The BEST episodes written by Jonathan Kaufer

All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms (1)
7 votes

#1 - All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms (1)

Quark - Season 1 - Episode 6

Quark expects to be on a good will mission, but it turns out that he is to pick up garbage as usual. But this isn't a usual mission as Quark and his crew are quickly captured by Zorgon the Malevolent, the most vicious Gorgon space pirate and half brother to the high Gorgon himself! Soon after being captured they meet Zorgon's daughter, the empress Libido, who is quickly captivated by Ficus and falls in love with him. But Zorgon is more interested in finding "It" and he thinks that Quark knows what "It" is and where "It" is located. Under pressure of having his crew crushed to death Quark reveals that "It" is located on the asteroid Rumbar; but Quark is only bluffing! To avoid Zorgon finding out about the bluff the crew decides to have Ficus make love to Libido, however, Ficus is confused and instead decides to pollinate with Libido. But luck is not with them, as Zorgon catches Ficus and Libido in the act of pollination and he decides that Quark and his crew are must to die; Ficus to be cut in half by a laser and the Betty's to be crushed in a compactor. Zorgon is about to find "It" but what terrible fate could be next for the crew and the United Galaxy? We'll find out when the conclusion comes next week!

Martin Gets Lucky
32 votes

#2 - Martin Gets Lucky

Dream On - Season 1 - Episode 8

Martin is quite interested in one of the guests, Sheila, on Eddie Charles current show ""Wall Street Witches."" Sheila and Martin have an instant connection, and Eddie is stuck right in the middle. Due to a back problem that will require surgery, Eddie is propped up in a handcart and cannot escape the sexual tension. Sheila and Martin date, and while walking along outside, Sheila asks Martin to make a wish on her crystal. Next scene: bedroom. After a rather intense experience, Sheila wants Martin to make three wishes using her crystal. Martin wishes to win the lottery, find his rare missing baseball card, and have perfect Dr. Richard Stone fail at something. The first two wishes come true, though not exactly as Martin thought they would. After realizing that there is some strange magic in the air, Martin worries that the last wish will also come true.

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All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms (2)
7 votes

#3 - All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms (2)

Quark - Season 1 - Episode 7

We start with a recap of last week's episode and find out that Zorgon the Malevolent is pleased that Quark has directed him to the asteroid Rumbar and "It." As a reward, Zorgon decides to feed Quark and the Betty's to a Lizagoth on the asteroid Rumbar! Meanwhile Libido rescues Ficus from death by a laser and Gene/Jean successfully keeps Zorgon's crew off guard. On the asteroid as Quark and the Betty's are about to be eaten by a Lizagoth, they are saved by the Barron of the Forrest People. The Barron tells Quark the legend of "It" and later that evening Quark finds "It" and with the power of "It" Quark becomes invincible. Now with "It" Quark returns to the starship to vanquish Zorgon and save the United Galaxy.