The BEST episodes directed by David Croft
#1 - Gretna Green or Bust
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 3 - Episode 5
Miss Poppy and Dickie Metcalfe decide to marry and elope to Gretna Green, the rest of the household set off in hot persuit in an attempt to stop them...
#2 - Come to the Ball
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 4 - Episode 3
Lord Meldrum decides to inspect the servants' quarters and Mabel has found a purse containing five pounds. Then the staff are invited to the luxurious ball where the employers have to wait upon their servants...
#3 - Fall of the House of Meldrum
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 4 - Episode 5
Meldrum is convinced that Sir Ralph has put a curse on him. In addition, the rubber plantation in Malaya has been ravaged by the Bangokhan beetle. The family face financial ruin!...
#4 - Well, There You Are Then...!
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 4 - Episode 6
Things look bleak for the Meldrums with most of their money lost on the stock market crash and the effects of the Bangokhan beetle. Cissy and Lavender try to save the situation, but the servants have little choice but to look elsewhere for their futures...
#5 - A Day in the Country
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 3 - Episode 7
Lord Meldrum decides he is going to treat the servants to a picnic in the country. Nobody is surprised however, that upon their arrival at Peabody Hall, Sir Ralph and Lady Agatha are there too...
#6 - Trouble at Mill
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 2 - Episode 2
The Prime Minister is coming to dinner but Alf's thoughts are consumed by Lady Lavender. At the factory, Teddy's flirtations with the factory girls causes a mass walk out...
#7 - Meet the Workers
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 3 - Episode 4
Miss Poppy annonces her engagement to Dickie Metcalfe but Alf smells a rat! Lord Meldrum is convinced that he must learn more about the lower classes before he can join the board of governors at the BBC and so he invites his factory workers to dinner and serves them fish and chips...
#8 - The Gestapo for the High Jump
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 6 - Episode 2
Lieutenant Gruber warns René about a Gestapo plan to pose as British airmen. Meanwhile, General Von Klinkerhoffen has decided to adopt a similar plan and orders some of Captain Bertorelli's men to be dropped from a plane dressed as British airmen. The Italians are dropped by parachute. They wander off and get lost. René and the women from the café disguise themselves as characters from horror films so that Herr Flick can't recognise them when he and Von Smallhausen are brought to the "secret Resistance headquarters".
#9 - The Jet-Propelled Mother-in-Law
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 4 - Episode 6
The Germans arrest René, and the Colonel demands an explanation for the knockwursts with explosives in them. After a small lie, René is sent home with around a dozen knockwursts to hang in his kitchen. Meanwhile, the British have sent a spy camera with which the Resistance should be able to photograph the plans for the German invasion of Great Britain, but the camera landed in the vineyard of Monsieur Alphonse, and since the Germans commandeered the vineyard, the Resistance cannot go and look for the camera. This problem is solved when the General orders every peasant in Nouvion to work on the vineyard, which also leaves room for some assassination attempts on the General's life.
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#10 - The Execution
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 1 - Episode 4
Hans mistakes the nitro for gin and accidentally blows up the railway himself! The Germans capture René, Yvette, and the peasant-disguised Colonel and Captain. As Helga, Leclerc, and Edith each attempt to help the gang escape, General Von Klinkerhoffen arrives in town and demands that the only known saboteur be shot. This means René's death by firing squad, with Lieutenant Gruber in charge of the squad!
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#11 - The Wounds of War
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 2 - Episode 5
To protect his master, Alf tells Sir Ralph that Lord Meldrum was wounded in the Artillery. Ivy is over the moon when James agrees to take her to the pictures. Mrs. Lipton is convinced that Alf's divorce is being held up by his wife...
#12 - A Deed of Gift
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 1 - Episode 3
Lady Lavender sends for her solicitor whom she instructs to give Ivy her shares from the Union Jack Rubber Company. James is tortured by thoughts of Miss Poppy after she asks to feel his muscles. Then Lavender sends for her solicitor again...
#13 - Labour or Love
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 2 - Episode 1
Lord Meldrum gives Teddy an ultimatum - marry Madge Cartwright or be sent to work in his factory. Teddy thinks it's a bluff but finds that his brother means every word. Alf discovers that Lady Lavender has got some money stashed under her bed and schemes to relieve her of the burden...
#14 - Yes Sir, That's My Baby
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 4 - Episode 1
Miss Cissy leads the house into helping out at the local soup kitchen for the poor. Meanwhile, Teddy is still trying to escape the romantic clutches of Madge Cartwright. This time, Alf thinks he has the perfect solution - he traces all of Teddy's illegitimate children and brings them to the house to face Madge...
#15 - The Truth Revealed
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 4 - Episode 4
Sir Ralph sacks Selfridge, his butler, who in turn tells him of his wife's long-standing affair with George Meldrum. Sir Ralph sets out for revenge and the staff have to ensure that a mysterious ""accident"" doesn't befall their master...
#16 - Fair Shares
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 1 - Episode 5
Lady Lavender has now promised her shares to Stokes, and he sees this as a chance to set himself up for life. Meanwhile, Ivy is in trouble for telling Sir Ralph about his wife's indiscretions with Lord Meldrum...
#17 - The Night of Reckoning
You Rang, M'Lord? - Season 3 - Episode 6
Twelvetrees gets an offer to be butler for Sir Ralph and Lady Agatha. Mabel is on the verge of being evicted from her home. Meanwhile, Alf comes up with a drastic solution to Teddy's problem...
#18 - The Sausages in the Trousers
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 4 - Episode 5
There are still no batteries for the wireless radio underneath the bed of René's mother-in-law, so Michelle's newest harebrained scheme is to have René and Yvette powering it with the generator from a bicycle until the stolen batteries from a German miniature submarine are delivered. The Lieutenant has finished copying the paintings (The Fallen Madonna and the Van Gogh) and delivers them as sausages. Numerous other sausages also arrive: real ones from Captain Bertorelli, submarine batteries from Leclerc, and explosives from Officer Crabtree, and soon they're all mixed up in the German officers' trousers!
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#19 - The British 'ave Come
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 1 - Episode 1
Alternative name: "The Fallen Madonna" The Colonel and the Captain mull over their situation and decide they should probably hand over René and the painting to the Gestapo in order to get rid of Herr Flick. But René convinces them that they could hand over a forged copy of the painting instead (with the assistance of a conveniently-located forger), and gets them to lend their uniforms to the escaping British airmen so they can take the painting to England to be forged. Meanwhile, everyone keeps handing René poison pills "to make it easier", Herr Flick decides his relationship with Helga should include an intimate dinner in René's back room, and Hans figures out that putting cheese in one's ears improves the sound of Madame Edith's singing.
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#20 - Reds Nick Colonel
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 1 - Episode 6
The Communist Resistance want to make a martyr out of the dead René, and kidnap the Colonel and the Captain at the Captain's birthday party. To make matters worse, they offer them on a platter to René's supposed twin brother, so that he can shoot them.
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#21 - Desperate Doings in the Dungeon
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 5 - Episode 1
Herr Flick is still held in the dungeons, and if he cracks he can divulge that the painting of the Fallen Madonna has been copied. That´s why he must be rescued by Helga, Von Smallhausen, and René - dressed as Himmler. The Colonel and the Lieutenant are ordered by the General to let Herr Flick die in a rescue attempt by the Resistance, but seeing the danger of getting caught in a crossfire, they dress up as Gestapo officers to rescue Herr Flick, only to find René chained up instead.
#23 - Six Big Boobies
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 2 - Episode 1
After the British airmen are gone for good – or so René thinks – there is still the problem of Herr Flick owning all three copies of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies (the original and two fakes), and while Herr Flick kidnaps Lieutenant Gruber (a former art house worker), the Colonel and the Captain start to plan their next move. All the while, René's widow Edith has found René's will, and being the sole beneficiary, goes on a spending spree with René's money to attract better suitors. And the British airmen return as nuns. They are last seen hidden in the piano.
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#25 - Savile Row to the Rescue
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 1 - Episode 3
The Colonel, the Captain and Herr Flick are all disguised as onion sellers while the German uniforms are being remade by the Jewish tailors of London. Michelle delivers a bottle of nitro-glycerin disguised as a bottle of Bols Gin to hide in the café until they come to fetch it that night to blow up a German railway.
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#26 - Desperate Doings in the Graveyard
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 6 - Episode 1
The latest escape plan for the British airmen involves them wading along the canal underneath a tin bath. Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen pose as escaped British airmen, hoping to be picked up by the Resistance, who have built a communication post in René's 'grave' in an effort to get around German jamming of their radio signals. René, Edith and Monsieur Alphonse try it out. René gets caught on the aerial and is hoisted above his 'grave'. Lieutenant Gruber sees him and thinks it's the ghost of René's 'twin brother'.
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#27 - Pigeon Post
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 1 - Episode 2
After the Colonel's and the Captain's uniforms are borrowed by the British airmen, and later burned, they will have to send for replacements. Supplied by Michelle are carrier pigeons, which Madame Edith accidentally cooks and serves to Herr Otto Flick.
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#32 - The Great Un-Escape
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 3 - Episode 6
While the Captain is sitting in the café, Herr Flick of the Gestapo is listening when René is talking to London on the wireless. He soon cracks the code of the message as the plan to dig a tunnel from the mortuary to hide the British airmen. But it's soon apparent that the two airmen and Monsieur Alphonse need help with the digging, and the café staff are called in, leaving Madame Fanny and Leclerc in the café. But the Colonel and the Captain follow René, discover the tunnel, and are captured in the prisoner-of-war camp.
#33 - Flight of Fancy
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 3 - Episode 4
With René again in the possession of the sausage containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna, attention turns to getting the two British airmen out of France. Michelle's newest harebrained scheme of getting the airmen out is a steam engine tour through Nouvion, and will of course require eighty metres of braces, and it's René's job to get them from every Frenchman in Nouvion. Herr Flick and Helga arrive in his staff car to spy on the show.
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#34 - The Flying Nun
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 4 - Episode 4
The Gestapo suspects that the Colonel and the General are in on a plot to assassinate Hitler, so Herr Flick goes undercover as Private Irma Von Kinkenrotten and plants a somewhat bizarre daffodil-shaped microphone in the Colonel's office, where Gruber and Von Strohm are making plans to get rid of Bertorelli in some way. Meanwhile, as Edith prepares for her wedding, René and company must get the aerial for their new radio above the jamming signal of Herr Flick, so they disguise Mimi as a small nun to obtain a box kite which they fly to contact London and request plastic explosives to blow up the safe in the General's chateau to get the British Invasion plans.
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#35 - Pretty Maids All in a Row
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 3 - Episode 5
After the plot to get the two British airmen out failed, a frustrated René returns to the painting of the Fallen Madonna. He hides it behind an ugly painting in his café which is immediately recognised by General Von Klinkerhoffen as a Van Gogh and requisitioned for his office in the chateau. He also requisitions the two new maids in Café René – or as they are better known: the two British airmen in disguise. Realising that the two airmen will be recognised right away, Michelle of the Resistance comes up with another harebrained scheme of digging a tunnel from Monsieur Alphonse's mortuary into the prisoner-of-war camp and smuggling in the two airmen.
#36 - Prisoners of War
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 4 - Episode 1
Alternative name: "Hans Goes Over the Top" Having been trapped in the POW camp, René is enlisted in the plan to re-dig the tunnel, by getting rid of the dirt. Von Strohm and Geering are playing cricket, though not very well, and Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen are digging their own tunnel into the camp. Monsieur Alphonse arrives at the café to report to Fanny the news that René has been captured, but René and company join in on the British prisoners' plan to escape – though it will free only one man. Meanwhile, Helga reports the situation to Gruber, and together they devise a plan to rescue the Colonel, the Captain and René - involving Gruber dressing as a nun!
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#37 - The Nicked Knockwurst
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 3 - Episode 1
After the Colonel makes René promise not to have further contact with the Resistance, Herr Flick's sausage (containing the forgery of the Fallen Madonna) is stolen by the Communist Resistance. The Colonel and the Captain are anxious that it isn't revealed that they have switched the paintings, and order René to come up with the ransom, which Edith gets from Monsieur Alphonse. The ransom is to be left by René and his staff, dressed as German soldiers. But the whole thing is watched by German soldiers dressed as French policemen, the Gestapo dressed as French Resistance girls, and the Colonel and the Captain dressed as trees. And of course, Lieutenant Gruber stumbles upon the meeting, and his dog can't help but chase the sausage.
#38 - Herr Flick's Revenge
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 2 - Episode 6
Having ran away from the duel with Monsieur Alphonse, René hides. He's rescued by Michelle of the Resistance who smuggles him back into the café dressed as a member of the Resistance, while she explains to Monsieur Alphonse that René is the bravest man in France. But Herr Flick has captured the Colonel and the Captain, and brings in René as well, and threatens to torture them unless they reveal where the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies is hidden. They are rescued by General Von Klinkerhoffen. With life back to normal, there's only the matter of getting the British airmen out. As the General imposes a curfew, Michelle's plan is a funeral for Madame Fanny.
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#39 - Gruber Does Some Mincing
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 3 - Episode 2
The sausage containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna, which was taken by Lieutenant Gruber's dog, is minced by the Lieutenant – but fortunately he discovers it first and saves it. At the same time, the missing knockwurst means that Monsieur Alphonse cannot get back the money which he lent to pay the ransom of the stolen sausage. The Resistance pays him back with Monsieur Leclerc's badly forged money. But after everything seems to be getting back to normal, the sausage is sent to Lieutenant Gruber to make another copy. Also, Michelle's latest plan to get the British airmen back is by an old plane with the engine from General Von Klinkerhoffen's motor mower.
#40 - The Wooing of Widow Artois
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 2 - Episode 2
René is caught in a dilemma when he must choose between the women he loves: his waitresses Yvette and Maria, and his wife Edith, who, as his widow, has all his money. Unfortunately, he cannot bring himself to woo Edith again, so Edith seeks the attention that she can get from other suitors in town.
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#41 - Good Staff are Hard to Find
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 4 - Episode 3
Since Maria's disappearance, the café needs another waitress, but René and Edith have somewhat different ideas about who should fill the position, but finally Michelle of the Resistance brings tiny Mimi from another cell to be René's bodyguard. In the meantime, General Von Klinkerhoffen gives the Colonel a new assistant - Italian liaison Captain Bertorelli.
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#42 - The Dance of Hitler Youth
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 1 - Episode 7
The Colonel's birthday party is the perfect opportunity to retrieve the real painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies from Herr Flick, and substitute it with the forgery. The plan is to not invite Herr Flick but make sure that he hears about the big binge – a traditional feast with genuine Bavarian dances featuring girls dressed as the Hitler Youth – so that he will have to come. In the meantime, René and Edith are to enter the office of Herr Flick to make the switch. Of course, they fail – which means Herr Flick now has both the fake and the original plus a second forgery, which he commissioned in order to fund his marriage with Helga after the war.
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#43 - Swiftly and with Style
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 2 - Episode 4
After failing to destroy the train, which will take the copy of the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies to Hitler, René and the Captain are captured by the Resistance, only to be rescued by Herr Flick. The Colonel and the Captain are afraid that Hitler will understand that the painting is a copy, and prepare to escape to Switzerland. In the meantime, British agent in disguise, Officer Crabtree, has a new escape plan for the British airmen.
#44 - The Gâteau from the Château
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 2 - Episode 7
The airmen's escape is thwarted by Nazi gunfire, and the air balloon crashes into Madame Fanny's bedroom. General Von Klinkerhoffen takes command of Nouvion and orders Colonel Von Strohm to woo Edith in order to infiltrate the Resistance. The Colonel soon delegates the duty to Captain Hans Geering. Herr Flick plots the death of the General by poisoned dart, with Helga assigned to do the fatal deed. The Colonel and the Captain plan to poison the General's wine with a lethal pill, whilst Michelle has Edith make a Black Forest Gateau packed with dynamite.
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#45 - Off with the Motley
Hi-de-Hi! - Season 6 - Episode 4
When the post of Stores Supervisor becomes vacant, Peggy is promoted.
#46 - The Sausage in the Wardrobe
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 3 - Episode 3
After Maria is sent to Lieutenant Gruber with the sausage containing the real painting of the Fallen Madonna for copying, she is caught by General Von Klinkerhoffen, who places the sausage in his wardrobe and holds Maria hostage until his motor mower engine is returned by the Resistance. Herr Flick, the Colonel, the Captain and René hear about this and decide to go to the chateau through the secret passage and steal the sausage from under the General's nose, using Helga, Yvette and Lieutenant Gruber as a honey trap.
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#47 - The Duel
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 2 - Episode 5
René tries to hide from the seconds of Monsieur Alphonse, the undertaker, but in his stead Lieutenant Gruber accepts the duel. However, the Colonel and the Captain want to save René and plan an exercise to "accidentally" kill Monsieur Alphonse. The plan is thwarted by Herr Flick, who has discovered that the sausage that was sent to Berlin containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies did not contain any painting - either real or fake. Herr Flick correctly assumes that the Colonel and the Captain stole the painting, and arrests them and cancels the exercise. Now René has to fight the duel on his own, while Yvette and Maria grieve on the sidelines and his wife Edith catches up on the gossip of the week.
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#48 - The Policeman Cometh
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 2 - Episode 3
We pick up the action mere moments after the close of the previous episode, as the airmen-filled cow narrowly escapes being milked by a German patrol while awaiting the landing of the plane. As they watch in disappointment, the plane does not land, and instead jettisoning two parachutes, one of which yields a new escape package; the other, Officer Crabtree, sent from "British Ontelligence Headquitters". Disguised as a policeman, he is supposed to blend in. Unfortunately, his French is abominable, getting the vowels wrong as often as not. Meanwhile, the plan to blow up the non-painting-filled knockwurst on its way to Hitler has hit a snag: René can't find anyone to blow up the train.
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#49 - The Funeral
'Allo 'Allo! - Season 1 - Episode 5
René tries to go back to his normal life after his fake execution, posing as his twin brother, also named René, but the funeral arrangements are difficult when there is no body. Monsieur Leclerc is cheaper than the regular priest and the coffin is filled with anti-tank bombs.
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#50 - Hey Diddle Diddle, Who's on the Fiddle?
Hi-de-Hi! - Season 6 - Episode 5
Peggy and Spike uncover evidence that suggests Joe Maplin gave Clive a job in order to spy on the staff.