The WORST episodes of Salad Fingers
Every episode of Salad Fingers ever, ranked from worst to best by thousands of votes from fans of the show. The worst episodes of Salad Fingers!
Salad Fingers is a strange creature that lives in a small shack in the middle of a post-apocalyptic wasteland. He is severely mentally ill, possibly as a result of its isolation.
#3 - Shore Leave
Season 1 - Episode 7 - Aired 1/29/2006
As Salad Fingers is digging holes outside with his finger puppets, occasionally tasting the sand (which he calls "floor sugar"), he finds the decomposing torso of an old corpse. Salad Fingers immediately "recognizes" the cadaver as "Kenneth," his "younger brother" who is back from the previously mentioned "Great War" on shore leave. Salad Fingers pulls the gruesome, dismembered corpse out of the hole, saying it was rude of him to leave for "the Great War" without him, but promises to draw him a hot bath. The next scene shows Salad Fingers turning a cog which pulls a clothesline, drawing Kenneth out of a wardrobe, now dressed in a white dinner jacket. He starts to talk about life with the women of the great war. Salad Fingers has prepared a dinner of sand for his guest, saying "I—hope you like... SAND". At one point Kenneth slumps forward, prompting Salad Fingers to suppose that he's sleepy and props Kenneth up by inserting a "wooden dent-rail" into his empty socket. Salad Fingers tells Kenneth of his life, keeping busy with "every shift I can... [and] sing[ing] at all the functions". There is a flashback in which Salad Fingers measures the distance from his door to a tree named "Mr. Branches" with a clickwheel and subsequently teases it for its slow movement. It is now evening, and Salad Fingers is with Kenneth outside near the same hole he found him in. He cries over the fact that Kenneth has to go "back to the ghastly trenches". He salutes Kenneth and sings "We'll Meet Again" for him, after exclaiming, somewhat futilely, "I only ask that our creator return you unspoilt from the cruel hand of war". He then kicks Kenneth back into the hole. A dream-like sequence follows in which Salad Fingers sings the same song, in a white dress, on a stage in front of an audience of a theatre. After singing a few strains, he complains to the pianist - who is shown as the silhouette of a marionette, with strings attached - that the key is wrong, walks off the stage, and the scr
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#4 - Nettles
Season 1 - Episode 3 - Aired 8/1/2004
Salad Fingers is playing with nettles and has irritated blisters all over his hands. He then comes across an empty perambulator, which he calls a "nettle carrier" and then leaves with it. A deformed armless man wearing an apron labeled "BBQ" appears and chases after Salad Fingers, screaming and babbling unintelligibly. Salad Fingers is sitting on the floor at his home and brushing the nettle over his nipple (while appearing to have an orgasm), which makes him lactate, and says "It seems... Nettles... have made the milk... drop out... from inside my teat!", when the armless man runs to Salad Fingers' house and begins to bang his head on the door. Salad Fingers daydreams of "happy times" (in which he and a life-sized version of the Hubert Cumberdale puppet are getting hair-dried). Eventually, Salad Fingers comes outside and finds the man dead on the floor, his head bloodied. He names the man "Milford Cubicle", despite the man's name tag reading "Harry". Believing that the man is alive, Salad Fingers drags "Milford" inside and hangs him on a meat hook on the wall. Salad fingers then plays the flute, and offers "Milford" a "warm glass of milk", which presumably is the milk that came out of his teat when he milked himself using the nettles.
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#5 - Spoons
Season 1 - Episode 1 - Aired 7/1/2004
This episode introduces Salad Fingers and his love of touching rusty spoons and other various rusty objects. He explains how touching any form of rust—including spoons, a door bell panel, and a kettle—stimulates him ("The feeling of rust against my salad fingers is almost orgasmic"), and that he holds a particular love of spoons. Salad Fingers walks to the house of a strange young boy to see if he has any rusty spoons; the child screeches two times, at which point Salad Fingers leaves, after asking to caress a rusty kettle that is on a table beside him.
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#6 - Cage
Season 1 - Episode 4 - Aired 8/20/2004
Salad Fingers wears a beret and declares that he is going to try and find France. However, he is frightened by a mutated boy with disproportionately large eyeballs that has been "watching him for a while". Salad Fingers becomes uncomfortable with the child's proximity and begins to leave. The boy, who speaks only in growls and grunts, approaches Salad Fingers, having apparently fallen in love with him. Salad Fingers holds out his hand to stop the boy coming closer, but the boy licks his hand, much to Salad Fingers' disgust. Inside his house, Salad Fingers sees a gray woodlouse coming out from a hole in the wall. He addresses the bug as "Bordois" and his "little sister." Feeling very comforted by its presence, he starts talking to the bug. He becomes jealous and goes to touch it and, in doing so, accidentally crushes it and looks at it in curiosity which turns to disgust. He then says to Bordois that she's "gone flat" and become "all gooey", and that he "shalln't play with [her] again, until [she's] had a wash." Salad Fingers then hears a knock on the door, which he opens to find a "grubby tap" attached to a string on the ground. Salad Fingers becomes excited about this "gift" and begins to fantasize about taps. He attempts to fetch it, but it is drawn away on the string as bait. He is caught in a bear trap which causes him to lose blood and consciousness while savoring the desanguination blissfully. He wakes up in a cage, and enjoys rubbing the rusted bars. The grotesque boy approaches the cage and holds out a ring (on which is mounted a human tooth) as if proposing marriage. Salad Fingers becomes distraught, states "I don't like this game", then pulls a curtain down over the window of the cage, angering the boy. Once angered, the boy makes an unintelligible noise that sounds like "You're my own now." When the curtain lifts, the boy, seeing that Salad Fingers has disappeared, begins to cry. The episode closes with Salad Fingers, wearing his beret, flying away gleefu
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#7 - Cupboard
Season 1 - Episode 8 - Aired 9/22/2007
Salad Fingers is sitting in his armchair, trying to tune his radio which he calls "Roger." If he is lucky, Salad Fingers says he may chance upon a broadcast from "Croxley". After feeding Roger his "sustenance" (which seems to be marbles, peas, rocks or beans), it begins to emit a strange, piercing frequency. He decides to wait out the tormenting event in his "safety cupboard." When in the cupboard, Salad Fingers begins to converse with his hands. One hand enacts "Penny Pigtails," the other a market vendor. After being refused her purchase of raspberry jam on the grounds that her legs are "made of cotton" and "far too long" (an event that Salad Fingers finds most upsetting), Penny Pigtails discovers a long strand of hair which Salad Fingers rubs over his eyeball, apparently causing him great pleasure, although it makes his eye red and inflamed. He then leaves the cupboard and tapes it to a wall to form a "quintette" with four other hairs, of assorted colours, that he has collected. Next, he goes to bed with the Hubert Cumberdale puppet. Before going to sleep, Salad Fingers sings "Three in the Bed," and instructs Hubert Cumberdale to "roll over"; as a result, the finger puppet is sent off the bed into a bowl of a filthy, brown substance (likely a chamberpot). Salad Fingers orders Hubert Cumberdale to "scrub that muck off at once!" as he doesn't want any "dirty immigrants" in his house. Later that night, the radio begins to emit strange sounds again and wakes up Salad Fingers. Salad Fingers approaches it warily and threatens Roger with expulsion from the house. The radio replies it was rude of Salad Fingers to take his hair. The radio speaks in a static voice, instructing Salad Fingers to return its hair, as well as to tidy the house. Salad Fingers declares that he "shan't", on the grounds that it isn't "his turn" and that it is an extremely unpleasant job. The radio continues to torment him, causing him to eat all of the hairs from his quintette, tape and all, and r
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#8 - Picnic
Season 1 - Episode 5 - Aired 11/25/2004
Salad Fingers talks to an apparently broken and disconnected phone, asking the operator to connect him to his "old pal Charlie" so he can invite him to a picnic, but only garbled noises are heard. Whilst describing the picnic fare, Salad Fingers rubs his stomach in hunger, then claims to have been rudely disconnected. Hubert Cumberdale is on one of the fingers on Salad Fingers' other hand, but he seems dismayed to see him. Instead of referring to him as Hubert, he calls him "Barbara Logan-Price", and gives him a "friend-hat", which is a miniature captain's hat. In the next scene, Salad Fingers wears a bridal train and talks to himself in a mirror, declaring "You look so beautiful". He then goes outside for his picnic, which is attended by a strange crow (which appears in other David Firth cartoons) that makes garbled noises and a little girl with scars on her face, a filthy, stained pink dress and orange hair. Salad Fingers asks the orange-haired girl a question and answers it for her (as he seems to think that only he can speak), ending with "replied Mable". Salad Fingers calls her his new playmate and compliments her on her dress, and as he does this, Marjory Stewart-Baxter is seen in the window, jealous. Salad Fingers offers "Mable" some "Pease Pudding", which he feeds to her with a dirty, rusty spoon. The crow then swoops down and steals Salad Fingers's spoon. The little girl giggles and says that the crow must like spoons too. The shock of the girl speaking to him in English and not via Salad Finger's own voice drives Salad Fingers to temporary insanity, hallucinating, hearing screeching, distorted noises, and seeing the girl (complete with empty eye sockets) saying, "What's wrong, Mr. Fingers? Do you not like my mouth-words?"
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#9 - Letter
Season 1 - Episode 9 - Aired 5/26/2011
Salad Fingers is holding a piece of torn newspaper, imagining it is a letter from the Great War (presumably from his "brother") and reading it aloud to himself. As he reads, a tentacle-like branch snakes in through the door to Salad Fingers' bedroom. Salad Fingers picks up the branch and bites off the tip, resulting in something sobbing "Daddy, that really hurt!" off-screen. Salad Fingers goes to the window and sees the branch-tentacle being retracted into the tree outside. He walks out to the tree, calling it "Mr. Branches" and has a conversation with it about its injury, apparently forgetting it was he himself that bit it. The tree cries, calling Salad Fingers "Daddy" and asking to be let inside, but Salad Fingers refuses until it "grows out of those branches". The tree wraps a branch around Salad Fingers' waist (it is slightly implied that the tree rapes him). Salad Fingers wakes up in his room very pale and his stomach is growling. Salad Fingers worries that he may be dying and taps out an S.O.S. on the metal fire grate beside him. Suddenly a strange gooey black mass bursts out of his stomach, causing him to pass out. This mass, and the goo that surrounds Salad Fingers on a puddle on his bed, bears a strong resemblance to the 'tea' in 'Shore Leave', and the goo that Hubert Cumberdale turns into in 'Present'. When he wakes up, he is overjoyed, and believes he has given birth to a daughter whom he names Yvonne. Sitting in a wheelchair and appearing to feel better despite his wound, he pulls back the skin of one finger revealing a strange solid tip and dips it in ink to write a "letter," or at least what he thinks is one, and he reads it aloud, even if consists only of scribbles. It says he cannot attend the Great War as he is still feeling "under the weather". He keeps Yvonne (which appears to be wrapped in a bundle of newspapers) down in a pit and tells her off for not doing her exercises. When Yvonne refuses to respond to Salad Fingers' coaching, he addres
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#10 - Friends
Season 1 - Episode 2 - Aired 7/15/2004
Salad Fingers has a get-together with his "friends"—finger puppets—whom Salad Fingers introduces as Hubert Cumberdale, Marjory Stewart-Baxter and Jeremy Fisher. He appears to believe that his "friends" are real, living beings. Wondering what his friends taste like, he briefly inserts them into his mouth, exclaiming that Marjory Stewart-Baxter tastes like "sunshine dust", while Hubert Cumberdale tastes like "soot and poo". Salad Fingers then tells them that he has a fish cooking in the oven and speaks a nonsensical phrase in French: "Alors. Habille-la. Comment t'appelles-tu? Qu'est-ce qu'il y a?." This roughly translates to, "So then. Dress it. What's your name? What is it?". In the next scene, a frightened child responds to Salad Fingers's call for help. Salad Fingers cannot reach the fish cooking in his oven and asks the child to get it for him. As the child reaches into the oven, Salad Fingers sees a rusty nail jutting out of the wall and reaches to stroke it, causing the oven door to close with the child still inside. Salad Fingers then impales his finger on the spike and begins bleeding, blissfully saying "I like it when the red water comes out." Salad Fingers turns pale and passes out. Apparently dreaming, Salad Fingers walks through a large meat locker singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow to himself. While inside, he meets a full-size Hubert Cumberdale, who screams distorted electronic noises at him. When Salad Fingers awakens he sits in a pool of his own blood. The oven smokes as Salad Fingers states, "That fish smells about done," ignoring the fact that it was the smoke from the "cooked alive" child that he'd forgotten about when 'dozing off'.
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#11 - Present
Season 1 - Episode 6 - Aired 7/24/2005
The episode begins with Salad Fingers walking about his house. He sees Hubert Cumberdale on top of a cupboard, and instructs the finger puppet to come down at once. Hubert turns into a black, viscous, and apparently caustic fluid and oozes down the cupboard. A silhouette is then seen walking through the house and Salad Fingers asks if somebody is there; it is, in fact, the Jeremy Fisher puppet on his finger. Salad Fingers remarks that he thought Jeremy was out "fighting the Great War". Jeremy Fisher/Salad Fingers responds in garbled gibberish which Fingers can't understand, musing that Fisher seems "to have adopted a strange dialect." Another perspective shot shows Jeremy Fisher (now with arms) handing Salad Fingers a toy horse. Salad Fingers is pleased with the present, and remarks on the pleasing texture. He then eats Jeremy Fisher and immediately forgets, wondering "Where have you gotten to?" He begins to play with the toy horse while making "neigh" sounds, walks outside with it, and goes to an abandoned toilet with which he initiates a conversation. Suddenly, the mood changes and the music becomes sinister; he grows concerned and he begins defending himself, saying "You've got the wrong bloke, squire." He then flushes the toilet to "wash those bad thoughts away". Upon arriving home, Salad Fingers gasps and sees himself sitting inside. The Salad Fingers inside appears to be hallucinating, seeing the "outside" Salad Fingers as a life-size Jeremy Fisher. The "inside" Salad Fingers speaks in a slightly different voice and also has rougher text showing what he is saying. The conversation starts off just like the earlier one with Jeremy Fisher, but goes on to include accusations that Jeremy Fisher has been "tailgating [his] daughter with aspirations of deflowering her rose". This appears to be the other "side" of the conversation Salad Fingers had into the toilet. The inside Salad Fingers is now seen with the Jeremy Fisher finger puppet. Fisher never responds verba
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#12 - Birthday
Season 1 - Episode 10 - Aired 11/23/2013
Salad Fingers is making preparations for Hubert Cumberdale's birthday. He addresses "Milford Cubicle", still hanging from the meat hook he was placed upon in Episode 3, trying to persuade the now heavily decayed corpse to take a bath for Hubert Cumberdale's birthday. A knock on the door leads Salad Fingers outside, only to encounter a long, thick metal pole stretching upwards further than the eye can see. Perplexed and irritated by the pole, he goes back indoors and causes Milford to fall from his hook while berating him. He reveals the ability to widen his irises and cause his teeth to move, making a music box-like tune, by moving his hand at the side of his head as though turning a handle. When this fails to rouse his lifeless friend, he decides to leave the house, leaving "Horace Horsecollar", the toy horse that appeared in Episode 6, "in charge". The scene moves to Salad Fingers walking through a misty forest full of leafless trees, revealing the search for a doctor as his motive to Hubert Cumberdale. He finds a vessel full of rubbish and starts rummaging around inside it. He finds a grotesque doctor puppet, which is self-animated and growling with gnashing teeth, that has bent hooks and springs for hands. He refers to the puppet as "Dr. Papanak", and lies down on a large slab resembling a tombstone for an examination (seemingly forgetting that the doctor was meant to examine "Milford Cubicle"). Salad Fingers initially seeming to relish the examination, until Dr. Papanak bites into the side of his head. Salad Fingers throws the puppet away in fear, which sprouts knives and latches onto a nearby horse closely resembling "Horace Horsecollar". Dr. Papanak tears away savagely at the horse's side. Salad Fingers's fear fades away on seeing this; he tries to comfort the horse, acknowledging that the doctor is hurting it, but tells it to try and be still whilst the doctor eats its blood. The horse is shown weeping a tear down its face but makes no movement or resista
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#13 - Glass Brother
Season 1 - Episode 11 - Aired 1/30/2019
Salad Fingers decides it’s time for Hubert Cumberdale to become a real boy, so he turns it in a creepy creature made out of flesh. He also quarrels with the reflections of those who he calls "Glass Brother" and "Glass Mother", but in the end Salad Fingers seems to win against them breaking the glass through which he saw them and keeping a little glass splinter (in which "Glass Mother" is trapped) in a casket.