The BEST episodes written by Mike Schiff

Devil's Haircut
star
7.97
74 votes

#1 - Devil's Haircut

Grounded for Life - Season 1 - Episode 8

Sean (Donal Logue) tries to disguise the fact that he cut Henry's (Jake Burbage) hair himself instead of taking him to a barber shop.

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Mustang Lily
star
7.96
54 votes

#2 - Mustang Lily

Grounded for Life - Season 3 - Episode 2

Sean blows his shot at snagging a loan from Claudia's dad (Stephen Root) after losing the car he gave Lily for her birthday in a street race. Meanwhile, Henry and Jimmy put the squeeze on their grandfather for some hefty Tooth Fairy funds.

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Drive Me Crazy
star
7.94
53 votes

#3 - Drive Me Crazy

Grounded for Life - Season 3 - Episode 4

For the second time, Lily has failed her behind-the-wheel exam. But this time it's not her fault, it's Sean's, who went out of her way to sabotage her driving test by teaching her rediculous driving tips, such as the all-important ""W-turn."" In other events, Claudia is having a devil of a time keeping Henry and Jimmy from playing a violent video game condemned by Sister Helen -- but she winds up addicted to it herself.

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Swearin' to God
star
7.88
25 votes

#4 - Swearin' to God

Grounded for Life - Season 2 - Episode 18

Sean exploits a nun's foulmouthed slip of the tongue to get Claudia and the kids everything they've ever wanted from St. Finnian's.

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Hello, Goodbye
star
7.86
83 votes

#5 - Hello, Goodbye

Grounded for Life - Season 5 - Episode 13

In the series finale, Claudia and Sean miss Lily's graduation (thus spoiling Lily's senior-prank plan) when Claudia goes into labor. Meanwhile, the Finnerty boys learn that Walt has a girlfriend... his cleaning lady!

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No Matter What the Future Brings
star
7.79
180 votes

#6 - No Matter What the Future Brings

The Unicorn - Season 1 - Episode 18

As Grace prepares to attend her first dance, Wade strongly feels Jill's absence and leans on his friends to get through it. Also, Wade, Forrest, Delia, Ben and Michelle reflect on growing older and the changes their lives have undergone in the past year.

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Pay You Back with Interest
star
7.75
81 votes

#7 - Pay You Back with Interest

Grounded for Life - Season 4 - Episode 7

After Eddie buys an electric car to impress a girl, Sean unwisely gives Eddie a loan without telling Claudia, which results in her college enrollment check bouncing. Meanwhile, Brad discovers a tatoo with Dean's name, but Lily's plea for her parents to pay for her tattoo removal goes ignored.

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Welcome Back to the Neighborhood
star
7.75
218 votes

#8 - Welcome Back to the Neighborhood

The Neighborhood - Season 5 - Episode 1

When Dave decides to disconnect the Johnson home from the grid, he inadvertently causes a community-wide power outage, much to Calvin's frustration. Also, in the wake of Marty's engagement, Tina struggles with no longer being the primary woman in her son's life.

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Jolly Old St. Dick
star
7.75
587 votes

#9 - Jolly Old St. Dick

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 2 - Episode 12

The Solomons experience their first Christmas. Dick is disillusioned but finally gets the Christmas spirit. Sally gets a job wrapping presents at the mall. Harry takes a job as a mall Santa's assistant and discovers that he isn't the real Santa. Tommy tries to find the perfect present for August. Albright gets drunk on rum balls.

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We Didn't Start the Fire
star
7.74
58 votes

#10 - We Didn't Start the Fire

Grounded for Life - Season 3 - Episode 1

Claudia learns the results of her pregnancy test and Sean celebrates the news with a major purchase: a bar that Eddie plans to burn down for the insurance money. Meanwhile, Lilly and Brad try their luck at getting liquored-up; and Henry develops a craving for a different kind of watering-hole delicacy.

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Dick's Big Giant Headache (1)
star
7.74
344 votes

#11 - Dick's Big Giant Headache (1)

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 4 - Episode 23

The Big Giant Head announces his plans to visit the Solomons in person to chastise them for their poor mission performance. Dick tells Sally to move back in, orders Harry to stop trying to father a baby with Vicki, and tries to prepare Mary for the arrival of his old "college chum," worrying privately that the supreme leader might not find her to have been a suitable use of his time. The family goes to the airport to meet the Big Giant Head (William Shatner), a drunken good-time charlie who's taken the name of "Stone Phillips," and who, in short order, moves in and takes over their lives. Dick quickly loses favor with Stone, who's unimpressed both by his choice of girlfriend and his leadership skills. Stone is, however, quite taken by everything about Sally, especially the length of her legs and the shape of her torso, and decides to make her the High Commander instead of Dick. Meanwhile, Harry keeps trying to avoid Vicki, but eventually he tells her that they need to cool the baby thi

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See Dick Run
star
7.71
553 votes

#12 - See Dick Run

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 1 - Episode 20

Dick cuts up at a Japanese restaurant, but the big news is that he's there with Dr. Albright, who has finally agreed to date him. But just as they finally consummate their attraction, Harry receives bad news from the home planet: Dick has been replaced by a less benign duplicate, who traps him in the basement and takes charge of Dr. Albright.

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One Is the Loneliest Number
star
7.66
56 votes

#13 - One Is the Loneliest Number

Grounded for Life - Season 5 - Episode 3

Now that Eddie is spending all of his free time with Faye, lonely Sean finds every possible thing wrong with her, including the way she parks her car, which he ""accidentally"" smashes into. Meanwhile, Lily's attempt to make Brad jealous by dating Mocha Joey backfires when Brad points out that Lily and Mocha Joey have nothing in common; and Claudia gets upset when she finds out that Sean has told everyone that she is pregnant.

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Dick Is From Mars, Sally Is From Venus
star
7.66
641 votes

#14 - Dick Is From Mars, Sally Is From Venus

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 1 - Episode 4

Sally's exploration of the life style of a young adult woman proceeds: Dick assigns her to go out on a date and, not surprisingly, the guy turns out to be a jerk.

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Action Mountain High
star
7.65
81 votes

#15 - Action Mountain High

Grounded for Life - Season 1 - Episode 5

Lily's trip to an amusement park with a group of her friends backfires when she calls Sean to pick her up. He doesn't like what he sees, and when he realizes HE was the one called because everyone thought he would go easy on them, he proceeds to get them all in trouble by telling their parents.

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A Hostile Jury
star
7.65
433 votes

#16 - A Hostile Jury

Trial & Error - Season 1 - Episode 10

Josh tries to show the hostile jury the real Larry when they visit the crime scene inside the Henderson home before they hear the devastating testimony of Larry's former lover, Alfonzo. Meanwhile, Anne and Dwayne search for Margaret's missing cell phone.

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36! 24! 36! Dick! (2)
star
7.65
405 votes

#17 - 36! 24! 36! Dick! (2)

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 3 - Episode 15

Venusians disguised as gorgeous babes plot to plunder Earth of its riches in an uproarious episode that climaxes at Super Bowl XXXII in San Diego. When hordes of beautiful women start showing up in sleepy Rutherford, Ohio -- and seem enthusiastic about dating average Joes like Dick, Harry, Tommy, and Officer Don - Sally suspects that something's amiss. Before she can warn anyone that the women are really Venusians bent on dominating Earth, they discover her and force her to become one of them. The Solomon men embark on a country-wide search for Sally that ends at the Super Bowl, where the lethal lovelies have planned to unleash their most devastating weapon yet -- the ultimate beer commercial, designed to enslave mankind into coughing up the rest of their pricey consumer goods. In the supervixens' lair, the Solomon men seem defeated, but with the help of Sally, who only pretended to turn against them, and Venusian Mascha (Crawford), who's been won over by Harry's simple charms, Dick an

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Dick, Smoker
star
7.64
665 votes

#18 - Dick, Smoker

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 1 - Episode 5

While Sally does a slow burn at being the often-overruled second in command, Dick lights up his life by taking up smoking.

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See Dick Continue to Run (2)
star
7.62
502 votes

#19 - See Dick Continue to Run (2)

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 2 - Episode 2

With the help of the other aliens, Dick escapes from the box and vanquishes Evil Dick, who is escorted back to his planet by Dennis Rodman, revealed as another alien.

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It’s Complicated
star
7.62
172 votes

#20 - It’s Complicated

The Unicorn - Season 2 - Episode 2

When Wade goes on a date with Shannon, he learns quickly that he has to come to terms with her unusual living arrangements if he wants to keep seeing her. Also, Grace is struggling with fitting in at her new high school, Michelle grapples with her algebra college course and Delia tries to help Forrest fit in with his much younger colleagues.

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36! 24! 36! Dick! (1)
star
7.61
419 votes

#21 - 36! 24! 36! Dick! (1)

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 3 - Episode 14

Venusians disguised as gorgeous babes plot to plunder Earth of its riches in an uproarious episode that climaxes at Super Bowl XXXII in San Diego. When hordes of beautiful women start showing up in sleepy Rutherford, Ohio -- and seem enthusiastic about dating average Joes like Dick, Harry, Tommy, and Officer Don - Sally suspects that something's amiss. Before she can warn anyone that the women are really Venusians bent on dominating Earth, they discover her and force her to become one of them. The Solomon men embark on a country-wide search for Sally that ends at the Super Bowl, where the lethal lovelies have planned to unleash their most devastating weapon yet -- the ultimate beer commercial, designed to enslave mankind into coughing up the rest of their pricey consumer goods. In the supervixens' lair, the Solomon men seem defeated, but with the help of Sally, who only pretended to turn against them, and Venusian Mascha [ Cindy Crawford ], who's been won over by Harry's simple charms,

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Welcome to the Jungle
star
7.60
173 votes

#22 - Welcome to the Jungle

The Neighborhood - Season 5 - Episode 16

When a mountain lion gets loose in the area, the Butlers and Johnsons must shelter in place together, leading to some unexpected revelations.

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An Unwelcome Distraction
star
7.59
521 votes

#23 - An Unwelcome Distraction

Trial & Error - Season 1 - Episode 4

When the new suspect turns up in a coma, Josh becomes sidetracked trying to solve this crime, eventually becoming a suspect himself. Meanwhile, prosecutor Carol Anne Keane presents the autopsy report, which reveals Larry's wife was struck by a blunt object, leading to a frantic search for the murder weapon.

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Widow's Group
star
7.58
320 votes

#24 - Widow's Group

The Unicorn - Season 1 - Episode 3

When Wade’s friends encourage him to join a support group for partners who have lost a spouse to help him deal with his anger, Wade’s shocked by the advice he’s given by the host of the support group, Caroline.

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Tricky Dick
star
7.56
498 votes

#25 - Tricky Dick

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 3 - Episode 3

Dick and Mary take out their frustrations about their broken engagement on each other and begin an elaborate game of practical-joke one-upmanship, while Sally eyes her disinterested yoga instructor and Tommy reluctantly joins a garage band, with Harry as his roadie

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The Decision (2)
star
7.55
312 votes

#26 - The Decision (2)

Ground Floor - Season 1 - Episode 10

Brody faces a difficult choice between the job he always wanted with Mansfield and the love he never expected with Jenny. So he tries to come up with a third option. Threepeat is forced to stay with Harvard after losing his apartment, but he soon discovers Harvard's place in a converted funeral home isn't technically zoned for the living.

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A Nightmare on Dick Street (2)
star
7.55
433 votes

#27 - A Nightmare on Dick Street (2)

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 2 - Episode 26

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So Far Away
star
7.52
143 votes

#28 - So Far Away

The Unicorn - Season 2 - Episode 11

When Wade and Shannon have trouble connecting while they are living far apart, he is forced to consider the realistic future of their relationship. Also, Forrest starts suffering from insomnia and doesn’t know how to tell Delia that she is the reason.

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The Mansfield Who Came to Dinner
star
7.52
129 votes

#29 - The Mansfield Who Came to Dinner

Ground Floor - Season 2 - Episode 8

Brody panics when Jenny invites the cultured and sophisticated Mansfield over to their zero bedroom, half bathroom 'palace' for dinner to thank him for paying for college. Harvard and Lindsay are the perfect couple who never, ever fight. That is until all their pent up tension explodes in the middle of Jenny's dinner party. When Threepeat gets his 15 minutes of fame as a financial correspondent, he freezes up until he gets a little on camera help from former childstar Derrick.

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See Dick Continue to Run (1)
star
7.51
474 votes

#30 - See Dick Continue to Run (1)

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 2 - Episode 1

While Dick is trapped in the basement, Evil Dick begins a plan to impregnate all women in Ohio.

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The Proposal (2)
star
7.49
134 votes

#31 - The Proposal (2)

Ground Floor - Season 2 - Episode 10

Having found an engagement ring in Brody's bag, Jenny is freaking out. She discovers it's a misunderstanding, but not before she can shoot Brody down for a proposal he didn't even give. When Mansfield takes an instant dislike to his soon-to-be son-in-law, it looks like it's up to Brody to save the wedding. After winning hundreds of thousands at craps, Lindsay and Harvard go on the spree to end all sprees, and end up having to tap into Lindsay's shadowy past to pay off their debt. Having slept with Brody's ex-girlfriend Heather (Anna Camp), Threepeat has to either tell his friend or break it off with Heather.

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The Gift
star
7.48
380 votes

#32 - The Gift

Ground Floor - Season 1 - Episode 4

Brody tries to buy the perfect gift for Jenny, but as Mansfield says, "What do you get for the girl who has nothing?" Brody's extravagant gift turns the downstairs gang against him and makes Jenny feel uncomfortable instead of flattered. Threepeat over-extends himself to buy matching jet skis and is now desperate for a bonus he's not sure he's going to get.

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Shall We Dick?
star
7.46
325 votes

#33 - Shall We Dick?

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 5 - Episode 17

Over Mary's objections that she can't dance, Dick insists that together they can win the school Badger Day dance contest. Meanwhile, Sally and Alissa become pals -- and when they go clothes shopping together, Tommy's frustrated because Sally has a chance to see Alissa naked in the dressing room. Meanwhile, when Harry and Nina join the contest, it soon becomes clear to Dick that if he wants to win, he'll have to change partners to dance. A competitive Dick enters the Badger Day dance contest but when his tangle footed partner Mary quits in disgust, he commandeers Harry's date, the more nimble Nina, out from under his nose. Elsewhere, just when it appears that Sally will finally become friends with Alissa, she turns vindictive when Alissa accidentally walks in on Officer Don and sees him "au natural."

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Woman on Top
star
7.46
403 votes

#34 - Woman on Top

Ground Floor - Season 1 - Episode 7

When Brody's hyper-competitive ex-girlfriend from business school, Heather, comes back into the picture, Jenny's worried that Heather's a better match for Brody. When they all take the stage for karaoke, the sparks begin to fly. Meanwhile, Mansfield realizes that his office has become a boys' club and decides to get in touch with his feminine side.

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It's Been a While
star
7.43
81 votes

#35 - It's Been a While

Fam - Season 1 - Episode 4

Desperate for some private time since Shannon came to live with them, Clem and Nick plan a much-needed afternoon rendezvous that’s interrupted when Shannon is sent home from school for breaking the dress code.

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I Wanna Be Suspended
star
7.40
118 votes

#36 - I Wanna Be Suspended

Grounded for Life - Season 1 - Episode 3

Jimmy's science project, a model of the solar system, is due and he's eager to get back from the street fair to finish it. However, when Sean and Claudia find out The Ramones are playing, Jimmy's science project is forced to wait. Sean decides to write a note to Jimmy's principal, Sister Helen, to explain that he felt it was more important for Jimmy to attend the concert than to finish his science project. The note only ends up getting Jimmy suspended. To make it up to him, Sean and Eddie take Jimmy to the Statue of Liberty -- again with disasterous results.

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Dance Dance Resolution
star
7.39
74 votes

#37 - Dance Dance Resolution

Fam - Season 1 - Episode 10

After Freddy begins seeing Rose for therapy after an incident at work, he inadvertently finds himself trying to connect with Clem more. Also, Walt and Shannon try to help Nick get over his fear of his first wedding dance with Clem.

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The House That Dick Built
star
7.35
291 votes

#38 - The House That Dick Built

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 4 - Episode 15

Dick feels like his control over the mission is falling to pieces when Sally decides to move out, and Harry considers having a baby with Vicki Dubcek. Dick tries to sabotage Sally's attempts to find a new place, but Sally decides to rent the apartment over Mrs. Dubcek's garage, Dick breaks in, posing as an intruder, to scare Sally into moving back home, but she beats the tar out of him. Meanwhile, Harry's debating whether or not he should have a baby with Vicki because he's unsure, both of his and Vicki's parenting abilities, and of the consequences of human/alien interbreeding. The two of them drop in on the house where Tommy's helping Alissa baby-sit so Harry can take the baby for a "test drive." When he sees how good Vicki is with the baby, he knows everything's going to be fine. Also, Tommy tries to figure out whether or not he's officially Alissa's "boyfriend."

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A Nightmare on Dick Street (1)
star
7.31
479 votes

#39 - A Nightmare on Dick Street (1)

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 2 - Episode 25

When Dr. Albright announces she is going to Borneo for a year, Dick decides to ask her to marry him. Because of his anxiety Dick experiences his first nightmare leading the other aliens to believe that Dick's brain is breaking down creating more anxiety and nightmares for Sally and Tommy. Harry contacts the Big Giant Head so they can return for emergency maintenance. Dick decides to stay behind and risk dying as a human than to go back and chance not returning in Mary's lifetime.

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Let Us Pray
star
7.28
65 votes

#40 - Let Us Pray

Living Biblically - Season 1 - Episode 7

Chip's mother-in-law, a scientist, spars with him about the power of prayer.

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Baked and Toasted
star
7.26
159 votes

#41 - Baked and Toasted

Ground Floor - Season 2 - Episode 2

Determined to prove to Mansfield, there's no place too low to start his climb back up to the top, Brody is working on the ground floor in an effort to get noticed. Unfortunately, the only people who seem to notice are Harvard and Derrick who are worried the super efficient Brody will soon have them out of a job. They come up with a mellow way to slow him down. Jenny is thrilled to discover she went to high school with Lindsay, but less thrilled when Lindsay's memories of high school cast Jenny in a whole new light.

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Dick for Tat
star
7.20
308 votes

#42 - Dick for Tat

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 5 - Episode 2

After he learns that Mary once had a fling with Dr. Strudwick, Dick determines that he must retaliate -- but he has to convince Mrs. Strudwick to take part in his plan.

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It's Better to Give Than to Receive
star
7.10
50 votes

#43 - It's Better to Give Than to Receive

Living Biblically - Season 1 - Episode 12

Chip tries to persuade his unenthusiastic officemates to rebuild a house for charity.

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What's Love Got To Do, Got To Do With Dick?
star
7.06
349 votes

#44 - What's Love Got To Do, Got To Do With Dick?

3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 4 - Episode 5

Dick, frustrated because busy dean Mary never seems to have time for him, finds himself increasingly enchanted with his new officemate, Jennifer. Confused by his feelings, he vows to resist the attraction, but it's too much for him -- they kiss. Sally tries to fix Nina up with Don's friend Eric, then takes it as a personal insult when it doesn't turn out to be a love match. She schemes to bring them back together, but the only passion she manages to ignite between them is their rabid dislike for each other -- hardly a satisfying victory for Sally. Tommy fixes up the "Love Tester" machine at the bar where Harry works, then is miffed that he can't make it go higher than "Cold Fish."

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Yard Sale
star
0.00
0 votes

#45 - Yard Sale

Hank (2009) - Season 1 - Episode 2

Hank shows off his entrepreneurial skills with a neighborhood yard sale.

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