The BEST episodes written by Christian Ulmen
#1 - Fear
Jerks - Season 5 - Episode 3
After a clarifying conversation between Christian and the bus driver, the situation escalates in a very intimate moment. Christian has a hard time selling his broken arm to Collien. To get Collien out of her depressive mood, Fahri and Christian set her up with Fahri's girlfriend Nilam. She takes Collien on a wellness retreat. This suits Fahri just fine, as he imagines himself in pursuit of a stalker with whom he imagines wild sex. The two friends are in the middle of filming. However, they arrive on set overbearing and unprepared, and are paraded by young stars Bruno Alexander and Emil Belton. Fahri is deeply hurt and questions himself and his image.
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#2 - Gentleman's Stitch
Jerks - Season 4 - Episode 1
Pheline is about to give birth to Fahri's child. Fahri wants to prevent her from giving birth to the child without a Caesarean section, as he fears losing Pheline as a sex partner through a natural birth. Christian, meanwhile, takes care of Emily, who is struggling with her childlessness. Fahri fakes his paternity test to make Christian appear to be the father.
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#3 - Volker
Jerks - Season 3 - Episode 2
The doorbell rings at Christian's front door at night: Fahri and fellow actor Volker Bruch ask Christian for help. Bruch has locked his au pair in the basement after a "misunderstanding" and is now worried about his reputation. Christian and Fahri are supposed to rescue him from the mess. At least the two friends get closer again through this questionable relief action. Fahri, meanwhile, tries to restore domestic harmony with Pheline. He is actually able to convince her that his son was the result of a rape by Blümchen. Pheline then accompanies him to a therapy session for rape victims.
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#4 - Adultery
Jerks - Season 2 - Episode 1
When Christian wakes up next to a strange woman, he feels very guilty about having cheated on his girlfriend Emily. Fahri not only gives him an airtight alibi, but also useful tips on how to behave towards Emily. But Christian soon finds himself in the middle of a mess.
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#5 - Rehabilitation Pt. 2
Jerks - Season 5 - Episode 10
Shortly before the premiere of the local theater group's play, Fahri inadvertently overhears a telephone conversation between Christian and his psychotherapist, in which Christian recounts the events of 1991. As a result, Fahri quits Christian's friendship. However, Christian persuades him to have one last conversation, which is then attended in turn - obviously arranged by Christian - by various companions of Fahri's, such as Linda Zervakis, Frederick Lau and Jan Hofer, who thank him for his support over the years. Fahri is therefore reconsidering breaking off his friendship with Christian. It remains open, however, who is the last person to convey his or her thanks to Fahri, but this person closes the circle for Fahri, judging by his reaction; he seems as if he has finally arrived.
#6 - Ecstasy
Jerks - Season 3 - Episode 10
Emily is frustrated. She feels that she and Christian are the most boring couple in the world. Besides, Pheline seems much more radiant, wild and talented next to her. Emily wants Christian to be more experimental in bed and suggests anal sex. At Pheline's birthday party, Ralph Herforth reports on the latest trend: partner swapping! After initial hesitation, everyone in the group is ready to join in. Spin the bottle is to decide who swaps with whom. This turns into a disturbing evening, after which probably nothing will ever be the same again.
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#7 - Munich
Jerks - Season 2 - Episode 3
Christian has a date with an Instagram acquaintance in Munich. Once there, he discovers that he will miss his daughter Carla's birthday party. To avoid falling out with his ex-wife, he orders Fahri to stand in. A short time later, Fahri, dressed as a unicorn and in a bad mood, jumps through the garden. Meanwhile, not everything in Munich goes according to plan.
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#8 - Menopause
Jerks - Season 5 - Episode 2
Colliens Stimmungszustand verschlechtert sich. Sie versucht immer wieder an Christian ranzukommen, doch seine Gedanken kreisen nur um den Vorfall im Bus am Morgen. Sein Ärger über den Busfahrer, der ihm den Ausstieg an der vorderen Tür verwehrt hat, steigert sich ins Unermessliche. Fahri ist seiner neuen Freundin Nilam untreu und beginnt den Gipsarm-Trick anzuwenden, um seinen Betrug zu vertuschen. In einer Männerselbsthilfegruppe versuchen die beiden Freunde, sich selbst zu reflektieren. Fahri wird sauer, als auch Politiker Konstantin Kuhle mit einem Gipsarm auftaucht und anscheinend seinen Trick klaut. Die Glaubwürdigkeit seiner Lüge steht auf dem Spiel. Christian schwadroniert derweil lieber über den Busfahrer und will ihn zur Rede stellen.
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#9 - Happiness
Jerks - Season 3 - Episode 1
The radio silence between Fahri and Christian continues. Even when Fahri stands meekly outside Christian's door and asks him to look after his illegitimate son with Blümchen, Christian turns him down. But Emily and Christian are getting closer again - if it weren't for Jasna. Christian promises Emily that he will soon break up with Jasna. But then Christian accidentally opens a letter to Jasna from the hospital, finding: cancer. He feverishly considers how to gallantly get out of the act. The right moment doesn't seem to come. Until it comes to a confrontation backstage at the recording of "Late Night Berlin".
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#10 - Stauffenberg
Jerks - Season 5 - Episode 5
Fahri believes that he will be caned because of what Pheline said in an interview. After Christian meets a woman named Astrid Hessenbach in a park, they have a tryst, during which she delights him with a prostate massage. She turns out to be the deputy leader of the AfD parliamentary group. Christian's daughter has little understanding for this and accuses Christian of having "sex with Nazis". Fahri advises Christian to be "Stauffenberg" and end the relationship. However, he gets into an orgy with this plan, and only with Fahri's help can he be pulled out again. Fahri wants to make Pheline jealous with Riccardo Simonetti, but the latter rejects his advances in front of her.
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#11 - Weed
Jerks - Season 4 - Episode 11
After his revelation with Pheline, Fahri has left the house they shared and moved into his own apartment. Because Christian no longer has time for his boyfriend due to his reunion with Collien, Fahri hooks up with his 14-year-old daughter Kala instead. The two hit it off right away: they speak the same language, share the same hardships, smoke together, and laugh a lot - but when Fahri gives her the idea, Kala is determined to start smoking pot, too.
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#12 - House of Cards
Jerks - Season 3 - Episode 7
Christian has a "mishap" during a massage appointment. At home, Emily discovers the stain in his pants and can't believe it. No one understands him - except Marcel Reif. He takes Fahri and Christian to a testicle examination, which is performed by particularly pretty female doctors. Fahri is on a do-gooder trip and joins the Green Party in Potsdam. However, he is sure that the chairwoman of the local association sees him as a competitor and searches the Internet for skeletons in his closet. But Fahri wants to beat her to the punch and presents his supposed revelations in front of a large audience at the next meeting.
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#13 - Shalom
Jerks - Season 3 - Episode 9
The four friends go to a vacation home that they are welcome to buy. Emily knows the owner and has arranged a trial stay with him. However, since there are several applicants, they all have to make an effort to make the best impression on the Jewish landlord. Emily makes full use of her feminine charms, while Fahri almost loses everything with an anti-Semitic joke. Without further ado, Christian claims that Fahri is also Jewish. The situation seems to be saved, but when Christian has to escape to the garden house during the night, plagued by diarrhea, it comes to a scandal the next day.
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#14 - Heyday
Jerks - Season 3 - Episode 4
When Christian learns that his daughter Kala is having her period for the first time, his father's warning lights go on. She shouldn't wear those slutty clothes Emily just bought her, he agrees with Collien. Emily and Kala are pissed. Hoping to land an advertising deal, Fahri and Christian invite Barner, a big cookie manufacturer, to Collien's birthday party. But when Barner catches them making fun of Jojo's disabled mother and Christian's concern for his pubescent daughter causes a disaster, the lucrative advertising deal is over...
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#15 - Young Hearts
Jerks - Season 2 - Episode 2
Christian and Emily have been on a relationship break for six months. He is desperately unhappy and tries to get close to her again, but she blocks him. Fahri, meanwhile, is completely fed up with Christian's heartbreak and advises him to distract himself. As luck would have it, Christian meets Marie, a high school student, and saves her high school diploma. Soon Christian and Fahri find themselves in the midst of party-hungry teenagers.
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#16 - Climate
Jerks - Season 5 - Episode 1
Time for reorientation. Christian tries to polish up his image and gets involved in climate protection. He wants to score points at a climate conference with a lecture on green turning. By chance, while looking out of the window, he discovers Fahri, who is taking part in a yoga retreat at the same time. A first re-approach after the kiss debacle with Kala. Fahri explains to Christian what focus sex is and that the organizer Sarah-Lee Heinrich is interested in it. Christian is quite unsettled, because he shares a room with her. But everything turns out differently than he had hoped, and Christian is also denied the recognition - to which he feels he is entitled - as a life saver.
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#17 - Emilia & Simon
Jerks - Season 4 - Episode 9
Christian and Collien are newly in love and spend their top-secret love nights in a lonely forest hotel. To their horror, however, they also encounter Pheline and Fahri on site, who, together with actress Emilia Schüle and filmmaker Simon Verhoeven, are spending what is supposed to be a couple's vacation there to go hunting together. Among the three women, Emilia Schüle quickly turns out to be a ruthless nymphomaniac whose escapades not only disturb Collien and Christian's young happiness, but also cause trouble for the entire group.
#18 - W. Axl Rose
Jerks - Season 3 - Episode 8
Christian and Fahri mourn their wild times when they still listened to Guns'n'Roses and kicked down fences. When their agent introduces them to unfunny comedy writer Cookie Eisermann, Christian can't hold on any longer and fisticuffs ensue. Christian has to apologize. To show good will, Fahri and he finally agree to skydive together with Cookie. Fahri as a beginner should better jump tandem together with Cookie. But Christian notices that Cookie probably has his eye on Fahri - and Fahri quickly backs out. Until the last minute...
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#19 - Breast Nutrition
Jerks - Season 5 - Episode 7
Christian and Fahri play a table tennis tournament against Marteria and Tommi Schmitt. An argument ensues between Christian and Tommi because he accuses Tommi of being a mama's boy. Tommi feels attacked because he was breastfed by his mother until he was 6 years old. The trainer tries to mediate between the two, but this only works for a short time. Marteria is apparently with Pheline and makes out with her, so Fahri can't miss it. Christian desperately wants to win the tournament and pays Marteria to refrain from doing so. In the final tournament, Mieze Katz is also present among the spectators. Christian offers money to a little girl so that she sucks on her mother's breast in front of everyone on the stands.
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#20 - Graves
Jerks - Season 4 - Episode 6
After Emily's tragic death, Christian has fallen into deep mourning. He has lost all hope, reproaches himself, wallows in melancholy, and yet he must first take care of a proper burial and Emily's legacy. At least in death, he wants to do everything right for once.
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#21 - Tremor
Jerks - Season 4 - Episode 2
Fahri's attempt to falsify his paternity test has left his marriage to Pheline in shambles. In order to save what can possibly still be saved, the two meet again for the first time in a therapy hotel. Christian and Emily are also there and, as close confidants, are supposed to help Fahri come to terms with his seemingly unfathomable breach of trust. Can Pheline understand and forgive one last time? But as a result of the intensive discussions in the group, things soon start to rumble inside Emily as well. Is something missing in their relationship? Does Christian have secret desires that he would like to live out?
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#22 - Emily
Jerks - Season 4 - Episode 5
Emily shows great talent in a nude painting course, but Christian is only moderately interested in her new passion - the estrangement between the two progresses inexorably. When Christian, through carelessness, disfigures her lovingly made drawings, a momentum begins that also brings disturbing things to light for him. Fahri, meanwhile, not only tries his hand at Hollywood casting, he also faces a drastic experience: his ominous half-brother has suddenly entered his life and is seeking contact.
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#23 - Jump Up - Jump Up and Get Down
Jerks - Season 3 - Episode 6
When Fahri sets up a trampoline in his garden for the children and immediately tries it out himself, he observes the new neighbor urinating in her own garden. It is the lesbian girlfriend of Christian's ex Jasna, who have both moved into the house next door. A bitter neighborhood war ignites, with Fahri stopping at nothing, whether feces or fire - he doesn't want to move his trampoline at any price. Meanwhile, Christian and Collien organize a camp for the children. One of the girls is epileptic, and Christian is supposed to treat her in an emergency. But things go wrong during the night.
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#24 - Lake Griebnitz
Jerks - Season 3 - Episode 5
In an inattentive moment of Emily, Lila and Kala have an accident while bathing. Christian expects the worst when the police arrive at his door. But luckily a man rescued the two girls and took them to the hospital. Fahri and Christian drive off to thank the rescuer with expensive Japanese whiskey. Together they drink the good stuff in an excessive binge, to which they also invite two chav girls from the street. Later it turns out that their hero is a dry alcoholic. A guilty conscience also plagues Emily, who is still sitting at home in despair, believing that the children have drowned.
#25 - Son of Claws
Jerks - Season 4 - Episode 8
Christian's daughter Lila has made fun of the physically impaired mother of a classmate at school. Because she blames the ignorant manners of her parents for her brutalization, Collien and Christian have to report to the mother and officially repent. From the beginning, however, things turn out quite differently than they had hoped. Fahri receives a pair of ice skates from Pheline for Easter.
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#26 - Disco
Jerks - Season 4 - Episode 7
Fahri now wants to make a name for himself as a DJ and really take off. To make his act distinctive and stand out from the crowd of other DJs, he takes inspiration from the "style" of Potsdam's homeless. He finds two of them under a bridge and convinces them to join him at a party. Christian, meanwhile, not only tries with moderate success to free himself from his grief for Emily, but also has to deal with a recalcitrant dubbing director at work - when he also steals his last nerve, Christian sets a supposed mobster on him.
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#27 - Abid
Jerks - Season 4 - Episode 4
Fahri needs the morning-after pill after a fling. While trying to find one without harm, he makes the unpleasant acquaintance of the Arab Abid. But when burning jealousy awakens in Fahri because Pheline seems to get along far too well with a charismatic environmental activist, the actor and former child star Patrick Bach, Abid suddenly comes just in time for him. In his last-second attempt to save Pheline from Bach, Abid must support him.
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#28 - Pan
Jerks - Season 5 - Episode 4
Christian and Fahri meet the moderator Riccardo Simonetti during joint hunting exercises. Fahri is still struggling with the breakup with Pheline and takes refuge in a supposed sexual self-discovery between queer community and pansexuality. Christian gets in touch with a cleaning lady who is well respected and popular among his acquaintances. However, she dies in his apartment after reading the magazine "The Lance". He accidentally shoots her with his hunting rifle. Because an autopsy shows that she was already dead, he is released. The acquaintances, however, blame Christian entirely for her death.
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#29 - Baba's Death
Jerks - Season 3 - Episode 3
On the film set, Christian hears that Fahri's father is dying. He decides to jump over his shadow and visit him in the hospice. Fahri is touched. Also when he is invited by Christian to a Sunday brunch. Emily and Christian want to adopt a child, and they have to prove Christian's social skills to the adoption official. But during the meal, the news of Fahri's father's death shocks everyone. And things get worse when it comes out who Christian hired as cooks and what a macabre bet is all about. A tough test for their friendship - and for the adoption process.
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#30 - Taxes
Jerks - Season 4 - Episode 3
Fahri continues to suffer from his dull everyday life as a family man; he finally wants to experience something exciting again. At an art event, he and Christian meet two hip, attractive Berliners whom Fahri wants to impress by any means necessary. The opportunity to do so seems to present itself when the two enter into a sponsorship with two monkeys in order to save taxes and thus obtain the central key to the Berlin Zoo. Here it should come to a climax after a party. Christian, however, has other things to worry about than quick sex.
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#31 - Fiction & Truth
Jerks - Season 4 - Episode 10
Fahri is excited. He has published an autobiography entitled "Yardi Yeah" and is eagerly awaiting his very first reading. His nervousness is doubly and triply fueled when he discovers several of his former loves and affairs in the audience from the stage. His paranoid conviction is that his half-brother Bo, whom he has spurned, must be behind it - out of revenge, he is trying to harm him by any means necessary. When Pheline and Fahri are accidentally locked in a truck and taken away after the reading, they are forced to speak openly and honestly about their relationship for the first time.
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#32 - The Awakening
Jerks - Season 5 - Episode 8
Flashback to 1991: Christian is offered a job as a presenter for a children's program called Quietsch-Club. Without Fahri's knowledge, Christian procures a prostitute for Fahri, who appears to him as his first great love. However, Christian does not inform Fahri about the real reason for her surprising interest in him.
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#33 - The Beginning
Jerks - Season 5 - Episode 6
Flashback to 1986: Christian and Fahri attend the same class in elementary school. Christian admires the beauty of the other children's mothers. When his own mother appears, he is ashamed of her. He locks her in the basement and locks the door. His teacher confronts him, Fahri takes the blame.
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