The BEST episodes of Onion News Network

#1 - Real America

Season 1 - Episode 9 - Aired 3/18/2011

#2 - American Dream

Season 1 - Episode 10 - Aired 3/25/2011

#3 - The Real Obama

Season 1 - Episode 7 - Aired 3/4/2011

#4 - Stock Market Crash

Season 1 - Episode 8 - Aired 3/11/2011

#5 - Dead Reporter

Season 2 - Episode 4 - Aired 10/25/2011

FactZone says goodbye to legendary newsman, Brandon Armstrong, who was killed in a brothel fire. Shelby Cross admonishes parents not to let their children trick-or-treat during Halloween, or what she refers to as the "Pedophiles' Christmas." Autistic Reporter, Michael Falk, asks the tough questions about a search and rescue mission's dismal chances of finding missing hikers and the First Responders react to the latest GOP debate, that they may or may not have even watched.

#6 - Exposed, Brooke Alvarez

Season 2 - Episode 5 - Aired 11/1/2011

A revealing documentary airs on public television about Brooke Alvarez's secret life as a Russian child cosmonaut . Brooke is forced to relive the traumatizing experience of being trapped in a space shuttle with a vicious chimpanzee named Mr. Dmitry. Also, the U.S. government hires the genius behind Zico coconut water to try to help America out of its economic hole and a prostitute is caught paying Mitt Romney for sex.

#7 - Today Now! Special

Season 2 - Episode 6 - Aired 11/11/2011

The network morning show stages a very special takeover.

#8 - Man-Horse Marriage

Season 1 - Episode 3 - Aired 2/4/2011

"FactZone" host Brooke Alvarez and her team of reporters sift through the lies to uncover the truths behind the day's most prominent, headline-grabbing news stories, including coverage of one equine enthusiast's recent marriage.

#9 - Asteroid Heads to Earth

Season 2 - Episode 1 - Aired 10/4/2011

With a giant asteroid expected to hit Earth on October 4th, the Onion News Network has announced it will continue broadcasting until the moment the planet is destroyed.

#10 - Fantasy Brainwall

Season 2 - Episode 3 - Aired 10/18/2011

FactZone introduces its newest piece of technology: an updated touchscreen that Tucker can control with his mind. Unfortunately for Tucker, the new "Brainwall" starts to display Tucker's darkest thoughts. Also, O'Brady's compassion for stray earthquake victims goes a little too far, when he starts "mercifully" killing dogs to relieve them after the disaster. Brooke reports on a coma-bound Republican Presidential candidate who is polling surprisingly well due to his lack of politically disastrous gaffes, and Rapper Kanye West faces down the nation of Syria in a Twitter battle over who was chanting first.

#11 - Missing Baby Kate

Season 2 - Episode 2 - Aired 10/11/2011

Cross Examination's Shelby Cross leads a crusade to rip through every home in America to search for missing one-year-old Baby Kate. In the FactZone, Brooke and the ONN team reveal an extremist obese society's foiled attempts to kidnap Michelle Obama and O'Brady Shaw takes a drunk driving victim's death so personally that the victim's family must take a break from their own grief to comfort O'Brady. In other news, reports show that the iPhone 5 will come conveniently packaged with rumors about the iPhone 6.

#12 - Enter the FactZone

Season 1 - Episode 1 - Aired 1/21/2011

#13 - Brooke vs. O'Brady

Season 2 - Episode 9 - Aired 12/2/2011

O'Brady Shaw joins Brooke on FactZone as her cohost to promote his new special "The Cries of the Children." A loud woman accountant is bothering the whole nation with her grating chatter. And a new weight loss drug is being released onto the market that curbs eating by making the user hallucinate that their food is a swarm of vicious, bloodthirsty monsters.

#14 - Snowlocaust

Season 1 - Episode 2 - Aired 1/28/2011

#15 - Cyber Attack

Season 1 - Episode 6 - Aired 2/25/2011

After America suffers a cyber attack, Brooke Alvarez interviews top U.S. officials via satellite.

#16 - Sex in America

Season 2 - Episode 7 - Aired 11/18/2011

A report on sex in America.

#17 - Artificial Intelligence

Season 2 - Episode 8 - Aired 11/25/2011

The studio gains artificial intelligence and falls in love with Brooke, millions across the country are dangerously trapped in an Animal Hoarders marathon, and Jean Anne Whorton investigates the cruel underground blood sport of spouse fighting.

#18 - Year in Review

Season 2 - Episode 10 - Aired 12/9/2011

The gang looks back on 2011.

#19 - Fifth Anniversary

Season 1 - Episode 4 - Aired 2/11/2011

It's the fifth anniversary of the highly successful FactZone feature, and the network celebrates its viewership dominance.

#20 - The Trial of TR-425

Season 1 - Episode 5 - Aired 2/18/2011

News maven Brooke Alvarez and her team of veteran correspondents use their skills as reporters to shape the public opinion of everyday Americans on a variety of news stories, ranging from entertainment news to the latest about the trial of TR-425.

#21 - Reporters Blow Up Plane, Expose Security Lapses

Season 2008 - Episode 1305 - Aired 3/31/2008

271 are dead after an Onion News Network Special Investigative Report on airport security.

#22 - Christian Charity Helps To Feed Non-Gay Hungry

Season 2008 - Episode 1306 - Aired 4/2/2008

A Colorado-based Christian charity is providing aid for any and all heterosexual Africans in need.

#23 - GB 0:11 / 2:05 God's Penis Visible In Night Sky For First Time In Millennia

Season 2024 - Episode 1 - Aired 9/30/2024

Stargazers around the world were able to see one of our closest celestial neighbors. God's Penis peaked in its fullest at 9:35pm EST, but hung proudly in our night sky throughout the night, according to NASA.