The BEST episodes written by Graeme Garden
#1 - Animals are People Too AKA Animals AKA Pets
The Goodies - Season 9 - Episode 7
Graeme's pet shop has a special new line - people dressed up as animals, but they also suffer from being dumped so Tim sets up a protection society, while Graeme cruelly puts the strays to work.
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#2 - Charity Bounce
The Goodies - Season 2 - Episode 12
The Goodies are bouncing on spacehoppers from London to Brighton for charity. However, they continue to bounce on around the world much to the horror of their tight-fisted sponsor.
#3 - War Babies
The Goodies - Season 8 - Episode 6
The Goodies are grown-up babies who are sent off to boarding school during the war years, and are asked by Churchill to go behind enemy lines to buy him a box of German cigars.
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#4 - Farm Fresh Food AKA Health Farm
The Goodies - Season 2 - Episode 9
Disgusted at the awful cuisine served up at Ye Olde Shepherds Restaurant, the Goodies head to the farm of Tim's uncle for some fresh country food, only to be further disappointed upon arrival.
#5 - Women's Lib AKA Sexual Revolution
The Goodies - Season 2 - Episode 10
Bill reports Graeme and Tim to the Women's Liberation Front after he disapproves of their treatment of Graeme's new totty. As a punishment, they are sent to work for Lord Charles (a Male Chauvinist) - Graeme as the butler, and Tim as the maid.
#6 - Way Outward Bound AKA Outward Bounds
The Goodies - Season 3 - Episode 6
The failure to find any kids willing to go to an adventure school forces the Goodies to attend disguised as children, only to find that the school is being used for a far more sinister cause.
#7 - The Stolen Musicians AKA The Music Master AKA The Music Lovers
The Goodies - Season 2 - Episode 5
Musicians are being kidnapped all over the country, so The Goodies become famous musicians too, eventually get stolen and come face-to-face with their arch-enemy - The Music Master.
#8 - Winter Olympics
The Goodies - Season 3 - Episode 3
The Goodies agree to be Britain's team in the Winter Olympics at the North Pole (there's apparently been a lot of snow there recently).
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#9 - The Lost Tribe of the Orinoco AKA The Lost Tribe
The Goodies - Season 2 - Episode 4
The Goodies are asked to find Professor Knutts who went missing whilst leading an expedition to find the Lost Tribe of the Orinoco in 1951. They eventually find him - in Sevenoaks.
#10 - Kitten Kong
The Goodies - Season 2 - Episode 7
The Goodies' Animal Clinic looks after various problem animals, including Twinkle the kitten who, thanks to Graeme's growth formula, grows to a massive size and terrorises London.
#11 - Bunfight at the OK Tea Rooms
The Goodies - Season 5 - Episode 12
With hardly a penny to their name, the Goodies go prospecting for gold - and discover Cornish cream.
#12 - Robot AKA Automation
The Goodies - Season 9 - Episode 2
Due to dire financial conditions, Bill is fired and replaced with a baby robot; however Tim and Graeme need help with raising the robot and hire a strange bearded Swedish nanny to look after it.
#13 - Culture for the Masses AKA Art For Art's Sake
The Goodies - Season 2 - Episode 6
Tim's crusade to stop rich Americans from buying all of Britain's art treasures sees him bidding a huge amount of money for one painting, forcing the Goodies to take drastic action to pay for it.
#14 - Black Magic AKA That Old Black Magic AKA Which Witch is Which?
The Goodies - Season 3 - Episode 4
Witch Hazel's problems with casting spells leads the Goodies to help her to contact lost souls via a séance and Graeme's mystical powers eventually see him turned into a gibbon.
#15 - The Goodies and the Beanstalk
The Goodies - Season 4 - Episode 4
The Goodies have hit rock-bottom and are forced to sell Buttercup for a tin of baked beans. In an act of desperation, Graeme plants one of the beans ...
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#16 - The Stone Age AKA Archaeologists AKA Tyrannosaurus Rex AKA Pot Holing
The Goodies - Season 4 - Episode 5
Graeme discovers an ancient tunnel below the Goodies' office and his penchant for potholing soon finds the Goodies stuck inside the stomach of a prehistoric tyrannosaurus rex.
#17 - Kung Fu Kapers AKA Ecky Thump
The Goodies - Season 5 - Episode 7
Bill reveals himself to be a Grand Master of the infinitely more subtle and superior Lancastrian martial art of Ecky Thump.
#18 - Gender Education AKA Sex and Violence
The Goodies - Season 2 - Episode 11
In response to a proposed appaling BBC film (for schoolchildren, mark you) on S-E-X education, Mrs. Desiree Carthorse - the self-proclaimed most powerful person in the field of television, if not the world - enlists The Goodies to make her version: ""How To Make Babies By Doing Dirty Things."" However, she dismisses it as too rude without even watching it. So a rebellious Bill starts making video nasties for the BBC.
#19 - Earthanasia AKA The End of the World Show
The Goodies - Season 7 - Episode 6
It's Christmas Eve, and as The Goodies prepare for Christmas they learn that the world is about to end.
#20 - The End AKA Encased in Concrete
The Goodies - Season 5 - Episode 13
The Goodies are trapped inside a 350-foot block of concrete, with ""turps for burps"", changing religion, cannibalism and I-spy all on the agenda while being stuck at close quarters for so long.
#21 - The New Office AKA Moving Day
The Goodies - Season 3 - Episode 1
The Goodies need a new office, but after being ripped-off in the local estate agent they decide to build their own - a Graeme-designed mobile disused railway station.
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#22 - Beefeaters AKA Tower of London
The Goodies - Season 1 - Episode 1
The Goodies are asked to assist in discovering who is stealing the Beefeaters' beef.
#23 - South Africa AKA South African Adventure AKA Apartheight
The Goodies - Season 5 - Episode 11
The Goodies are forced to emigrate to South Africa where the absence of black people forces a new form of segregation called apart-height, mainly affecting short people like jockeys and Bill.
#24 - Chubbie Chumps AKA Radio 2 AKA The Beauty Contest
The Goodies - Season 5 - Episode 3
Tim has become rather flabby while the others have been away fishing, but trims himself down thanks to a brainwashing radio DJ and enters the Miss Housewife Of The Year Contest.
#25 - Wacky Wales
The Goodies - Season 5 - Episode 4
An invitation to an eisteddfod in Wales has the Goodies in all sorts of trouble with the Reverend after they dare to break many of the puritanical local laws and actually try to entertain people.
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#26 - Frankenfido
The Goodies - Season 5 - Episode 5
Graeme's dog breeding venture gets out of hand and Tim's only chance to win at Crufts is to dress Bill in a dog costume, which forces Graeme to custom-make a shaggy monster of his own.
#27 - Goodies Rule - OK?
The Goodies - Season 5 - Episode 14
The unwanted Goodies finally hit the big time after years of failure, only for the government to topple and all forms of fun to be banned, requiring a civil uprising and a puppet government
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#28 - 2001 and a Bit
The Goodies - Season 6 - Episode 6
The futuristic sons of the Goodies have become bored with the extremely violent forms of modern entertainment and seek to revive something truly civilised from their fathers' era – cricket.
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#29 - Scoutrageous AKA Scouting Adventures
The Goodies - Season 7 - Episode 3
Tim indoctrinates Bill and Graeme into the Scouts. But they take things to extremes resulting in the movement being declared illegal.
#30 - Cunning Stunts AKA Fleet Street Goodies
The Goodies - Season 5 - Episode 10
Bill is fired from the Goodies' newspaper for being a hopeless reporter and after he is rejected by the love of his life, he decides to end it all by entering the Eurovision Raving Loony Contest.
#31 - The Race
The Goodies - Season 4 - Episode 7
A wrong turn to Skegness sees the Goodies winning the Tour de France cycling race, so they decide to also enter Le Mans and convert their disused railway station office into a car.
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#32 - Scatty Safari AKA The Existance of Rolf Harris
The Goodies - Season 5 - Episode 6
The main attraction at The Goodies Star Safari Park, Tony Blackburn, is hearing the call of the wild and pining for his freedom. The trio realise that they can no longer keep such a magnificent beast in captivity, and release him. But who should they get to replace him?
#33 - Pollution
The Goodies - Season 2 - Episode 3
The land is covered in pollution and the Goodies suspect corruption.
#34 - Cecily AKA Servants
The Goodies - Season 1 - Episode 6
The Goodies take a job helping out at a Stately Home, and meet sweet Cecily, who is not all that she seems ...
#35 - Radio Goodies AKA Pirate Radio Goodies
The Goodies - Season 1 - Episode 7
The Goodies open a pirate radio station - and post office.
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#36 - The Loch Ness Monster AKA Scotland
The Goodies - Season 2 - Episode 1
The Goodies help a suicidal zookeeper to locate a monster for London Zoo's Snowdon Monster House.
#37 - A Hunting We Will Go AKA Hunting Pink AKA Where There's a Will ...
The Goodies - Season 3 - Episode 2
Tim is off to spend the weekend at Tally Ho Towers with his rich Great Uncle Butcher-Fitzsimmons. He is dressed as a Guardsman in the hope that this will impress the old man into leaving Tim all his money in his will. Bill and Graeme think this is despicable, disgusting - and a very good idea, so they invite themselves along.
#38 - Come Dancing AKA Wicked Waltzing
The Goodies - Season 2 - Episode 8
Asked to be part of a formation dancing team, the Goodies find that dancing isn't as gentle and pure as they thought, especially when they encounter Delia Capone and her corrupt team.
#39 - Hospital for Hire AKA The National Health Service
The Goodies - Season 4 - Episode 3
A bad experience with the hospital system forces the Goodies to become doctors themselves and attempt to fix up the health system with the help of Graeme's magic elixir.
#40 - Hype Pressure AKA The Rock and Roll Revival
The Goodies - Season 6 - Episode 2
Tim's nasty tv talent show is a flop after Bill and Graeme's folk singing is a hit with the judges, so Tim sets about creating the rock ‘n roll revival and becomes a loony tv director.
#41 - Sporting Goodies AKA The Commonwealth Games
The Goodies - Season 2 - Episode 2
The Goodies take part in the Commonwealth Games as the British team against the August Bank Holiday Islands - with the entire Commonwealth at stake.
#42 - The Baddies AKA Double Trouble
The Goodies - Season 2 - Episode 13
The Goodies' bid to win the Nice Person Of The Year Award is being sabotaged by the mysterious Dr. Petal and his evil robot doubles of the Goodies and other famous people.
#43 - Love the Police AKA Police Public Image AKA Give Police a Chance
The Goodies - Season 1 - Episode 3
The Goodies are hired to improve the image of the police with the general public.
#44 - Caught in the Act AKA Compromising Photos
The Goodies - Season 1 - Episode 4
The Goodies are asked to recover some sexually explicit photographs of politicians.
#45 - Superstar
The Goodies - Season 3 - Episode 7
Appalled at the offensive songs in the hit parade, the Goodies perform a sickly sweet song on the Maxie Grease Show. But Bill is exploited and turned into a superstar by an unscrupulous agent.
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#46 - Invasion of the Moon Creatures AKA The Planet of the Rabbits
The Goodies - Season 4 - Episode 2
Graeme's attempt to send rabbits to the moon seems to be a failure until Bill and Tim's space voyage discovers plots of vegies and the menacing presence of Big Bunny.
#47 - Rome Antics
The Goodies - Season 5 - Episode 9
In 55AD the early Goodies venture to Rome to provide entertainment for the fruit-fancying Emperor, but are eventually confronted by Attila the Hun and the invading Barbarians.
#48 - The Goodies Almost Live
The Goodies - Season 6 - Episode 7
A concert featuring many of The Goodies' best known songs, including Cactus In My Y-Fronts, Funky Gibbon, Black Pudding Bertha, Bounce, Last Chance Dance and Wild Thing.
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#49 - Dodonuts
The Goodies - Season 7 - Episode 2
Disgusted by Tim and Graeme's love of hunting, Bill vows to protect the last dodo from extinction, even though it has all sorts of horrible behavioural problems for him to contend with.
#50 - Royal Command AKA Royal Command Performance
The Goodies - Season 7 - Episode 5
The revised Royal Variety Show hosted by Graeme is so well received by the royal family that they enter showbiz but end up in hospital, requiring the Goodies to act as their replacements.
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