The BEST episodes written by Greg Hemphill
#1 - Buntin'
Still Game - Season 2 - Episode 8
Navid finds Pete 'the Jakey', Craiglang's answer to Barny Gumball, has been letting himself go, lately. It seems he's been going through the shopkeeper's rubbish for food. Is it, in fact, a giant rat, or is Pete plumbing every further depths of scabbydom? But soon he's seen in The Clansman clean-shaven and wearing a brand new suit. Has someone died, or is Pete suddenly involved in top-secret affairs of the state?
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#2 - Who's the Daddy
Still Game - Season 4 - Episode 6
A story involving three men and a baby. The trouble is, the baby wants to knock down the Clansman Bar.
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#3 - Kill Wullie
Still Game - Season 4 - Episode 1
Jack and Victor aren't sure what to make of it when one of their pals takes up with a woman half his age.
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#4 - Swottin
Still Game - Season 3 - Episode 2
Jack and Vic feel their lives have become routine to the point of redundancy. Does salvation lie in Glasgow University's course in Medicial Proficiency, or will the lure of a 75p pint be too much? Meanwhile, Boaby's losing customers and can't get his hole in a barrel of fannies. Can a quiz night and a lovely new barmaid be the answer to both problems?
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#5 - Dug
Still Game - Season 2 - Episode 9
Isa's unwelcome husband returns once more. Jack and Victor have a major falling-out: Victor's son John is as distant and uncaring as ever, while Jack has warm tears in his eyes when his daughter Mary in Canada sends him a video tape of her and the weans. Things are compounded when Jack is invited to fly out to Canada to visit. Will Victor end up on the plane, or have our boys finally had enough of one another? And Winston agrees to pose as Isa's fiancé in order to ward off her husband - but how far is he willing to go to maintain the illusion?
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#6 - Wireless
Still Game - Season 4 - Episode 2
Jack and Victor take up residence in the hospital as DJs. Navid, however, is about to encounter a more pressing problem.
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#7 - Hatch
Still Game - Season 4 - Episode 5
Jack and Victor are fed up of Isa's constant prying, but the plan they hatch causes shock waves across Craiglang.
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#8 - Doacters
Still Game - Season 2 - Episode 3
Winston and Tam become love rivals over a gentle, lovely lady at the local library. But which one will win the fair lady's heart? Meanwhile, Jack and Victor are feeling depressed, and there's a new drug on trial at the health centre. They rehearse their scripts for when they get there to convince the doctor, but Jack's 'I'm depressed' face looks more like 'I'm constipated'.
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#9 - Ring
Still Game - Season 4 - Episode 4
Tam finally does the decent thing. He doesn't buy a pint; he decides to get married.
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#10 - Oot
Still Game - Season 3 - Episode 5
Archie (Sylvester McCoy), an old friend of J & V's, finally has to leave the place where he has been secluded for nearly half a century, never going outside. Now the council are knocking his place down, but are Jack and Victor the best guides to the new century? Winston is experimenting with turning his house into a cinema. Looks like the Towering Inferno's on at Osprey Heights...
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#11 - Dial a Bus
Still Game - Season 4 - Episode 3
Jack and Victor succumb to the lure of the Dial-A-Bus, but this one doesn't stop where they expected.
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#12 - Recipe
Still Game - Season 6 - Episode 6
Jack and Victor discover Pete the Jakey was the inventor of The famous Beefy bake and seek recompense on his behalf. Tam and Frances are having marital problems. Who can offer counsel, Navid?
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#13 - Aff
Still Game - Season 3 - Episode 6
For once Winston's complaint to the social office is genuine, and now has a foot that can stun even the most heartless of people into abject silence. Meanwhile, Jack devises a scheme to finally get the attention of his estranged son in Johannesburg. But things go wrong when he actually turns up to see his 'sick' father. Will things come to a climax, or will father and son remain more distant than ever?
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#14 - Faimly
Still Game - Season 1 - Episode 4
Victor's son John calls from Jo'burg and is planning a visit. Is he, as Jack says, setting himself up for a fall? When John leaves an unclear message on the phone, they enlist the help of their mate with superhuman hearing, Shug, to help out. Meanwhile Winston's embroiled in a war over gigot chops; and is Glasgow city station the paradise Jack remembers?
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#15 - Big Yin
Still Game - Season 3 - Episode 4
The Neds (hooligans) begin a reign of terror in Craiglang. Jack and Victor contact an old friend to come to town and take matters in his giant-sized hands. If they can just keep him away from the Midori... Meanwhile, Winston's taking up a valued place at the local supermarket and suddenly finds that Craiglang has become a fair model for Sing Sing...
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#16 - Hard Nuts
Still Game - Season 5 - Episode 4
The television crew which makes Blighty's Hardest Pubs drops by The Clansman and Bobby foolishly promises them all the action they can handle.
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#17 - Hyper
Still Game - Season 6 - Episode 5
Navid's business is suffering at the hands of the corporate giant Hyperdales and his regular customers loyalty is being put to the test. Meanwhile, Tam is going through some bizarre changes. The drinks are on him!
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#18 - A Fresh Lick
Still Game - Season 5 - Episode 2
When Jack and Victor volunteer to redecorate Isa's living room the alterations go a lot further than planned. Meanwhile Boabby's video collection contain a guilty secret.
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#19 - Scran
Still Game - Season 2 - Episode 6
The workies on the new building site are generating a lot of money for Craiglang's local economy - all of it flowing into the dubious hands of Vince Gallagher the Clydeside poisoner! Winston has a plan to take things into his own hands. With a major boost of Navid's shop being free while he's away on holiday, a turf war begins. There can be only one winner.
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#20 - Tappin'
Still Game - Season 2 - Episode 5
Craiglang has never had it so good; everyone's suddenly come into money. There's rumours of a money-dealer newly arrived in Craiglang. Even Jack and Victor decide to get in on the action by buying stock market shares from Navid at the corner shop. Winston and Tam renew their feud with the local Neds, and decide the only way to solve things is to challenge them to a championship gold tournament: winner takes course!
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#21 - Brief
Still Game - Season 2 - Episode 4
Jack and Victor club together to out-bid Manky Franky to win themselves Danny's old motor. But their new freedom comes at a price, and will Tam, at long last, finally get his come-uppance?
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#22 - One In One Out
Still Game - Season 6 - Episode 7
Tam and Frances enjoy fame and fortune with their new addition but it means baby sitting stints for Jack and Victor which is proving a bit of a strain.
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#23 - Cairds
Still Game - Season 3 - Episode 3
Boaby bars Jack & Vic & Co. from the Clansman. Turning Osprey Heights into a mini Las Vegas, Tam wins Joe's motor-wheelchair. However, plans are afoot to win it back, while Winston's feud with the bookies reaches a hilarious climax...
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#24 - Seconds Out
Still Game - Season 6 - Episode 4
Boabby the barman and Stevie the bookie vie for the attention of the new pizza girl. Jack and Victor are hell bent on getting a free pizza now that their old pal Winston works there.
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#25 - Drama
Still Game - Season 5 - Episode 1
Pub-loving pensioners Jack and Victor are set for a headache, as the hit Scottish comedy returns.In the first of a new six-part series, the adventurous oldies risk the mother of all hangovers when they win a trip to a posh whisky distillery, complete with an endless supply of free samples. And fellow OAP Winston looks like losing out to old enemy Stevie the bookie - until racing expert John McCririck arrives to give him a few betting tips.
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#26 - Saucy
Still Game - Season 5 - Episode 6
Jack and Victor decide to visit Winston in his new home at the seaside town of Finport - but find the local people are even stranger than those in Craiglang. Tam falls in love with his ex-sister-in-law, a former variety star even more careful with her money than he is.
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#27 - Gadgets
Still Game - Season 7 - Episode 1
Craiglang's residents can't resist the temptation of the Futuroo catalogue. Meanwhile, Winston prepares for the arrival of his brother, Walter, and Jack needs help after having a long bath.
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#28 - Waddin'
Still Game - Season 1 - Episode 6
Navid is giving out invitations to what promises to be the wedding of the year in Craiglang. They're as rare and desired as Willy Wonka's golden tickets - so why don't Jack and Victor have one? And what are they to do when an old friend - and notorious tapper - 'dies', and the chance to slip back a few items presents itself?
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#29 - Fly Society
Still Game - Season 6 - Episode 2
Jack and Victor get a taste of how the other half live when they are mistaken for two socialites by a couple of rich widows. But the gang from Craiglang are not happy at missing out.
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#30 - Shooglies
Still Game - Season 2 - Episode 7
After an unusually expensive meal, Jack and Victor decide to take a literal trip down memory lane, when they visit a new exhibition in the city centre dedicated to the Glasgow of their childhood. They meet an old friend, Frank McCallum. But is he all that he appears to be?
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#31 - Over the Hill
Still Game - Season 9 - Episode 6
It is the must-see finale as we bid a poignant farewell to Jack, Victor and the rest of the Craiglang gang. While Isa gets into a fix with some cute little animals, Jack and Victor decide to stop putting things off and go on that adventure they have been planning for years. A new month rolls round and Jack is excited to see what new picture he will reveal on his calendar, but tensions quickly rise as Victor tries to meddle in his fun. Heading to The Clansman for a calming pint, they suggest Boabby uncovers November on his calendar, while Tam reveals he is far too stingy to buy one. This marching of time has put Jack into a contemplative mood. He is thinking about how he and Victor should stop making up a load of excuses and should instead accomplish their long-standing ambition to climb the world famous Munro, Ben Lomond. Victor’s bright idea for avoiding disappointment every year is to admit defeat, but Jack is having none of it - they are pioneers and they are going for it! With their new resolve, Jack and Victor invite Tam, Winston and Boaby to join the expedition, which quickly sees them scrabbling around for reasons why they can’t possibly go. Turns out, none of them can come up with anything decent so they find themselves agreeing. It is probably for the best anyway. Over at Navid’s shop, rather than running a mile from charity workers, Isa runs towards them. She is a sucker for a cute little animal story but when Navid finds her acting strangely in the shop, she is forced to admit to him that she has a problem. As Navid conducts an intervention to help Isa onto a better path, the boys head off for Ben Lomond in a bid to conquer that mountain.
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#32 - Hoaliday
Still Game - Season 3 - Episode 1
Jack and Victor kick off series 3 in an opening episode that picks up where the last episode of series 2 left off - the boys are flying to Canada to visit Jack's family. The boys are having a time of it - with a belated dose of jetlag - and take in the marvels of Gutbusters, Niagra Falls, Ice Hockey and tacky souvenirs. Soon the time looms for them to come home - or is it? And, back in Craiglang, there's a new man in Isa's life...
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#33 - Scones
Still Game - Season 1 - Episode 5
Tam, the tapping king of Craiglang, has fallen on his feet with his latest win: a lifetime's free supply of film tickets and confectionary. Not to be outdone, our boys set out to win a slogan competition. Meanwhile, an old face from Isa's past returns...
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Still Game - Season 8 - Episode 3
Jack and Victor head to The Clansman, only to find it's Isa behind the bar. Turns out, Boabby has taken up walking football once a week and he's getting match-fit for a very important tournament at the weekend. However, when Boabby's football career is unexpectedly cut short and he's forced out of the game, it's up to Jack and Victor to pull a team together and win a much-needed new pitch for their local community. As a warm up, they play a 'friendly' against the doddery old Claymore pub team but it doesn't quite go to plan. Under the guidance of firm new manager, Isa, the Craiglang team sets about a rigorous Rocky-inspired training regime, employing some interesting new sporting tactics. Meanwhile, Methadone Mick puts himself forward for a key role at the tournament much to the horror of Mrs Greer from the walking football association. However, with no other candidates to choose from, the straight-laced Ms Greer has no option but to take a punt on Mick. With training complete and the oranges quartered, the newly formed Craiglang team prepare for the all-important football tournament, hoping they won't score an own goal.
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#35 - Hot Seat
Still Game - Season 6 - Episode 1
Craiglang is in the grip of a hot spell. Jack and Victor have found the perfect place to relax in the park on the ultimate bench. Unfortunately, Tam and Winston have the same idea. Isa receives news about her ex husband Harry that changes her life.
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#36 - Gairden
Still Game - Season 2 - Episode 1
The Neds have colonised the local park and Jack and Victor aren't happy about it. Winston decides to take matters into his own hands. Things aren't helped by the fact that their old pal Ronnie is in the loony bin, so they pose as his brothers to secure his release. But will they make it in time, and will auld Ronnie be up to the challenge of sanity?
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#37 - All The Best
Still Game - Season 5 - Episode 5
Winston's had enough of Craiglang and decides he wants to live beside the seaside. Jack and Victor become wedding chauffeurs for the day.
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#38 - Cauld
Still Game - Season 1 - Episode 2
Winter arrives in Craiglang with a vengeance. Jack and Victor find an old friend of theirs drops dead of the cold - is it time to take part in Winston's nerfarious scheme to steal 'leccy?
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#39 - Smoke On The Water
Still Game - Season 5 - Episode 3
Jack arranges a birthday surprise for Victor's 75th - a trip down the river in an inflatable dinghy. The duo are joined on their voyage by Winston, but the relaxing pleasure cruise soon turns into a nightmare.
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#40 - Flittin'
Still Game - Season 1 - Episode 1
Jack and Victor: together again, for the first time! The problem is Jack's having problems with his neighbours, and Victor's neighbour rolls over and joins the choir invisible. Will the DHSS listen to Robbie Burns, or will our heroes be kept apart? And as for What the Vicar saw...
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#41 - Down and Out
Still Game - Season 7 - Episode 6
Emotions run high as Jack, Victor and the residents gather to watch the demolition of a Craiglang tower block, Tam drags Winston into a new moneymaking scheme, and Jack and Victor are enticed by Mrs Fletcher, the beguiling manager of the local care home.
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#42 - Courtin'
Still Game - Season 1 - Episode 3
Jack realises how long it's been since his wife died and starts to find new love with a lovely woman in the city centre. But to win the fair lady's heart, a double date is in order. What will Victor do when he sees Barbara's sister, and what will he do when it turns out that all isn't as it seems with Barbara?
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#43 - Hitched
Still Game - Season 9 - Episode 5
There’s a big wedding to organise so the Craiglang pals all rally round to sort a venue, flowers, food and even a band. With such a lot to arrange, will it all go without a hitch? Jack and Victor have a chance encounter with an old pal while enjoying a relaxing sit on a park bench. They’re pleased to hear he is the curator at a museum now (even if they don’t know what a curator is) but the friendly chat soon leaves Jack and Victor reeling as he insults them by saying he can’t hang about doing nothing in a park all day. Meanwhile, Winston has been having the time of his life these last couple of months with his good lady companion. During one particularly brilliant day, involving a wind up at Stevie the Bookies, the excitement of it all gets too much and a wedding proposal slips out. Back in The Clansman, the look on Winston’s face leads Boabby to assume he got a knock back – but it turns out she said yes and they are to be married in ten days. Well, why wait at this age? The trouble is, Winston has promised her the world, but in the cold light of day is convinced he has absolutely nothing whatsoever to offer her. A visit to his new fiancé’s house to call the whole thing off, lands him in it even deeper, so with Winston in a hole, it’s up to his pals to band together and attempt to organise a wedding to remember. There are flowers and food to sort, and while Boabby and his wee black book are under pressure to find a band, Jack and Victor look up their old curator pal in the hope he can come up trumps with a venue.
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#44 - Fly Fishing
Still Game - Season 8 - Episode 1
Winston appeals to his friends for help as asbestos forces him out of his flat. However, with nobody keen to take him in, Winston stumbles on alternative - and inspired - living arrangements of his own. Isa's birthday is on the horizon and she's on a mission to find out who's throwing her a surprise party. Navid tells her she's impossible to surprise and no-one would dare to attempt it, but she is sceptical and starts to spy on the others, in hope of spotting signs of a secret party. Later, Jack and Victor head to The Clansman and encounter a flustered Tam. To their dismay, they discover Boabby's trendy ambitions for the pub, which mean their sort won't be welcome anymore. With The Clansman regulars turfed out and Winston in need of a roof over his head, a new hangout is soon discovered - with perks for all the pensioner pals.
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#45 - Wummin
Still Game - Season 2 - Episode 2
Winston, a lifetime expert at fiddling the DHSS, takes his game one step-up, in the form of pretty home-helper Mrs. Begg . Our boys are quickly smitten. But can Winston keep up the pretence for long? Meanwhile, Jack and Victor now got their newly-widowed friend, Bert Finlay, to worry about. He's not managing: he walks around town like a jakie and can't even boil an egg for himself. A situation horribly familiar to both the boys, they decide to make sure to do right by their old friend before it's too late.
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#46 - Blow Below the Belt
Chewin' the Fat - Season 1 - Episode 6
Blow Below the Belt - F & G On the Couch - Ronald Villiers - 2.99 at Bennies - Reet Son - Rednecks - Bish 'n' Bosh - Leprechauns - Surgeons - Jack and Victor - Arguing Threesome - Lonely Shopkeeper - At NASA
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#47 - South Africa
Still Game - Season 8 - Episode 4
Jack and Victor pack their bags for a night away that they'll never forget - even if they want to. After learning Navid has been shutting his shop early for the last few Fridays, Jack and Victor try to wheedle information out of Isa about what he's up to. For once she's keeping quiet, sort of, dropping a few clues, hoping they'll suss out Navid's secret shenanigans themselves. It turns out Navid and Meena have a caravan where they retreat to for peace and quiet. As soon as they find this out, Jack and Victor pester Navid for a holiday but when he turns them down, the boys bring out their finest sob story. Navid eventually relents, handing over the keys to his beloved the caravan - for one night only. Friday night is boys' night and Jack and Victor excitedly look forward to escaping Craiglang, carry-out in hand. However, their relaxing caravan trip soon sours when Winston turns up as an unwelcome guest - with shambolic results.
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#48 - Jack and Vic do Cybersex
Chewin' the Fat - Season 1 - Episode 2
F & G On the Couch - Quiz Show - Community Art - Ronald Villiers, The Banter Boys, Jack and Victor - Old Betty, Soldiers - Tartan Briefs - QSC
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#49 - Jack and Vic do Changing Rooms
Chewin' the Fat - Season 1 - Episode 3
Jack and Victor Do Changing Rooms - Ronald Villiers - The Arguing Threesome - Tartan Briefs - Old Betty - The Neds - Sherrif Court - The Neds - Ma Maw's in the Dustbin - Banter Boys - Tea-Lady Takes over - F & G On the Couch - The Devil Gets a Hunger On Him for Toaty Scones - Bish 'n' Bosh
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#50 - Grim Up North
Still Game - Season 8 - Episode 2
Boabby is persuaded to have a lock-in at The Clansman to mark the passing of Craiglang's much-respected undertaker, so the regulars enjoy outdoing each other with stories of the most famous person they've ever met, dead or alive. After news spreads that a creepy new undertaker, Sheathing, has moved into Craiglang, nobody quite knows what to make of him. Isa, who's heard the stories, spreads the fear amongst the residents that he's the grim reaper. Jack decides to figure out who this mysterious new undertaker really is. But when Isa turns up at Victor's door in a complete panic and Sheathing appears unannounced, Jack and Victor have no option but to take matters into their own hands.
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