The WORST episodes of The Detectives
Every episode of The Detectives ever, ranked from worst to best by thousands of votes from fans of the show. The worst episodes of The Detectives!
The Detectives began life as a regular sketch on Jasper Carrott's 'Canned Carrott' series. Jasper, and his long time friend Robert Powell (As Jasper said 'He was once Jesus Christ and now I've got him down to my level), play Bob Louis and Dave Briggs, two detective constables so happless, it is inconcievable that they ever graduated from Hendon police school. Their boss 'the super' although worn out by their inabillities within police work, always had a special bond for them, and partook in a love-hate relationship with them. The Super, Frank Cottom, was played by veteran London actor George Sewell. There are subtle differences from the sketch to the TV series. For instance, in the sketches, Dave Briggs was married, yet both Bob and Dave are single in the series, and it is made clear that they both lack in romantic experience.
#1 - Flash
Season 3 - Episode 2 - Aired 1/16/1995
After mixing their drinks at the policemen's ball, Louis and Briggs confront a new horror involving a flasher, a Marquess and the commissioner's wife.
#2 - Mine's a Large One
Season 5 - Episode 6 - Aired 2/18/1997
Briggs and Louis have found their true vocation - the river police. With peace, quiet and the total absence of any type of crime, it seems like paradise. Then the boat runs into an unexploded WWII river mine...
#4 - The Curse of the Comanches
Season 5 - Episode 4 - Aired 2/4/1997
When Briggs and Louis, helped by a mysterious Commanch Chief, go on the hunt for a sacred Indian carving, they soon find themselves on the trail of tragedy, death and disaster...
#5 - The Beast of Hackney Marshes
Season 5 - Episode 3 - Aired 1/28/1997
A night patrolling the marshes, on the lookout for an escaped bear, is really not what our heroes had in mind - particularly when their umbrella act for the Super's variety show is really coming together.
#6 - Special Branch
Season 5 - Episode 1 - Aired 1/14/1997
The Superintendent selects the duo for a particularly sensitive assignment. His granddaughter has become involved in an anti-road protest and he needs Louis and Briggs to 'rescue' her.
#7 - The Wembley Stadium Mystery
Season 4 - Episode 5 - Aired 3/14/1996
Although Louis and Briggs have been assigned to a security operation at Wembley Stadium, they have their minds on winning the police table football tournament.
#8 - Sacked
Season 4 - Episode 4 - Aired 3/7/1996
There's a new person in charge of 'C' Division - and she's a woman. As Briggs and Louis find themselves heading for the career dustpan an unexpected saviour appears...
#9 - Back to Class
Season 4 - Episode 3 - Aired 2/29/1996
After Briggs and Louis manage to murder the last female white-flippered turtle on the planet, they are only too pleased to investigate a drug scandal at an exclusive girls school.
#10 - Fur Coat, No Knickers
Season 4 - Episode 2 - Aired 2/22/1996
Louis and Briggs are called in to investigate a murder that has taken place during the re-creation of a medieval battle scene. However they are more concerned with the police football quiz.
#11 - The Great Escaper
Season 4 - Episode 1 - Aired 2/15/1996
Louis and Briggs are cuffed to a notoriously slippery customer as they escort him to his latest prison by train. So how do they end up crossing the Yorkshire moors carrying a toilet door?
#12 - Twitchers
Season 3 - Episode 6 - Aired 2/13/1995
Briggs and Louis are assigned a case protecting the eggs of a newly-discovered breeding pair of red kites. Their lack of enthusiasm soon turns to panic as the eggs are stolen.
#13 - Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Season 3 - Episode 5 - Aired 2/6/1995
After 30 years of watching and waiting, Superintendent Cottam ropes the boys into helping him catch notorious bullion thief, Ronnie Richardson.
#14 - On Thin Ice
Season 3 - Episode 4 - Aired 1/30/1995
When Briggs and Louis investigate an attack on a top figure skater, the pair wind up on ice but fail to gain marks for artistic interpretation.
#15 - Art Attack
Season 3 - Episode 3 - Aired 1/23/1995
When forced to transfer into the Fine Arts Squad, our heroes are despatched to recover the latest artistic creation of 'enfant terrible' Hadyn Smailes - a pair of maracas, a tin of peaches and a fish tank of the artist's own urine.
#16 - Rear Window
Season 2 - Episode 6 - Aired 4/6/1994
While Louis is confined to a wheelchair, he witnesses a brutal crime of passion, but has trouble convincing Briggs that it wasn't all in his mind.
#19 - D.C. of Love
Season 3 - Episode 1 - Aired 1/9/1995
As a lonely and meaningless retirement beckons after 25 years on the force, the boys are given the task of finding 'The Black Widow' after a series of gruesome lonely hearts murders.
#21 - Dutch Cops
Season 2 - Episode 4 - Aired 3/23/1994
On Customs and Excise duty, Briggs and Louis find themselves trapped in the back of a pilchard lorry - with a large quantity of diamonds.
#23 - What the Butler Saw
Season 1 - Episode 1 - Aired 1/27/1993
When the Earl of Lisson is murdered, Briggs and Louis try to discover ""who dunnit"".
#24 - Cardiac Arrest
Season 5 - Episode 2 - Aired 1/21/1997
When a gang member is shot during a getaway, Briggs and Louis are dispatched to the hospital. But with so many sick people, doctors and nurses around, Louis' hypochondria knows no bounds...
#25 - Never Without Protection
Season 2 - Episode 3 - Aired 3/16/1994
A Duchess keeps appearing in the tabloids canoodling withher police bodyguards. What the Super needs are two completely unappealing detectives...