old Betty - QSC - Tartan Briefs
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#9 - Kelso's Fate
Chewin' the Fat - Season 1 - Episode 5
Kelso's fate - Dysfunctional Bedsit, Homefree - Old Betty - Jack and Victor - F & G on the Couch - Old Betty - The Neds - Homefree - Ronald Villiers - Thirty Years Later - Lonely Shopkeeper - Fortune Teller - Dysfunctional Bedsit - Jack and Victor At the Bank
#10 - Episode 5
Burnistoun - Season 1 - Episode 5
Wannabe girl band member Kelly McGlade takes her story to the Burnistoun Herald but ends up hitting more than just headlines.
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#11 - Episode 3
Burnistoun - Season 2 - Episode 3
This week, local entrepreneur Alex Ciderson demonstrates his new invention, a pie scarer. Paul and Walter, the squabbling siblings in the ice cream van, celebrate their dead mother's birthday with rival birthday cakes, and pub singer Ronnie Dreech delivers a literally explosive set. Meanwhile a young man's chat-up routines are continually foiled as he swallows a succession of insects, cheeky 12-year-old boys Marky and Rosso set out to embarrass a family friend, and McGregor and Toshan- Burnistoun's quality police - have a new take on tackling the problem of teenage delinquency. The horrific consequences of consuming a ready meal that's 400 years past its use-by dateare exposed, home time travel kits prove a hit for fun-loving couples, and a young millionaire's encounter with his former schoolteacher proves a revelation.
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#12 - Episode 2
Burnistoun - Season 1 - Episode 2
Sketches include: singing sensation Wee Frank, "What's THIS I See?" extreme theatre experience, the Burnistoun Butcher at The Burnistoun Herald, Scott and Peter's Chinese takeaway, "Town Street" the true-to-life soap opera.
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#13 - Episode 4
Burnistoun - Season 1 - Episode 4
Sketches include: nae rolls!, the trials of a man desperate to avoid a charity worker, Kelly and the Sloppy Seconds play a pub gig, prolific sperm donor, Walter takes over the ice-cream van, pints, The Burnistoun Herald's problematic new motto, Glasgow scout wars, Scott and Peter's big night in.
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#14 - Episode 1
Burnistoun - Season 2 - Episode 1
Paul and Walter have trouble dealing with a customer's order in their ice cream van, Peter and Scott try unusual exercise machines at the gym, and Jolly Boy John stars in another video filmed in his bedroom. Meanwhile, new characters Marky and Rosso create mayhem in the cinema, and police officers McGregor and Toshan unwittingly leave incriminating marks at a crime scene.
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Burnistoun - Season 3 - Episode 2
The local cake shop suffers a decline in sales when a rogue cake decorator is let loose, two punters are unimpressed with the clientele in their local café and the job centre has a new line in compulsory niceness. All is not well in Burnistoun's leafy suburbs when a resident struggles to put out the correct colour of wheelie bin, while for another hapless householder the task of signing for a parcel has unexpected complications. TV historian Robert Clach tells us about Burnistoun's famous and very violent clan chief and the unveiling of a statue to Burnistoun's Greatest Man unexpectedly looks to the future, not the past. Also, two characters from the previous series make welcome returns - Burnistoun's failed entrepreneur Alex Ciderson presents a new action game for kids, while local furniture retailer James Jumpstyle demonstrates a disastrous line in home deliveries.
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#16 - Episode 2
Burnistoun - Season 2 - Episode 2
An innocent family sing-song takes a devilish turn, a funeral director solves the problem of choosing between burial and cremation, and an ambitious employee panics when the boss tells a joke that fails to amuse. Meanwhile, police officers McGregor and Toshan have a pepper spray battle.
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#17 - Episode 3
Burnistoun - Season 1 - Episode 3
Sketches include: Scott and Peter meet and greet, Alex Ciderson Warehouse, sniper, Jolly Boy John, hard hitting Scottish drama "The Drugs", Biscuity Boyle's sex lessons, helpline/sexline?, emergency Burnistoun Council meeting, a man's terrible dilemma on a bus, Kelly McGlade photoshoot, World's best quotes.
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#18 - Episode 6
Burnistoun - Season 1 - Episode 6
High couture stylishly strolls into town when a world famous fashion designer, Larl Kagerfeld, holds a fashion parade in Burnistoun - making imaginative use of some unlikely local accessories.
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#19 - Episode 1
Burnistoun - Season 3 - Episode 1
In episode one, we pop into a trendy coffee shop that has an original way of serving a cappuccino, the proprietor of a business specialising in wooden pallets gives us his idea of a sophisticated sales pitch in a specially made TV ad, and a high street boutique delivers questionable sartorial advice to a confused punter. One of Burnistoun's youngest inhabitants escapes punishment for being late for school thanks to an inventive note from his dad, while a lecturer from Burnistoun University instructs us in the proper snide looks for different occasions. And while one Burnistoun punter walks round the world, another doesn't even make it across town because of his argumentative satnav. Returning characters include 'quality polis' McGregor and Toshan who misuse a breathalyser, Jolly Boy John with another YouTube-style clip from his bedroom, and pals Peter and Scott fighting over Twitter.
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