The BEST episodes written by Geoffrey Darby
#1 - Fame
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 4 - Episode 12
Fame will not be seen at this time, but is desperately sought after by each member of our cast. Kevin decides to quit the show and become a big celebrity. He changes his name to Kevin Ilyanovich Rasputin Kubusheskie. Unfortunately, he isn't successful and he becomes desperate, resorting to playing the kid in the street interviews segment of the show, and even disguising himself as a letter in the closing credits.
Watch Now:Amazon
#2 - Transportation
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 2 - Episode 2
The Dukes of Hazard Line Up for Gas will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross spends most of the show making Christine's life miserable by making her do many strange things like jump from an airplane without a parachute, forcing her to be shot, makes her sick by distorting the broadcast, has her stuffed into a trash can, and even has her mummified.
Watch Now:Amazon#3 - Halloween
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 5 - Episode 16
Boy George Without Makeup will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine puts a spell on Ross that causes evil ghosts to haunt him.
Watch Now:Amazon
#4 - Dating
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 2 - Episode 4
Jaws meets the Love Boat will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine spends the entire show waiting for her boyfriend to call her, which he doesn't.
Watch Now:Amazon
#5 - Personal Hygiene
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 2 - Episode 8
Jaws Eats Jacques Cousteau will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine hosts this episode from her bathtub at home. During the show she gets surprise visits from the cast and crew. The episode ends with her getting sucked down the drain.
Watch Now:Amazon#6 - Bullying
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 3 - Episode 7
Mr. Rogers Bullies the Neighborhood will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine takes a self-defense class in order to protect herself from bullying from the other cast members.
Watch Now:Amazon
#7 - Sexual Equality
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 2 - Episode 7
The Dukes of Hazard Dress Up in Drag will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The rest of the cast is upset that Christine, as host, has an easier job. They trade places with her and all co-host the show, while she takes their positions in the sketches. In the end, she ends up on a quest to get Brodie slimed.
Watch Now:Amazon
#8 - Fitness
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 2 - Episode 5
The Six Million Dollar Man Rusts to Bits will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross tries to make money by collecting his family allowances. He also tries to adopt Christine, who is using an exercise bike and some special effects to travel around the world.
Watch Now:Amazon
#9 - Strike Now
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 2 - Episode 3
Captain Kangaroo Robs a Bank will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine goes on strike demanding a raise. She eventually gets it, but discovers that she won't get paid for the time she was on strike, even though she was still on the show.
Watch Now:Amazon
#10 - Work, Work, Work
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 2 - Episode 1
The Muppets Get Suffed will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine's dad makes her do work while hosting the show, so she keeps shovels a wheelbarrow full of dirt onto the set.
Watch Now:Amazon#11 - Marketing
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 5 - Episode 7
Miss Piggy Sold to a Sausage Factory will not be seen at this time so that we may present... To raise money to keep the show on the air, the cast tries to sell water and green slime to viewers.
Watch Now:Amazon
#12 - Drugs
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 2 - Episode 11
Mr. Rogers, Neighborhood Pusher will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast uses pies as a substitute for pot to demonstrate the perils of drug use.
Watch Now:Amazon#13 - Moving
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 5 - Episode 10
Mr. Rogers Gets Evicted will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine's family moves into a new house in the hills.
Watch Now:Amazon#14 - War
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 5 - Episode 19
The Love Boat Goes on a Cruise Missile Cruise will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Alasdair forms an anti-war group (W.I.M.P.), while Ross argues that war is a necessary evil.
Watch Now:Amazon
#15 - Cosmetics
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 3 - Episode 1
The Incredible Hulk Runs out of Deodorant will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine brings in a box of cosmetics and explains the use of each one. She offers advise about the dangers of using corn chip flavored lipstick.
Watch Now:Amazon#16 - History
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 5 - Episode 4
The Six Wives of Henry VIII will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast parodies historical events, as Alasdair traces his family history and Christine writes a research essay.
Watch Now:Amazon#17 - The First Episode
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 1 - Episode 1
The main plot for this episode is unknown, but it featured a Panasonic radio as a prize for one of the phone-in competitions, as most of the episodes from this 1979 season. This episode also featured a segment on baton twirling. The episode contains the well-known scene where Ross (before a major costume revamp) teaches Jono Gebert how to do a weather forecast on an actual CJOH news/weather set.
Watch Now:Amazon#18 - Sports
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 3 - Episode 10
Howard Cosell Loses His Voice will not be seen because…nobody could be that lucky. Christine and Lisa host the show like sports commentators. Throughout the program, Christine tries a really bad Howard Cosell accent.
Watch Now:Amazon#19 - Heroes
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 3 - Episode 11
Conan the Librarian will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast takes a look at their favorite super-heroes. Lisa attempts to be Wonder Woman, but isn't very effective.
Watch Now:Amazon#20 - The Not-So-Fair Show
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 3 - Episode 12
Real People will not be seen at this time because we couldn't find any. In its place, we present the following unfair program. The cast complains about everything that is unfair with the world in 1982. To add insult to injury, the Unfairy Godmother stops by.
#21 - Pets
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 4 - Episode 1
Kermit the Frog Tries to Cross the Highway will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast looks at all of the pets people have, some normal, some very strange.
Watch Now:Amazon#22 - Rules & Regulations
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 4 - Episode 2
Mister Rogers' Neighborhood will not be seen because the neighborhood has been declared unsafe. Ross forces the cast to follow new rules that the Union has made for child actors. Lisa is forced to eat a mud pie and loses her voice.
Watch Now:Amazon#23 - St. Patrick's Day
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 1 - Episode 7
Lisa keeps scheming to get Bradfield slimed, but her plans keep backfiring and result in her getting slimed several times.
Watch Now:Amazon#24 - Manners or Bad Habits
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 4 - Episode 3
Laverne and Shirley Go to Finishing School will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The show's producers have written a book of manners, which Christine tries to explain.
Watch Now:Amazon#25 - Future World
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 4 - Episode 5
Life on Earth will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine learns to tell fortunes using a crystal ball. The cast also looks at the world of computers, and how they can help with the routines of daily life.
Watch Now:Amazon
#26 - Safety First
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 2 - Episode 6
Hit and Run on Sesame Street will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Despite her constant attempts to explain safety rules, bad things keep happening to Christine including electric shock and decapitation.
Watch Now:Amazon#27 - Inequality: Kids vs. Adults
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 4 - Episode 7
The following program contains scenes that may not be suitable for mature audiences. Juvenile discretion is advised. The adult dressing room catches fire, and the kids have to put it out. Then the kids have to sacrifice their clothes so that the adults can resume shooting Richard III. The sketches are about how different kids and adults are treated.
#28 - Television
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 3 - Episode 9
You Can't Do That on Television cannot be seen at this time because…we couldn't do it. In its place, we present a show about television. Christine explains what goes on behind the scenes of a TV show. Along the way she gets every possible kind of slime dumped on her (and Vanessa).
Watch Now:Amazon#29 - Cooking
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 4 - Episode 9
The Pillsbury Dough Boy (Serves Six) will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine takes up cooking, but she isn't good at it. They end up using her muffins as bricks.
Watch Now:Amazon#30 - Classical Music
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 4 - Episode 10
Pavarotti Sings the Blues will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine takes up conducting as a hobby. In the sketches, the cast examines different musical instruments.
Watch Now:Amazon
#31 - Crime & Vandalism
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 2 - Episode 10
Mr. Rogers Vandalizes the Neighborhood will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The entire set is stolen piece by piece, including the microphones and Christine's clothes.
Watch Now:Amazon#32 - Rumors
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 4 - Episode 11
Miss Piggy Sues the National Enquirer will not be seen at this time so that we may present... After the star is taken off her dressing room door and the locks are changed, rumors spread throughout the cast that Christine was fired.
Watch Now:Amazon#33 - Growing Up
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 3 - Episode 13
My Three Sons of Frankenstein will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine tells us about all of her greatest fears. In the sketches, the cast talks about the pros and cons of getting older.
Watch Now:Amazon#34 - Shoestring
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 1 - Episode 2
Tim constantly tries to get a date with Cindy, but keeps looking like a fool, losing her to Jim and David. To add insult to injury, he keeps being forced into wearing a dress…and he can't seem to find his pants, forcing him to go home wearing a bright, pink dress.
Watch Now:Amazon#35 - Medicine
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 4 - Episode 4
General Hospital will not be seen at this time so that we may present... ""Doctor"" Lisa and ""nurse"" Luke help Christine, who has broken her leg just before show time.
Watch Now:Amazon#36 - Executive Washroom
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 1 - Episode 9
The network executives have a party on the set and leave money behind. When the cast goes to pick it up, Ross quickly confiscates the cash, claiming it is useless play money. Mr. Dime and Seth Pool get into a battle over the Executive Bathroom, when the lock keeps being changed. Christine, Sarah, Jim, and Mike keep trying to get each other slimed or pied.
#37 - Media
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 4 - Episode 6
You Can't Do That on Television will not be seen at this time so that we may present... In a drastic effort to improve ratings, Ross has Kevin burned at the stake. In the sketches, the cast looks at how advertisers try to get our attention.
Watch Now:Amazon#38 - Friends
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 5 - Episode 1
Laverne and Shirley Kill Each Other will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine is broke and the other cast members won't talk to her until she pays up what she owes them. In order to do the show, she pays them each a dollar to do their lines with her.
Watch Now:Amazon#39 - Nature
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 4 - Episode 8
The Waltons Move to Mt. Saint Helens will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Kevin goes away on a camping trip, leaving Christine to listen to Lisa's constant chatter.
Watch Now:Amazon
#40 - Smoking
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 2 - Episode 9
Atomic Blast Levels Fantasy Island will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Jami admits that the only reason the Indians smoked was to kill the white settlers. He then tries to convince Christine to smoke.
Watch Now:Amazon
#41 - Peer Pressure
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 2 - Episode 13
Sixty Minutes will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Lisa and Rodney keep trying to get Kevin to moon the cameras, but Christine stops them.
Watch Now:Amazon#42 - ESP - Magic Astrology
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 5 - Episode 2
The Twilight Zone Gets Redeveloped will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The crew fears a ghost is haunting the studio when strange things start happening. Lisa decides to perform an exorcism to get rid of it. In the sketches, the cast pokes fun at ESP and astrology, as well as magic in sketches like Genie of the Electric Lamp.
#43 - Addictions
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 3 - Episode 2
Pacman Eats General Hospital will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine plays ATARI for the entire show, thus demonstrating how video games are addictive. In the sketches, many references are made to the soap General Hospital, and how addictive that is.
Watch Now:Amazon#44 - Popularity
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 3 - Episode 3
The Most Popular Kids Show on Television will not be seen at this time so that we may present… Ross holds a ""phone-in"" contest to see which cast member is the most popular. All the kids wear numbers so that viewers can clarify their voting. At the halfway point, Kevin (wearing 111) is first. In an attempt to get more votes, Christine trades her ballot number (872) for a lower number (0). In the end, Zilch (Darryl) wins the contest even though he wasn't in this episode. They discover he won because Christine wore his number zero.
Watch Now:Amazon#45 - Priorities
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 4 - Episode 13
You Can't Do That on Television will not be seen today in order that we may get your priorities straight. Ross is too busy watching a baseball game on TV to direct the show, so the cast is on their own to make the show.
Watch Now:Amazon
#46 - Nutrition
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 2 - Episode 12
Miss Piggy Eats Ham Sandwiches will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine explains the importance of a healthy diet, but ends up wearing more of the food then she eats.
Watch Now:Amazon#47 - Fads & Fashion
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 3 - Episode 4
Fred Sanford: World's Best Dressed Man will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast attempts to keep up with the latest fashions, which change about every two minutes.
Watch Now:Amazon#48 - Vacations
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 3 - Episode 5
The Love Boat Runs Aground Fantasy Island will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine goes on a trip to the beach to relax, only to run into the entire cast and crew of YCDTOTV, who are filming an episode.
Watch Now:Amazon#49 - Rip-Offs
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 3 - Episode 6
The Price is Right Raises their Prices will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Things around the set begin to malfunction. The risers collapse and the set begins to collapse. In the end, the entire studio collapses.
Watch Now:Amazon#50 - Culture Junk
You Can't Do That on Television - Season 3 - Episode 8
Big Bird Dances Swan Lake will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast examines plays, literature, music, art, and theater. Christine is introduced to ""water music"".
Watch Now:Amazon