The BEST episodes written by David Croft
#1 - Come to the Ball
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 4 - Episode 3
Lord Meldrum decides to inspect the servants' quarters and Mabel has found a purse containing five pounds. Then the staff are invited to the luxurious ball where the employers have to wait upon their servants...
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#2 - Things That Go Bump In the Night
Grace & Favour - Season 1 - Episode 5
Since none of the applicants from the previous episode were suitable, the staff assume the duties of barman, chambermaid, etc.
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#3 - Mrs. Lipton's Nasty Turn
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 3 - Episode 3
Having discovered Alf's deception and broken his Lordship's crockery in a fit of anger, Mrs. Lipton is left wondering if she still has a job. On a visit to the Sunshine Pantry, Ivy discovers the truth about Miss Potter's cherry cake...
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#4 - Gretna Green or Bust
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 3 - Episode 5
Miss Poppy and Dickie Metcalfe decide to marry and elope to Gretna Green, the rest of the household set off in hot persuit in an attempt to stop them...
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#5 - The Truth Revealed
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 4 - Episode 4
Sir Ralph sacks Selfridge, his butler, who in turn tells him of his wife's long-standing affair with George Meldrum. Sir Ralph sets out for revenge and the staff have to ensure that a mysterious ""accident"" doesn't befall their master...
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#6 - Stranger in the Night
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 2 - Episode 6
James is embarrassed when his father arrives at the house on the run from the police. The servants decide to hide him until they can arrange for him to flee the country...
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#8 - The Wounds of War
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 2 - Episode 5
To protect his master, Alf tells Sir Ralph that Lord Meldrum was wounded in the Artillery. Ivy is over the moon when James agrees to take her to the pictures. Mrs. Lipton is convinced that Alf's divorce is being held up by his wife...
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#9 - Love and Money
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 1 - Episode 3
Lord Meldrum thinks that Lavender has gone too far and wants her declared mentally unstable, whilst Teddy is determined to pay Ivy a visit in her room no matter how dangerous the route. A party, thrown for Miss Cissy's birthday, brings a few surprises...
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#10 - Well, There You Are Then...!
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 4 - Episode 6
Things look bleak for the Meldrums with most of their money lost on the stock market crash and the effects of the Bangokhan beetle. Cissy and Lavender try to save the situation, but the servants have little choice but to look elsewhere for their futures...
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#11 - The Gestapo for the High Jump
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 6 - Episode 2
Lieutenant Gruber warns René about a Getsapo plan to pose as British airmen. Meanwhile, General von Klinkerhoffen has decided to adopt a similar plan and orders some of Captain Bertorelli's men to be dropped from a plane dressed as British airmen. The Italians are dropped by parachute. They wander off and get lost. René and the women from the cafe disguise themselves as characters from horror films so that Herr Flick can't recognise them when he and von Smallhausen are brought to the "secret Resistance headquarters".
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#12 - Trouble at Mill
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 2 - Episode 2
The Prime Minister is coming to dinner but Alf's thoughts are consumed by Lady Lavender. At the factory, Teddy's flirtations with the factory girls causes a mass walk out...
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#13 - Going Like a Bomb
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 5 - Episode 17
René escapes from the hospital and makes his way back to the café. Herr Flick sends von Smallhausen undercover to the hospital mortuary to look for the Gestapo money. Meanwhile Helga has discovered that the money is forged. It's stuffed down Captain Bertorelli's trousers so that he can take it back to the café. Michelle reveals a new plan for the British airmen to escape in giant landmines, which will be dropped over England.
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#14 - The Night of Reckoning
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 3 - Episode 6
Twelvetrees gets an offer to be butler for Sir Ralph and Lady Agatha. Mabel is on the verge of being evicted from her home. Meanwhile, Alf comes up with a drastic solution to Teddy's problem...
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#15 - The Jet-Propelled Mother-In-Law
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 4 - Episode 6
The Germans arrest René, and the Colonel demands an explanation for the knockwursts with explosives in them. After a small lie, René is sent home with around a dozen knockwursts to hang in his kitchen. The British have sent a spy camera with which the Resistance should be able to photograph the plans for the German invasion of Great Britain, but the camera landed in the vineyard of Monsieur Alphonse, and since the Germans commandeered the vineyard, the Resistance cannot go and look for the camera. This problem is solved when the General orders every peasant in Nouvion to work on the vineyard, which also leaves room for some assassination attempts on the General's life.
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#16 - Fall of the House of Meldrum
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 4 - Episode 5
Meldrum is convinced that Sir Ralph has put a curse on him. In addition, the rubber plantation in Malaya has been ravaged by the Bangokhan beetle. The family face financial ruin!...
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#17 - Please Help the Orphans
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 3 - Episode 1
Alf is being pestered by Mrs. Lipton to finalise his divorce so he gets an old friend to agree to pose as Mrs. Stokes. Meanwhile, he has a brainwave to make some money by fooling Mrs. Lipton into baking some cakes, which she thinks are destined for the local orphanage...
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#18 - Fair Shares
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 1 - Episode 4
Lady Lavender has now promised her shares to Stokes, and he sees this as a chance to set himself up for life. Meanwhile, Ivy is in trouble for telling Sir Ralph about his wife's indiscretions with Lord Meldrum...
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#19 - A Deed of Gift
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 1 - Episode 2
Lady Lavender sends for her solicitor whom she instructs to give Ivy her shares from the Union Jack Rubber Company. James is tortured by thoughts of Miss Poppy after she asks to feel his muscles. Then Lavender sends for her solicitor again...
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#20 - The Execution
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 1 - Episode 4
Hans mistakes the nitro for gin and accidentally blows up the railway himself! The Germans capture René, Yvette, and the peasant-disguised Colonel and Captain. As Helga, LeClerc, and Edith each attempt to help the gang escape, General Von Klinkerhoffen arrives in town and demands that the only known saboteur be shot. This means - René's death by firing squad, with Lieutenant Gruber in charge of the squad!
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#23 - A Day in the Country
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 3 - Episode 7
Lord Meldrum decides he is going to treat the servants to a picnic in the country. Nobody is surprised however, that upon their arrival at Peabody Hall, Sir Ralph and Lady Agatha are there too...
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#24 - Money Talks
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 2 - Episode 3
Lady Lavender throws her money out of the window and into the street, naturally some of the money goes astray when Alf gets his hands on it...
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#25 - All in Disgeese
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 5 - Episode 26
British Intelligence sends experts, disguised as policemen, to examine the Enigma machine. General von Klinkerhoffen announces that René will be shot if the machine isn't handed back to the Germans. Herr Flick arrests Edith, Yvette, and Mimi and uses a truth serum on them. This makes Mimi act rather strangely.
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#26 - Boots, Boots, Boots
Dad's Army - Season 4 - Episode 3
The most important item in the infantryman's equipment is his feet, and Captain Mainwaring is determined that all of his men will be well shod with hardy, battle-worthy feet. To this end, he starts a foot-hardening programme.
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#27 - Labour or Love
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 2 - Episode 1
Lord Meldrum gives Teddy an ultimatum - marry Madge Cartwright or be sent to work in his factory. Teddy thinks it's a bluff but finds that his brother means every word. Alf discovers that Lady Lavender has got some money stashed under her bed and schemes to relieve her of the burden...
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#28 - The Sausages in the Trousers
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 4 - Episode 5
There are still no batteries for the wireless radio underneath the bed of René's mother in law, so Michelle's newest harebrained scheme is to have René and Yvette power the radio with the generator from a bicycle until the stolen batteries from a German midget submarine are delivered. The Lieutenant has finished copying the paintings (The Fallen Madonna... and the Van Gogh), and delivers them as sausages. Sausages also come from Captain Bertorelli (real ones), Monsieur LeClerc (submarine batteries), and Officer Crabtree (explosives), and soon they're all mixed up in the German officer's pants.
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#29 - René - under an Assumed Nose
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 5 - Episode 10
The long distance duck is recovered. It was only stunned when Captain Bertorelli shot it. The photograph René took of the invasion map was useless. He decides to leave the Resistance. Michelle tries to dissuade him by telling him she's madly in love with him. Lieutenant Gruber is ordered to arrest René for the attempted poisoning of the Generals. Rene disguises himself as the French General in an attempt to escape the threatened firing squad. Monsieur LeClerc makes him a false nose using plastic explosive by mistake. The nose is accidentally ignited. René throws it out of the window and it blows up Herr Flick.
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#30 - Who's for the Vatican?
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 5 - Episode 12
Luckily for René, the German Generals end up in Berlin rather than England. Colonel von Strohm and Lieutenant Gruber tell René that he must recover the paintings from the Communist Resistance headquarters. René disguises himself as a Franciscan vicar and sets off with Mimi in the pram, disguised as a baby. Meanwhile, Helga is also heading for the headquarters disguised as a nurse, pushing Herr Flick, disguised as a baby, in another pram. The Italians storm the headquarters and are captured by the Communist Resistance. René manages to recover the paintings but is caught by Denise Laroque and her Communist Resistance.
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#31 - Beg, Borrow or Steal
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 1 - Episode 5
Alf is being blackmailed by the local pawn broker into letting him burgle the house. Lord Meldrum allows Cissy & Poppy to hold an evening of progressive poetry in the Dining room. At last the relationship between Alf and Ivy is revealed to the downstairs staff...
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#32 - The Exploding Bedpan
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 5 - Episode 16
Monsieur Alphonse is being interrogated by the Gestapo about the forged money. Colonel von Strohm and Lieutenant Gruber are afraid that they'll be implicated in the theft of the money, so they plan to have Monsieur Alphonse poisoned before he talks. He has a heart attack and is sent to the hospital. René pretends to have food poisoning so that he can get into the hospital as part of a plan to rescue Monsieur Alphonse.
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#33 - Royal Flush
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 2 - Episode 7
Excitement runs through the household when it is announced that the King and Queen of Dalmatia are coming to dinner, although Mrs. Lipton is upset to find that she will not be doing the catering. In addition, Noel Coward is expected to join them after the opening night of his new play...
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#34 - Yes Sir, That's My Baby
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 4 - Episode 1
Miss Cissy leads the house into helping out at the local soup kitchen for the poor. Meanwhile, Teddy is still trying to escape the romantic clutches of Madge Cartwright. This time, Alf thinks he has the perfect solution - he traces all of Teddy's illegitimate children and brings them to the house to face Madge...
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#36 - Red Nick's Colonel
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 1 - Episode 6
The Communist Resistance wants to make a martyr out of the dead René, and kidnaps the Colonel and the Captain at the Captain's birthday party. To make matters worse, they offer them on a platter to René's twin brother René, so that he can shoot them.
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#37 - The Airmen De-Nicked
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 6 - Episode 5
Herr Flick and von Smallhausen are interrogated by the general for impersonating army officers but released on the orders of Himmler - thanks to Helga. A party of intelligence officers are visiting and the Resistance plan to hi-jack their car,steal their uniforms and that way infiltrate the château to get the airmen out. René and Edith are the reluctant 'intelligence officers' but the plan works fairly well until the couple find themselves handcuffed to the airmen whilst the key to unlock them is in Berlin.
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#38 - Watch the Birdie
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 5 - Episode 9
It's the day of the Generals' conference. The long distance duck is let loose and Captain Bertorelli shoots it. A French General stops off at the Café on his way to the château and is paralysed by Mimi. Officer Crabtree takes his place. At the conference, the Generals eat some 'mints' which are actually 'foam at the mouth' pills. In the ensuing confusion, René manages to photograph a map of the planned invasion.
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#39 - The Nouvion Oars
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 6 - Episode 3
Herr Flick and von Smallhausen, disguised as British airmen, are arrested by the Germans. Meanwhile, the real British airmen make their way along the canal. They've been told to look out for a goose with flashing eyes and smoke coming out of its tail. René and his staff row out to the estuary to make sure the British airmen get picked up by a waiting British submarine. The Germans have also rowed out to the estuary. The airmen get lost and the submarine leaves without them.
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#40 - Meet the Workers
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 3 - Episode 4
Miss Poppy annonces her engagement to Dickie Metcalfe but Alf smells a rat! Lord Meldrum is convinced that he must learn more about the lower classes before he can join the board of governors at the BBC and so he invites his factory workers to dinner and serves them fish and chips...
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#41 - American Tourists
Grace & Favour - Season 1 - Episode 6
A group of American tourists arrive for the weekend as part of their European tour. The ex-shop workers do their best, but the Americans are expecting a church service and the traditional Harvest Thanksgiving Dance.
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#43 - Current Affairs
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 3 - Episode 2
Alf continues to supply the Sunshine Pantry with Mrs. Lipton's cakes. Myrtle pays a visit to the house posing as Mrs. Stokes but can she persuade Mrs. Lipton?...
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#44 - Saville Row to the Rescue
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 1 - Episode 3
The Colonel and the Captain and Herr Flick are all disguised as onion sellers while the German uniforms are being remade by the Jewish tailors of London. Michelle delivers a bottle of nitro-glycerin disguised as a bottle of Bols Gin to hide in the Café until they come to fetch it that night to blow up a German railway.
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#45 - Six Big Boobies
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 2 - Episode 1
After the British airmen are gone for good - or so René thinks - there is still the problem of Herr Flick owning all three copies of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies (one original and two fakes), and while Herr Flick kidnaps Lieutenant Gruber (a former art house worker), the Colonel and the Captain start to plan their next move. All the while, René's widow Edith have found René's will, and being the sole beneficiary, goes on a spending spree with René's money to attract better suitors. And the British airmen return - as nuns. They are last seen hidden in the piano.
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#46 - Mr. Slocombe
Grace & Favour - Season 2 - Episode 3
Mrs. Slocombe's long-lost husband pays an unexpected visit after an absence of 42 years, forcing Mrs. Slocombe into hiding. When the staff find that he intends to purchase the hotel, they temporarily expand the staff to make the idea seem unprofitable.
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#47 - The Meldrum Vases
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 2 - Episode 4
Alf has hidden some of the money in one of his Lordship's antique vases - unfortunately Lord Meldrum has donated three identical vases to the Bishop's auction for Distressed Gentlewomen. James and Ivy are in a race to stop Alf retrieving the money...
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#48 - Desperate Doings in the Dungeon
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 5 - Episode 1
Herr Flick is still held in the dungeons, and if he cracks he can divulge that the painting of the Fallen Madonna have been copied. That´s why he must be rescued by Helga, von Smallhausen, and René - dressed as Himmler. The Colonel and the Lieutenant are ordered by the General to let Herr Flick die in a rescue attempt by the Resistance, but seeing the danger of getting caught in a crossfire, they dress up as Gestapo officers to rescue Herr Flick, only to find René chained up instead.
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#49 - The Mongolian Hordes
Grace & Favour - Season 2 - Episode 5
A Mongolian tour group gets a cultural extravaganza from the staff at Millstone Manor. The high point of their visit occurs on the presentation of the ballet by Mr. ""Sergei"" Humphries and Miss ""Natasha"" Lovelock.
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#50 - Crabtree's Podgeon Pist
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 6 - Episode 7
General von Klinkerhoffen threatens to blow up Nouvion if the airmen aren't handed over. Fanny and Monsieur LeClerc are getting married. Michelle reveals a new plan to send the airmen back to England. A barrage balloon and tanks of helium will be hidden in the marquee set up behind the café for the wedding.
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