The BEST episodes written by Andrew Orenstein
#1 - The 22 Episode
Are We There Yet? - Season 3 - Episode 4
When the family oversleeps on the morning Lindsey is set to sing the National Anthem at a baseball game, it is all hands on deck just to make it to out of the house on time.
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Are We There Yet? - Season 3 - Episode 9
The family decides to go green, but it is much harder than they thought and they realize sometimes you have to choose between saving the planet and saving your family.
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#3 - Reese Drives
Malcolm in the Middle - Season 3 - Episode 13
Highway horror: Reese gets a learner's permit, which he promptly proceeds to abuse by commandeering a driving-school vehicle.
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#4 - Reese Joins The Army (Part 2)
Malcolm in the Middle - Season 5 - Episode 22
Reese continues to be a great soldier in the Army until he finds himself in a situation where his Sergeant cannot help. But after comparing being captured to being grounded, he takes action and leads his team to victory. But being such a successful soldier has it's bad parts as well, as Reese prepares to jump from the plane - right into Afghanistan. Malcolm has his hands full as well as he attempts to prove Hal innocent. But being good with numbers helps as Malcolm notices all of the prosecutions given dates are on Fridays - which Hal hasn't worked on in over 15 years. And with Reese missing and Hal's case, Lois falls deeper and deeper into insanity.
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#5 - Grandma Sues
Malcolm in the Middle - Season 4 - Episode 9
Cloris Leachman returns in her Emmy-nominated role as the spiteful and irascible Grandma Ida. She's even nastier than usual (if that's possible) because of a tumble down the front steps that resulted in a broken collarbone, prompting her to sue her daughter and son-in-law for pain and suffering. And there's more momentous news on the home front: Lois is pregnant. So she pleads with Ida to reconsider her lawsuit: "We're already stretched to the limit financially as it is. Obviously, a new baby is going to make things even harder on us." "Yes, yes, of course," Ida concurs. "You should settle."
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#6 - Lois's Makeover
Malcolm in the Middle - Season 3 - Episode 10
A negative job-performance review riles Lois; hoops play with the boys energizes Hal; a vermin infestation busies rat-killer Francis.
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#7 - Just Your Average Dick
3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 3 - Episode 22
John Cleese puts his zaniness to good use in a two-part guest shot as a new professor who's even nuttier than Dick. And smarter. He's hotshot Dr. Liam Neesam, and he's a little too good at everything he does. He makes his first appearance in Part 1, as Albright (Curtin) is getting fed up with the fact that Dick -- and the rest of the Solomons, for that matter -- are "weird." "It's like being around the Addams Family," she moans. So Dick sets out to make his brood "average," and succeeds so completely that Albright finds him boring. Enter the off-kilter Dr. Neesam, who she thinks is kind of charming.
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#8 - Dewey's Dog
Malcolm in the Middle - Season 3 - Episode 17
Dewey rules, thanks to his new dog that intimidates Malcolm and Reese; Hal and Lois hit the town with big plans---and flu symptoms.
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#9 - Hal Quits
Malcolm in the Middle - Season 2 - Episode 14
Malcolm becomes concerned with his future and his career. He takes an aptitude test, which doesn't help because he finds out that he is equally excellently qualified to do anything. Hal, after having a bad time at Dewey's class career day, quits his job and decides to paint. His family is amazed at the transformation: suddenly he's happy and more attentive to both his sons and his wife. However, he soon becomes obsessed and spends twenty-four hours a day painting, even stealing money from Francis for more paint. He becomes more and more frustrated until he's ready to give up, but Lois pushes him and he finishes his masterpiece... only to have the five hundred gallons of paint he slapped up fall down on his head. Francis gets a job over spring break at Lucky Aide, where Lois works, and loses his mind working for Craig in inventory.
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#10 - Mini-Bike
Malcolm in the Middle - Season 2 - Episode 22
Lois (Jane Kaczmarek) forbids the boys to ride a motorbike they found, but Reese (Justin Berfield) disobeys and breaks a leg.
#11 - Vegas
Malcolm in the Middle - Season 5 - Episode 1
When Dewey's pet rabbit does good in a state contest, the family must travel to Las Vegas for the nationals. But Reese unknowingly sells the rabbit to a restaurant. Now it is up to Dewey (with a little help from a "choking" Reese) to try and save the rabbit. Meanwhile, Malcolm tells Hal and Lois that they embarras him, and that is why he didn't tell them he won state science honors. As a form of repayment, Malcolm gets great seats for him and Lois to see Lois' favorite singer. Lois then gets lucky and is invited backstage where all she really wants to do is figure out why Malcolm doesn't want her around. Hal, on the other hand, is looking all across Las Vegas for a slot machine that he has had dreams of winning the jackpot on. Francis is also in trouble when he gets behind on duties at the ranch, and for the first time sees that Otto isn't just a pushover for everything.
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#12 - Dick's Big Giant Headache (2)
3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 4 - Episode 24
Reeling in the aftermath of his demotion, Dick has to get used to taking orders from everyone else in the crew -- even Harry -- a humiliating experience that makes it difficult for him to perform sexually. Even though she didn't want to believe the family's taunts about the reasons for her promotion, Sally finally realizes Stone only made her High Commander because of her looks. Stone makes a pass at Albright, who declines and tells Dick, who's psyched that Stone's changed his mind about Mary. Stone goes to the prom with Tommy and Alissa, where a drunken Stone dumps a punchbowl over Alissa's head, then serenades the promgoers -- including a bedazzled Vicki, who decided it was finally time to attend her junior prom -- with "Close To You." In the high school hallway, Stone encounters Vicki and "beams" her up to his "bachelor pod" for some lovin'. The next morning, Vicki turns up pregnant, and her pregnancy develops to full term in a matter of moments. Stone, who had been planning to make
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#13 - Krelboyne Picnic
Malcolm in the Middle - Season 1 - Episode 8
Disasters abound at a gifted kids' picnic, where stage acts bomb, families feud, and Malcolm's dad Hal serves meat to vegetarians. Despite Malcolm's best efforts -- feigning sickness, planning to go over the wall with Francis -- his family insist on accompanying him to a circus-themed picnic for the Krelboyne class, whom must each perform for the assembled students and families. Once there, Lois immediately feuds with Dorene, the loud-mouthed mother who dominates the other parents; Reese plans to "kick Krelboyne butt" and is hoist by his own petard (okay, underpants) by Eraserhead's much bigger brother; Francis goes through an entire romantic relationship in the course of the single afternoon; and Hal grosses out the entire class by sneaking real meat into their vegetarian barbecue. When a desperate Malcolm turns Stevie's demonstration of catalysts into a gigantic stink bomb, Caroline is convinced she will be fired -- so Malcolm must go on and quell the crowd by demonstrating his abili
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#14 - Zoo
Malcolm in the Middle - Season 4 - Episode 1
Malcolm, whose frenetic home life is a kind of zoo, begins the fourth season by accompanying his family to the real thing. A visit to the zoo offers close encounters with creatures great and small. But Hal wishes he could have passed on an encounter with Lois's former beau, who lectures on rain-forest animals. Elsewhere, Reese butts heads with a goat; and Malcolm and Dewey take a tumble into a tiger den. Another storyline checks in on ne'er-do-well Francis, now the unlikely foreman of a dude ranch owned by a cheery German businessman.
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#15 - Much Ado About Dick
3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 2 - Episode 5
When Albright is afraid to be seen with Dick in public as a couple, the Solomons discover the human obsession with what other people think. In the end, Dick and Albright come out with their relationship at a faculty party. Meanwhile, sparks once again fly when Sally runs into Officer Don and decides she is going to be a cop, but Dick forbids it; and Tommy is frustrated by not having transportation.
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#16 - Smunday
Malcolm in the Middle - Season 1 - Episode 15
The boys stay home from school when their mother thinks it's Sunday instead of Monday. Malcolm thinks of a plan to get Francis out of trouble once again. Hal gets sucked in by a Porsche dealership.
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#17 - Dinner Out
Malcolm in the Middle - Season 2 - Episode 4
Shenanigans abound at the fancy spot where the family's dining with the Kenarbans, and at Francis' school, where rowdy teenage girls are partying.
#18 - Dick and Taxes
3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 4 - Episode 12
After three years on the planet, the Solomons finally learn about an organization called the IRS. They also learn that they owe it $9500. What to do? Dick's idea: "We can lie." Dick's never paid taxes, and after trying to fill out the forms himself, he enlists Mary's help. When he sees how much he owes, he decides to be the only American ever to think of the brilliant idea of cheating on his taxes. When Dick gets an audit notice, Tommy has to fudge an explanation for what each family member has been doing for the past six years. The auditor, however, doesn't buy any of it -- even the "we're aliens" defense, which he's heard before. The Solomons agree to pay their hefty tax bill, and thank their lucky stars their true identities are still a secret. As part of the tax deception, Sally pretends she had a failed home business -- a hair salon -- but when she puts up the sign, women start pouring in. Sally enjoys the camaraderie and the gossip, but never quite gets the hang of cutting hair,
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#19 - Fourth and Dick
3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 2 - Episode 7
During Pendleton's Homecoming weekend, Dick learns firsthand the importance people place in competition. Tommy has a crush on his Glee Club teacher. Sally makes Nina her best friend. Harry gets a job as a security officer.
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#20 - Everybody Hates the Substitute
Everybody Hates Chris - Season 2 - Episode 14
The substitute teacher expects more from Chris which is making things very hard for him. Tanya figures out if she accuses Drew of hitting her things go her way.
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#21 - Moby Dick
3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 3 - Episode 6
Dick is forced to diet when he discovers he's put on an enormous amount of weight.
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#22 - Tom, Dick and Mary
3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 3 - Episode 10
Tommy tells Dick he'd really like to meet a woman closer to his real age, say someone like Angie Dickinson. Sally says it's time for her to go out and look for a real job. Dick thinks Harry's watching far too much television and orders him to give it up for a week. Tommy goes to Mary's to return her magnifying glass that Dick has broken, and Mary observes how immature Dick is. They start talking and are immediately engrossed in a discussion about the Aztecs. Their mutual attraction is obvious. Sally is hired as an assistant by Webber, a man who's very impressed by her appearance and couldn't care less about her lack of typing skills. Dick is wild with curiosity when Mary has a lunch date with a mystery man named Tom. August tries to resume her relationship with Tommy, but he tells her he's seeing someone. Tommy asks Dick if he's still interested in Mary, and Dick pretends he couldn't care less; Tommy couldn't be happier. Sally likes her new job, but she's already been advised that she
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#23 - Future Malcolm
Malcolm in the Middle - Season 4 - Episode 19
Leonard (Jason Alexander), a cynical, genius chess player with no friends or job, makes Malcolm think he could grow into a similar adulthood. Determined to prevent this undesirable fate, Malcolm tries to help Leonard change his life by lining him up for a job interview with the obnoxious Craig. Meanwhile, Francis finds employ as a nude model and begins to delight in the exposure.
#24 - Assault With A Deadly Dick
3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 1 - Episode 17
The Solomons' faith in human nature is shaken when they fall victim to crime ("This planet is in a bad neighborhood," sighs Sally). Meanwhile, Dick makes Tommy join the school basketball team.
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#25 - Home Alone 4
Malcolm in the Middle - Season 1 - Episode 3
Lois and Hal are spending the weekend at a family wedding, leaving Francis -- home for a visit -- in charge. When Malcolm overhears them discussing whether Francis has spent long enough at the military academy, he enlists his brothers in a scheme to get Francis home by preventing any of the usual disasters. But three of Francis's dude buddies turn up to party and trash the house, and while frantically cleaning up Malcolm gets a serious head injury that necessitates the usual trip to the emergency ward. How to prevent Mom and Dad from finding out? Enter Caroline, who has begged Malcolm to look on her not just as his teacher but also as his "friend" -- a declaration that costs her $400 in medical bills. Meanwhile, Hal and Lois discover that his family has a new nickname for her: "Lois Common Denominator." Her humiliation provokes Hal to declare his devotion to her -- and the snooty bride and groom discover that their honeymoon car is already being put to use.... Home again, Mom and Dad a
#26 - D3: Judgement Day
3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 4 - Episode 7
Dick decides to dump Jennifer and finagle his way back into Mary's heart as an uproarious three-part romantic misadventure concludes. Dick, who has been driven to distraction by Jennifer's allergies and constant rhyming, is in luck, at least as far as Mary is concerned: she's seen him with Jennifer and is willing to eat some crow to win him back. It would seem that Dick holds all the cards. Now all he has to do is play them. Meanwhile, Officer Don turns Sally on to the joys of bowling, and comes to wish that he hadn't.
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#27 - The Dicks They Are A-Changin'
3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 1 - Episode 14
Harry joins a CD club and finds the responsibilities of membership overwhelming. When Nina tells Dick that Stanford has no graduate records on him and Dick reacts defensively, Dr. Albright observes that it's virtually impossible to get a straight answer from Dick about his past. As Dr. Albright reminisces about her wild, rebellious times at Berkeley and Mrs. Dubcek contributes some colorful recollections, Dick chides Tommy that, as information officer, he failed to brief the crew on the crucial sixties decade. Dr. Albright becomes convinced that Dick is actually Manny Rosenberg, a sixties activist whom she knew briefly and who has been in hiding from the FBI for decades. Dick denies this but soon realizes that his presumed identity has somehow made him more attractive to Dr. Albright. Later, at Dr. Albright's apartment, Dick thinks that they'll at last be having sex, but Dr. Albright angrily reveals that she and Manny had an upsetting encounter that she still hasn't gotten over, and
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#28 - Post Nasal Dick
3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 1 - Episode 2
Tommy's "make-out session" has an unintended consequence: he catches a bug and the crew gets its first taste of human illness. Martha Stewart has a cameo curing Harry with her apple cobbler.
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#29 - Everybody Hates Cutting School
Everybody Hates Chris - Season 2 - Episode 15
When Ms. Morello is off of school for the day, Chris and Greg cut school to go see Ghostbusters. Drew and Tonya aren't happy that Rochelle is going to help out at their school. Julius renews his license at DMV.
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#30 - Everybody Hates Rejection
Everybody Hates Chris - Season 2 - Episode 1
After Julius' truck is stolen Rochelle decides to get involved with a neighborhood watch group, but instead ends up in a competition with new neighbor Louise (Whoopi Goldberg). Chris asks out a new girl in the neighborhood hoping not to get rejected again. Drew has the girls all over him when he volunteers to be a crossing guard.
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#31 - Dickmalion
3rd Rock from the Sun - Season 2 - Episode 20
When Albright fails to get "in" with Rutherford's high society, Dick ends up making the cut, but discovers it's not what it's cracked up to be; Sally and Harry try wrestling; to impress a girl, Tommy becomes a punk at school.
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#32 - Everybody Hates Gretzky
Everybody Hates Chris - Season 3 - Episode 15
When Drew decides to cut school to find Wayne Gretzky, Chris reluctantly agrees to go with him.
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#33 - Everybody Hates Jail
Everybody Hates Chris - Season 1 - Episode 21
Chris must raise cash for the school trip by selling cookies. Meanwhile Julius regrets sending Rochelle to Dreamgirls while he looks after Tonya and Drew who have chicken pox
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#34 - Everybody Hates Snow Day
Everybody Hates Chris - Season 2 - Episode 13
When school is closed for a snow day, Chris is the only one that shows up, so he has to spend the day with Principal Edwards until they get get in touch with his parents. When Julius realizes that Chris isn't around he goes to find him, and Rochelle is a robbed on the subway.
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